Hawke: The Man, The Legend
by dsl261967
Summary: Mage Male Hawke x Fenris. Story of their lives outside the quests, minor deviation from in-game content. Rated M for content/language. Reviews always welcome. Got caught up in DAI and just now am coming up for air. Got inspired so here's another chapter.
1. Prologue

Prologue

_The desolate landscape spread out before him, distant fires still burning in every direction as far as the eye could see. He was running, his breath coming in harsh pants. He sensed the presence of others running with him and looked behind to see his family gamely trying to keep pace with him. At this rate, if they ran into more darkspawn, he doubted his siblings ability to fight. He was in better shape than either of them, always had been. While his father had trained him in magic, he had sought training frequently from others. He had learned ways to train his body and mind to work better together, to conserve his energy. He had learned to use weapons other than magic, like his fists. He had worked hard to build up his physical strength and consequently was more muscular and fit than even most of the templars he had to constantly dodge over the years. He knew that if he kept this pace that he would still have enough energy to fight, but he couldn't do it alone and so slowed his pace a little. Looking for a more sheltered spot than the open path, he finally spied an outcropping of rock and headed towards it._

_"We'll rest here for a couple of minutes," he told them as they came up to him. _

_"I don't know how much longer I can keep running," Bethany panted out, bent at the waist and gulping air like crazy. She saw her mother stumble and quickly caught her arm and helped her to sit. "Are you alright?" she asked the woman._

_"I just need to catch my breath," Leandra Amell Hawke whispered. She looked up at her children standing around her. First at her twins Bethany and Carver, the ones who looked like her, like every Amell before them. Then she looked at her eldest, Gavin, the only one of her children to inherit Malcolm's dark red hair and green eyes. He stood over them, watching the land around them, keeping an eye out for trouble. He looked like he was just out for a stroll, not on the run for his life. She saw him stiffen and sighed inwardly._

_"We need to get moving," Gavin told them and helped his mother to her feet._

_"Wait, get moving to where?" Bethany asked. "We can't keep running aimlessly."_

_"We can't stay still either," Gavin told her. "We'll figure something out, but we won't get the chance if we don't get moving soon. There is a group of darkspawn headed this way right now."_

_"We can go to Kirkwall," Leandra spoke up._

_"What? That's insane!" Gavin stared aghast at her._

_"There's a lot of templars in Kirkwall Mother," Bethany reminded her nervously._

_"We have family there, and an estate," Leandra insisted. _

_"Sounds good to me," Carver chuckled._

_"Yes, it would," Gavin snorted. "Tell you what, you go ahead with mother. Bethany and I will find some place where we won't be looking over our shoulders all the time."_

_"No, we stay together," their mother said desperately. "I've already lost everything else, I won't lose any of you."_

_"Then we'll have to get to Gwaren and find a ship to take us," Bethany said, laying a soothing hand on her mother. She saw Gavin about to protest again and shook her head slightly._

_Gavin scowled and then huffed, "Fine, we'll go to Kirkwall." He turned his back and started off down the path again. Kirkwall, the City of Chains, former Tevinter stronghold, and the single largest Templar holding in all the Free Marches. Wonderful, brilliant, just the place for two apostates. _

_On they went, picking up another soldier and her Templar husband, both running from the horde just like they were. Fighting wave after wave of darkspawn. His mabari, Fang, snarling and growling as he tore open the throats of the monsters. Then, the ground trembling, thudding and the feeling of impending doom welling up in his chest. He looked up and barely managed to dodge the charge of a huge Ogre. Struggling to his feet, he saw the beast stop and roar and then reach down towards two figures. He watched in horror as the creature picked up his sister and then smashed her into the ground over and over before tossing her aside._

_"Bethany!" he shouted and felt something grab him._

"Gavin, wake up," Aveline shook the mage at her side. His anguished cry had rung through the hull of the cargo vessel they were huddled in, startling and scaring the other passengers.

Gavin sat up with a start and looked around to see that he wasn't on that desolate plain anymore. He rubbed his hand down his face and took several deep breaths. He felt a soft hand on his arm and looked over to see his mother watching him with concern.

"Are you alright?" Leandra asked gently, hiding her dismay when her son pulled away from her.

"I'm fine, mother, nothing for you to worry about," Gavin said flatly. He saw the hurt look on his mother's face but ignored it.

"You were dreaming about our sister again," Carver said bluntly.

"No really?" Gavin said sarcastically. "Brilliant deduction. Good thing soldiers don't need to have a brain, just brawn."

"Gavin," his mother gasped, scandalized. "Apologize to your brother."

"It's alright, he's just being his usual obnoxious self," Carver said bitterly.

Aveline saw the cold fury in Gavin's eyes and the way he clenched his fists like he was getting ready to hit something, or someone. She reached out and got a firm grip on the mage's arm, "We are in the dank hold of a ship out in the middle of the ocean. This is neither the time nor the place for family squabbles. I think the sailors would just as soon toss you overboard as clap you in irons for fighting. Drop it or I drop you, understand."

Gavin looked into the hard, green eyes of the woman who had accompanied them from the outskirts of Lothering. She had had to put her own husband to the sword to spare the man from the darkspawn taint. He had no doubt that she would knock him out if she felt it necessary. Reluctantly he nodded and she released his arm. Without a word, he got to his feet and moved farther into the hold, his mabari following faithfully. Settling down against a far wall, he drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around, staring straight ahead, not really seeing anything.

"Of all my children, Gavin has always been the most reasonable, the most level headed," Leandra said softly, shaking her head in bewilderment.

"With what everyone's been through, it's not surprising that our nerves are raw," Aveline said soothingly. "But, if I might make an observation, it is more than just seeing all the death and destruction the darkspawn caused. It's just a guess, but Gavin was very close to his sister wasn't he?"

Leandra nodded, "He's four years older than the twins and always looked out for them, but most especially for his sister." She looked around briefly and then lowered her voice to just above a whisper. "With both of them being mages, it was only natural that they should learn from and draw strength from each other."

"Carver felt left out didn't he?" Aveline said shrewdly.

"Malcolm tried very hard to include him, but Carver could never understand most of what they talked about," Leandra nodded. "So, he often sought me out. I tried so hard not to play favorites with the children, as did Malcom."

"I think I understand," Aveline nodded. From what she observed and from things said, it was obvious that Gavin and Bethany had bonded with their father and each other. While they didn't consciously try to exclude Carver, it was inevitable that the boy would feel left out. Leandra had spoken to her of the years spent moving around before they settled in Lothering and tried to build a life, one that had been destroyed when the Horde had surged north out of the Korcari Wilds. The strain it must have put on the family was unimaginable and she admired them for sticking together through everything.

"I wasn't going to say anything yet, but I feel I must," Aveline said as she faced Leandra again. "I saw Gavin's face when you accused him of being responsible for Bethany's death." She saw the woman open her mouth to protest and held up a hand. "I know that it was grief that made you say it, that you didn't really mean it. But, it cut your son to the core. At some point I know you'll want to tell him that you're sorry, but I suggest that you wait until after we get settled in Kirkwall to do so."

"I didn't mean to hurt him," Leandra shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.

"Grief makes us do and say stupid things sometimes," Aveline said softly. She also suspected that Carver blamed his brother too. She made a promise to herself to keep an eye on them once they reached their destination. She knew that Kirkwall was a bad place to be a mage and knew that Gavin would need all the support he could get. Hopefully, the old adage that time heals all wounds held true.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Andraste's tits Carver, you could try slapping a smile on your face, for her sake," Gavin snarled. "Everything we've done gets mother one step closer to reclaiming what she lost. Yet all you can think to do is whine and complain and pass judgement on everything we do. If you have a better idea, then speak up or do something to help."

"When exactly should I do that?" Carver snapped in return. "While you're out taming mighty Kirkwall? I didn't want this life, and mother didn't want it until we got dumped here."

"It was her decision to come here," Gavin tried desperately to hold on to his temper. "How could she know that Gamlen would turn out to be a thief and a liar?"

"And you backed her up," Carver shouted. "You're just pissed because you have to keep dodging templars everywhere we go. Without you, mother and I could actually build a normal life for a change."

"Boys, please, don't fight," Leandra pleaded as she joined them. "We are family and we must stick together, no matter what. I've already lost so much, I don't want to lose either of you."

Gavin clamped his lips tight and turned away, casting one final glare at his brother. Whistling to Fang, he headed for the door of Gamlen's hovel. He paused and turned back for a final parting shot. "There's nothing stopping you from moving on Carver. You're just too much of a fucking coward to do it."

Slamming the door behind him, Gavin paused just outside to take a couple of deep breaths. It seemed no matter what he did, Carver was determined to lay blame for all their problems at his feet. He shouldn't have expected anything different, his brother had always been like this. It was times like this that he missed Bethany the most. He had always been able to talk out his frustrations with her and she never judged him for it or held it against him. Losing her had been like losing the better half of his soul. Perhaps a few drinks and some rounds of cards with Varric would make a good substitute.

Having decided that, he headed for the Hanged Man. He moved quickly down the street, ignoring the stares and comments directed at him as he passed. Most everyone who lived in Lowtown knew who he was and that he'd worked for the Red Iron. That knowledge and the presence of his mabari kept the troublemakers away. Entering the pub, he headed for the second floor, only to be stopped short.

"He's not here serah," Norah told him as she approached.

"Do you know where he went?" Gavin said, hiding his annoyance.

"Yes, he said he would be in Hightown visiting the elf," Norah smiled.

Pulling out his coin purse, he handed some coin to her. "Bring me a couple of bottles of your finest whiskey please."

He waited at the counter while Norah fetched the requested items. He looked around the tavern and noticed that there were quite a few patrons for this early in the day. Apparently he wasn't alone in his need to drown his troubles. Thanking Norah, he took his leave and headed off to Hightown.

As he walked, he thought back to the night he had met the elf, surprised to realize that had been a week ago. The little job for Anso had turned out to be more complicated than expected. The elf named Fenris had expressed his thanks for the help, but also his distrust and dislike for mages. He'd not wanted to get into it that night and so they had parted ways for the moment. He'd meant to go back and have a talk with Fenris at some point, for no other reason than the fact that the elf was a tremendous fighter and would be an asset on their Deep Roads venture.

_Don't lie to yourself, you were attracted to the elf from the start, _his conscience niggled him. It was true and that bothered him. He'd never felt such an instant lust for someone before in his life. Having had to hide for most of his life didn't leave any room for any kind of entanglements, romantic or otherwise, so he'd always sought out whores when he needed something more than his own hand. He had no idea how to go about approaching someone in a more normal fashion.

He realized with a start that he was outside the mansion Fenris was staying at. He'd been so caught up in his private thoughts that he'd hadn't realized where he was. Hesitating only briefly, he knocked loudly on the door. He waited for a couple minutes and knocked again. He'd just lowered his hand when the door opened and he found himself face to face with the dwarf.

"Hawke," Varric said in surprise, "wasn't expecting to see you here."

Gavin held up the bottles, "Thought I'd buy you a drink or two but Norah told me you were here, so here I am."

Varric saw that the smile the mage gave him didn't reach his eyes and merely nodded and stepped back to allow the man and his dog to enter. "Fenris and I were just talking about you."

"Really," Gavin drawled. "I hope you didn't embellish the stories too much. I don't think the elf would be as appreciative as your usual audience."

"Actually, we were talking about how he might be of use to you," the dwarf chuckled. "He still feels that he owes you for your help, especially since you refused to take his money."

"How could I Varric?" Gavin frowned. "I need to raise the coin for our venture, but I don't want to put anyone in the poor house as I go about it. I know just how important having money in this city is."

"Ain't that the truth," Varric nodded as they climbed the stairs to the second floor.

Fenris hid his suprise as the dwarf walked through the door with Hawke. He had been thinking about the man, correction mage, who'd helped him, trying to reconcile his past experience with others of his kind. Nothing in Hawke's words or manners suggested someone with evil intentions, but he wasn't ready to trust any mage. Varric had told him some of what Hawke had been through recently, probably hoping to ease his concerns enough to make him agreeable to working with Hawke.

"Hello Fenris," Gavin greeted as he placed the bottles on the low table next to the fireplace. "Do elves in Tevinter drink? I hope so as I don't like drinking alone."

"Uhm, yes, it's been known to happen," Fenris said in confusion, wondering at the mood the mage was in.

"Something tells me you're not here just to shoot the shit and play cards," Varric said as he watched Hawke poor three hefty glasses.

"Why not? You're very good at it," Gavin smiled at the dwarf.

"You can't kid a kidder Hawke," Varric admonished. "You've got a bee in your bonnet about something. If I have to guess, it's junior that's the cause."

"Junior?" Fenris puzzled.

"He means Carver, my kid brother," Hawke said sourly. "The boy's being an ass as usual and I had to leave before I did something to really upset mother."

"What's his problem anyway?" Varric said crossly. "My older brother wouldn't give a shit if I up and died tomorrow as it would just mean more of the family wealth for him. Carver should be glad that he's got someone like you watching his back."

"Yeah, right," Hawke snorted and gulped down his first glass and poured some more. "He bitches about everything and yet doesn't put forth a single opinion or idea. Of course if he did and something went wrong then he'd have no one to point the finger at."

"Why do your brother and you not get along?" Fenris asked.

"I guess I should tell you how we ended up in Kirkwall in the first place, if you're going to understand the root of the problem," Gavin frowned. Taking a deep breath, he launched into a brief summary of his family and their life before the blight and after.

Fenris watched the play of emotions running across the mage's face as he listened to the story of a relatively happy family torn about by war. It was a familiar one that he'd heard several times before. What surprised him was to hear that they were a family of apostates running and hiding from templars. He saw just how deeply the loss of his sister affected Hawke. He also saw clearly that everything Hawke was doing was for his mother, not himself or his brother. The first bottle was gone and the second had a good dent in it by the time Hawke finished the tale.

"It seems to me that it's your brother who has the problem not you," he said finally after a long period of silence. "If he's unhappy with the way his life is going, then he should change it."

"Unfortunately, alot of the fault can be laid at my mother's feet," Gavin slurred out. He was feeling warm and fuzzy and cared not one whit about what he said. "Carver always felt left out of things, especially when father, Bethany and I would be at our studies. Not having magical talent herself, mother often left us alone and went about doing the things that mother's do best. She often asked Carver for help and having nothing else to do, he helped her. More than once I heard him being teased for being a momma's boy and I've broken a few noses defending him. Not that I'd ever tell him that, it would just make him resent me more."

"Yeah, the elf here commented on the fact that you seem to prefer carrying daggers to a staff," Varric chuckled.

"I'm sure I don't have to remind you that drawing attention by using magic isn't the best idea in the world," Gavin snorted. "The world is full of scum that prey on the weak or the helpless, and I decided early on that I would learn how to defend myself and my family and not rely on my magic to do it. Wouldn't want to attract the wrong kind of attention."

"If you could give up your magic, would you do it?" Fenris asked.

"Can't say for sure," Gavin shrugged. "It's not like magic isn't useful. Being able to heal injuries that would otherwise be mortal does have it's appeal."

"But, the constant threat from demons and templars would be gone," Fenris pointed out.

"Funny you should mention demons," Gavin suddenly laughed. "I remember father telling us stories about how the demons lurk in the fade and talk to mages in their dreams, tempting them with power or sex or wealth and such. But, I've never been bothered by them."

"Never?" Varric started. "I thought that all mages were vulnerable when they sleep."

"I'm something of an exception," Gavin said, staring into the flames in the fireplace. "I asked father about it and he decided to research it, see if he could find an answer."

"Did he? Find an answer I mean," Fenris prodded.

"He told me the only thing he could find was that there have been mages from time to time who were so strong willed that they were practically immune to the falsehoods put forth by demons. He never said why or how, but it had been known to happen." By this point, Gavin was feeling tired and sleepy and less in the mood to talk.

"It's been my experience that everyone has a price and everyone can be tempted," Fenris told them.

"I remember something I read once," Varric mused. "It was some piece of romantic smut involving a mage and his love for a noble woman. The story went that the mage was a shining example of the best of them, but his all consuming love for this woman was his downfall. He wanted her so badly that his dreams were filled with visions of the two of them making wild, passionate love. He ended up making a deal with a demon to gain her love and it all ended badly. See, she'd been married to a powerful noble and the mage lured her to breaking her vows of marriage. The noble had her executed and the mage was made Tranquil for his crimes. It was just a story, but you have to wonder if something like that could really happen."

"So, as long as I don't ever fall in love, I have nothing to worry about," Gavin chuckled.

"Problem solved," Varric laughed as well. "What say we play some cards and forget our troubles for a while. Sound good?"

Fenris and Gavin nodded and the talk turned to lighter subjects. Later, when Gavin was passed out on a spare bed and Varric had left, Fenris found himself sitting beside the mage and studying him as he slept. Hawke seemed to be the kind of person that took the weight of the world on his shoulders and only complained when he was three sheets to the wind. It was the kind of noble character that you usually found only in stories. Could it be that he had finally found a truly good hearted mage? The idea seemed too far fetched so he shrugged it off and left the room. Only time would tell if it was true or not.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Gavin set out the bedrolls while Varric and Aveline set about preparing a fire. They were headed up to Sundermount to fulfill the promise he had made to Flemeth for her aid in fleeing the darkspawn. This was the first camp they'd made and he figured they would have to make at least two more before reaching their destination. Fang had been overjoyed at being free from Kirkwall, a feeling shared by his master. Fenris was checking the perimeter and setting up warning traps to alert them to any approaching danger. They would have to take turns on guard, but no one seemed to be put out by it, except for Varric. The dwarf had agreed to come, mostly so he could get some first hand knowledge about the Dalish elves. But, he wasn't exactly thrilled with all the nature around them, having never spent any time out in the wilderness.

He hadn't been sure Aveline could come, what with her new duties as Guard Captain, but she had jumped at the chance and made arrangements for her absence. He was glad of that, for he hadn't wanted to bring either his brother or Anders along. Carver was being even more of a surly ass than usual, and Anders ended up arguing too much with Fenris when they were around each other. He wasn't in the mood to deal with any more of that shit at the moment. This little jaunt, which would take probably a couple of weeks, was just what he needed to clear his head.

"Gavin, how about a little help here," Varric's voice broke into his thoughts. "You could get this going in no time."

He looked towards the dwarf to see him pointing at the firepit. "Magic isn't supposed to be used as a substitute for common tasks Varric," he sighed. They'd had this argument before. He held out his hand for the flint and tinder. "What would you do without me?" he asked in amusement as he expertly used the tools and started a flame. In a matter of minutes he had a good fire going.

"I know that's how you see it, but it's seems like a waste of talent," Varric shrugged.

"Sorry, but I learned early on how to not use my magic if it wasn't absolutely necessary," Gavin retorted. "It's hard enough avoiding the Chantry hunters without drawing unnecessary attention to myself. Staying free of the Circle means doing things the old fashioned way sometimes."

"Yeah, but we're in the middle of nowhere, so where's the harm?" the dwarf countered.

"There's no such thing as the 'middle of nowhere', not in Thedas at least," the mage shook his head. "I learned that the hard way once and never forgot it."

Varric was about to argue some more, but stopped as a dark look crossed the mage's face. "Sounds like there's a story there," he commented.

"Let's just say that not all Templar Hunters have the Chantry's best interests at heart," Gavin said coldly. "Some are willing to forget what you are if you give them what they want, and it's not always coin."

Fenris looked at his companion sharply. From the loathing in the mage's voice he could guess what that something else was. Gavin was an extremely handsome man, and often was the object of lustful stares of both men and women, of which he appeared to be oblivious. He knew what it was like to have no choice but to submit and felt a stirring of pity for Gavin. He saw Varric look away and knew that the dwarf had come to the same conclusion.

Aveline felt the tension and quickly changed the subject. "It's not been easy cleaning up the mess that Jevin left behind, but I finally managed to set things straight. Being out here is a refreshing change. I didn't realize how much I missed this until now. Thank you Hawke."

Gavin flashed her a smile, "I figured you could use a break from all the politics of the Kirkwall Guard."

"Precisely," Aveline nodded. "I love the job, but playing the diplomat is not exactly my strong suit."

"Any of them give you a hard time, just bash them over the head," Varric laughed. Getting a glare from the woman he shrugged, "What? It works on everyone else."

"If I did that, I'm sure that I would be replaced in no time," Avelin snorted. "Maker only knows what idiot they'd find to take my place. I've come to know many of the guard personally and they deserve better than that."

After he finished skinning and preparing the rabbits Fang had so helpfully caught for them, Gavin spitted them and stuck them over the fire. "I'm going to go wash up."

Fenris watched him go, followed by the hound. "I have to admit, Gavin is giving me a lot to think about."

"Such as?" Aveline probed.

"Being from Tevinter, you can probably imagine my opinion of mages is pretty bad," the elf said quietly. "In Tevinter, magic touches everything and blood magic is used widely and not always in secret. Mages there treat anyone with less power than them little better than slaves, and that includes other mages. Magisters hold all the power, make the laws, and dictate the way things are. Before Gavin, I had never met a mage who did anything for anyone without expecting something in return. It takes a little getting used to."

"He treats you like a friend and valued companion," Varric pointed out. "That's the difference."

"I've never had friends," Fenris said harshly. "You had enemies and allies, but no friends. Having friends was seen as a weakness to be exploited."

"You know, the more I hear about Tevinter, the more I hate the place," the dwarf grumbled.

"What I've yet to figure out, is what kind of power Gavin has," the elf mused.

"You've seen him casting fireballs and healing people," Aveline told him.

"Yes, but there's more to him, I can sense it," Fenris stared off in the direction the mage had gone. "There is a hidden power in him, one I've not encountered before. It makes me nervous."

"Why? He's done nothing to you," Varric protested.

"My concern isn't just for myself," the elf retorted. "The more powerful the mage, the greater the potential for evil as well as good. A mage who doesn't understand or can't control his own power is a danger to all. I wonder just how much Gavin understands his own power. If he's not fully aware of what he can do, that makes him unpredictable, something that should give everyone around him cause for concern."

"You don't trust him," Aveline said simply.

"I've not known him or any of you long enough to trust," the elf replied.

"Well, you got plenty of time on this trip to figure things out," Varric chuckled. "If you come to any earth shattering conclusions, let me know and I'll write it down. It'd make good fodder for my stories."

"You and your stories," Aveline shook her head in exasperation. "It doesn't matter what you tell him Fenris. If it isn't exciting enough, he'll just embellish it beyond recognition."

"If Varric didn't embellish his stories, no one would listen to them," Gavin had suddenly appeared back in camp and overheard the last bit. "Although why he never makes himself the central character I have no idea."

"It's simple, the main character always needs to be larger than life," Varric laughed. "Me, I'm just a simple merchant and businessman, no one of real interest. You my friend are far better suited for the role of hero, what with having fought an Ogre and lived to tell the tale."

"Before I forget Hawke, I wanted to talk to you about Carver," Aveline broke in, her voice becoming serious.

"Please don't tell me you had to bail him out of trouble again," Gavin groaned.

"No, fortunately," she shook her head. "As for bailing him out, I've got a good mind to let him suffer the consequences of his actions the next time. He's been a right pain in my ass of late."

"You're talking about his wanting to join the guard and being denied," the mage grumbled.

"You know about that?" Aveline said in surprise. "Of course you do, how could you not with the way that boy likes to bitch about everything."

"Somehow, I just don't see Carver as the type to like patrolling and helping people in trouble," Varric snorted. "He probably would argue with orders he thought were beneath him."

"The boy has moderate skill with a sword which could be honed, but completely lacks the discipline required to make a good guard," Aveline went on. "I told him this and he stormed out of my office in a huff growling about how everyone tries to keep him down and hold him back."

"I know, he came home ranting about it," Gavin sighed. "I came very close to knocking his teeth out for making mother cry. He stopped as soon as the first tears started to fall, but he stormed out of the house. The last words out of his mouth was that it was all my fault the guard wouldn't have him."

"How can he possibly think you could influence Aveline, of all people?" Varric turned to the mage. "I always expected he wasn't the brightest lamp on the post, but that's just plain stupid."

"It wouldn't matter if the Viscount himself turned him down, he'd still blame me for it," Gavin sighed.

"It sounds like your brother has yet to grow up," Fenris interjected and saw the mage nod in agreement.

"Well, let's just hope he gets the chance to do so," Aveline said darkly. "He keeps going on the way he is and he'll end up in jail or worse."

"Okay, enough about my brother," Gavin said sharply. "I didn't come all the way out here just to hear about how he's making not only my life, but the lives of my friends miserable." He had finished eating and suddenly felt very tired so he went to lie down on his bedroll.

Fenris, also having finished, stood up and prepared for first watch. "I have just one observation for you to think on over the next couple of weeks," he said as he looked over at Gavin. "An unhappy person is more likely to turn on you than not. He may be your brother, but he resents you for whatever reason, real or imagined. It would be in your best interests to not let such resentment fester to the point where he does something he'll regret later on, such as turning you in to the templars."

"Carver wouldn't do that, not to family," Aveline protested.

"No?" Fenris arched a brow. "I believe otherwise. I have seen it happen many times. The promise of fame or wealth or power is a very powerful one. Resentment, distrust and anger only make those promises seem more appealing. Everyone has a breaking point, and Carver seems like the type to break easily. Think on my words."

The other three watched him go in silence. Finally Varric said quietly, "I have to admit, he's got a point. I've seen many dwarven families fall apart due to backstabbing siblings. Carver may be confused and resentful, but deep down he loves you and his mother too much to easily betray you. But, sometimes things just spiral out of control."

Gavin was silent for a long time. "As much as I hate to admit it, Fenris has a point. Carver has always wanted to prove himself to everyone. Ostagar was supposed to be his big chance and we know how that turned out. He resented having to come home, back to his big brother's shadow." He sighed and turned over, "I guess I'll have to see what I can do to make his life a little better."

Aveline thought that the task was an insurmountable one, but kept her opinion to herself. Carver was still a boy playing at being a man. Until he learned that life wasn't always fair and the only one responsible for his life was himself, then he would remain a child. Bidding a soft good night, she stretched out on her own bedroll and closed her eyes.

In the ensuing silence, Varric watched the dancing flames of the fire. He liked Carver a lot and he hoped that the boy would find himself. He knew better than most what life was like living in someone else's shadow. The difference was that he preferred it that way, much easier to dodge the blame when things went wrong. Carver wanted glory and honor and to be something other than Hawke's younger brother. But when your brother was someone like Hawke, well it was an awfully big shadow to stand in.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They reached the Dalish camp in four days and were stopped at its entrance by wary hunters. After a few less than friendly words, they were allowed to pass and approach Marethari. Gavin finally understood what it meant to 'feel someone's eyes on you', for every elf they passed turned to stare at them as they walked. It made him feel like turning around and forgetting all about his promise to Flemeth. Steeling his nerves and composing his face, he stopped in front of the Dalish keeper, meeting her eyes with more aplomb than he thought himself capable of.

"Marethari," he began and held out his hand with the amulet in it. "I was asked to bring this to you."

The keeper took the necklace and studied it before raising her eyes to study the human before her. She could almost see the light of good shining from within him, something that surprised her for it was a rare thing to find these days. She could also see the tendrils of magic that curled around him, a magic far more powerful than even she herself was capable of. She wondered if the young man knew of the potential within himself. He might even be strong enough to alter the path her first had set foot upon. She mentioned none of this to the human though, for fear of influencing the young man in any way.

"Tell me how you came by this locket?" she finally asked.

"Well, a dragon who turned out to be an old woman, fell from the sky, roasted a group of darkspawn surrounding my family and then offered to help us escape the horde," Gavin said, almost laughing at how silly it sounded now. "All she asked in return is that once we had reached safety, that we seek out your clan and give this amulet to you."

"I see," she said and smiled slightly. "There is a light in your heart human and laughter in your soul. Hold on to both of them for you shall need them in the future. You are blessed by luck and I will pray that Mythal continues to watch over you. As for this amulet, I am afraid that there is more you must do."

"I thought it seemed a little too simple a favor in return for saving our lives," Gavin shook his head.

"What you accomplished is no small feat," Marethari pointed out. "However, this amulet must be taken to the top of Sundermount and given the rite for the departed. My first is waiting for you up the path to the right. She will know what to do. When you have finished, bring the amulet back to me."

"Sounds simple enough," Gavin nodded.

"Yes, but there is one thing more that I must ask of you," the keeper said quietly. "When you leave, I want you to take Merrill, my first, with you back to Kirkwall."

"Isn't it unusual for the Dalish to send one of their own away?" Fenris asked.

"It is what she wants, and I must grant her wish," Marethari said, a note of sadness coloring her voice.

"Very well keeper," Gavin sketched a bow.

"Dareth Shiral," Marethari intoned as they turned and headed off.

Gavin headed up the right hand path and after a few hundred feet spotted another elf crouched low to the ground. He had not gone more than a few steps in that direction when the elf stood up abruptly and turned around.

"Oh, you must be the ones the keeper told me about," she stammered, eyeing them nervously.

"And you must be Merrill," Gavin smiled at her, trying to put her at ease. "My name is Hawke, and these are my friends Varric, Aveline, and Fenris."

Merrill nodded to them and then nervously looked over her shoulder. "Your task is for Ashe' bellanar. It is not wise to keep her waiting." She motioned them to follow and turning, started the long climb to the top.

They followed her at first hesitant and silent, each unsure of what to say or do. Never having met a Dalish elf before, Gavin wasn't sure how to talk to Merrill, fearful of offending or hurting. The little elf was already so skittish and wary. It was Varric who finally managed to ease the tension by telling one of his highly embellished tales. Gavin blushed a bright red as he realized that it was a recounting of the battle on Sundermount against the thieves they had helped Aveline kill.

"Uh, I feel I should warn you that Varric has the habit of greatly exaggerating events," he hurriedly interrupted. "Take everything he tells you with a grain of salt."

"Why would I eat salt?" Merrill asked in confusion.

Taken aback at first, Gavin couldn't help but laugh at the expression on the elf's face. "Sorry, I should have said don't believe everything he says."

"Oh, that was one of those funny human sayings that means something different from the actual words," Merrill nodded seriously, like she had just learned something of great magnitude, which caused everyone to chuckle aloud. Well, except for Fenris.

When they were only perhaps a third of the way up, a large group of skeletons suddenly burst from the ground underneath them. The fight was short and soon everyone was standing around looking at the elven girl.

"So, you are a mage," Gavin nodded. "I wondered if the staff you carried was for walking or served another purpose."

"All keepers know a bit of old magic," Merrill said defensively, knowing how humans feared magic.

"Oh, don't worry about him," Varric waived his hand at Gavin. "He's a mage too."

"You are, but you..I..never mind," Merrill stuttered.

"I've learned other ways of fighting than with just magic," Gavin shrugged. "I'm told that makes me unique and unpredictable."

"Yes, of course," Merrill said hesitantly. "We should move on."

Move on they did, in silence for a while before Gavin and Varric managed to draw Merrill out and lighten the mood. Fenris ground his teeth and held his peace, keeping an ever watchful eye on the elven mage. She was yet another unknown, not only because she was a mage but also Dalish. From what he heard, the Dalish were not kind to outsiders who weren't also Dalish, and that included city born elves. So far, what he had heard appeared to be true.

"Not much further to go now," Merrill was saying. "Just a small sequence of caves to pass through and then we will be there."

Gavin nodded and then stopped in surprise when another Dalish elf appeared in front of him. Seeing the makings of a camp, he wondered if this was some kind of Dalish watch post. Before he could say anything, the other elf spoke, his words harsh and rough.

"So, the Keeper finally found someone to take you away from here," he snarled, glaring at Merrill with utter loathing.

"Yes," Merrill answered, holding her chin up and returning the glare.

"Hurry up with your task human," the elf turned his glare on Gavin. "We can't be rid of this one fast enough." Having said that, he pushed past them and headed back down the mountain, leaving everyone standing tense and silent.

"Merrill, what is going on here?" Gavin asked sharply.

"Nothing, just ignorance," she turned away and continued on.

"Apparently I am not the only one who has a problem with mages," Fenris murmured. "Yet, the Keepers have magic, or so I was told, and the Dalish revere them. It is curious that this one is reviled."

Gavin didn't know what to say, so he wisely kept silent and hurried after Merrill, the others following suit. They came to the caves and fought their way past spiders and more undead before finally reaching their destination. He came to a halt at the sight of the barrier before them. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before and he wondered who put it there. Something about it made him nervous and his step slowed as he neared it.

"I can open the way forward, one moment," Merrill said and stepped up to the barrier.

As Gavin watched the dagger appear in the elf's small hand, a shiver of foreboding rippled down his spine. When he saw her use it to draw her own blood to use against the barrier he froze, unable to believe that this seemingly innocent, gentle creature was using blood magic.

Fenris watched with a scowl on his face. "Blood magic? Foolish, very foolish," he growled.

"Yes, it was blood magic, but I know what I am doing," Merrill turned to them, meeting their eyes almost desperately.

Aveline and Varric exchanged glances of concern, while Fenris glowered. Aveline caught movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to where Gavin had been, the others following suit. What she saw surprised her. "Hawke, are you alright?"

Gavin was standing far back from Merrill, his entire body rigid, in his face a mixture of fear and loathing. "That's why they want you gone?" he finally spat out. "You've made a deal with a demon!"

Merrill flinched away from the harsh tone, fighting back tears. "It is a spirit, like any other. It is simply different, not wrong, or evil."

Varric was puzzled at the way Gavin was behaving. "You don't have a problem around Anders."

Gavin glared at him, "Anders is not a blood mage."

"He merged with a spirit of the Fade," Aveline said reasonably. "You may see a difference, but I don't."

"The Maker's first children were spirits of Compassion, Love, Justice etc.," Gavin snapped. "Unlike the demons, those spirits have no desire to seek out mortals and bond with them as the demons do. What happened with Anders is a rare exception."

"And the difference is?" Varric prompted.

"Demons want only one thing from mortals," Gavin turned his glare to Merrill once more. "They want a foothold in our world and they will do and say anything, corrupt anyone they can to gain it. Every mage who's made a deal with a demon has been corrupted and twisted into something inhuman, a wretched thing to be hunted down and killed."

"That is not true," Merrill whispered.

"Isn't it?" Gavin snapped. "Then why do even the Dalish have tales of Keepers that fell prey to demons and were hunted down and killed?" Dead silence greeted his words, even Merrill having no ready argument to hand. "Let's finish what we came to do," he finally said and gestured for Merrill to go first. "I want you where I can see you."

Fenris held Aveline back for he could see she was confused by Hawke's behavior. "I know about blood mages and I understand why Hawke is reacting this way. I saw mages with good intentions and noble ideals fall under the influence of the Magisters. All mages fear the lure of blood magic, and with good reason. Even the most seasoned enchanter or most noble mage is not immune to temptation."

"But he didn't react that way to Anders," Aveline pointed out.

"True, but Anders poses no real threat to Hawke, for he doesn't use blood magic, and he's not as stong as Hawke," the elf stated.

"Wesley tried to explain to me once how no mage can ever be fully trusted," Aveline said as they walked behind the others. "He talked about spirits and demons and the Fade, but it just never seemed to make sense to me. He said that being friends with a mage would make one too weak to do what must be done if the situation merited it."

"A mage who becomes corrupted must be killed," Fenris pointed out. "It is harder to kill a friend than an enemy."

"Not any harder than for a wife to kill her husband to spare him the agony of a slow death," Aveline retorted.

"Not everyone is as strong as you Aveline," Fenris said softly. "Remember that."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The first day on their journey back from Sundermount was a mostly silent and tense one, Varric being the only one talking and that mostly to Merrill. Gavin stubbornly insisted on walking behind Merrill so he could keep an eye on her. He also wanted time alone to ponder the parting words Flemeth had spoken. What did she mean about plunging into the Abyss? He had demanded an explanation, but her response was to laugh, change into a dragon and fly off. Fenris walked beside Hawke, silently lending his support.

Merrill was glad that Varric at least talked with her. She could feel Hawke's eyes boring into her back every now and again and it unnerved her. She didn't understand why he feared her, he was a mage too. And that other elf, Fenris, he treated her just as badly. What few possessions she had were packed into the small hand cart she pulled along behind her. She had used a spell to make it lighter, but it still was tiring to pull it. However, only the dwarf offered to take turns so she could rest. If her own kind rejected her, and these people rejected her, then what kind of life could she hope to have in Kirkwall? The thought of being alone for the rest of her life terrified her and for the first time she doubted the path she had chosen. If not for Varric, she would probably have already gone crawling back to the Keeper.

As the sun started to set, they began to look for a good place to make camp. Spotting a small grouping of trees near what seemed to be a pond, Aveline led them towards it. She was beginning to get annoyed with Hawke and Fenris. She knew that those who resorted to blood magic were dangerous, but Merrill didn't fit the image of the power hungry mage. The elf had done nothing to threaten anyone yet, and it bothered her to see how sad the girl was. She was all for being careful, but to outright shun someone like this was downright rude. She determined to have a talk with Hawke and see if she couldn't get him to at least be civil to Merrill.

Once the camp had been set up and supper started, Hawke excused himself and left to go sit by the pond, Fang at his heels as always. Every time the elf girl looked at him with those sad eyes he felt his anger and hostility melting a little more. He was starting to feel a little guilty for treating Merrill so poorly and needed time to get his thoughts in order. He sank down beside the water, idly petting his dog.

"I don't know why he hates me," Merrill said sadly after Hawke left, holding back tears.

"I should think the answer is obvious," Fenris said coldy, earning a glare from Varric. "You are a danger to yourself and everyone around you."

"Don't pay attention to the broody elf here," the dwarf soothed. "I'm sure Hawke will come around in time, don't worry."

"I'm going to talk to him, see if I can find out what's going on in his head," Aveline said as she stood up. She found him by the water and sat down at an angle so she could see his face as they talked. "Okay Hawke, tell me what the problem is?"

"I don't expect a non-mage to understand," Gavin said quietly.

"Try me, I might understand better than you think," she retorted. "My husband was a templar after all."

"Varric is a dwarf and in no danger from demons," he began. "I've heard that those without magic can be possessed, but it would take someone with enormous power to pull that off, so neither you nor Fenris are in danger."

"You think you're in danger, from Merrill?" Aveline was shocked. "Gavin, I've seen the power you wield, and Fenris has told me he senses you have an even greater power that we've not even seen. How can that little elf girl be a threat to you?"

"Fenris said that huh?" Gavin cocked his head. "Must be the lyrium branded into his skin."

"You haven't answered my question," she persisted.

"How much do you know about blood magic?" he queried.

"Not much, just that it is considered evil and highly dangerous," she shrugged.

"Blood magic is a power that demons bestow upon mages," he continued. "It gives them the ability to manipulate the blood of living creatures, and control the minds and thoughts of others. It is the means by which demons can take control of a person. The more it is used, the more of a hold the demon gets, until eventually there is nothing human left of the peron at all. With blood magic, even the weakest of mages can threaten a seasoned and experienced enchanter. I am neither of those."

"So you're afraid that being near Merrill will what, cause you to fall prey to a demon faster?" Aveline asked and saw him nod. "I didn't think you were that weak willed."

"I know it's stupid, but-" he hesitated.

"But what?" she pressed.

"I've only read about what blood mages can do, I've never actually seen one," Gavin mumbled. "I overreacted and that's just not like me. I've always prided myself on my control."

"Ah, I understand now," Aveline nodded. Having something you've been taught to fear suddenly thrust in your face was unsettling. "I think you should tell Merrill this." Seeing him about to protest, she held up a hand. "I'm not asking you to be her friend. I'm just asking that you treat her the same as Anders and give her the benefit of the doubt. You may even be able to influence her in some way, steer her from this dangerous path or something."

"I'll be more polite, but as for influencing her, I doubt it," he hedged. "It's far easier to say stop than to do it. The lure of power through blood magic is very potent. The demons make it so."

"Fair enough," Aveline stood up. "Supper will be ready shortly, don't be long."

He watched her go and then turned to stare at the water again. He wasn't blind, he saw how Varric had taken a shine to the girl. At the very least, to keep peace in the group, he would have to be civil to her. Getting up, he walked back to camp and sat down opposite Merrill, who broke off her conversation with Varric to look up at him.

"Hawke, listen, I-" she began but stopped when he raised his hand.

"First I want to apologize for my behavior," Gavin began. "I've been reminded that I haven't treated you as fairly as I should. You haven't attacked me or my friends, you've done nothing to warrant my suspicions and ire."

"I am no threat to you Hawke," Merrill raised her chin, her voice taking on a hard edge.

"You are whether you realize it or not, but I will not argue that point with you as you aren't ready to listen," Gavin retorted, folding his arms across his chest. "I agreed to bring you to Kirkwall. You should know that there are more templars in Kirkwall than in all the rest of the Free Marches combined. They are extremely vigilant and positively ruthless in rooting out apostate mages. I've spent my entire life learning to hide from them and so far I've managed to not attract attention."

"Sounds like a bad place for a mage," Merrill said shakily, unnerved by his harsh words.

"It is, but it's even more dangerous for you," he agreed. "If they even so much as suspect you are a blood mage, they will hunt you down and kill you on the spot. No trial, no mercy, no plea bargain. Even if they believe you are merely an apostate, there's a very good chance that they will force the Right of Tranquility on you, and from what I've heard death would be preferable."

"Are you sure you want to do this Daisy?" Varric asked. "Everything Hawke has said is true. But even worse is the fact that there are hundreds of very poor people in Kirkwall who would turn you in for the price of a few coin."

"No, I am not sure, but I have to do this," Merrill sighed. "I have made a choice and I must see it through to the end, good or bad.

"Then there's nothing more for me to say other than be very, very careful for as long as you stay in Kirkwall," Gavin finished and then went to sit near Fenris.

"Supper's ready, let's eat and then get some rest," Aveline interrupted.

Fenris observed Hawke silently for a while. "Remember what I told you when I first agreed to accompany you?" he asked quietly.

"Something about keeping a close eye on my companions," Gavin replied around a mouthful of food.

"Yes," the elf nodded. "Anders may be an abomination, but at least he knows what he is and is aware of the danger he poses and does try to control himself. She is all but blind to what she is doing and that makes her far more dangerous to be around."

"Flemeth hinted as much," Gavin remembered. "I have no intention of relaxing around her, trust me. I don't plan on keeping company with her unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Fair enough," Fenris nodded. "If at some point in the future you find yourseld having to deal with her, I will go with you as a precaution."

"Well, I wasn't going to ask that of you, but it's good to know I can count on you," Gavin smiled slightly.

"I owe you a debt Hawke," Fenris shrugged.

"No Fenris, you don't," the mage argued. "But, I need someone like you, and until we know for sure that Danarius has given up, you need someone like me to back you up. Sort of like brothers-in-arms."

"Brothers-in-arms," Fenris mused, another small smile curving his lips briefly. "I like the sound of that." Having finished eating, he stood up. "I will take first watch, as usual."

Gavin watched him go and then realized that he was staring at Fenris' ass and shook himself. He had no idea if the elf even liked men. What was wrong with him? Perhaps a visit to the Blooming Rose was in order. It'd been a while since he'd experienced the touch of another. Maybe it was just pent up frustration that was his problem. As he stretched out on his bedroll, his thoughts went back to the smile he saw on Fenris' lips. It happened so rarely, but each time it did, his heart fluttered and he felt heat curl in his stomach. His body wanted Fenris, but the elf distrusted mages, with good reason. Sighing, he closed his eyes and attempted to sleep.

_He was on his knees before Fenris, the elf's hot, hard length moving rythmically in his mouth. Fenris yanked his head back and pulled him to his feet before spinning him around and pinning him against a tree. His body thrummed at the strength the lithe elf showed. His legs were kicked apart and he groaned as he felt slim fingers opening him, preparing him. He whimpered when they withdrew, only to cry out as Fenris thrust forcefully into him. The elf set a fast, punishing pace and soon he was crying out his pleasure as he attained his release._

With a groan, Gavin started awake and realized he had come in his sleep. It had been years since he'd had a dream so vivid. He glanced quickly around the camp to see if anyone had noticed and breathed a sigh of relief that no one had. With a grimace, he found a scrap of cloth and wiped himself as best he could. Feeling as drained as if he'd just finished having sex, he flopped back onto his bedroll. He definitely needed to get laid.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Gavin smiled as he watched Varric and Merrill playing with Fang, the dog acting more like a puppy than the fierce warhound he was as he chased after thrown sticks. Aveline and Fenris were involved in a rather heated debate over swords, of all things. He had never really given the subject much thought and found it fascinating that they found so much to argue about. Their decision to spend one more day outside the city was proving to be a good one. There had been no sign of any trouble the day before, and all of them were more relaxed. Growing restless, he decided to get up and take a walk on the beach not far from their camp.

When he reached the shore, he simply stood for a while taking it all in. He'd never even seen the open sea before taking ship from Gwaren, and that hadn't been a pleasant experience. But standing here, watching the gentle waves lap the shore and feeling the warm breeze in his hair, he found the whole experience very relaxing. He thought it would be kind of nice to have a home by the sea.

Sitting down, he removed his boots and then dug his bare toes into the sand, enjoying the feel of it for a long while. Merrill's trilling laugh and Fang's raucous barks drifted to him on the wind and he smiled once more. He'd been pretty mean to the girl, but after he'd explained why, they'd come to a truce, sort of. Everyone was the better for that.

Getting to his feet, he grabbed his boots and began to stroll along the shore, stopping occasionally to pick up an interesting rock or shell. A sudden sharp pain in his foot made him look down and reflexively grab his knife. There on the sand was some kind of scorpion type creature and he quickly stabbed it and killed it. He cursed fluently at the folly of removing his boots. He was in an unknown area with unknown dangers, he should have been more careful. Before he could turn to walk back to camp, a searing pain raced up his leg and he collapsed on the beach. He gingerly picked up his foot and saw an angry red sore on the ball of it. With a sickening feeling, he realised that whatever the creature had been, it was poisonous.

It had only been a couple of minutes since he was bitten, but already he could feel the effects of the poison beginning to race through his system. He'd never make it back to camp in time, so he had no choice but to heal himself. Closing his eyes and slowing his breathing, he focused his magic on his own body, cleansing the poison inch by inch. Finally, after what seemed an interminable amount of time, he could feel that the posion was gone. Gasping, he lay on his back, eyes closed as he waited for the weariness to pass.

The first sign he was not alone came in the form of a branch snapping as someone stepped on it. He got to his feet and turned expecting to see Fenris or one of his other companions. His heart nearly stopped in his chest as he saw three templars emerging from the trees. Shit, he was in trouble unless he could convince them that he was no one of importance.

"Well, well," the black-haired man in the front said, "what have we here."

Without warning, the templar unleashed a wave of energy towards Gavin. As the wave hit him, his knees gave way and his body felt suddenly weak. He collapsed to the sand, struggling to keep his eyes open. Damn the templars and their abilities to nullify magic. He didn't have his pouch with him and so had no lyrium to drink.

"You were right, sir" said another, "he's an apostate."

"Of course, I sensed him using magic," the leader laughed as they approached Gavin where he lay.

Gavin cursed his stupidity and struggled to draw enough breath to call for help, he wasn't that far away from the others. If he failed, then at best he'd be dragged off to the Gallows. At worst, he'd be killed on the spot. His mother would be devestated. The next thing he heard caused his blood to freeze.

"He's quite the looker sir," the blond haired one raked Gavin's body with a lustful gaze as he licked his lips. "What do you say to having some fun first?"

Gavin struggled to get to his feet in a feeble attempt to escape them, but hard hands grabbed his arms and hauled him up to face the leader. He shuddered in revulsion as the leader began to run his hands over him. When they pawed at his groin, he was horrified to feel himself respond and tried to will it away.

"Hah, hah, I think he likes this," the leader leered at him and leaned close. "You do don't you. All you mages are whores at heart. You make it good for us, maybe we tell the Knight-Commander to go easy on you. Fight us, and we'll make sure you die an agonizing death, after we have our fun of course."

Gathering every last ounce of strength he had, Gavin spit right in the face of the leader. He would not give them the satisfaction of knowing just how scared he was.

The leader slowly wiped the spit off his face. Then he promptly back-handed the mage, snapping his head around. "So, you're going to fight us? Good," he grinned nastily.

"Better to make him Tranquil," the templar on Gavin's right spoke up. "Then we can use him whenever we want. He's got a nice tight ass," he finished, grabbing and squeezing at it.

A sudden howl startled all three of them, and Gavin found himself thrown backwards to the sand. He lay there weakly as Fang charged into the clearing, followed by Fenris and Aveline. He closed his eyes in relief as he realized he was saved.

Merrill ran around the fight and to Gavin's side, "Hawke, are you hurt? Are you injured? Speak to me?"

"Fine, just weak," he whispered, not opening his eyes.

Merrill fumbled in one of her many pouches and drew a small vial of blue liquid out. "Here's some lyrium, not much, but it should help," she said as she unstoppered it and placed it against his lips, careful not to spill any.

Gavin eagerly drank it, feeling the weakness in his limbs begin to fade. By this time, the fight was over and his companions were gathered around him. He looked up at them, "How did you know?"

Aveline pointed at Fang, "Your mabari suddenly snarled viciously and took off. We followed."

Gavin sat up and threw his arms around the hound, "Good boy, good dog." The dog responded by washing his master's face with his tongue.

"Can you stand?" Varric asked. "We should get away from here quickly, just in case there are others about."

Gavin nodded and got to his feet, swaying only slightly. As he moved to head towards camp, a moan caught his attention. Looking around, he saw the lead templar begin to stir. A white hot rage flared up in him that the bastard wasn't dead. Without thinking, he lashed out and gripped the templar in an invisible force field, dragging him toward the group.

Waiting until the man was fully aware, he snarled, "How many other mages have you raped? A dozen? A hundred? Answer me," he squeezed harder causing the templar to cry out in agony.

The others were frozen in shock, never having seen Gavin like this before. It scared each of them because they'd had no idea he was capable of something like this. Aveline stepped forward, "Hawke-" she stopped and then gasped as she found herself thrown backwards by an invisible hand. Looking around, she saw the others had suffered in a similar manner.

The templar looked at the now not so helpless mage in terror, "I don't know, please, don't kill me."

Gavin growled, "I'll show you the same mercy you've shown others." With terrifying ease, he slammed the templar several times into the ground, a merciless sneer curving his lips. He continued doing so until long after the templar had died.

Merrill thought she would throw up as she heard the templar's bones cracking and shattering. Hawke seemed to be pummeling the man to death, but with no weapon she had ever seen. Aveline and Varric looked away and stopped their ears. Fenris found himself not bothered by what he saw, having been witness to far worse in Tevinter. But he was a little unnerved by the display of power. When the templar's body thudded a final time to the ground he got to his feet and cautiously approached Hawke.

"Let's leave this place," he said quietly and then had to hold back a gasp as Gavin turned to him, his face a mask of pure rage.

"He would have-, they were going to-" Gavin gasped out.

"I know," Fenris nodded and reached out a steadying hand to him. "Come on."

Gavin closed his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself before allowing himself to be led away, the others following silently behind him. He walked in a daze, leaning slightly against the elf, trusting him in a way he'd never trusted anyone before. The knowledge that Fenris understood and wasn't put off was oddly comforting. Once back at the camp, he was pushed down beside the now dead fire and told not to move. He watched as the others began to pack up their things. He saw them eyeing him sidelong and knew they had questions. It was Merrill who finally got up the nerve to ask them.

"Hawke, what did you do?" she said softly. "How did you do...that?" she waived her hand helplessly. The others stopped what they were doing to listen.

"There is a type of magic that is rarely found outside the Circle of Magi in Kirkwall," he answered quietly. "It is called Force Magic, a specialty in this part of the Free Marches."

"What can you do exactly?" Fenris asked curiously. "I've seen a great many things in Tevinter, but never something like this."

"I can manipulate the raw energy of magic with my mind," Gavin continued. "It is wild energy and requires an extremely strong mind to manipulate. You can crush and smash foes, throw opponents around like leaves in a windstorm, and more. Imagine what it would be like to fight an earthquake or windstorm and you have some idea of what I'm talking about."

"So it was this that threw us back from you," Aveline stated and saw him hang his head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I just-" Gavin stopped and took a deep breath. "That's one of the reasons I don't like to use it, because it is hard to control."

"How did they get a hold of you anyway?" Varric asked. "How did they even know what you were or that you were here?"

Gavin told them about the creature and how he had healed himself. "They must have been returning from a patrol or something and felt me using my magic. Templar Hunters are trained to be able to do that, if they are within a certain distance that is. If caught by surprise, like I was, it gives a templar the chance to neutralize the magic a mage calls upon. The sudden drain leaves a mage physical and mentally weak for a minute or two, more than enough time to be dealt with."

"And they were going to, you know-" Merrill stuttered and then blushed crimson, realizing what the answer must be as he flushed and looked away.

"Are you strong enough to travel?" Fenris asked as he stood up. Seeing the mage nod, he motioned to the others to get going. When they were out of earshot, he turned to Gavin. "Now I know what power it was that I sensed in you. You are a very dangerous man Hawke, it's good that you realize this."

"My father told me long ago about this and warned me of the dangers," Gavin said as he began following the others. "I still can't believe I let my guard down like that, not after the last time, not after I swore to myself that I wouldn't."

"At the very least, the next time you want to take a stroll on the beach, leave your boots on or ask someone to go with you," Fenris smirked.

Gavin, to his surprise, found himself laughing. "So, you do have a sense of humor after all. Point taken serah."

Fenris merely smiled and walked on.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Varric grumbled every step of the way to Fenris' home in Hightown. They'd been back in town for about three days and he hadn't seen Hawke or the elf once. He wouldn't have even wondered about it if Hawke's mother Leandra hadn't come to the Hanged Man looking for him. He probably wouldn't even be out here looking for the mage, if not for the fact he was an absolute pansy when faced with a crying woman. The fact that Hawke hadn't even gone home yet was perplexing, for there weren't too many places he could go. So, he went to look for Hawke in the most likely place: Anders clinic, but he wasn't there. Then he went to Aveline and Merrill but neither had seen the mage. Fenris was the only one left. Of course, it would have been much simpler had the mabari been around to use for tracking, but the damn dog had pulled a disappearing act too.

Upon reaching the place, he hesitated for a moment. Fenris was a long shot, for even though he didn't mind travelling around with Hawke, he wasn't exactly best buddies with the mage. He also preferred to keep to himself for the most part. Reaching up, he banged loudly on the door several times. There was no telling where in the mansion the elf was and he wanted to be sure he was heard.

Fenris moved to open the door, puzzled who would be knocking so loudly on it. After opening it, he looked down, saw the dwarf and scowled. "Varric, what are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Hawke," he said and pushed his way inside. "His mother's looking for him, but I've looked everywhere and can't find him. You're the last stop on my list."

Fenris hesitated for a moment before sighing, "He's here and has been since the night we returned. He's not exactly up to having company right now."

"Well, too bad," the dwarf grumbled. "He needs to haul his ass home and stop worrying his mother."

"He won't be going anywhere, at least not until he sobers up," the elf muttered.

"He's drunk? He never gets drunk," Varric stopped in shock.

"Well, he's been drinking and passing out, only to wake up and start over again for the last two days," Fenris motioned the dwarf to follow him. "Maybe you will have more luck getting him to stop and go home than I have."

Varric stepped into the bedroom Fenris indicated and saw Hawke sprawled on the bed. Scattered around it were several empty bottles of whiskey and wine. "You didn't bring him all that did you?"

"Of course not," Fenris snorted. "He brought the whiskey himself and then raided my wine collection when it ran out." It was clear that the elf was pissed about that.

"Why didn't you try to stop him?" Varric snapped.

"I did and he threw a fireball at me," Fenris snarled back, waiving a hand at the scorch marks on the floor and wall. "Luckily, I had a bucket here filled with water from the leaky roof and hadn't emptied it yet.

Varric looked at the scorch marks and whistled, "Lucky indeed. I never thought he'd attack any of us."

"He's a mage and he's angry," Fenris snorted, as if that explained everything, which to him it did. "I left him alone after that. If he wants to be stupid and drink himself to death, that's his business. I'm not risking getting roasted or having the place burn down around me. Or worse, have him lose it completely and just crush everything flat, the two of us included."

"Oh," Varric said in a subdued tone. "This presents a problem. Anders always told me that drunk mages were bad to cross but I never really gave a thought as to why. I guess I'll just have to tell his mother where he is and to not expect him home for a while."

Hearing a groan, they turned to see Hawke coming around. "Stop yelling, it makes my head hurt."

"That's not the only thing that's going to be hurting if you don't cut this shit out," Varric stomped to the side of the bed. "You've worried your mother and she made me promise to find you. I've been all over this stupid city looking for you."

"Well go back and tell her I'm fine and to leave me alone," Hawke grumbled as he turned onto his back and covered his eyes with an arm.

Varric frowned down at his friend, "Why are you doing this Hawke?" Getting nothing but an angry glare he threw his hands up, "Fine, fine, I'll leave you alone," he grumbled, beating a hasty retreat, just in case.

Fenris was waiting for him in the upstairs foyer. "Did he say anything that'd clue you in to what brought this on?" he asked the elf.

"He hasn't said much, but," Fenris looked towards the door and then lowered his voice. "The first night he was here he woke me out of a sound sleep. He was screaming and crying, saying things like 'stop' and 'you're hurting me'. I think the attack out on the coast brought back some bad memory."

"Shit, I can see why he's trying to drown himself in spirits," Varric muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"When he told us about the first time the templars caught him I suspected what happened," the elf nodded. "The nightmare confirms it. Obviously, his past still haunts him if he's reacting like this."

The dwarf looked back at where Hawke was laying. "Do you think he'll snap out of this funk or what? I mean, you know something about dealing with pain," he gestured at the markings.

"Hawke is strong, but there's only so much pain one can take before they break," Fenris shrugged. "I just can't say for sure. I can tell you that we can't push him until he's ready or we'll push him to taking a rash course of action. He might try to kill us or himself. I'm not ready to meet the Maker."

"Okay, I'll go let his mother know where he is and that he's okay. Then I'll come back here and see if I can't help in some way," the dwarf looked around. "By the way, where's his dog?"

"Fang is here, but he's been keeping his distance the same as I," the elf answered.

"Smart dog. Listen, I know you don't like having Blondie around, but I think it's a good idea I bring him with me when I return," Varric said firmly and saw an expression of distaste cross the elf's face.

"Fine, fine, but don't expect me to hang around here," Fenris snarled after several moments of silence.

Varric chuckeld and took a key from his pocket and handed it to him. "This is the key to my private suite at the Hanged Man. You can stay there until we get Hawke on his feet and out of your hair."

Fenris nodded and watched him leave before heading to his own room. He sat down in a chair and resumed polishing his sword to pass the time. When he heard voices in the downstairs hall he got up to go see who was there. Seeing only Varric and Anders he breathed a sigh of relief. He had half expected everyone else to barge in.

"Don't worry, I made sure the others knew to stay away," Varric waived at him.

Anders warily eyed the elf as he headed upstairs. "Do you know how much Hawke's actually drunk?" Seeing the elf shake his head he sighed. "Varric told me about what happened on the coast and your suspicions about the cause of his drinking. I know how Hawke must be feeling right now."

"Do you mage?" Fenris sneered.

"Yes," Anders snapped. "He's not the first mage to be raped by templars. Luckily, it only happened to me once and that in the Circle in Ferelden." He saw both Varric and Fenris look at each other grimly. "But, I know of several others, both boys and girls who suffered the same, both here and elsewhere," he finished bitterly.

Fenris felt his gut clench. Danarius often took his slaves to bed, willing or no. He felt something like pity well up in him for the mages and promptly squashed it. Pitying a mage was the first step in falling prey to their pleas, a dangerous course for any sane person to take. "I think I'll take you up on your offer Varric," he said aloud and turning, went into his room, gathered his things and left.

"Good riddance," Anders sniffed. "Hawke doesn't need someone like that around him right now."

"Hey, don't go putting the elf down," Varric warned. "He's been nothing but supportive of Hawke this entire time, despite provocation to do otherwise. Now, get in there and see what you can do for our friend, before this situation gets any worse."

Anders entered the room to see Hawke sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Seeing all the bottles on the floor he couldn't help but whistle. "Well, if you're head isn't trying to split open right about now, it should be," he smirked.

"Go away," Gavin growled, not looking up.

"No, I won't," Anders crossed his arms and glared down at his friend. "I know for a fact that you can drink the Hanged Man dry and it won't help one bit. You have to get it off your chest, talk about it." Getting nothing but angry silence he turned to Varric.

"Listen, I want you to leave us alone," he told the dwarf. "You don't have to leave the building, just don't interfere no matter what you hear."

"You expect me to just sit by and let you two go at it?" Varric sputtered angrily.

"Yes," Anders nodded. "I'm a mage, just like him and I also have Justice to call on if needed. No matter what he says or does, he won't be able to get rid of me or hurt me, at least not badly. Getting him to talk will take some doing, but once it's out in the open it can be dealt with."

"Okay, I'll go find something to do around here," the dwarf muttered and turned to leave.

"If you want to help, bring us some strong coffee and fresh water so I can sober him up," Anders said to his back. Anders turned and moved to lean against the wall opposite Hawke's bed, studying him silently for a time.

"You can yell and scream, you can say anything that's on your mind. If you want to throw things at me, go ahead, it wouldn't be the first time. I know from personal experience the humiliation and feelings of helplessnes that one feels. But I guarantee that once you've let it all out you'll feel alot better," he fell silent, meeting Hawke's angry glare with a calm one of his own.

"I don't want to talk about it, it's nobody's fucking business," Gavin snarled.

"It became our business when you threatened the elf," Anders retorted. "I'm not leaving and you're not getting anything more to drink. You are going to deal with this."

Gavin growled something unintelligible and rolled over on the bed to face the other wall. He wouldn't talk, they couldn't make him. He had no idea just how tenacious his fellow mage could be.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Fenris stepped into the Hanged Man and quickly scanned the room. It had been over three weeks since Hawke had gotten drunk at his home, and he'd barely seen the mage since. Varric and Aveline came over from time to time and kept him updated on what Hawke was doing. They seemed to think that the elf would feel left out otherwise. He hadn't minded really, it wasn't like he didn't have ways to occupy his time. He heard a raucous laugh and looked over to the source. A dark skinned woman in a very skimpy outfit was sitting at a table with the younger Hawke and the Dalish girl, fawning over the boy so much that he looked ready to burst into flames from embarassment. So, that was the pirate that had recently joined the ragtag little group of misfits surrounding Hawke? he thought. She looked like trouble waiting to happen.

He didn't see Varric anywhere and headed for the upper floor, having been asked by the dwarf to meet him here tonight. He didn't see Hawke anywhere and felt a twinge of disappointment. He had come to the tavern several times to play cards and seen the mage there. But each time it wasn't long before Hawke made some excuse and left. It was obvious the mage was avoiding him, but he wasn't sure exactly why. And just why did that disappoint him? Shaking his head, he pushed that thought aside.

He reached the dwarf's suite and knocked on the door, entering when told to come in. He moved further in and then stopped when he saw Hawke standing next to the fireplace. "Sorry, I came to see Varric. I don't wish to intrude."

"You're not," Varric bustled to the door. "You two need to talk and this was the only way to get you together," he said before leaving and closing the door behind him.

Fenris was just about to turn and leave himself when he heard a key turn in the lock. He swore as he realized the dwarf had locked him into the room. Kicking the door in anger, he turned back to face Hawke and was surprised to see the mage hadn't moved and wasn't looking at him.

"Varric has been after me for several days to talk with you," Gavin said quietly, not looking up. "I don't know how much he's told you, but I've been bringing my brother with me. I figured it might help our relationship if I involved him more in what I was doing."

"Makes sense," the elf said noncommitally. He sensed that there was more to it than that and he didn't want to disrupt the mage's chain of thought. He was a little nervous being alone with Hawke, seeing as how the last time he'd almost gotten fried to a crisp.

"You'd think so," the mage snorted and then sighed. "Unfortunately, on the last job he screwed up his assignment and almost got Varric killed in the process. If he'd admitted to his mistake things probably would have been okay."

"I take it he didn't," Fenris stated.

"No, he tried to blame everyone else, again," Gavin sighed. "Now Varric is refusing to go anywhere with him, as is Merrill and Anders. Aveline's workload has increased significantly and she doesn't have much free time. Isabela has offered her services, but she's not the type of fighter who can keep a swarm of enemies off me if necessary."

"So, I'm your last resort then?" the elf said, his voice clearly indicating how insulting that was to him.

Gavin winced and looked down at his feet, "It's not like that."

"Then explain," Fenris folded his arms and waited.

"You are always my first choice," Gavin said firmly. "But I thought that you wouldn't want to be around me now, so I haven't asked for your help."

"Why?" the elf asked, confused.

Gavin sighed, "I know that working with mages makes you uncomfortable, and my actions a few weeks ago certainly didn't help."

"So you decided the best thing to do was avoid me," Fenris stated.

Gavin looked up and locked his gaze on the elf. "I want you to know that I am sincerely sorry for what I did, and I promise you that it will not happen again. I swear it on my sister's soul. But, if you want to have nothing more to do with me, I will understand."

Fenris was floored. If he was reading the mage right, the man meant every word he said. "No one has ever apologized to me for their actions before. Not sincerely at any rate."

"I wasn't myself, and I was drunk as a skunk, but that's no excuse for what I did," Gavin turned to stare into the fire once more. "I thought I had put my past behind me and I didn't know how to handle it. Anders made me realize how stupid I was being trying to bury the memories. He had to get ugly with me before I would admit he was right."

Fenris walked over and leaned against Varric's table in front of the fire. "I figured a good deal out on my own, based on what you'd said before the attack and your reaction afterwards."

"I should tell you the events that were the cause for my behavior," Gavin said quietly.

"I don't think that's necessary," the elf replied. "You keep saying that I don't owe you. Well, that works both ways. You don't owe me any explanation."

Gavin looked at the elf and then back into the fire. "I know, but I figured you of all people would understand how the pain of the past can color the future. In the short time I've known you, I've come to trust that you won't repeat anything I tell you in private. I think you need to hear it so that you can understand me better."

Fenris blinked in surprise, "You don't know how strange it is to hear that from a mage. Danarius demanded silence of his slaves, and punished harshly those who failed him."

"After I helped you that first time, you said you would wait and see what type of mage I was," Gavin smiled slightly. "In Tevinter, you had no choice but to obey. Here, you are free to do as you want, including telling anyone you like anything you hear. Can you think of a better way to prove myself?"

"A valid point Hawke," the elf nodded.

Gavin turned back to stare into the fire silently for a few minutes. "I was fourteen," he finally began. "My father had always warned us about being careful with our magic. One day, I took my sister, who was ten, into the woods behind our house to pick berries. We were kids and having fun just like any other normal kids. We picked berries and laughed and were having a good time. My sister has always looked up to me and was always fascinated by what I could do. She kept asking me to show her how I did it."

"You gave into her pleas," Fenris surmised.

Gavin nodded, "It was stupid and reckless, exactly what my father warned me against. But, I was overconfident and cocky because there'd been no sign of any templars for months. After showing off for a while, I realized it was starting to get dark and we headed for home. Halfway back, I heard someone following us and voices talking, it sounded like a large group. The few words I managed to catch told me it was templars and that they were hutning us. My first thought was to protect my sister."

Fenris waited silently for him to continue, sensing how difficult this was to talk about. When it seemed like the silence was going to stretch on, he said, "If you don't want to continue-"

"No, it's alright," Gavin shook his head. "I found a place for my sister to hide. I told her that I was going to try to lead them away and that as soon as it was safe she was to run home to father. I left her in hiding and headed in the opposite direction, making as much noise as I could. It worked. There were only four of them when they finally caught up with me. Whether it was fear making it sound like there were more, or if some were sent away, I never learned. From what they said, I thought for sure I was going to be hauled off to the circle on the spot. It was a price I would have to pay for my stupidity, but I was afraid of what would happen to my family, because of course they asked about them. There was no way they would believe that I lived alone, and the penalty for harboring apostates was severe. I begged and pleaded with them not to hurt my family and they agreed to leave them alone if I did everything they asked of me. I had no idea what they would do."

"They used you," the elf stated.

"I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that it was the longest night of my life," the mage whispered. "After they'd had their fun, they said that they had decided I could serve the Maker better if I wasn't in the circle. They set up camp and settled in to get some rest."

"They planned to use you until they were tired of you and then they would have most likely killed you to cover up what they'd done," Fenris said flatly. "What happened?"

"My father happened," Gavin answered. "Bethany had made it home and told him everything. My father was a highly skilled herbalist and healer, and an excellent hand at making potions and salves, but not that proficient with offensive magic. I don't know exactly what he did, but all of them were killed before they could reach for their weapons. He then healed me as best he could and took me home. We packed all our belongings and left that same night, wanting to get as far away as we could before someone came looking for them or us. Father and I never discussed the details of that night, and mother never asked."

"So, I am only the second person you've told this to," Fenris said softly and saw him nod. "Thank you for trusting me with it."

"It was after we settled in Lothering that I decided to learn other ways to fight and defend myself," Gavin went on. "I sought out a man living nearby who was a retired pit fighter and an excellent boxer. He then introduced me to another man who knew about hand-to-hand combat. I promised myself that I would never take my safety or the safety of my family for granted again, that I wouldn't be so careless with my magic." He turned to face the elf, meeting his gaze. "I failed in that promise to myself, and by doing so, failed you as well. I swear to you that I will never put you at that kind of risk again."

"I'll hold you to that promise mage," Fenris replied solemnly.

"Fair enough," Gavin felt the tension ease out of him. He was relieved that he hadn't ruined his chances with the elf. They were still a long way from having any kind of relationship, and he still didn't know if Fenris was into men, but at least there was still hope for that in the future.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Well, my reserve stash of gold is coming along nicely," Gavin said as he counted the coin stashed in Varric's strongbox. "Even with compensating everyone for their time the money is adding up quickly."

"A few more weeks and we'll have enough to pay Bartrand," Varric nodded. He looked back down at his table and picked up the notices he had found in Hightown. "These two jobs here sound like they could prove quite profitable. A request from Prince Vael of Starkhaven and a bounty from the Viscount's office."

"Not only profitable money wise, but in other ways," Gavin said as he locked the chest and stood up. He walked to the table to read the notices. "Being in the good graces of the powerful can do more for us than just netting a good chunk of gold."

"The mercenaries should prove no problem," Varric pointed out. "But if the Viscount's boy is in the hands of the Tal Vashoth, that could get dicey."

"At least this time we know what we're walking into," Gavin shook his head. "Unlike that whole business with Javaris and the Arishok." He fell silent thinking about the tough battle with the outlaws. He had never been more grateful to have Fenris along than that time.

Varric looked up to see his friend staring into the fire, his thoughts a million miles away. It wasn't the first time the mage had gone silent and moody. "Something bothering you Hawke?"

"No, why do you ask?" the mage turned back to the messages on the table.

"You've been extra moody lately," the dwarf answered. "Getting almost as bad as the broody elf." He saw a strange look come over the mage and if he didn't know better the man was blushing.

"It's nothing," Gavin shook his head. "And even if it was, I don't need to be giving you more fodder for your stories." He couldn't bring himself to tell the dwarf about his obsession with the elf. The past couple of weeks had been both good and bad for him. Good because he and Fenris were beginning to really trust and rely on each other. Bad because he fell more in love with the elf everyday.

Varric cocked his head at his friend, "Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm always ready to listen." He started sorting the papers on the table to put them away and came across one that looked odd. "Hmph, bread, cheese, polishing cloths, bolt of linen, thread...what's all this?"

"That's my shopping list," Gavin snatched the paper from the dwarf. "I'm going to Hightown today for mother."

"Hawke, you do the shopping for the family?" Varric asked in surprise.

"I do the majority of it," the mage shrugged. "Mother doesn't like the Lowtwon markets much, and she feels out of place going into Hightown. She'll pick up small things that we run out of, but that's about it. Most of the good quality items can only be found in Hightown."

"Why doesn't your brother do this? It's not like he's got anything better to do," the dwarf snorted.

"Been that way since I was old enough to help with the chores," Gavin shrugged. "Father didn't have the time between his work and training us. Carver never wanted to be bothered with learning. So, I was the one who always went with mother. She taught me how to judge the quality of items and how to barter for better prices."

"Did your brother do anything to help out?" Varric asked.

"We had a small vegetable garden, some chickens, and a cow," Gavin smiled at the memory. "He looked after them, but that was about it."

"Well, why doesn't he step up and help out now?" the dwarf was confused.

"Because if mother or I asked him he would get all snotty and petulent," the mage's smile faded. "I can't honestly remember a time when he didn't complain about how shitty and dull his life was. It's easier to just do these things myself. Keeps the peace in the house."

Varric wanted to say that the boy needed someone to slap him upside the head, but kept his opinion to himself. He had witnessed first hand how Carver operated and understood why Hawke found it easier to just leave well enough alone. "You know what you need Hawke? You need to just go out and have some fun, and I don't mean sitting in this tavern playing cards or dice either. I may not be fond of all that outdoor shit, but we could go camping or something. Sit around a fire, tell tall tales, drink until we pass out, that kind of thing."

"Sounds tempting," Gavin laughed, "but the countryside isn't exactly safe these days." He picked up the list and put it in his pocket. "I'd better get going and get the shopping done."

Varric watched the mage leave and then heaved a sigh. What he really wanted to do was go and kick Carver's ass for being a lazy, selfish twit. Instead, he went to find Isabela. The pirate would certainly have a few interesting ideas on what Hawke could do for fun. All work and no play made life dull and tedious.

After leaving the Hanged Man, Gavin made a bee line for the Hightwon markets. It was mid-morning already and he didn't want to get there too late. The best items usually went fairly quickly. Even though they'd lived the simple life in Lothering, his mother was used to the finer things in life. All of which she'd given up for their father. Even though he wouldn't be able to buy back their estate until after the expedition, he could still give her some nicer things.

He found what he was looking for at a cloth merchant in the Hightown square. A beautiful bolt of finely woven blue linen that his mother could use to make a nice dress for her meeting with the Viscount. Appearance was everything to the nobility and it wouldn't help her cause if she showed up in any of the garments she currently had. He picked out some fine thread, needles, and clothing shears as well. He made arrangements to have the items delivered to the Hanged Man for him. As he turned away to check out a robe merchant, he overheard a loud argument. He moved closer to better hear what they were saying.

"She's my wife, you have to bring her back," a man was yelling at a couple of city guard.

"This is a domestic matter serah," one of them responded. "If your wife has decided to leave you there's nothing we can do about it. I'm sorry."

Gavin waited until the soldiers were gone and then approached the man, "I can help you find her."

"Finally, someone listens to me," the man said. "I am Ghyslaine de Carrac. My wife Ninette has been gone for almost two months. No one has seen or heard from her and they all think she left me."

"Why would they think that?" Gavin asked suspiciously.

"We've been fighting, her family thinks I've done something to her," Ghyslaine wrung his hands. "They think I married her for her money, but we did love each other once. The past few years it's gotten worse, much worse. She sees other men and throws it in my face. Now she's run off and I want her dragged home. She's still my wife and belongs to me."

"It sounds like she had good reason to leave you," Gavin said in disgust.

"Please, just find out what happened to her," Ghyslaine pleaded. "I must tell her family something."

"Any ideas on where to start?" Gavin sighed.

"Jethann, at the Blooming Rose," the man spat. "She visited whores, whores!"

"I'll look into it, but no promises," Gavin warned. Shaking his head, he turned on his heel and walked away. The idea of going to the whorehouse made him uncomfortable. However, a woman going missing for two months was suspicious. If she had truly left her husband, someone would know about it.

Entering the Blooming Rose, he braced himself to be pounced upon by someone. To his surprise, all he got were several appraising glances. He stood looking around for a while before he spotted a well dressed older woman. He stepped up to her, "Excuse me, but could you tell me where I can find a man named Jethann?"

"He's not working today," the woman replied and cast a disparaging glance at his simple clothes. "He's one of my best and thus his time is very valuable."

Gavin flushed as he realized what the woman was saying. "Uhm, I'm not here for, uhm, that. I'm actually looking for Ninette de Carrac and her husband told me she visited here regularly."

"Ninette?" the woman's brows arched. "She hasn't been in for a while now. I heard she left her husband."

"He claims that she didn't and that no one has seen her for a couple of months," Gavin told her. "Maybe she told Jethann something, maybe she didn't. Regardless, a woman just disappearing without a trace for over two months is suspicious. This is as good a place to start looking as anywhere."

"Well, as I said, Jethann is off today," the woman told him. "The building next door is owned by us and he rents a room there. You can look for him there. If you decide you are interested in other things, then come back and talk to me. Just ask for Madame Lusene."

"Uh, okay, thank you," Gavin felt himself turning red again and he quickly turned and hurried out.

Madame Lusene watched him flee, chuckling softly to herself. He was just about the handsomest man to ever enter her establishment, and his shyness and embarassment were endearing. Pity that he didn't look to have the money to afford to the services they offered. Sighing, she turned her attention back to the books and put him from her mind as he probably wouldn't be back.

"Who was that?"

Lusene turned to see Adriano standing next to her. "Someone looking for Ninette de Carrac." She saw the expression on his face and broke the bad news. "Sorry sweetie, but I don't think he could afford you."

"Too bad," Adriano sighed dramatically. "All those muscles, that strong jaw, and the greenest eyes I've ever seen. He'd make a refreshing change from the clients that currently come in."

"You've been doing this long enough to know that guys like him don't have to pay for companionship," Lusene reminded him. "Unless of course they're married and not getting it at home. The way he was behaving, I seriously doubt he's married.

"I know I would never turn him down," Adriano sighed again and returned to his table.

Shaking her head, she closed the books and looked around the room. It was a quiet day and her people were mostly sitting and talking to each other. As she passed through the room to her office, she overheard most of them talking about the young man who'd just left. Probably just as well if he didn't come back, for he was the type of client that could incite jealousy amongst the guys and girls working there. That was the last thing she needed.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Gavin hesitated in the front lobby of the building next to the Rose. There was a long hallway stretching in front of him and a set of stairs leading up to another floor. He suddenly realized that he had no idea which room was Jethann's and he didn't feel comfortable knocking on just any door given who occupied these premises. Just as he was about to turn around and leave, a door at the far end of the hall opened and a young woman came out, locking it behind her.

"Uhm, excuse me," he called as he headed down the hall to meet her. When she looked up and met his gaze he continued. "Could you tell me which room is Jethann's."

"Ooh, you're into men then, too bad," she licked her lips as her gaze roamed lasciviously over him.

"N-no, I, uhm, just need, to uhm, ask him something," Gavin felt like a green boy in front of her.

"Second floor, third door on your right," the woman told him as she moved past him, brushing against him as she did. "If you're looking for a good time gorgeous, come see me at the Rose tonight."

Mouth agape, Gavin stood rooted in place as she sashayed out the front door. Shaking his head and taking a deep breath, he followed her directions to Jethann's room. Knocking on the door, he took several calming breaths. When the door opened, he found himself face to face with a very handsome elf. "Jethann?" he asked.

"Mmm, today's my day off but I'll make an exception for you," Jethann purred as he licked his lips.

"What?" Gavin started. When what was said actually penetrated his befuddled brain, he blushed bright red. "Actually, I'm here to talk to you about Ninette," he said a little breathlessly.

"Well, come in then and sit a while," Jethann moved to allow the handsome man to pass. Tall, muscled, bright green eyes, a very attractive package. The brothel didn't care if they did a little personal business on the side, but he seldom met anyone he wanted outside of work.

As Gavin entered the room, he caught a whiff of some musky cologne that caused him to breath deep. To his discomfort, he found himself getting aroused. Embarassed, he looked for a place to sit and quickly chose a straight backed chair. Sitting down, he crossed his legs to hide the effect the elf was having on him. Was he really this desperate? Glancing about, he saw that there was actually two rooms. This appeared to be a sort of sitting room and the other was a small bedroom.

"I haven't seen Ninette in a couple of months," Jethann said as he closed the door. "Let's do this properly," he said and held his hand out. "I am Jethann, and you are?"

Gavin flushed at his lack of manners and stood up to take the elf's hand, "Gavin." He felt a jolt go through his body from the contact. He hastily resumed his seat. "Ninette's husband hired me to find her. He said that she came to visit you often and that I should start here."

"I heard she left him, good for her," the elf snorted. "Ghyslain came to the Rose, ranting and raving about me corrupting his wife, called me all kinds of nasty names. We had him thrown out. Ninette is a wonderful woman, he doesn't deserve her."

"Did she tell you that she was leaving him?" Gavin asked.

"No, I just hope she did," Jethann shrugged. "Like I said, she hasn't been to see me for a couple of months."

"That's the problem," Gavin admitted. "Apparently no one has seen her. Women don't just up and disappear. It's possible something happened to her. Do you know if anyone wanted to hurt her?"

"Hurt her?" Jethann laughed. "Everyone loved Ninette, sometimes twice a night," he said in a low voice as he waggled his eyebrows, chuckling as the man in front of him turned red. "You are just so adorable when you're embarassed."

"Uhm, do you know anything else that might help?" Gavin tried hard to control his breathing.

"There was someone else looking for her," Jethann moved away a little to give him some space. Didn't want to scare the poor thing off. "A templar, I believe his name was Emeric. He came looking for her but didn't say why. He said he was going to continue his search in Darktown," he shuddered at the idea of going to that horrible place. "Kind of pointless. A woman of Ninette's refinement wouldn't be caught dead in that pit."

"Okay, thank you," Gavin said and stood up to leave only to find the elf right in front of him.

"Are you sure I can't interest you in my many charms?" Jethann said softly, placing a hand against Gavin's chest and light stroking. He felt the man's heartbeat increase.

Gavin swallowed hard. Jethann smelled good and looked good enough to eat. It had been far too long since he'd been with someone and his resistance was at an all time low. "I should really go find Emeric."

"If you're sure," Jethann murmured as he pressed close. "I am very good at what I do. I promise you won't be disappointed." He moved a hand down and pressed it against the large bulge just believe Gavin's waistline. "Mmmm, you like the idea, don't you?"

Gavin closed his eyes and groaned. He did like the idea, too much so. With another groan, he brought his hands up and, cupping the elf's head, kissed him hard and desperately. After a few minutes, he pulled back, "How much?"

"For you, one soveriegn, and we can do anything and everything you can think of," Jethann chuckled.

Fumbling at his belt, Gavin found his coin purse and withdrew a gold coin, pressing it into the elf's hand.

After slipping the coin in his pocket, Jethann took Gavin by the hand and pulled him into the bedroom. With deft, practiced hands, he quickly stripped the man's clothes until all he had left was his small clothes. Pushing him to lay on the bed, he stepped back to admire the man's form. "Maker, you're gorgeous," he breathed out as he slowly began a strip tease for his customer.

Gavin settled back on the bed and watched hungrily as the elf removed his clothes. For one brief moment an image of Fenris flashed in his head before he pushed it resolutely aside. He needed to feel someone next to him, no matter how briefly. At least with Jethann there were no strings attached. He decided to just enjoy the moment for all it was worth.

Jethann smiled slightly as he saw the lust blazing from Gavin's amazing green eyes, "I told you that you wouldn't be disappointed." He moved to straddle the man on his bed, allowing his fingers to trail over the hard muscles of his chest. Bending down, he kissed Gavin deeply as he rocked his hips over the very large bulge under his ass.

Gavin closed his eyes and moaned at the feel of the hard, lithe body covering his. Jethann's hands were all over him, stroking and teasing him, causing heat to curl in his loins. When the elf began to kiss his way down, he couldn't hold back a low groan. He nearly shot off the bed as his small clothes were pulled aside and the elf's hot mouth engulfed him. To his surprise, he came, not realizing how close he was.

Jethann swallowed quickly and then leaned up, "I'm guessing that it's been a long time since you were last with someone."

"I'm sorry," Gavin whispered, embarassed at how quick on the draw he'd been.

"Don't be," Jethann laughed softly. "Now that the edge is off, I can get you all worked up again. And when I've done that, I want you to fuck me hard with this big cock of yours," he wrapped his small hand around it and squeezed.

"It'll be my pleasure," Gavin whispered and reached up to pull Jethann down onto him.

Much later, Jethann lay quietly pressed back to front against Gavin. He was tired and a little sore, but very, very happy. He could tell by the way the man was holding him that Gavin liked to cuddle, which was a nice change from the usual fuck and run he got. Even when the man was riding him to oblivion, there had been a tenderness that he seldom found with his other customers. Then there was the fact that Gavin had cried out someone else's name as he came. Both signs pointing to a man in love with someone.

"Want to tell me about him?" Jethann asked pleasantly.

"What?" Gavin puzzled, his brain still a little foggy from the pleasure he'd received.

"Tell me about this Fenris," Jethann said and felt Gavin shift uncomfortably. He turned around to face him. "I'm used to hearing other people's names when I sleep with someone. It doesn't bother me, but obviously he is someone important to you if you cry his name out. "

Gavin sighed and pulled Jethann closer to him. "He's an elf and used to be a slave in Tevinter. I helped him get free of some hunters that were looking for him. In return, he travels with me and helps me out when I need it. He is strong and reserved. He seldom smiles, but when he does it's like the sun coming from behind the clouds."

"So, you like him but he doesn't feel the same way," Jethann said quietly.

"I don't know if he does," Gavin sighed. "I don't even know if he's into guys. I do know that I value his friendship. I hope that someday we can be more to each other."

"Well, if I may offer a suggestion," Jethann met Gavin's gaze. "Let him know, in small ways, how much he means to you. Flirt with him a little."

"I don't know how to do that," Gavin shook his head. "I've never had the opportunity to just relax and spend time around other guys."

"It's easy," Jethann sat up with a smile. "When you are together, either eating or just talking, meet his eyes. Give him small smiles, lean into him a little. When you discover something he likes, make sure you get it for him. Be patient and watchful for any signs that he might return your affections. When he does, go for it and don't hold back."

"What if he takes offense, or gets angry?" Gavin worried.

"That's why you have to take it slowly," Jethann said patiently. "Since he used to be a slave, then he's not used to doing and thinking for himself. If you are cautious, you can gradually open his mind to the possibility of a relationship. It might take months or longer, but eventually you'll reach a point where you will find out if he's interested or not. If it turns out that he's not, then just apologize and back away. That way, you find out if a relationship is possible, but you also make it so that he's not so offended that you lose his friendship."

"You make it sound easy," Gavin grumbled.

"Honey, love isn't easy," Jethann laughed. "You have to work at it."

Reluctantly, Gavin sat up. "I wish I could stay longer, but I have to finish my shopping and get the stuff home to my family."

Jethann sighed and got off the bed to find their clothes. "You know where to find me now, even if it's just to talk. I'll be honest with you, I really enjoyed our time together. I would sleep with you again, even without getting paid for it."

"That wouldn't be fair to you," Gavin told him as he put on his clothes. "You have to earn a living too."

"Well, if things don't work out for you and Fenris, I wouldn't say no to becoming your personal servant," Jethann flashed him a wicked smile. "I can do much more than just warm your bed."

Gavin laughed as he walked to the door, "I'll keep that in mind." He paused before opening it to draw Jethann into his arms to give him a soft kiss. "Thank you, for everything."

"My pleasure," Jethann sighed and reached around him to open the door. "Don't be a stranger," he called as Gavin walked away.

Gavin smiled and waived as he walked down the hall to the stairs. He took them two at a time, feeling more relaxed than he had in months.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Shit, has it ever been a busy three weeks," Varric huffed. Hawke, Fenris and himself were sitting around his table in his private apartments at the Hanged Man. "At least it's been very profitable as well."

"If I'm not mistaken, that is what you wanted," Fenris said wryly. "Weren't you the one who said the sooner you saved up the gold, the sooner you could get the expedition to the Deep Roads underway?"

"Well, yes, but still all work and no play makes for a very grumpy dwarf," Varric chuckled. He looked to where Gavin was sitting and noticed the mage didn't seem to be paying attention. "You okay there Hawke? You've been awfully quiet of late."

"I've been thinking about what's been happening around here," the mage answered quietly.

"What do you mean?" Fenris asked, noting that his friend seemed troubled.

"First there's the business with the missing women," Gavin answered. "Whoever was behind it was using blood magic. Then we have the business with the recruits and their being possessed by demons. And there's all those Templars supposedly looking for rogue mages but coming up empty handed all the time."

"Your point being Hawke?" Varric shook his head.

"There's something very wrong in this city," Gavin said firmly. "Blood magic is dangerous and evil, and it's the Templars responsibility to root out such things and deal with them. I have never seen such a proliferation of blood mages and abominations anywhere else. The Templars are harrasing common folk but not turning up any results. I've gotten more results while doing odd jobs than they have. Either the Templar organization here is very incompetant, or they have been infiltrated far more deeply than even Cullen suspects."

"Are you worried about Cullen sending templars after you?" Fenris asked.

"No, I think Cullen is a man of his word," Gavin shook his head. "He promised not to make an issue of my being an apostate as a reward for bringing to light the plot of Tehronne and her minions. However, I think he suspects far more than what he's let on."

"Well, my advice is that you keep your nose out of it," the dwarf warned. "You don't want to give him any reason to change his mind."

"Still, it is disturbing to think about," Fenris said quietly. "I escaped a land where blood magic is used frequently and not always in secret. The idea that the Free Marches could become like Tevinter is scary."

"I hope it won't come to that," Gavin said fervently. "But perhaps Varric is right and I shouldn't stick my nose into things more than I already have. I have managed to live free this long, I wouldn't want to lose that freedom now. It would destroy my mother if I got locked up in the Gallows."

"Well, the expedition is going to put alot of money in your pocket," the dwarf spoke up. "Should be enough to buy back your mother's estate and then some. Then you can begin to build influence with the city's nobility and ruling families. You'll have the money and the power to influence things around here and should be safe enough from the Templars after that."

"Speaking of which, we should have just about enough," Gavin said and getting up, took out his key and opened the strong box to check. "Yeah, there's 48 gold here, plus maybe a couple more in smaller coin," he said after counting it.

"Then all we need is another small job and-," Varric was saying as he looked through his notes but was interrupted by his door being slammed open. Looking up, he saw Aveline storming in and dragging Carver behind her.

"Aveline, what's going on?" Gavin asked coming to his feet to face the guard captain. "And why have you dragged my brother in here?"

"I'll tell you what your little brother has been up to," Aveline snarled and shoved the boy into a chair. "The guard busted one of the smuggler groups that had been dealing in slaves. Luckily for your brother, it was Donnic's patrol and he had the presence of mind to hold Carver seperate from the rest. Otherwise your brother would be sitting in a cell in the Gallows awaiting trial."

"Carver?" Gavin rounded angrily on him. "Explain yourself and don't even think about lying or trying to wiggle your way out of this or I will let Aveline haul your ass to jail."

"They were looking for hired muscle and paying well, I needed the money," Carver sulked.

"I give you a sovereign every week," Gavin yelled. "And I pay for all the expenses at home. What the hell could you need so much money for that you'd work for criminals?"

Carver looked around the room but found no sympathy there. Before he could say anything, however, another voice chimed in.

"I heard that he lost a bunch of coin gambling and they called in the debt," Isabela said as she leaned in the doorway. "He's a terrible card player."

"Is that true Carver? You amassed a debt to a smuggler?" Gavin asked furiously and saw the kid nod. "Andraste's tits Carver, what the hell possessed you to play cards with smugglers?"

"I didn't know who they were," Carver yelled, jumping to his feet.

"I warned you not to bet coin you didn't have," Isabela accused. "I told you that you sucked at cards and you ignored me. This is what happens when boys try to play with the men," she shook her head.

"Aveline, did the guard get the whole ring?" Gavin asked his friend.

"No, the leaders got away," she answsered.

"Which means that they'll come looking for him to collect what he owes," Fenris said heavily.

"How much do you owe them Carver?" Gavin turned to his brother.

"A little over ten sovereigns," he answered and saw everyone staring at him in shock. "I kept thinking my luck would turn around!" he cried, begging for understanding.

Gavin closed his eyes with a groan. There went the money for the expedition. Now he was going to have to find even more jobs to cover the loss. "Isabela, do you think you can find the people Carver owes?"

"Yeah, no problem," the pirate queen shrugged. "Why?"

"When you do, I want you to tell them that I will pay Carver's debt and arrange a meeting with them," the mage told her. He turned to the dwarf, "Varric, we're going to have to find some more jobs, would you look into it for me?"

"Sure Hawke," the dwarf nodded, glaring at the younger sibling.

"What about Carver?" Aveline asked. "I've covered for him a couple times already. I can't keep doing it, Hawke. I'll lose my post and then the entire guard will suffer."

"Don't worry about that," Gavin growled. "He won't be causing you anymore trouble."

"I didn't ask for your help brother, I can handle my own affairs," Carver snapped angrily as he jumped to his feet.

Gavin growled and then hauled off and punched his brother in the face, sending him flying backwards to land on his ass in front of the fire. "You stupid, selfish, little shit! You could have ended up in the Gallows awaiting trial for this stunt you pulled. Smugglers hang for their crimes idiot. If that happened to you what do you think it would do to mother?"

Carver looked away, holding his nose, "I think you broke my nose."

"You're lucky that's all that I broke," Gavin growled. "I've had it with your petulance and your childish behavior. I'm taking you home and I'm going to tell mother about this."

"You can't do that!" Caver complained, getting to his feet.

"You've left me no choice Carver," Gavin shouted angrily. "You've done nothing but whine and complain about everything since the day we arrived in this city. You've made no effort to help mother or me with keeping a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and clothes on our backs. You've taken no responsibility for yourself or your actions. Now, because of you, I'm going to have to push back the expedition to the Deep Roads. I can't trust you to stay out of trouble so I'm going to have to tell mother and Gamlen to keep an eye on you. She's going to want to know why."

"You can't treat me like a prisoner brother," Carver said furiously.

"My patience is at an end Carver," he retorted. "It's either this or the Gallows. I promise you, I will turn you over myself and deal with mother after the fact." He waited for Carver to say something else but the boy simply glared and then turned his back to him.

"Fenris, I want you to come with us, just in case we run into trouble along the way," Gavin turned to the elf.

"Of course Hawke," the elf nodded. He approved of Hawke's decision and let him know that. "I know you don't want to do this, but it is the best for all concerned."

"Let's go Caver," Gavin motioned his brother to the door.

Isabela stepped aside and then shook her head when Carver cast a pleading look her way. She liked the kid, but she wasn't about to cross Hawke in this matter. She learned long ago not to get involved in personal family matters. "Maybe next time you'll listen when I tell you something."

"What a mess," Varric sighed after the three men had left.

"Hey, the kid brought it on himself," Isabela shrugged. "Look, I can ask around and see if anyone's got an odd job or two that Hawke can handle."

"Yeah, that'd be a big help," the dwarf nodded. "Even with all the trouble makers in this city, there ain't exactly a shit load of jobs now. Hawke's done a pretty good job cleaning up some of the messes."

"So, what's going on between him and the elf?" the pirate queen asked as she took a seat at the table.

"What do you mean?" Varric looked up in surprise.

"You haven't noticed the way those two have been looking at each other lately?" Isabela smirked. "I've suspected for a long time that Hawke was in to men, and I think that he's got the hots for Fenris."

"Huh, you would be the one to notice such things," Varric smirked at her.

"Well, I think we should keep an eye on the situation," she stated matter of factly. "I think they'd make a cute couple, don't you?"

"Isabela, don't go there, please," the dwarf held up his hands. "Now scoot, I got work to do."

"Fine, fine, but this conversation is not finished," Isabela laughed and left.

Varric shook his head, muttering about humans and their damn complications. He only hoped that this whole mess with Carver didn't put them back to much. Time was running out.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Gavin knocked on Jethann's door and waited impatiently for an answer. After a minute or so with no response, he knocked harder thinking that perhaps the elf was asleep. After another minute passed, he figured that there was no one home. Growling in frustration, he paced back and forth in the hall. It had been a horrible week and he desperately needed someone to talk with, someone who wouldn't judge him or tell him he was wrong. Sighing, he sank to the floor opposite the door, wrapping his arms around his knees, his head coming to rest between them. He would wait here for as long as possible. He didn't really feel like being anywhere else right now.

Jethann returned from shopping to find the mage waiting for him. From the look of things, it seemed that the mage was upset and possibly looking to talk. He came to a stop in front of him, "Gavin?"

Gavin looked up in relief and jumped to his feet. "I'm glad you're back. Have you got some free time? I really need to talk with someone."

Jethann saw the red rimmed eyes and heard the strain in the voice and knew this would be no simple conversation. "I have nothing pressing to attend to," he replied softly and turned to unlock his door. Pushing it open, he motioned the mage to proceed him.

Gavin went and sat in one of the chairs and silently watched as the elf put away his purchases. "I hope you don't mind me just showing up here. You did say I could come back anytime."

"I don't mind," Jethann smiled at him. "You're a very handsome man and could have your pick of companions. I'm flattered that I rate so highly." He chuckled quietly at the blush that appeared on the mage's cheeks. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

Gavin slowly began to explain about the jobs he'd been doing to raise money for the expedition. As he talked, he got to his feet and began to pace. He explained about the dangers and the problems, about avoiding templars and dodging the Coterie. As he began to talk about Carver and what had happened, he started talking louder and pacing faster. Suddenly, he stopped and yelled, "He has done nothing but cause me problems, yet everyone seems to blame me, including my mother!"

Jethann said nothing for a minute, trying to process the huge amount of information that was just dumped on him. Finally he asked, "What do you mean by everyone blames you? I can't see how it's all your fault."

"Mother thinks I was too hard on Carver," Gavin growled. "He's her baby and she's been overly protective of him since our sister Bethany, his twin, died."

"How did your sister die?" the elf asked softly.

"You heard about the Blight that threatened Ferelden a couple of years ago?" the mage asked and saw him nod. "Well, our family lived in Lothering then and we fled when they neared us. Carver had gone to join the army in Ostagar, and he barely made it out alive. He arrived just ahead of the hoarde and we barely got out of town with little more than the clothes on our backs. While trying to escape them, Bethany was killed by an ogre. For a long time, my mother and brother held me accountable, accusing me of not doing enough to protect her."

"What about your father?" Jethann asked softly, fascinated by the story unfolding here.

"He died three years prior to that," Gavin sighed. "He told me to look after the family."

"So, you decided to come to Kirkwall after fleeing Ferelden," the elf stated.

"No, my mother wanted to come here," Gavin shook his head. "We had an estate she said and family. Turned out that the only family we had left was Gamlen and that he'd sold the estate to cover a debt. If I'd known that ahead of time, I would never have come to this city. It's not exactly the safest place for an refugee apostate."

"It sounds like you've born the brunt of the responsibility and blame for your family's troubles," Jethann said after a long silence. "I must say, that I think you did the right thing with your brother. The Knight-Commander has been cracking down on smugglers and slavers. They do get a trial, but it's little more than a formality. They're always found guilty and they're always sentenced to hang. There's no distinction made between the leaders and their underlings, all are treated the same. I think Carver being hung would have been worse for your mother to deal with."

"I've explained all that to them, yet still they insist on treating me like dirt," Gavin said in frustration. "Even my uncle has been giving me grief about, telling me I'm being too selfish."

Jethann knew just what to do to help the mage feel better. "Come with me," he said, holding out his hand.

"Where?" Gavin asked even as he took the hand.

"I'm going to give you a nice, long massage," the elf led him into the bedroom. "Take off all your clothes and lie on the bed on your stomach." He stepped back to watch the show.

"You just want to see me naked," Gavin said, a slight smile coming to his face.

"True, but I think the massage will help as well," the elf laughed softly. Once Gavin had complied, he opened a bedside table drawer and removed a bottle of lavender scented oil. Then, he removed his own clothes and climbed on top of the man in his bed.

"I thought you were going to give me a back rub," the mage said in amusement.

"You're so big that it's easier for me to do it from here. And it's more comfortable and enjoyable without clothes getting in the way," Jethann retorted, a mischievous smile curving his lips. He unstoppered the bottle and poured the oil into his palms, breathing deeply as the scent filled the room. He saw Gavin breath deeply as well. "Lavender is useful for it's soothing and relaxing properties."

Gavin closed his eyes as the elf began to massage him, starting at his shoulders. The elf's hands were soft, but firm, and felt really good on him. He sighed softly as the tension in his body slowly began to disappear. He was silent except for an occasional groan as the elf found a particularly knotted muscle.

"Your muscles are as tight as bowstrings," Jethann said quietly. "You need to stop letting what others think bother you so much. You've done everything humanly possible to protect and care for your family. If they can't see that, then that's their problem. Don't make it yours. One day, they will realize all that you've done for them and will be appreciative of your efforts."

"But, I live with them in that small hovel Gamlen calls a house," Gavin protested softly. "It's kinda hard to ignore it."

"Then don't stay there," Jethann shrugged. "Surely one of your friends will let you stay with them. And if not, then you can stay with me."

"I wouldn't want to impose," Gavin murmured, feeling sleepy all of a sudden.

"You wouldn't be," the elf soothed. "Think about it." Getting nothing but a grunt in reply, he smiled to himself. The poor man obviously hadn't gotten much sleep lately if he was already dozing off. He continued the massage even though his client was falling asleep.

Sometime later, Gavin slowly came awake and realized he was still lying face down on Jethann's bed. He slowly became aware that the elf was lying beside him, watching him. "Sorry, have I been asleep long?"

"Only a couple of hours, but you needed it," Jethann shrugged.

Gavin lifted a hand to touch the elf's cheek, "Did you mean what you said about staying here if I needed to?"

Jethann nodded, "I like you Gavin. A lot more than I should I suppose, but I can't help it. Besides, if you're sleeping here, then I get the opportunity to ravish you anytime I want," he finished with a wicked grin.

"Devious minx," Gavin laughed softly. "I suppose letting you have your way with me is a small price to pay for getting a good night's sleep."

"Well, having rampant sex is a good way to insure that you do sleep," the elf smiled at him.

Leaning forward, Gavin caught the elf's mouth with his own. The kiss was intense but gentle, as much a thank you as a promise of more. He drew Jethann down on top of him, deepening the kiss as his hands roamed over the smooth skin. Finally, he drew back. "Thank you, for being here," he whispered.

"Anytime Gavin," Jethann said softly, then grinned wickedly. "Now, if you're rested enough, how about some of that rampant sex we were talking about?"

"Your wish is my command," Gavin chuckled and pushed him onto his back, straddling him. He wanted to show his appreciation for all that Jethann had done for him. He gently trailed his fingers down the elf's chest to tease his nipples, smiling at the groan that produced. Leaning forward, he softly kissed along the other's jaw and then nibbled down his neck and then to his chest, pausing to flick his tongue across first one nipple and then the other.

Jethann lay there moaning softly at this unexpected pleasure. He couldn't remember the last time someone had thought of him, of his wants and needs. He could definitely get used to it, for however long it lasted. He knew that he was just a diversion for the mage, that another elf had a claim to him. But, for now, Gavin was here with him and he was going to enjoy every minute. His mind suddenly went blank as he felt Gavin's warm mouth surround his cock, groaning loudly in pleasure. "Maker, your mouth feels wonderful."

Gavin ran his tongue down and then up Jethann's cock, pausing to suck gently on the head with each pass. At the same time, he slipped a hand down between the elf's nether cheeks to tease at his hole with a finger. When he felt the elf getting close to release, he eased off a little before resuming. Soon, Jethann was writhing and moaning on the bed, begging him to let him come. Finally, he engulfed the elf's cock and sucked hard, bobbing his head up and down in a steady ryhthym. At the same time, he slipped his finger inside and wiggled it around to find the elf's prostate. He knew he found it when Jethann suddenly bucked upward and cried out. He worked him furiously and was soon rewarded with a mouthful of come and the cry of his name.

Jethann collapsed back on the bed utterly spent. He felt like there was something he should do, but couldn't seem to find the will to move. He opened his eyes as he felt Gavin shift above him and looked up to see the mage smiling down at him. "That was wonderful," he whispered.

Gavin's smile widened at that. His own cock was demanding release but he ignored it. "I don't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. I'm happy you enjoyed it."

"Honey, you're a natural at sucking cock," the elf stated, chuckling as the mage blushed. "If you ever get tired of playing the hero and trying to solve everyone's problems, you could make a fortune as a courtesan."

"I don't know about that," Gavin shrugged, feeling his face get hotter. "I just wanted to do something special for you, that's all."

"Thank you," Jethann smiled and then sat up and pushed the mage onto his back. "Now, let me show you how a real professional does things," he said, smiling wickedly. "You're in for a long night."

Gavin just laughed and shook his head. "Do with me as you wish."

"I will, count on it," the elf chuckled and proceeded to do just that.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Hey Broody, you home?" Varric shouted as he slammed the door closed behind him and headed for the stairs to the second floor where the elf could usually be found.

Fenris looked up from the armor he was cleaning as he heard the dwarf stomping towards him. Sighing, he placed the cleaning rag to one side and sat back in his chair. He had a pretty good idea why Varric was here and wasn't looking forward to the conversation.

"There you are," Varric stated the obvious.

"Where else would I be?" the elf queried. "If you're looking for Hawke, he's not here right now."

"Damn and blast," the dwarf growled as he flung himself into a chair opposite his friend. "He hasn't been home in almost a week. His mother's worried about him."

"Did she tell you why he hasn't been home?" Fenris cocked his head. Seeing the dwarf shake his head he frowned. "Ever since he basically grounded his brother, they've been giving him a hard time. He told them he wouldn't stay there if they were going to treat him that way."

"Why would his mother give him grief about that?" the dwarf frowned. "Surely having him there is better than watching him hang."

"Well, apparently she feels that Hawke should be a little more forgiving," the elf said sarcastically. "His uncle's no better. Carver has his mother convinced that it was all a misunderstanding and that Hawke overreacted."

"I don't understand how she can believe anything that boy says anymore," Varric shook his head.

"Hawke told me that mother's are like that," Fenris retorted. "They tend to have a blind eye when it comes to their children."

"Well, whatever," the dwarf shrugged. "She asked me to find Hawke and tell him to come home. I take it he's been staying here?"

"Not every night," Fenris answered. "And before you ask, I don't know where he spent those other nights. But, until his family realizes that he's not the bad guy in this situation, Hawke has no intention of returning home."

"Well, if you see him, tell him that I've got a lead on a job for him," Varric said as he stood up. "There's a merchant in Hightown by the name of Hubert. Says he's looking for help and willing to pay handsomely. Also, Merrill came to me and asked me to ask Hawke for help."

"Why would that blood mage need his help?" Fenris asked, his lip curling in disgust.

"She's not a bad person Fenris, don't condemn her just because of her foolishness," Varric said curtly.

"Whether she's good or bad is irrelevant," the elf snorted. "She consorted with demons and nothing good ever comes of that. Worse, she naively thinks she's the one in control. That makes her foolish and dangerous."

"Look, she told me that a woman in the Alienage is in trouble," the dwarf sighed. "She merely wants to see if Hawke can do anything to help. Pass the message on and have him come see me with his answer."

"Fine," Fenris growled.

"Okay, see you later."

Fenris watched Varric walk away, a frown on his face. Even though Hawke didn't trust the dalish girl, the man had a generous and kind heart. He wouldn't turn his back on someone he knew was in trouble, regardless of the danger involved. He was unlike any other mage Fenris had encountered in his life. Hawke didn't seek power, wealth, or fame. He didn't even use his magic if he didn't absolutely have to, something the elf thought no mage would ever do. In Tevinter, power meant prestige and the magisters greedily sought it and used their magic with no restraint whatsoever.

Even here in Kirkwall, the mages running around the city used their power all the time to serve their own ends. Not one mage he'd ever met had ever used their power to help others until Hawke. Even Anders couldn't claim the same, regardless of how many of the poor he healed. Even though the mage despised blood magic, he would cheerfully turn a blind eye to it if it meant that templars died as a result. Nothing was too much if it furthered the cause of freedom for mages.

Hawke was an amazing man, Fenris admitted to himself. He was brave, kind, thoughtful, and patient. He was also very attractive, to both men and women. Did he find the mage attractive? Yes, he did. Did he like the mage personally? Yes. As he acknowledge these facts he wondered at it. Not long ago he would have scoffed at the suggestion that he could not only like a mage, but also be attracted to one. It had been so long since he'd been attracted to anyone, male or female, that he had no idea what to do about. He had no memory of his past, so he couldn't fall back on prior experience. Emersed in his thoughts, he never heard Hawke enter the room.

Gavin stood silently for a moment in the doorway watching the elf staring into the fire. It seemed Fenris was unaware he was there and so he took the opportunity to ogle the elf, something he rarely got to do. The lean, muscular body. The graceful arch to the eyebrows. The lyrium brands on his body seemed to glow in the light of the fire. The mage's pulse raced and he had to struggle to control his breathing at the mere sight of the elf. He knew that his heart belonged to Fenris, to do with as he wished. Did the elf feel anything for him? Unbidden, an image of Jethann popped into his head and he felt a little twinge of guilt. The courtesan was coming to care for him, had even admitted that he did. But, there could be nothing more than friendship between them. Was it right for him to keep seeing Jethann when what he really wanted was to be with Fenris? That question had no answer so he pushed it aside for the time being.

"You look troubled Fenris," he stated softly, entering the room to take the chair opposite the elf.

"Hawke, I didn't hear you come in," Fenris started at the mage's sudden appearance.

"I noticed," Gavin smiled, holding the other's gaze until the elf looked away. "You were deep in thought about something. Is everything all right?"

"Yes..no..," the elf hesitated. Looking up at the mage, he saw the man waiting patiently, and decided to start with the easy part. "Varric came by today, he's got a lead on a job for us."

Gavin didn't think Fenris realized he automatically included himself and smiled inwardly. The elf may not be ready to hear a declaration of undying love, but he did consider himself an important part of Gavin's life. "What's the job?"

"A merchant by the name of Hubert is supposedly looking to hire quality help and paying handsomely for it," the elf told him. "Varric didn't say what the job was."

"Well, it's not like we can be too picky about what we do," Gavin said thoughtfully. "This is the first opportunity to come our way since paying off those smugglers to get them off Carver's back."

"Varric also said your mother wants you to come home," Fenris said softly and saw the mage stiffen. He waived his hand, "I told him that wasn't going to happen and to pass the message on to her."

"She wants me to make peace with Carver and I won't," Gavin said with a frown. "She can't keep treating him like a little boy and excusing his actions. I keep wondering if Bethany had lived if things would be different now. I don't know what effect the loss of his twin had on Carver, but mother has been extra clingy since that day."

"She lost her daughter and her home," Fenris observed. "Maybe she's simply afraid she's going to lose you and Carver too."

"Well, she needs to get over it," Gavin said stubbornly. "She's only making things worse at home. Maker, I wish that we hadn't come to this wretched city."

"You know what they say, if wishes were horses-," Fenris said, a smile curving his lips.

"Beggars would ride," Gavin finished with a chuckle.

"Seriously though Hawke, you could be worse off," Fenris said softly. "At least you have a family and a home. Many in your situation aren't so lucky." He waited for some kind of response, but didn't get any. "At least do me the favor of checking in with her sometime. I don't need Varric pounding on my door looking for you."

"I planned on stopping by there later on to drop off some food for them," Gavin nodded. "Is it alright if I come back here to sleep?"

"Of course," Fenris nodded. He wanted to ask where else the mage was spending his nights but decided that was too personal a question.

"Was that all that was bothering you?" Gavin asked and saw the elf shift uncomfortably.

"Varric also had a message from Merrill for you," Fenris replied.

"What does she want?" Gavin asked, suspicion coloring his words.

"Apparently someone she knows in the Alienage needs help, your help to be exact," the elf told him. "Whether that's true or not, I don't know."

"I know that Varric feels sorry for her and has been looking out for her," the mage said quietly. "He told me that she's feeling lost and alone. I think he expected me to feel sympathetic because I'm a mage and a refugee to boot. Needless to say he was disappointed."

"He's a dwarf," Fenris shrugged. "They know nothing about magic and don't understand the dangers involved. All he sees is a naive girl with no friends and no family."

"She made a conscious decision to practice blood magic," Gavin said harshly. "Now she has to face the consequences of her actions. " He was silent for a few minutes before speaking again, "However, if there is another person who needs help, then the least I can do is look into it. You'll come with me won't you?"

"I'll be there to watch your back," Fenris nodded.

"Good," Gavin nodded. "If it's a trick on her part, at least I won't be facing her alone."

"He seems to think that she's harmless," the elf shook his head, unable to fathom it.

"My father told me long ago that no good ever came from dealing with any kind of spirit, demon or otherwise," Gavin told him. "He said that creatures of the Fade, whether noble or evil, were so different from us that dealing with them was dangerous, even for an experienced mage. Did you know that there's a class of mage known as Spirit Healers?"

"No, what are they?" Fenris cocked his head.

"Spirit Healers draw power from the "good" spirits of the fade. That power enables them to heal the most serious, even life threatening, wounds and injuries," the mage elaborated. "However, to do so requires an open channel to the Fade, basically a bridge between there and our world. It is dangerous and so those with the ability are among the most closely watched and guarded."

"Anders did say that there were spirits that embody our virtues, but I didn't really believe him," the elf snorted.

"Well, it's true," Gavin nodded. "But, it is never a good idea to deal openly with any spirit of the fade. Mankind is riddled with sin and we are the ones who define the relationship. Demons seek us out because we, as a whole, have the qualities they look for: desire, greed, envy and so forth. Good spirits don't seek us because we have nothing to offer them. They will help in certain situations, but otherwise they ignore us. Anders and Justice is a unique situtaion, one that is unlikely to occur again. But, it's not a natural one and I fear that it will end badly for them both."

"Your father apparently was a very wise and knowledgable man," Fenris said quietly.

"Some days I really miss him," Gavin looked down at his hands. "He would have known how to handle Carver and mother. He always seemed to know exactly what to do in any situation."

Fenris heard the sadness in the mage's voice and suddenly felt an overpowering need to offer comfort. He pushed down the impulse to get up and go over to Gavin. Instead he said, "At least you can remember him and draw upon what he's taught you. Some days, I find myself wondering what my family was like and cursing Denarius for performing the ritual that stripped my memories of them."

"I hope that you get your memory back someday," Gavin said earnestly. "I can't imagine what it must be like to not know."

"Whether I do or not, it's no matter," Fenris shrugged it off. "Maybe my past is such that I would be better off not knowing. I can live with it, most days."

The two fell silent staring into the fire, each lost in their thoughts. Finally Gavin stirred and then stood up. "The Hightown market should be open for a couple more hours. Why don't we go find this Hubert fellow and see what he's offering."

"Good idea," Fenris nodded, getting to his feet as well. "I need to pick up some more wine and Hightown has the best selections."

"And I should see about food and things for the family," Gavin said as he preceded the elf out of the room and down to the front door. "But, after I drop them off I would like to come back here for the night. If that's alright with you?" he added quickly.

"You already asked that and I already said yes," Fenris chuckled softly. "I'll pick up a couple of extra bottles so we don't run out too soon."


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Gavin stood resolute as he watched the templars escort Feynriel inside the Circle Tower. The boy's mother had stated that this was her wish and he saw it through, despite angry protests from Merrill and Anders. As the half-elven boy reached the doors, he cast one last look back. The anger in his eyes was expected, but the contempt was not. Gavin felt a wave of guilt wash over him, for the umpteenth time. With a low growl, he turned and walked swiftly towards the gate to the Merchant quarter. He heard Fenris and Varric running to catch up but didn't lessen his stride.

"You did the right thing Hawke," the elven warrior panted out as he fell into step beside the mage.

"I keep telling myself that," Gavin replied. "Maybe one day I'll come to believe it."

"Hawke, Anders is wrong," Fenris snarled. "He's blinded by his hatred for the circle and the templars who guard it. He totally ignored the fact that demons were already tempting the boy in his dreams. That untrained boy mage would never be able to resist their temptations, you know that even if he doesn't."

"The elf's right," Varric gasped out, struggling to keep up with the human's long strides. "Anders is a bloody lunatic. Don't take anything he says seriously."

"And Merrill?" Gavin eyed the dwarf. "You've championed her cause, taken her side. Is she wrong too?"

"Merrill's just angry that you wouldn't let the boy go to her people," the dwarf shrugged. "She thinks the sun rises and sets on the Dalish."

"Hawke, Merrill left her clan because she believed the Keeper to be wrong and pursued her blood magic anyway," Fenris told him. "To then turn around and insist that the Keeper can help train the boy puts the lie to that belief. She's a fool and a hypocrite," he finished with contempt.

Gavin sighed and then rubbed his temples. He was getting another bloody headache. "Look, I don't want to discuss this anymore. We've been arguing about this all the way from the coast to here. You, Merrill, Anders, you've all said your peace. Just drop it," he snapped. He paused beside a fruit vendor and turned to his two companions with a sigh, "I'm sorry. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but right now I just want to be left alone. Please."

Fenris and Varric glanced at each other and then shrugged. "Okay Hawke," the elf said softly. "You know where to find us if you need us." He turned away to head towards the crumbling mansion that he called home.

Varric hesitated a moment before nodding at the mage and turning to head to the Hanged Man. He didn't like leaving Hawke alone when he was in such a mood, but staying wouldn't help. He briefly toyed with the idea of going to find Anders and giving him a thrashing. Then he shook his head as he realized how much of a waste of his time that would be. The healer mage was crazy and there was no reasoning with crazy people.

Gavin waited until they were gone and then sighed with relief. He needed time alone to think the whole mess through and those two weren't helping, though he appreciated their efforts. As he walked around the market idly looking at the goods for sale, he couldn't help but recall the look in Feynriel's eyes. It was the contempt in the boy's eyes that bothered him the most. He saw an empty bench in the middle of the square and sat down putting his head in his hands.

He understood why the boy would feel that way. He was a mage who had lived his whole life free of the circle. He knew that he would hate to be locked up and yet he had readily turned the boy over to suffer just that. It was only because of the sacrifice of his parents that he and Bethany had been able to have a somewhat normal life and be just like any other child. But, his father had been a mage and had been able to train them. There was no one who could help the boy in the same manner.

As for the Dalish, well Merrill was a fool to think the boy could just join them and everything would be okay. The boy was half-human and they were looked upon with the same scorn as a full blooded human would be. And once they learned that he heard demons in his sleep, they would be fearful as well. The boy would most likely end up the victim of an unfortunate 'accident' or something.

The safest and best place for the boy was the circle, he told himself again. Yet, even as he tried to convince himself of that fact, he couldn't keep from feeling like a hypocrite. If he was going to turn mages over to the templars, he should treat them all the same and turn over his companions as well. After all, one was a blood mage and the other was an abomination. Until now, he told himself it wasn't his place to do so. He growled angrily and jumped to his feet.

In a fog, he wandered aimlessly, oblivious to the fact that night was starting to fall. The streets of Kirkwall weren't safe to roam alone after dark, a fact that completely slipped his mind. It wasn't until he was grabbed from behind and shoved against a wall that he remembered that fact. He was much bigger than his assailant and he shoved the man off him and turned around. Before he could do anything else, something hit him upside the head. He staggered back as pain exploded in his skull and warm blood gushed down the side of his face. He began to prepare himself to use his magic to teach the thugs a lesson and then stopped. Maybe he deserved this.

Fenris was sitting and staring silently into the fire when Fang suddenly rose to his feet barking and growling. He watched in surprise as the dog rushed out of the room, down the stairs and headed for the front door. He got up and hurried after him. He found the dog growling and scratching at the door as if trying to open it. Curious, he opened the door and followed the dog outside onto the streets.

Fang ran fast but silently across the sqare, the elf hurrying after him. He saw the dog suddenly howl in rage and charge right into the middle of a group of half a dozen men. Drawing his sword, he waded into the middle of it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a crumpled shape moaning on the ground. Somehow, the dog had sensed that there was trouble and charged to the rescue. In short order, he and the dog had either killed or driven off the thugs.

Turning to the figure, he saw the dog was pawing at it and whimpering. Bending down beside the body, he reached out and turned it over, gasping when he saw who it was, "Hawke?"

Gavin opened his eyes with a groan to see Fenris and Fang. "How-"

"Your dog went nuts," Fenris explained. "Can you stand?"

"I think so," Gavin gasped out and slowly got up, leaning heavily on the elf.

Fenris turned and led him back towards his mansion. "It's uncanny how Fang seems to always know when you're in trouble."

"He's a good dog," Gavin mumbled, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

Fenris said nothing more until he had gotten Hawke inside and into a bed. He turned to the dog, "Go get Anders." The dog barked once and ran back out the door. Going to it, he closed it and then went to the kitchen to draw some water and put it on the fire. Then he went and sat beside Hawke.

"Thank you," Gavin whispered. Maker, he hurt all over.

Fenris nodded, "Just rest now." He didn't want the mage to exert himself. As they silently waited for the healer, the elf studied the man lying on the bed. Finally, he couldn't keep from saying, "It looks like you didn't fight back. Why?"

Gavin didn't say anything for a while, not quite sure of the answer himself. Finally, seeing the elf waiting patiently for an answer, he struggled to express his feelings. "I'd been thinking all day about how I've looked the other way as Anders and Merrill went about their lives freely, even if in secret. I've never been locked up and never even considered turning myself over to the circle. Yet I blithely handed Feynriel over to them. If that's not hypocritical, I don't know what is. I guess I felt I deserved this."

Hearing a gasp behind him, Fenris turned and saw Anders standing in the doorway, a distraught look on his face. He got to his feet and angrily faced the mage, "This is your fault."

"Hawke, no one deserves to be beaten up, you least of all," the healer hurried to the bed. "You're an example of the best of us. I'm sorry I've made you feel so badly. I just get so angry sometimes and say things I don't really mean."

"Maybe next time you'll think before you open your mouth," Fenris growled. "Heal him and then leave my home."

Gavin didn't have the energy to argue with them and lay back, closing his eyes, allowing the healer to work in silence. Anders was an idiot, but he wasn't a mean person. The distress in the healer's voice was enough to convince him of the sincerity of his words. Fenris wouldn't be so forgiving he thought wryly. He groaned in relief as he felt his ribs mending and the bruises and cuts on his face and body fading away.

Anders sagged in exhaustion for a moment when he finished before getting unsteadily to his feet. "The worst of the damage has been repaired. A day's bed rest should see you back to normal."

Gavin grabbed Anders' hand as he turned to leave, "You need to rest yourself. Stay here for a few hours and get your strength back." He saw Fenris about to protest and shook his head slightly.

Anders glanced between them and hesitated, "If you're sure-"

"There's another bedroom at the other end of the corridor," Fenris said reluctantly, nodding his head towards the door. He waited until Anders had left and then moved next to the bed. "I put some water on to heat up. I'll go get it and we'll get you cleaned up and into some clean clothes."

As the elf turned to go, Gavin reached out a hand to stop him. "Thank you, for everything," he said sincerely. "It means a lot to me."

"What are friends for?" Fenris asked, a rare smile curving his lips. "Now lie back and rest."

Gavin watched him go and then lay back and closed his eyes. He felt a cold nose push against his neck and opened his eyes again, smiling at Fang. "I'm okay boy, thanks to you." He chuckled as the dog barked and gave him a look that seemed to say 'of course'. "A man couldn't ask for better friends than you and Fenris. You're both special to me."

Fenris stood silently on the other side of the door, taking in what Hawke had said. There was something in the mage's voice that told him the words meant a whole lot more. He felt a warm feeling wash over him. He knew how much Hawke cared for his mabari. That the mage considered him just as important a part of his life as the dog was almost overwhelming. No one had ever valued him so highly. He made a promise to himself then and there to be worthy of such faith.

"Okay, let's get you clean and then I'll make us something to eat," he said aloud as he entered the room. There would be time later on to ponder his relationship with Hawke.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Fenris sat in front of the campfire watching Hawke as the mage honed and polished his daggers. They were on their way to the Bone Pit to see what the trouble was. It was three days since the attack and Hawke seemed to be back to his normal self. But the elf was troubled although he wasn't sure why. Something seemed off about the mage.

"Okay Hawke, let's see how good you are with those," Isabela said as she got to her feet. "Come on," she bent down and took the mage's arm to pull him to his feet.

Gavin sighed as he followed the pirate to a clear space a few meters away. When Isabela got an idea in her head, there was nothing to do but go along with it. The woman could be damned persistant.

"Okay Fenris, what's wrong?" Aveline said as soon as the others were out of earshot. She saw the elf shrug and go back to poking at the fire. "You're not the biggest talker in the group, but you've been more silent than usual. And you've been watching our leader like a hawk, no pun intended."

"I don't know exactly," Fenris said hesitantly.

"Come on Fenris," Aveline said firmly. "Hawke has brought everyone except his brother and Merrill on this little jaunt. He's never done that before."

Fenris glanced around and saw that Anders had moved away from them and was busy reading some kind of book. Lowering his voice, he related to Aveline the events that preceded their trip. "He has seemed unsure of himself since then."

"Well, we are going to a place that has a very bad reputation with no idea of what we're facing," Varric put forth, seeming to feel that was explanation enough.

"True, but to bring along two warriors and two rogues?" Aveline asked. "When he asked me, he didn't tell me all of you were coming along as well. When I confronted him and told him that I didn't think it was necessary to bring all of us, he replied that he didn't feel comfortable going with a smaller group."

Fenris shook his head, perplexed at the situation. He looked to where Hawke and Isabela were sparring. It still amazed him at how fluid and graceful Hawke was for such a big man. Watching the two of them was like watching an elaborate dance of some kind. He suddenly found himself wondering what kind of moves Hawke would have in bed and drew in a sharp breath. Where had that come from? He shook his head to clear it and turned his gaze to the fire.

Isabela stopped sparring suddenly and held up her hand, "Hawke, your mind seems to be elsewhere tonight. Trust me, that's not a good thing when you're sparring."

"Sorry, let's just call it quits," Gavin muttered. He turned away, whistling for Fang to follow him, and headed towards the edge of the clearing they were in. "I'll take first watch. The rest of you can decide who and in what order you'll go."

Isabela frowned and headed back to the fire, plopping herself down in front of it. "Okay, there's something seriously wrong with Hawke."

"Why do you say that?" Aveline asked.

"When you fight someone, whether it's in practice or real combat, if you hesitate you get hurt," Isabela frowned at her. "He seemed to be second guessing his moves and actions."

Fenris narrowed his eyes at her, "Are you sure about this?" When the pirate nodded he sighed and shook his head. "So, it wasn't my imagination. His confidence has been damaged."

"How did that happen?" Isabela asked sharply.

Fenris told her briefly about the trouble with Feynriel and the other two mages. "I just don't know what we can do to change things."

"So why did he bring Anders along then, for comic relief?" Isabela sarcastically asked.

"Hawke can heal, but Anders is much better at it," Varric answered. "Given what I've heard about the Bone Pit, we might very well need a dedicated healer."

Aveline looked to where Hawke was sitting on a slight rise, his dog laying quietly alert at his feet. "We're going into an unknown situation. We can't have him second guessing himself if it comes to a fight." She sat in thought for a few minutes before nodding firmly and getting to her feet. "I'm going to see if I can straighten him out a little. I know what it's like to have doubts and yet still have to lead others."

"Oh, before you go, Hawke said for us to decide on who will take watch," Isabela told her.

"Since Aveline is going to talk to him, she can take second watch," Fenris spoke up. "I'll take third watch We can switch up tomorrow night and then again the next night. It will take us a least four days to reach the Bone Pit, and each of us should share the responsibilities so none of us gets too tired. There is a dark cloud that hovers over the place and stories of dark deeds abound. I have a feeling that whatever is happening there, we're going to need to be on our toes."

Aveline walked up to Hawke, stooped to pet Fang, and then sat down on the mage's left. She said nothing for a while, wanting to gather her thoughts before speaking. Finally she turned to the mage and said, "According to Fenris, you've had a rather tough week."

Hawke absently fingered a cut on his face that hadn't quite healed fully as he shrugged, "I guess."

"The toughest time of my life was when I saw our forces at Ostagar crumble before the darkspawn horde," she said softly. "Loghain's betrayal cost so many good men and women their lives. I managed to escape and meet up with Wesley. I thought that as long as we were together that we could survive anything. But the horde moved faster than expected as you know. You found us and we fought our way through together. I never expected to lose my husband the way I did."

"I know, I felt the same when Bethany was killed by that Ogre," Gavin nodded. "She was so young and had her whole life ahead of her. It wasn't fair and I wanted nothing more than to just give up. But, I saw my mother and brother watching me and counting on me and so I kept going."

"I watched you too," Aveline told him. "So many times on our journey to Kirkwall I thought, 'What's the point?', and each time I looked at you. I saw the resolve in your face and it gave me the strength to keep going. I think if it wasn't for you that none of us would have made it. We would have given up."

"But you didn't," he pointed out.

"No, because you didn't give up and didn't let us do so either," she nodded. "Then, I was made Captain of the City Guard and had all this responsibility dropped onto my shoulders. There were many times that I sat at my desk and cried in frustration. There were many times when I doubted that I could do the job. Yet, I still had to go out and give orders to men and women who were counting on me to look after them. So, I hid my doubts and my fears and put on a brave and confident face."

"While I appreciate your confidence, I have to wonder why you're telling me all this," Gavin said, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Because you need to understand something," Aveline said firmly. "Leading people when things are good is easy. Leading people when things are bad is hard, and leading them when you doubt yourself is the hardest thing of all. Every leader has doubts at some point in their lives. What you have to do is hide your doubts, and show a confident face to those who follow you. Sometimes you'll make mistakes and it might cost people their lives. But, you have to learn from them and move forward and not make the same mistake twice."

"I can't help but keep thinking that I made a mistake sending Feynriel to the tower," Gavin said softly. "I mean, who am I to decide such a fate for a fellow mage?"

"According to Fenris, the boy was already being visited by demons in his sleep," Aveline retorted. "Wesley often told me of the dangers the Fade demons and spirits posed to even the most experienced mages. As an untrained mage, he would have been easily corrupted. He could not be left to his own devices. As the leader, you had to make a difficult choice between two courses of action and you made it and went through with it despite the objections of those around you. That is what a leader does."

"Yet, it still seems like I made the wrong decision," Gavin argued.

"That's my point," Aveline retorted. "It may or may not have been the wrong decision, but only time will tell if it was. It is done and can't be changed now. You have to move on. You can't let one decision, whether bad or good, color everything else you do. Accept what you did, acknowledge your doubt, and put it behind you."

Not having any response to that, Gavin sighed and looked up at the sky. He knew that she was right, but knowing and accepting were two different things. He was the leader and was responsible for those who followed him. What if the next decision he made cost a friend their life?

"You should go and get some rest Hawke," Aveline nudged him out of his thoughts. "But, before you go, let me just give you one more thing to think about. We are your friends and we are here to help you. Don't be afraid to ask for our advice if you feel you need it. A good leader knows to surround himself with capable people of varying talents. It enables him to get different perspectives on a situation, to see a bigger picture. This is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. When I need advice, or just feel a need to bounce ideas off someone, I seek out the Viscount or Seneshcal Bran, and sometimes I even go to the Chantry and talk with the Grand Cleric. On occasion I have even asked Donnic his opinion. Even though he is under my command, he has more knowledge of Kirkwall and those who live here than I do."

"I understand," Gavin nodded and then smiled at her. "I'm really glad now that you decided to come with me." He stood up and turned to head towards the fire and his bedroll.

"Hawke," Aveline called as she got to her feet. She waited until he turned to look at her before continuing. "I'm glad you asked me to come along too. I hadn't realized how much I needed a break from everything until today. Know that I will always be there for you, just as you were there for me."

Gavin nodded and then continued on, his step a little lighter than before.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Well, so far so good," Gavin said to the others. "We've managed to fight our way through all these dragonlings and not gotten ourselves killed. But, I have a gut feeling that our biggest challenge is waiting for us out on that ledge up ahead."

"I just hope it's not a high dragon," Varric muttered, wincing as Isabella tightened the bandage she was placing around his arm. "You've got all the finesse of a hack wench."

"Stop whining," she retorted, rolling her eyes. "It could be worse."

"Isabela, I want you to stay here with Varric and make sure nothing sneaks up behind us," Gavin had come to stand over them.

"I've come this far, I want to see it through," the dwarf complained.

"No," the mage said firmly, shaking his head. "With your arm injured, you won't be able to hold or aim your crossbow as well as you need to. The rest of us can handle what's ahead."

"And if it is a high dragon?" Isabela queried.

"Then we leave and tell Hubert he's out of luck," Gavin replied.

Fenris watched with approval at the way Hawke was handling things. Up until they had actually entered the mines, the mage had been constantly looking to him and Aveline for confirmation of his decisions. The further in they went and the more battles they fought, the less he had looked to them.

"Seems like he's got his confidence back," Aveline murmured.

"Yes," the elf nodded.

"So, what do you think are the odds of there being a high dragon waiting for us?"

Fenris turned to the guard captain, "Fair to good I would say. At the very least it will be a mature dragon. The sheer number of dragonlings and dragons we've faced so far pretty much guarantee it."

"And what do you think our chances are?" Aveline asked.

"Better than average," the elf said with conviction.

"You seem pretty confident of that," Gavin stated, having silently joined them. "Do you know anything about these dragons that could help?"

Fenris pursed his lips as he contemplated the question. "I was only involved in a fight with dragons once before. There is never more than one high dragon in any area, they are fiercely territorial. But in this instance, there were several mature dragons with her. The party I was with had several mages and dozens of foot soldiers. It took a long time, cost many their lives, and practically drained the mages of their powers, but we defeated them. The only thing I can be sure of is that elemental magic is not very effective."

"That doesn't sound good," Aveline said shakily. She knew that Hawke was very talented with elemental magic. "That limits what spells Hawke can use."

"I seriously doubt we will be facing such a group here," the elf said confidently. "The land around here is just unable to support a large group. However, as in most situations, brute force is often good enough to achieve victory. We just have to watch out for the dragon's fiery breath."

"I can shield the party from that for a short time if necessary," Anders said as he joined them.

"So, we should be capable of handling what's out there," Gavin stated and saw the elf nod. "Well then, let's get this over with." He turned to his fellow mage, "I want you to stay out of harm's way and shield us or heal us as necessary. We can't afford to lose you."

The four of them gathered themselves and headed for the exit to the ledge where the final dragon awaited them. Even though he rarely did it, Gavin sent a prayer to the maker that they would find only one beast. He didn't think they could handle more than that, and he would hate to have to go back and tell Hubert they had failed. He really needed the reward money the man was offering.

"Hollar if you need us," Isabela called out to their retreating backs. She shook her head, "I'm glad it's not me going out there. I'd rather face a pirate fleet than a bunch more of these dragons."

"Hopefully the broody elf is right and there's only one of them," Varric said worriedly.

Gavin was thinking the same thing as he stopped at the opening of the cave to look around. He could see a large, rocky outcrop extending for several meters in every direction. He cautiously stepped out and looked around. He could see no sign of any dragon, big or small. Moving further to his left, he suddenly realized that they were high up and that it was a sheer drop off the edge of the plateau.

"Not much room to maneuver out here," Aveline commented.

"We'll have to be extremely carful of where we step," Fenris said, shivering a little at the thought of plunging off the ledge.

"Oh goody, either the dragon will kill us or we'll plunge to our deaths," Anders said sarcastically. "I just love the wonderful places you bring us to Hawke."

Gavin shot the mage a quelling look, "Just stay back near the entrance of the cave and you'll be fine."

"And what about you?" Anders retorted. "I don't fancy taking the long trip back to Kirkwall by myself."

Fenris saw the brief doubt flash in Hawke's eyes and said firmly, "There's plenty of room for me to swing my sword and avoid the dragon. We'll be fine." He waited until Hawke had moved away before turning to Anders. "Keep your mouth shut mage or the dragon will be the least of your problems," he hissed.

Aveline glared at Anders as well before moving to follow Hawke. She'd barely gone two feet when a spout of flame singed the ground in front of her, forcing her to dodge to the side as a big dragon wheeled overhead. She looked up as a mature dragon landed with a heavy thump mere feet from her. She saw the dragon open its mouth again and threw her shield in front of her even though she knew it would not protect her fully from the flames. Just before they reached her, she felt something cool wrap around her and watched the fire stream harmlessly past. Looking around, she saw Anders nod and smiled her thanks.

"Anders, keep shielding her," Hawke shouted. "Aveline, try to keep the dragon focused on you. Fenris and I will handle the direct assault." He hoped that her heavy shield and armor would protect her from the dragon's physical blows long enough for him and the elf to kill the thing.

"Hawke, the underbelly and the neck are the only two really vulnerable spots on her," Fenris shouted.

Gavin nodded and darted forward under the dragon's sweeping tail in an attempt to stab at her belly. He saw Fenris out of the corner of his eye swinging his massive great sword, attempting to slash her neck. Neither of them were having much success as the dragon kept dodging and moving. After several minutes, he suddenly saw an opening and went for it, never seeing the dragon's rear leg moving in his direction. He felt a searing pain and found himself flying backwards, landing heavily at the edge. He felt himself starting to slip over and scrambled desperately for any kind of a handhold, finally latching onto a scraggly bush. Panting, he closed his eyes at the near miss and thanked the Maker he was still alive.

Aveline saw Hawke almost go over the side which caused her to take her eyes off the dragon. This was a mistake as the dragon's tail was sweeping in her direction. The next thing she knew was that her shield was gone and she herself was near the edge of the ledge. Cursing herself for her stupidity, she got to her knees and looked around. Anders was still at the cave entrance and Fenris was now facing the full fury of the dragon. She spotted her shield a few feet away and crawled quickly towards it. She had to get back in the fight.

Gavin realized that he'd dropped his daggers and now had no idea where they were. Studying the battle, he saw that nothing any of them were doing was having much effect on the dragon. The beast was moving around too much for anyone to get a good shot at her. He knew what he would have to do, but he was scared of doing it. He had no idea if he could control his magic well enough. However, if he didn't do something, they would all die here. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on calling the wild power that Force Mages relied upon, binding it to his will.

Opening his eyes, he focused on the dragon and reached out to grab her in an invisible grip, dragging her down and holding her in place. He felt the moment the dragon realized what was happening and her counter challenge almost broke his hold. Gritting his teeth, he focused the power even more and felt more than heard the bones in her wings snapping. The dragon roared in pain and anger and lashed out with her own magic in an attempt to free herself.

Gavin cried out as pain exploded in his skull. His eyes narrowed to slits, he ignored the pain and continued to focus his will on crushing the dragon. He saw that she was now grounded and unable to move. Finally Fenris was able to really attack her. Through tears of pain, he watched as the elf glowed blue and with a mighty stroke, cleaved the dragon's neck in two. The last thing he saw before darkness engulfed him was the dragon's life blood spilling over the ground.

Fenris and Aveline collapsed to the ground, panting in exhaustion. It may have only been one dragon, but it had put up a horrific fight. They heard Anders cry out "Hawke" and turned to see the mage running towards the man lying on the ground at the far side of the ledge. Getting to their feet, they staggered over in time to see Anders rolling Hawke onto his back.

They both gasped at the blood they saw covering their friend's face. "Is he alive?" Aveline asked.

Anders peeled back an eyelid and studied the pupil. "He's unconscious but alive."

"Is he injured?" Fenris knelt down beside them. "Where's the blood coming from?"

Anders opened his mouth to answer and then hesitated.

"What is it?" Aveline snapped.

"I've seen this kind of thing before," the healer answered reluctantly, knowing they weren't going to like his answer. "All the magic we do is governed by our will, which in turn is governed by our strength of mind. When a mage first begins to learn to use their power, they have to be monitored so that they don't try to do too much too soon. If they do, they can put a great strain on their mind which often results in crippling pain and bleeding from the nose as blood vessels rupture in the brain."

"Are you saying he's damaged his brain?" Fenris gasped in horror.

"I don't know for sure," Anders hastened to reassure him. "He's comatose right now and the blood is coming from his nose, both of which are indicators that Hawke's pushed his limits. Whether he went too far or not, I can't tell you. The only thing we can do is keep an eye on him and wait for him to wake up." He didn't add that if the damage was severe enough then Hawke would never wake up.

"I never imagined that using magic could do something like this," Aveline whispered, her stomach twisting in knots at the thought of Hawke being brain damaged.

"It only happens if the mage is untrained and not monitored," Anders told her.

"Hawke is a trained mage," Fenris pointed out.

"Not when it comes to his Force Magic," the healer shook his head. "He's told us how he didn't like to use it because he had a hard time controlling it. A mage needs extensive practice and training in order to use their magic safely and effectively. This battle forced Hawke to attempt something he's never done before. I hope he hasn't paid the ultimate price to save us," he finished in a near whisper.

Aveline stood up, "Let's go back to the others and find a safer place to make camp. Once we've done that Anders, I want you to do whatever you can to help him come back to us."

The others nodded and moved to lift Hawke from the ground. The slowly carried back into the cave to where Isabela and Varric waited. After briefly filling them in on the situation, they set out to find suitable camp site, hoping all the while that there were no more dragons waiting for them.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"It's been two days mage and Hawke is no better than before," Fenris snarled.

"You think I like seeing him like this?" Anders shouted in return. "I've done what I can."

"Have you? Or have you merely pretended to do so," the elf sneered, his voice heavy with suspicion.

"Why in the world would you think I wasn't doing my best for him?" Anders snapped.

"Because of that business with Feynriel," Fenris retorted. "This is your revenge for Hawke not handling the situation the way you wanted him to."

Anders just stared at him in shock. After several minutes of heavy silence he said quietly, "Not all mages are like Denarius, looking to harm or use others for their own twisted purpose. I can't bear to see anyone suffer, for any reason. If I could do more to help Hawke I would."

"Listen you two, arguing like this isn't helping matters," Varric jumped into the conversation. He turned to Fenris, "You may not like Anders broody, but you've got no right hurling such accusations at him."

"Fenris, you can't allow your hatred of Denarius to influence your every thought or action," Aveline said softly. "If you do, you will end up bitter and alone for the rest of your life."

Fenris glared at them and then turned away to go sit beside Hawke's bedroll once more. He couldn't explain to them why seeing the mage so helpless bothered him so much. He barely understood it himself. The only thing he knew for certain was that he cared for Hawke a lot more than he should. The idea that the mage might not ever wake up filled him with despair. He didn't remember anything of his life before Denarius' ritual. Hawke was the first and only friend he'd had since then.

Isabela sat stirring the stew on the fire, wisely keeping her opinion to herself. It was as plain as the nose on her face why Fenris was so upset. She'd seen the way the elf and Hawke looked at each other. She also knew that Hawke was gay and that he was head over heels in love with Fenris. She suspected that Fenris returned those feelings but was too scared to admit to it. She shook her head. This Denarius they mentioned must have been a real piece of work to have filled the elf with such anger and hate.

"Supper's ready," she called out. Picking up a bowl, she spooned some of the soup into it and brought it over to Fenris. The elf nodded his thanks and she returned to the fire.

"I don't know how he can still be so negative about mages after all the time he's spent in Hawke's company," Anders was saying.

"We don't know how long he was a slave in Tevinter," Aveline responded. "And we don't know how many atrocities he witnessed or even was forced to participate in."

"I've been to Tevinter several times," Isabela spoke up. "It's a profitable place for smugglers, pirates, and slavers. But, you have to be very careful in who you deal with there. Get on the wrong side of a magister and you can quickly find yourself in a dungeon being tortured into insanity."

"Sounds like hell on earth," Varric muttered.

"Many mages in Ferelden think that Tevinter is a much better place," Anders told them. "They think that if they can reach it that they would then have the freedom to live as they wished."

"Then they'd be in for a serious disappointment," Isabela snorted. "I've seen powerful magisters leading less powerful mages around on leashes. I've seen them force these mages to fight each other to the death just for their own amusement. In fact, there's even a place set up where the rich and powerful can go to watch these battles and place bets on them. The whole thing is sickening."

"But being locked up in the circle and abused and tortured for the amusement of the Templars isn't any better," Anders retorted hotly.

"I don't know where you get such ideas, but it isn't that bad," Aveline snorted.

"You've never been inside one, you don't know anything about what really goes on in there," the healer snapped. "You've never seen a boy or girl raped simply because the Templar watching over them was horny and needed relief. You've never seen a mage made Tranquil simply for speaking out against such abuse. Once they're made tranquil, the templars can do anything to them and the mage can't do one thing to stop them."

"Aveline's husband was a Templar," Varric pointed out.

"Your point being?" Anders growled.

"That not all of them are bad," Aveline said firmly. "Just like not all mages are brutul and sadistic monsters like Denarius, or all guards corrupt and greedy."

"Freeing all the mages isn't the answer," Varric stated.

"Then what is dwarf?" Anders asked and saw him shrug. "Things can't go on like they are. Changes have to be made and I don't intend to sit idly by anymore."

Fenris heard them arguing and shook his head. The argument was futile for Anders wasn't going to be swayed from his idiotic quest to free the mages. He only hoped that the healer didn't take all of them down with him.

"I wish they would keep their voices down, I have a splitting headache."

Fenris looked up from his bowl to see Hawke's eyes were open. "You're awake," he whispered then shouted to the others, "he's awake."

The others all jumped up and hurried over, Anders being the first to reach Hawke's side. "Don't crowd him, give me some room here," he told them as he bent over his friend. He touched Hawke's neck, feeling for his pulse as he peered into the other mage's eyes. He closed his eyes, his hands hovering over the mage's chest. "Your eyes are clear and I can sense no problems elsewhere," he finally said, relief filling him.

"Welcome back Hawke," Isabela smiled down at him. "I imagine you're hungry, I'll get you some soup."

"How long have I been out? What's happened to the dragon?" Gavin asked them.

As he ate the stew, Fenris filled him in on the situation. "You had us very worried there for a while Hawke," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Gavin whispered.

"Hawke, you told us your father trained you," Anders stated. "I'm surprised he didn't warn you that something like this could happen." He saw the other mage flush and look away.

"He did warn me."

"If you knew this could happen, then why did you do it?" Varric asked in astonishment.

"Because if I hadn't, we all would have died on that ledge," Gavin replied softly. "I lead you here. I had to make sure that you didn't die because of my decision to do so."

"It was our choice to follow you," Fenris told him firmly. "Therefore, we accept the fact that we are risking our lives to help you. I don't want you to go around thinking that our lives are any more important than yours is. We are friends and friends share the dangers as well as the rewards."

Gavin looked around and saw that they were all in agreement with the elf. "Well, it worked and I am alive to tell the tale. I suggest we put it behind us."

"I think we should rest here another night before heading back," Anders told them as he stood up. "I want to wait until Hawke has regained some of his strength before heading back to Kirkwall."

The others headed back to the campfire while Fenris settled himself more comfortably next to Hawke. He looked at the mage and then down at his hands. He swallowed hard several times and cleared his throat.

"What's wrong Fenris?"

Looking back up, he took a deep breath, "No one has ever offered to sacrifice themselves for me before." He saw him start to speak and held up his hand. "I know it wasn't just for me, but it still is the first time that someone in my life cared whether I lived or died. It means more to me than I can say that you, a mage of all people, would do this for me."

Hawke swallowed as tears choked him at the elf's admission. "I would do anything to keep you safe Fenris," he whispered. "I couldn't live with myself knowing that my actions caused your death." He felt a great weariness wash over him and yawned before laying back and closing his eyes.

Fenris had the feeling that Hawke was trying to tell him something. Before he could inquire further, he saw the mage was starting to fall asleep. It would have to wait for another time he supposed. He got to his feet and started to walk towards his own bedroll when he heard something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

"I love you," Hawke murmured in his sleep.

Fenris held his breath, his eyes wide at the admission, a warm feeling coursing through his body. He'd suspected for a long time that Hawke cared for him, but he never knew just how much. He wasn't sure what he should do about it, if anything. He looked furtively towards the others hoping they hadn't heard anything. His gaze landed on Isabela and he wondered if perhaps he should ask her about the situation. The pirate queen was worldly and knowledgable about such things. Nodding to himself, he lay down on his bedroll. That's what he would do as soon as they were back in the city. Until then, he would wait and see what happened between him and Hawke.

Isabela sighed quietly as she watched the two of them. Aveline had taken first watch and Anders was already curled up with a book, which left only Varric sitting at the fire with her.

"What's with all the sighing?" the dwarf asked.

"Just watching Hawke and Fenris," she answered. Seeing his puzzled look she chuckled, "Come on, you mean you haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?" Varric cocked his head.

"The two of them, the way they look at each other," she snorted. "It's obvious they want each other, but I don't understand what's taking them so long to figure it out."

"Well not everyone is as free with their favors as you Isabela," the dwarf chuckled as she smacked him.

"Maybe, but still, it's taking them long enough," she shook her head. "A little intervention might be needed to get them over the hump, so to speak."

"Eh, I don't know if I'd go that far yet," Varric cautioned. "Broody doesn't like people sticking their noses into his business, and I think Hawke would die of embarassment."

"Hmm, you're probably right," Isabela mused and then shrugged. "Well, let's hope they get their act together before too long. Otherwise, I will take a hand in things."

Varric shook his head and spread out his own bedroll. "Just don't push them into bed with each other before they're ready."

"Would I do such a thing?" Isabela asked, eyes wide with feigned innocence.

"Yeah, you would," the dwarf snorted. "You'd probably even join them."

"Now that's an intriguing idea," the pirate purred. "Sandwiched between two hot men, or watching as they go at it like bunnies and then joining in, yummy."

"You're incorrigible," Varric shook his head.

"I know," Isabela grinned wickedly. She looked back to where the two were sleeping. Hawke was a gorgeous man and she often fantasized that he was into women and more specifically into her. But, he wasn't, so the fantasy would just have to stay that, a fantasy. Now the elf was someone she could probably coax into bed. That blue going thing he did certainly could come in handy as she knew it gave him extra strength. She had a feeling he wouldn't want to give up control and it would be a battle to see who dominated in bed. Sighing quietly once more, she stretched out on her own bedroll, although she wasn't tired yet. Even though she figured she could easily talk the elf into bed with her, she wouldn't do it. She liked Hawke and didn't want to hurt him. Oh well, there were others out there.

Aveline sat silently, watching as the others all fell quiet, either sleeping or reading. She was relieved to see Hawke awake, but it bothered her that he'd risked his life the way they did. She wondered if it was guilt or something else that drove him to do it. Either way, she vowed to keep a closer eye on him in the future. Kirkwall needed him, she needed him, and she would make damn sure that he was there to help in the future.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Gavin gave a silent sigh of relief as he walked through the gates to Hightown. The trip back to Kirkwall had been irritating and frustrating. First, Anders took every opportunity to nag him about training his mind and body to use his powers safely. He'd even gotten Varric, Isabela and Aveline to prod him about it. Second, Fenris had been even more brooding and taciturn than usual. Often he would catch the elf watching him with a thoughtful look upon his face, but he hadn't worked up the nerve to ask Fenris what he was thinking. Had something happened when he was unconcious? Sighing again, he pushed these thoughts aside and turned to his group.

"Okay, I'm going to go and get our reward from Hubert," he told them. "I'll make sure it's more than enough to cover the cost of buying into the expedition and provide a few extras."

"I could use a decent drink right about now," Isabela snorted. "As for your expedition, count me out. I think you're all barking mad for going."

Gavin couldn't help grinning as the pirate sauntered off. He sometimes wondered if he was crazy for wanting to venture into the Deep Roads. But, the alternative was to continue to struggle to make ends meet. Hopefully, the journey would prove as profitable as Varric said. With the money from the expedition he could buy the family estate back and set his mother up for life. Then, if the day ever came that he had to leave the city to avoid being locked up, he could do so with an easy conscience.

"Hawke," Aveline caught his attention. "Your expedition is likely going to take you at least three weeks or more. As much as I wish I could, I can't leave my post for that long. There are still many in this city that resent me and covet my position. I have to be here to-"

Gavin held up a hand, "I understand Aveline. You have a job to do and there's no better person to do it."

Aveline nodded and turned away, "I'll keep an eye on your family while you're gone."

"Okay Hawke, get the money and meet me in my rooms so we can finalize our plans," Varric told him. "You know, who's going or not, what to bring or not, those sort of things." He turned to Anders and grabbed him by the elbow, "Come on Blondie, I'll buy you an ale."

Gavin shrugged and turned away, not surprised when Fenris fell into step with him. They were alone now and maybe he would find out what was bothering the elf. He set a comfortable pace towards the Market. "I know that this hasn't been easy for you, traipsing around with me, and I really appreciated having you watch my back these past few weeks. I don't want to pressure you or anything, but I could really use your help on this expedition."

"Hawke I-"

"It's Gavin," he interrupted.

Fenris stopped suddenly, "Excuse me?"

"My friends and family call me Gavin. Hawke is my family name," he turned to face the elf. "I would really like you to use my first name, at least when it's just the two of us."

"Fair enough, Gavin," Fenris nodded and was gifted with a huge smile. He felt his stomach flutter at the sight of it.

For his part, Gavin had to repress a delighted shiver at the sound of his name rolling off the elf's tongue in that deep, growling voice the elf had.

"As I was about to say, of course I will be going with you," Fenris continued as they resumed their walk to Hubert's. "And not because I feel I owe you for anything, but because you will need a strong sword at your side down there. I've asked around about what the Deep Roads are like and found out some very disturbing things. The biggest one is how far under the surface they can go. From what I've heard, this expedition is going to be going farther and deeper than perhaps even the Wardens have been. Magic will be of limited use to us down there."

"Even magic as powerful as mine?" Gavin worried.

"Your most powerful magic is the type that can do more harm than good down there," the elf snorted. "Remember, we will be underground with millions of pounds of rock over our heads. Cave-ins and tunnel collapses are pretty much expected due to the volcanic nature of many of these areas."

"Of course," Gavin groaned. "Don't want to cause a cave in or bury us under rubble in the process."

"Correct," Fenris nodded. "One wrong step, one mistimed strike, and you could turn those tunnels into a mass grave for us as well as the darkspawn."

"Good thing I've gotten so much better with my blades then isn't it?" Gavin chuckled. "There's Hubert. Let's get our money and get back to Varric and the others."

An hour later they walked into the Hanged Man and headed for Varric's rooms on the second floor. As he reached the steps, Gavin paused, his attention caught by something that brought a frown to his face. At a table near the bar, Carver was sitting with Merrill and Isabela. The way his brother and the Dalish were leaning towards each other set off warning bells in his mind. Catching the pirate's attention, he motioned her to follow him upstairs.

"Okay, what's going on between those two?" he paused outside Varric's door and turned to her.

"What are you talking about?" Isabela replied in her most innocent sounding voice.

"My brother and Merrill," he growled. "You were sitting with them, what are they up to?"

"They're just talking Hawke," Isabela sighed. "Look, I know that you don't like Merrill but she's not a danger to anyone. She's too nice and kind-hearted."

"She practices blood magic and sees nothing wrong with it," he said harshly. "One of the powers it gives them is the ability to control the thoughts of others. I don't like that she seems to have gotten close to my brother. She's up to something."

"Hawke, your brother's lonely, Merrill's lonely," she retorted. "They're just friends. And if it turned into something more, it's really none of your business and there's nothing you can do about it without making things worse between you and your brother."

"We'll just see about that," Gavin snapped and stomped into Varric's sitting room. Blood mages had the ability to manipulate others, and by the Void, he was not going to allow Carver to become Merrill's pet.

"You're here, good," Varric rubbed his hands together. "Let's get down to business."

They spent the next half hour counting their coin and figuring out what supplies they would need above and beyond what Bartrand was supplying to the company as a whole. "Now, as for who is going, I have some thoughts on that," the dwarf said once they were done. "The Deep Roads are mostly long and narrow tunnels. Not too many places where a large group can move comfortably. Bartrand has already hired several workers and guards, which means we'll have to keep our group rather small."

"Well there's you, Fenris and myself," Gavin answered.

"And I think Anders should also go," Varric looked at the mage and saw a look of distaste cross his face.

"I hate the blighted Deep Roads," Anders said sourly.

"But, outside of Hawke, you're the only one of us here that has actually fought darkspawn," the dwarf pointed out. "Plus, you're immune to the corruption, so there's no danger for you going down there."

"Only to my sanity," the mage snorted.

"My brother will be coming with us," Gavin interrupted. "If we include Anders too, then Bartrand might get the idea that we're taking over or something."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Fenris asked, startled. "In the past your brother has shown a lack of discipline, often putting those around him at risk."

"He's learned his lesson and he won't want to stay behind anyway," Hawke replied. And I'll be able to get him away from Merril's influence, he thought.

"If you can put up with your brother for three weeks straight, then by all means take him along. I don't really want to go and you don't really need another mage down there," Anders backed him up. "The conditions of the Deep Roads limits our effectiveness."

"Good, then it's decided," Varric stated, sensing that further argument would be pointless. "Let's celebrate our success. Norah, bring a couple of bottles of the finest brandy."

Standing just outside the door to listen, Isabela frowned at what she'd just heard. Since she'd known them, the Hawke brothers had been at constant sword points with each other. Why the change of heart all of a sudden? Slipping away, she went back downstairs to watch the younger sibling and the little Dalish. It did seem that there might be something between the two of them and she had to question Hawke's motivation for bringing Carver on their journey. In her experience, if one tried to interfere in someone else's personal life, it usually ended badly. Shrugging, she went to the bar and ordered an ale. Oh well, there was nothing she could do about it now. She knew Carver's type. He wouldn't want to be left out of anything as big as the Deep Roads expedition. She only hoped that Hawke didn't come to regret the decision.

"Well, there are still a couple of things I must do before turning in tonight," Gavin downed the rest of his drink and stood up. Two glasses of brandy were more than enough to relax him. "I'll meet you at Bartrand's in the morning. Don't stay up too late."

Fenris watched him go and then turned to the others, "It's strange that Hawke wants to bring his brother with him now."

"But, he does have a point, his brother won't want to stay at home," Anders shrugged.

"You think there's another reason for the decision broody?" Varric poured them another round.

"I don't know, it's just odd," the elf accepted the refill.

Gavin stopped at Carver's table on the way out. "The expedition will be leaving tomorrow and I expect to see you there bright and early brother."

"What?" Carver looked up. "Oh right, of course. I'll be there," he nodded and stared after his brother as the mage left the bar. "How about that? I didn't have to twist his arm to let me go along," he said to the girl at his side.

"See, I told you he would relent," Merrill nodded, "you just had to give him time." She hesitated and then looked down at the table. "It sounds exciting, I wish I could go."

"It'll be dangerous for certain, exciting maybe not so much," Carver nodded. "We'll be gone quite a while I imagine. I hope the rewards will be worth it."

"And you'll come back rich and move to Hightown and forget about your friends here," Merrill said softly.

"You'll still be my friend," Carver smiled at her. "Um, I'd like to see you when we get back. If that's what you want," he added hastily, feeling a blush heat his cheeks.

Merrill looked up wide eyed, "You would? I mean, I'd like that. It's been kinda lonely here."

Carver smiled shyly and then called for the waitress to bring him another ale. He knew his brother didn't trust the Dalish girl, but honestly he couldn't see why. Merrill was sweet and kind, just the kind of girl his mother would want him to meet. Whether Gavin approved or not, he would be seeing more of Merrill after they returned.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"So far so good," Gavin said as they moved out of the most recent passage and into another half-ruined chamber. The Deep Roads had indeed been relatively clear, only a few ragtag darkspawn to dispatch. "We haven't come across anymore cave-ins. I just can't help but wonder how far Sandal got. I half expected to find his body by now."

"As long as we find a way around for Bartrand, I don't really care what else we find," Varric grumbled. "I don't want to think of his reaction if it turns out that we've wasted all this money and time, only to be forced to go home."

"Did your brother ever mention where exactly we were heading?" Fenris asked.

"He said he knows of an ancient thaig further down and in, but-"

"He was probably blowing smoke up your ass," Carver interrupted the dwarf, his voice sullen.

"I wondered how long it would be before you started whining," Gavin sighed.

"I'm beginning to wonder why we even bothered to come here," his brother shrugged. "It's hot, crowded, dark and there's no treasure. There's not even a horde to break up the monotany."

"Maybe you should have stayed behind holding on to your mommy's apron strings," Fenris sneered.

"And maybe you should keep your mouth shut, unless you want my fist in your face," Carver growled, his hands clenching into fists.

"Try it whelp and see just how far you get," Fenris snarled, his brands starting to glow blue.

"Knock it off Carver, you're not helping," Gavin warned.

"Sure, take his side," Carver whined. "Why did you even bring me along?"

"I wanted to keep you out of trouble," his brother snapped.

"I've stayed out of trouble these last few weeks," Carver shouted back. "I've been a good little brother, just like you and mother wanted. And if you had left me behind, I would have made sure mother was taken care of and not given her cause to worry."

"I saw you with Merrill brother," Gavin said darkly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Have you forgotten that she practices blood magic? Or have you been so hard up for company that you just decided to ignore that," his brother sneered.

Carver felt his face heat and knew his face was beet red. "Merrill is a naive girl, and yeah we've gotten together a few times. But talking is all we've done." He didn't add that he'd often thought about doing more with the little Dalish.

"Hawke, where is this concern coming from?" Varric looked up at the mage in puzzlement. "The only danger one would be in with Merrill is if they were allergic to butterflies or bunnies. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body."

"She openly admitted to consorting with a demon and using blood magic," Fenris growled. "She's a danger to everyone, especially since she thinks there's nothing wrong with what she does. Blood mages like to control people. She can't get to Hawke, so she's set her sights on his brother."

"Let me get this straight," Carver stepped up to his brother, his voice low and dangerous. "You only brought me along to keep me away from Merrill?"

Gavin met his brother's glare with one of his own. "A few weeks away from her will insure she hasn't ensnared you already." He wasn't prepared for his brother's fist in his face and staggered backwards, slipping on some loose rocks and falling on his ass. Dazed, he looked up to see Carver still standing in place, his face red with fury, and his hands clenched at his side.

"You rotten bastard," Carver snarled. "I'm sick of you trying to control everything and run my life the way you see fit. If it wasn't for the fact that we're too far away now, I would turn around and head back to Kirkwall." He stepped forward aggressively as his brother made to get up. "Stay there," he warned.

Gavin hesitated and then decided to not push him. He'd never seen his brother like this and wasn't sure how to handle him. "Carver you don't understand. Merrill-"

"Leave her out of this," his brother shouted. "This isn't about her. This is about you always thinking that you know best, that you are the only one with the answers. You listen to me and listen real carefully. I am not a boy any longer. I will decide what I'm going to do with my life. I will decide who I do or do not see. You and mother are just going to have to get used to it. When we get out of here, I am going to take my share of the money and get my own place. You and mother want the estate, you're welcome to it."

They watched silently as the boy stalked away from them, his anger apparent in every step. Varric was speechless for a change. Fenris turned and held his hand out to help the mage up.

"I guess I deserved that," Gavin said quietly.

"Apparently your brother is starting to grow up and take responsibility for his life," the elf nodded.

"Apparently so," the mage said softly, rubbing his jaw. "He has a mean right hook."

"Listen Hawke," the dwarf said earnestly. "I know you don't exactly trust Merrill, but you should at least try to give her a chance. Especially if your brother is going to be seeing her. Family is important, especially brothers, even if half the time you want to wring their necks. If you don't let him find his own way in life, you will regret it one day."

A long silence fell as they stood there staring at the young man standing with his back to them. Finally, Fenris roused them out of it. "Come on. We still have to find a way around for Bartrand. Also, I don't think it's wise for us to stay in one place too long."

"I'll go get little Hawke," Varric said and headed off.

Gavin turned to Fenris, "Do you think I'm in the wrong where my brother and Merrill are concerned?"

Fenris hesitated, not because he disagreed with the mage, but because he didn't want to further the tension between the brothers. "You know my feelings on the subject Gavin. But, Varric has a point. This is your brother, and even though I can't remember anything of my past, I do believe that family is important."

"So you agree then," he pressed.

"I agree that Merrill is naive, and dangerous because of it," the elf answered slowly. "But, perhaps you can be less obvious in your opposition, at least until you have proof to back up your suspicions."

"But it would be too late by then," Gavin protested.

"No, it wouldn't," Fenris shook his head. "If a blood mage gets control of someone, then killing the mage frees the person from that control. As long as the person was not under the mage's influence too long, they usually recover fully from the ordeal."

"How long is too long?"

Fenris frowned thoughtfully, "I'm not really sure, but usually if it's less than a year, there is no permanent damage to the victim. And there are signs that can be found sooner than that if one is looking for them."

"So, I should just let things be for a while then," Gavin mused thoughtfully.

"If you want to keep a relationship with your brother and peace in your family, then yes," the elf agreed.

Gavin silently watched Varric returning with Carver. His brother seemed to have calmed down somewhat and he silently thanked the dwarf. "I guess I'll just have to get used to seeing my brother and Merrill together."

Carver stopped in front of his brother and folded his arms across his chest, waiting. "You going to just stand there or what?" he finally asked, his voice much calmer than before, even though his eyes were still hard and angry.

Gavin heard the dwarf clear his throat and looked down to see him watching with an expectant look on his face. He closed his eyes, sighed and then steeled himself for what he had to do. "Brother, I'm sorry. I let my suspicions and fear cloud my judgement. I should have asked you to come with me and given you a chance to say no if you wanted to. As for you and Merrill..."

"Stop right there," Carver held up his hand. "I neither need nor want your blessing in that matter. As for forcing me to come along, well, you didn't really do that. I wanted to come along. I was tired of being left out of all the exciting things. Just because this trip didn't match up to my expectations, doesn't mean I don't believe in what we're doing."

"Good, now let's consider this whole situation water under the bridge and get going," Varric smiled and clapped his hands. "We take too much longer and Bartrand might just give up and go home, leaving us to fend for ourselves."

"I think I might actually prefer that dwarf," Fenris muttered. "Your brother's mere voice gives me a headache."

"Bartrand's mere presence gives me a headache," Carver snorted, a smile coming to his face.

"Yeah, well, you don't have to live with him so count yourself lucky," Varric muttered as he turned and headed off to the hole in the chamber wall he'd passed when he went to get the kid. "There's another tunnel up here, let's hope it actually leads somewhere."

"Go on brother, I've got your back," Carver motioned him forward.

Gavin nodded and moved off, Fenris falling into step with him as always. He found that he actually felt comfortable with his brother at his back. Maybe it was time to stop fighting him and just accept the kid for who he was. That would make his mother happy and she deserved at least a little happiness, after having lost so much. He made a resolution to treat his brother as an equal form this day forward.

Carver watched his brother walking ahead of him, his ears tuned to potential foot falls behind them. He meant what he'd said, he had his brother's back and he wasn't going to let him down again. Gavin had good reason to doubt his ability to take care of himself, because he hadn't ever shown him anything to prove otherwise. This expedition was his chance to prove to himself and everyone else that he was capable. After this, he would no longer be stuck in his brother's shadow.

Their mother had often compared the two of them to their father and grandfather. It was funny that even though Gavin took after their father in looks, he had the same argumentative and stubborn personality of their Amell grandfather as himself. He knew his brother was sincere in his apology. Gavin was never anything but honest with his family, sometimes bluntly so. His twin, Maker keep her, also had always been honest with everyone. He was the only one who often kept his thoughts and feelings to himself. That was the one Amell trait that he alone seemed to have inherited. Well, he would just have to see about changing that, starting from this point onward. Maybe if he'd been more open before now, things wouldn't have reached this point in the first place. Shaking his head, he pushed these thoughts aside. Down here, getting distracted could get you killed.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Carver fell to one knee, his sword clattering to the stone beside him, and tried to catch his breath. Every muscle in his body was screaming and he could feel blood dripping from a few minor wounds. The huge rock creature they had just defeated had been extremely tough. He looked around to see how the others had fared and spied Varric standing near cradling his right arm. "Are you alright?"

The dwarf looked at the young man, saw the worry, and hastened to reassure him, "Nothing your brother can't fix easily enough."

"Hawke can't help you right now," Fenris stated as he tossed some linen to them. "Field dress any serious wounds you have." He turned and walked back to the far wall to kneel beside the mage.

Carver scrambled to his feet and hurried over, followed by Varric. He saw his brother sitting back against the wall, eyes closed, with a cloth held to his nose. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Hawke, not again," Varric sighed. "You gotta cut this shit out."

"It's not so bad this time," the mage replied softly. "Only a mild headache and I think the bleeding is stopping."

Carver felt a shiver run down his back. He'd never heard his brother sound so weak and tired before. "Someone explain to me what you're talking about."

"Hawke sometimes gets carried away using his magic," the dwarf replied. "He strains himself doing it."

Fenris could see the kid didn't understand. "When you first picked up a sword it hurt to use it, strained every muscle in your body right?" He saw the kid nod and continued. "With steady practice your body became used to the stress of fighting. Hawke has had to hide his magic to protect you. Because he hasn't practiced, his body isn't used to the strain. If he's not careful, he could kill himself."

Gavin saw the alarm flood his brother's face and quickly reassured him, "It's not as bad as he makes it seem. I was more careful this time." He saw the elf about to protest and shook his head slightly. Now was not the time to debate the issue. "I thought I saw a treasure horde off to the right with a door next to it. It may be we've found a way out of here. We'll rest here for an hour or so." He closed his eyes again.

Carver cast one last worried look at his brother before following Varric to the other side. They searched through it, pulling out the best pieces and all the gold coin they could. Fenris rummaged through their packs and pulled out a couple of extra shirts and trousers to use as makeshift satchels.

Varric gave a delighted shout and held up a small key, "Let's see if this unlocks that door."

Gavin felt someone beside him and opened his eyes to see his brother kneeling next to him holding a beautiful staff in his hands. "What's that?"

"I think it's a magic staff, but I'm not sure," he held it out for his brother to take.

Gavin gripped the staff and instantly felt the power of the runes embedded in it. It was unlike any staff he'd seen before. It looked like an ordinary walking stick, except that it had a blade of blue steel melded to one end. The blade itself was about a foot long and sharp on both sides, tapering to a wicked looking point on the end. The runes embedded in it seemed to be removable, meaning it could be customized to utilize any magic available to him. "It's beautiful."

"At first glance it looks like a fancy spear of some kind," Carver pointed out. "It's something I think you could carry openly and still not attract templar attention." He saw his brother's look of astonishment and smiled slightly. "Consider it a peace offering."

Varric smiled to Fenris as he watched the two brothers. "Looks like maybe they'll actually work out their differences."

"Perhaps, we'll see," the elf retorted. He didn't add his opinion that a person didn't change over night and that it would take more than a single battle and single gift to bridge the gap. "We should see if that door leads to a way back to the surface."

They checked it out and found a tunnel leading upwards. Once Gavin had recovered enough to move, they gathered up what treasure they could comfortably carry and moved on. Varric took the lead. Being a dwarf, he had a better head underground than the rest of them. Following his instincts, he soon found another tunnel that headed towards the surface and led them down it.

They travelled as quickly as they could, pausing to rest only for as long as necessary. None of them wanted to spend any longer in the Deep Roads than necessary. On their second day, they encountered a small horde of darkspawn, but after the Rock Wraith, the battle seemed a breeze. They rested for half a day after that before moving on. It was four more days before they had managed to get back to where they had entered the ancient thaig. Bartrand and his crew were long gone.

Carver had been feeling shaky for the past couple of days. He had refrained from saying anything, not wanting to worry his brother. He knew though that he would no longer be able to hide it, he was getting weaker by the hour. "Can we rest here for a while, I don't feel very good."

"Yeah, I think it wasn't such a good idea to have eaten those mushrooms we found," Gavin said holding his stomach.

"No, it's not that," Carver said and dropped to his knees.

Gavin turned to see his brother slumped by the dead fire pit. "Carver, what is it?" he asked as he hurried over. He could see brother was ill and hurriedly checked him for wounds. "Where are you injured?"

"I'm not, I think, no I know," Carver looked up, fear in his eyes. "It's the taint. I'm going to die, just like that templar Wesley."

"NO! Don't say that," Gavin protested. "You're not going to die, I won't let it happen. Another week will see us back in Kirkwall. We'll take you to Anders, he can help you."

"I won't make it," his brother shook his head. "Even if I survived the trip, Anders can't help. I told him about Wesley, asked him what else we could have done. He said only senior Wardens know how to perform the ritual to make someone a Warden. Without that, there is no hope."

"Oh junior," Varric groaned. "Even though the wardens enter the Deep Roads all the time, there's no way of knowing where any of them might be. We could search for weeks and not find anyone."

Fenris said quietly, "I'll light a fire and set the camp." He motioned Varric to help him. "Let them have some time to say their goodbyes."

They spent the rest of the day occupying themselves as Gavin and Carver talked quietly to each other. They heard occasional laughter and caught snatches of conversations about their lives as children in Ferelden. But, there was an air of sadness about it all.

After a night of restless sleep, his dreams haunted by visions of darkspawn, Carver awoke knowing what would have to be done. What he didn't know was if he could do it himself and resigned himself to asking his brother to help. "Brother, are you awake."

"I'm here Carver," Gavin quickly knelt beside him.

"Promise me you'll look after our mother, she'll need your support," the boy said quietly and saw him nod. "I don't want to lose myself to the corruption. Anders told me what happens to those who become tainted. It's a fate worse than death." He saw Gavin shake his head as tears filled his eyes. "I don't think I can do it alone. Please brother, help me die."

"You never ask me for simple things," Gavin choked out. After a long silence, he nodded his agreement.

"I'll get to see father and Bethany again," Carver smiled. "I know I've not said it before, but I love you brother." He turned his gaze towards their companions. "Watch out for him, make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble." He saw them nod and closed his eyes briefly. Taking a deep breath, he reached down and withdrew the dagger he kept in his right boot. As he moved it into position, he felt his brother's hand cover his and smiled. "Thank you."

When it was done, Gavin gathered his brother in his arms and wept bitterly. Because of him, he had now lost both his siblings. Because of him, his little brother would never grow up to be the man he wanted to be. He shouldn't have brought him down here. If anyone should have died on this trip, it should have been him. How was he going to face his mother now?

Fenris and Varric waited silently as they watched their friend grieve. The dwarf looked at the treasure and knew they were all wealthy men now. But, he sensed that this would be of little comfort to Hawke. If he could have gotten his hands on Bartrand right then, he would have choked his brother to death. If not for that, they all would have left the Deep Roads alive. He looked up as Gavin approached.

"I don't want the darkspawn defiling my brohter's body," the mage told them, his voice rough with emotion. "Will you help me build a cairn for him?"

"Of course Hawke," Fenris stood up followed by the dwarf. In silence, the three of them gathered stones and placed them over Carver's body. It took a couple of hours and they were all tired, but none of them wanted to remain there.

"That's the best we can do, let's go," Gavin said quietly and began to gather up their things. He picked up the staff his brother had given him only a week ago. Even if it brought unwanted attention, he would carry it in his brother's honor. He owed him that much. Looking at the others and seeing they were ready he motioned them to follow him. When he reached a bend in the tunnel, he paused and looked back. He debated whether he should have left the treasure behind and carried his brother's body out.

As if sensing his thoughts, Varric touched his arm and said, "Hawke, the money you earn from the sale of this treasure will set your mother up for life. That's what you wanted to come on this trip for."

"He's in the hands of the Maker now, trust in that," Fenris said quietly.

Gavin nodded and, after taking one final look, turned and moved on. His step was heavy and the treasure he carried felt like a dead weight in his arms. His thoughts went back to that day they had left Kirkwall. His mother had come and begged him to leave Carver behind. His brother had protested and he'd agreed with him simply because he wanted to keep him away from the Dalish girl. He had been stupid, arrogant and selfish and Carver had paid the price. It should have been him that died.

Fenris watched the mage and tried to find something to say, but words failed him. Really, what could he say that wouldn't sound empty and trite. Instead, he moved to walk beside him, hoping in this way to convey his support. He hoped that Gavin would be strong enough to overcome this loss. If not, then he could very well end up losing the only friend he'd ever had.

It was a long silent journey home.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Gavin sat on his cot by the fire in his estate's living area, reflecting on the events of the past six months. After returning from the expedition and telling his mother what had happened, he had immediately set out to reclaim the estate. His mother's meeting with the Viscount had gone well and he simply had to pay the outstanding taxes on the estate. Afterwards, he had taken great satisfaction in watching Aveline supervise the city guard as they evicted the slavers from the place. Of course, only he knew that the men living there were slavers, and he had no intention of sharing that information. The last thing he wanted was to give the group a reason to come after him or his family.

Once they were gone, he had gone in to assess the condition of the place. Even though it wasn't a complete disaster area, it still was unlivable as far as he was concerned. His mother would have had a heart attack if she'd seen the condition of her old home. The slavers, in an effort to keep away prying eyes, had let the place fall into disrepair. The entire grounds around the house had been allowed to grow wild, obscuring doors and windows. They hadn't bothered to clean or repair anything inside, and so all the carpets, rugs, and furniture were ruined beyond repair. There was a huge rat infestation as well, and dust, grime and dirt stained the walls and the floors. Fortunately, the stone and marble was not too badly broken or damaged, requiring only minor masonry work he had to pay for. The rest of it he did himself, with help on occasion from Fenris and Aveline. Varric had taken one look and said he was merchant, not a miracle worker, and beaten a hasty retreat. Fenris was his most constant helper, not perturbed in the least by all the filth and the rats. Gavin imagined that, while on the run from Danarius, the elf had stayed in worse places.

Once the place was his, he had moved out of his Uncle's house. He had been unable to face his mother since the day he returned, unable to look into her eyes and see the accusation that surely was there. Even though she never said the words this time, he knew she blamed him for Carver's death, just like she did when Bethany died. He wondered if she would ever forgive him. Even if she did, he couldn't. It was like a wound that wouldn't heal properly, something always reopened it and made it bleed again.

So, he had thrown himself into fixing the place, often waking at the crack of dawn and working till he would drop exhausted to his bed. This way, he was able to keep the nightmares away. The strategy had worked, up to a point. He still had times where thoughts of Carver and Bethany and how they died intruded, but at least his sleep was untroubled.

However, there was now nothing left for him to do besides furnish the place. He had already talked with Varric and made arrangement for the delivery of furniture, rugs, tapestries, cookware, dishes, and everything else needed to make the house a home. It would take a huge chunk out of the money he made form the expedition, but as long as his mother was happy, it was worth it.

Sighing he reached down and pulled a bottle from the case of Antivan brandy he'd just purchased. He opened it and took a long drink. He sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out the two items he never was without. They were bracelets made of simple, braided leather, with the names of his siblings on them. He had a similar one on his wrist. It was the one thing they had made together as a family, a way for their father to make all his children feel wanted and needed. As he sat in front of the fire and remembered what he'd lost, he continued to drink from the bottle until he could no longer stay awake.

This pattern repeated itself every night for several months. During the day he was able to keep the feelings of guilt at bay, but at night, when the house became quiet, he would retreat to his room and drink himself to sleep. It was the only way he could get any rest. After a few months of this, it began to take its toll and he began to change, a change that did not go unnoticed by his friends. He became surly, snappish, and withdrawn. If anyone tried to talk to him about it, they quickly found themselves standing on the other side of a closed door. Even Fang often found himself on the short end of his master's temper.

After a while they stopped bothering him and their visits became less frequent. He thought that this would have made it easier, but it only increased his feelings of guilt and self-loathing. One night, he found himself outside the doors of the Chantry, having walked there in an alcholic daze. He would have turned away, but a sudden need to understand why his brother and sister had been taken from him flared up inside him. He slipped inside and walked to where the large statue of Andraste stood and plopped down on a bench in front of it.

Sister Clara was just making a final round to insure the candles were lit when she spied the lone figure of a man on a bench towards the front of the chapel. She approached him intending to see if he needed anything. As she got nearer though, her step faltered as she saw a knife in the man's hand. Blessed Andraste, no one had ever entered the chapel to pray while armed. She soon caught the smell of brandy about the man and she became afraid. Not knowing what to do, she turned and left as quietly as she had come, heading for the Grand Cleric's sitting room. Knocking on the door, she entered when bidden to find Elthina sitting with Prince Vael and drinking tea.

"Forgive the intrusion Your Grace, but there is a man in the chapel and-and-"

"It is not unusual for someone to come and pray late at night my dear," Elthina said calmly. "Our doors are always open."

"It's not that," the sister shook her head, her voice trembling. "I think he's drunk and he has a knife in his hand!"

Sebastian Vael's brows rose in surprise and he glanced in alarm at the woman across from him. "I think it best if we call the Chantry guards and have them remove the man, for safety reasons."

"Sebastian, you make the assumption that the man is here for nefarious reasons," Elthina admonished. "Perhaps he is merely a lost soul seeking the Maker's guidance. I will go and speak with him," she finished and got calmly to her feet.

"Allow me to accompany you," the prince jumped up as well.

Elthina bit back a sigh and simply nodded. How predictable the prince was in his actions. She knew he was devoted to her, but sometimes he was a little overprotective. They all lived and died as the Maker willed it and she put her trust in that. She entered the chapel and approached the man at the front with Sebastian practically glued to her side. As she got a good look at him, she thought she recognized him from somewhere. It wasn't until Sebastion spoke that the memory clicked.

"Master Hawke!" the prince exclaimed. As he watched, the man before them looked up and he had to surpress a gasp of dismay. This was not the young man who had hunted down the Flint company for him. He was not the confident adventurer the prince remembered, but a man tortured by some inner demon.

Gavin squinted up at the people before him, finally placing the young man as the prince who's family he'd advenged. "So, still here huh?" he slurred out. "Half expected you'd have gone back to Starkhaven by now. Reclaim your throne and all that."

"Tell me young man, what is it that you seek here this night," the grand cleric said softly, but firmly.

Gavin shrugged, "Just wondering what I did to earn the Maker's disfavor." He looked down at the knife in his hands that was still stained with his brother's blood. "I killed him you know. It's my fault he's dead."

"Whom did you kill?" Elthina pressed.

Gavin looked up at her, saw her sincerity and kindness, and the story just seemed to pour from him, like a floodgate had been opened. He recounted everything of the trip, his feelings, his motivations, the final devastating moment when he helped his brother die. "I shouldn't have brought him. If I hadn't, he'd still be alive."

"Oh child, bad things happen to good people all the time and the Maker has nothing to do with it," Elthina shook her head. "He gave us the freedom to choose our path in life. He does not sit up there directing our every action, nor does He sit there and condemn us for our transgressions. He waits until our lives have run their course and then welcomes us to his side."

"But I killed him, I brought him down there and now he's dead," Gavin protested. "My mother begged me not to take him, said she knew something bad would happen. Everytime she looks at me I can see the blame in her eyes."

"No, you spared him a fate worse than death, it was his fate to be tainted by the darkspawn," she said gently. "Death is only the ending of our mortal life and the beginning of our eternal life at the Maker's side, it is not something to be feared or regretted. Death comes for us all in our time and it was simply your brother's time." She could see that he didn't really believe her. "Of course, consuming alchohol prevents us from hearing the Maker's voice in our lives," she said pointedly.

Gavin looked down at the knife in his hands and shrugged, "It helps me sleep."

Elthina sighed and turned to the man at her side, "Sebastian, would you please escort him home and stay with him tonight." Getting a nod from the prince she turned back to Gavin. "I want you to drink no more tonight. In the morning, if you wish, you may return here and we will speak more of this. It is only with a clear head that you will understand." She turned to go and had almost reached the door when she paused and looked back, "I remember your family. They were one of the oldest and most honorable noble families in Kirkwall. I would like to get to know you and tell you of them. If you return tomorrow, we can discuss it."

Gavin allowed himself to be led out of the Chantry by Sebastian. He felt a little ashamed to be seen in this condition by the prince, given their past association. Also, the reminder by the Grand Cleric of who his family was caused him no small discomfort. "Some noble I'd make," he snorted.

"Oh I don't know," Sebastian said with quiet humor. "On several occasions in my younger days I was escorted home in much the same manner as I now escort you. I was a disgrace to my family name. It is only after I was given to the Chantry that I learned how a true noble should act."

"So you got drunk on a regular basis too?"

"Among other things," the prince nodded. "Nobles are just ordinary men, only with more money and titles. We have the same problems and doubts as common folk."

The rest of the way was travelled in silence. Upon entering, they were confronted by a very anxious Leandra, "Oh Gavin, what's happened! I've been worried sick about you."

"Pardon me madam, but I think it best to postpone any such conversation until tomorrow," Sebastian bowed slightly. "Your son needs to get a good night's sleep. With your permission, Grand Cleric Elthina would like me to stay with Gavin tonight."

"Of course, but I want a full explanation in the morning," Leandra agreed.

"You shall have it, I promise," the prince nodded and led Gavin up the stairs. He helped him to undress and get into bed and then settled into a chair near the fire. A touch on his arm had him looking up to see Leandra standing over him with blanket and pillow.

"You'll be more comfortable with these," she held them out. "And thank you for looking after my son. He's all I have left and I couldn't bear it if something had happened to him."

"It is no problem," Sebastian stood and bowed again. "He did me a great favor some time ago and I am pleased to be able to return the favor." He waited until she had gone before settling in. The chair was surprisingly comfortable and he fell asleep easily.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Lady Leandra, you look absolutely beautiful tonight," Sebastian greeted as he bent and kissed her hand.

Leandra Amell, dressed in a new pale blue, silk dress with silver stitching, felt herself blush at the compliment paid her by the handsome prince. "When we received the Viscount's invitation, Gavin made sure that I had something suitable to wear."

"He is coming, is he not?" the prince asked, looking around. He spotted Fenris standing nearby and nodded.

"Not willingly," Leandra sighed. "Dining with the nobility is not something he's used to. But, he understands the importance of this occasion."

"Yes, wouldn't want to end up on the bad side of those in power," Fenris muttered. "In my experience, the consequences are... unpleasant." He had no use for the nobles in Kirkwall, despite having lived in Danarius' old mansion for nearly three years.

"Sadly true," Sebastian nodded. "I know he's recieved invites to various dinner parties over the past year and a half. Already some of the noble families are beginning to mutter amongst themselves at how rude the Amells are being."

"We've been grieving, what did they expect?" Leandra protested.

"No one here has suffered the losses you have, serah," Sebastian replied. "They don't understand."

"No, they pay others to take the risks and suffer the losses while they sit back and enjoy the profits," the elf sneered. An uncomfortable silence fell. Finally, Leandra cleared her throat.

"Before we go, I just wanted to thank both of you for the support you've given my son," she said sincerely. "I had no idea just how much guilt he was feeling. I still can't believe he thought I would blame him for Carver's death. That boy always wanted to be more than just a younger brother. He would have gone no matter what I or Gavin said."

"He seems to have put it behind him," Fenris stated.

"I hope so, but he's always been the one to take his responsibilities seriously," Leandra sighed. "He wasn't always so serious though. It wasn't until we settled in Lothering that I noticed the change in him. He'd always been a happy, bright child. But after his fourteenth birthday he became much more subdued and serious. I don't know what happened the night Malcolm told us we had to flee, but it changed my son."

Fenris looked sharply at the woman. So, Gavin hid the events of that night even from his own family. Perhaps it was for the best that his mother never knew. "He's never talked much about his father."

"Despite the supposed stigma of being an apostate, Malcolm was a good man and a loving father," Leandra sighed. "There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. Our lives weren't easy, always moving and hiding. We did the best we could."

"You gave up much for your husband," Sebastian glanced around the living area. "What did your children think about having to hide all the time?"

"They loved their father," Leandra said cautiously, wondering just how much the prince knew about their family.

"I imagine you could have returned with your children to Kirkwall," the prince continued. "Surely your parents would have taken you in." He saw Fenris suddenly move away from the wall, the elf's body tense and a dangerous look on his face. "What?"

"They would not have accepted all my children," Leandra said, anger now coloring her voice.

Sebastian pondered that statement for a moment while silently assessing the tension in the elf's body. Suddenly, it came to him, "You mean Gavin is a mage?"

"You're smarter than you look," Fenris snorted. "Yes, he's an apostate, just like his father. The question is, what do you intend to do with that knowledge?"

Sebastian saw the worry in Leandra's eyes and hastened to reassure her. "I'm not a templar and thus am not obligated to do anything. Besides, I've come to know Gavin and he seems to be an honorable and good man. As long as he does nothing to cause concern, I see no reason to tell anyone."

"Right answer," the elf growled, his hand briefly touching his sword. Noise from upstairs stopped any further conversation.

"Bodahn, your fussing is not helping," Gavin was saying as he approached the staircase.

"But messere, you should really consider just one piece of jewelry," the dwarven servant worried.

"I was not born to this life, I have no intention of wading any deeper into it than absolutely necessary, so I don't see the point in getting fancied up," the mage snapped. "It's bad enough I have to wear these ridiculous and uncomfortable clothes. I _am not _wearing jewelry too."

Fenris felt his breath catch in his throat as the mage came down the stairs. His dark red hair had been stylishly cut to shoulder length and to fall in near perfect waves around his face. He was dressed in a velvet doublet of a color so dark a green as to appear black in the subdued lighting. The emerald green silk shirt underneath seemed to intensify the bright green eyes that he found so arresting. The trousers were of the finest black velvet tucked into supple, knee-high, black leather boots. He had never seen a more handsome man in his life and he was glad of the fact that the light was not enough to reveal his body's reaction.

Gavin saw that they were all looking at him in surprise and felt himself flush in embarassment. He cleared his throat and asked, "I hope I look alright."

"My friend, I think I'm going to have to keep my eye on you tonight," Sebastian smirked a little. "You are surely going to incite jealousy and envy amongst the other guests at the party."

"You look so handsome, and so much like your father at your age," Leandra said, her voice full of pride.

Gavin smiled at his mother, her words easing some of his misgivings. He was always proud when she compared him to his father, for his father was his role model and he strived to live up to the same standards as Malcolm. "I think we should get going or we'll be late," held his arm out to his mother.

Sebastian moved to Leandra's other side as the left the house. Fenris moved into step a few paces behind them, his eyes and ears alert for potential danger. Night was already starting to fall and who knew what creeps would be out and about. When Hawke had asked him to provide an escort for him and his mother, he had readily agreed. Having to leave his weapons at home, Hawke would only have his magic which he wouldn't be able to use without giving himself away. Even though Cullen and Sebastian had promised silence, it was doubtful anyone else would, despite the Amell name. When they arrived at the Keep, he joined the other bodyguards as they congregated in the foyer to wait, but held himself aloof as he settled in to wait for the dinner party to be over with.

Hawke had never seen such opulence as was on display this night. He thought about all the people he knew from Lowtown and Darktown, Fereldens such as himself, and frowned. Even those who were native to the city struggled to scrape out a living, while dodging the Coterie, Carta, and other criminal elements. It didn't seem right that thousands starved while the nobles feasted. Did no one here care that they had everything while others had nothing? He wouldn't have believed it if not for seeing it with his own eyes.

"You're frowning and it's making the other guests nervous," Sebastian whispered to him as they sat together at the table to the right of the Viscount's. The prince had been offered a place at the high table, but had demurred so he could keep an eye on his friend.

"Sorry, just bothered by all this," Gavin muttered. "Do you know how many people could be fed with just the food on our table?"

"True, but now's not the time to point that out," the prince retorted. He watched carefully as the man beside him ate and interacted with their dinner parties. To his surprise, Hawke seemed to fit right in, his manners gracious and charming. Too charming perhaps, he thought as the young lady across from them leaned forward to bat her eyes at them.

After the meal was concluded and the tables cleared of food and dishes, musicians started tuning up. Hawke realized that everyone was now going to dance and he quickly found himself surrounded by a bevy of very eligible young ladies. The only experience he had was with the dancing at the annual Lothering county fair. His nervousness made him hesitant at first, but he soon realized that the dances were very similar to what he knew and he began to relax. After about an hour of this, he felt the need to get away and managed to slip out onto an empty balcony. He had glimpsed his mother from time to time and she seemed to be really enjoying herself so he couldn't be too upset.

"How are you holding up?" Sebastian had joined him on the empty balcony.

"Fine I guess," he shrugged. "I just needed some air, I was feeling smothered. All those women looking at me, coming on to me, dropping not so subtle hints about marriage and family ties-"

"Well of course they were," the prince chuckled. "You're young, handsome and wealthy. Your family line is one of the oldest in Kirkwall, going back more than 700 years. You, my friend, are the prime catch of the day."

"Now I know how the prize bull at the auction must feel," Gavin snorted. "Do you realize not a single woman wanted to talk about anything other than the latest fashion from Orlais?"

"What? They didn't want to talk about darkspawn and bloody battles with Raiders?" Sebastian said in mock astonishment. "How unenlightened of them."

Gavin busted out laughing, "It does seem rather far fatched to expect that. But, I mean, seriously, how can anyone talk about nothing for as long as they do."

"I understand it's an art that's passed down from mother to daughter," the prince was unable to keep a straight face as he said it and they both ended up laughing even more.

"Well, I'm glad my mother never taught Bethany-" Gavin paused as he remembered that his sister was no longer with him. No she was with his brother and their father. The smile faded from his lips and the sparkle disappeared from his eyes.

Sebastian saw the sudden change in mood and fell silent as well. "I'm sorry about your brother and sister. It's an awful thing to lose your family when you're not particularly close to them. I can't imagine how bad it is when you're as close as you were to yours."

Gavin nodded his thanks for those words and they stood in silence for several minutes. "How long do these things usually go on for?"

Sebastian glanced back into the dining room and saw that the Viscount was saying his goodbyes. "It looks like our host is making an early night of it. I assume you're ready to go." Getting another silent nod, he led the way back into the room in search of Leandra. After finding her, they stood in line to say goodnight to the Viscount.

"Lady Amell, it was a real pleasure to see you again after all these years and to welcome you home," Viscount Dumar took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. He turned to Gavin and smiled and nodded, "It is good to see that the Amell line is still going strong. A pleasure meeting you, Serah Hawke."

After the Viscount had left, Hawke walked as quickly as was polite to the foyer. Spying Fenris, he nodded his head towards the door of the keep, getting a silent nod in return. Time to go home and get back to his normal life. If this was what it meant to be nobility, then he wasn't sure he even wanted to be a part of it. He felt his discomfort and anger coming back as he remembered seeing half full trays of food being taken away. He had asked one passing servant what they were going to do with all the uneaten food. The servant had looked at him like he'd just grown horns and sniffed that it would given to the dogs, of course. The servant seemed to find nothing unusual about it. He looked at Sebastian who once again was walking arm in arm with his mother, this time walking a little ways in front of him.

"You seem to be rather put out Gavin?" Fenris said softly, having seen the tension in the mage's steps.

Gavin told him about the food and the women and all the other things he'd seen. "I guess I just don't understand how such a thing can be."

"It is not just mages who abuse their power," the elf agreed. "It is common amongst the nobility everywhere. Danarius travelled to many places, and it was always the same. The powerful few living in the lap of luxury and the huddled masses scraping to get by."

"Well, if that is what it means to be nobility they can keep it," Gavin snarled. "I wonder now if mother had more reason than just my father to flee Kirkwall."

"Why not sit down and talk with her about it? You have the time now," Fenris prompted.

"Maybe I will at that," Gavin nodded. He fell silent, taking enjoyment int he cool night air and the knowledge that Fenris was at his side. He hoped the elf would always be there. Arriving at the estate, he bid Sebastian and Fenris good night and then immediately went to his room and stripped off the fine clothes. They were the best garments he'd ever worn, but they seemed to represent everything that was wrong with the world.

Even though he was tempted to throw them in the fire, he hung them in the wardrobe. He might need them at some point in the future and he'd be damned if he paid for something like them ever again. He reached in and took out an old pair of homespun trousers and plain cotton shirt. These were what he was and he was never going to forget that. He stretched out on his bed and stared up at the canopy. He fell asleep thinking of ways to use his new status to help those less fortunate.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Gavin hesitantly knocked on the door to Jethann's room. He hadn't visited the elf since he'd returned from the Deep Roads and wasn't sure what to expect. He heard the lock click and the door was pulled open.

"Gavin!" Jethann's eyes went wide. "I'm surprised to see you here. Come in, come in."

He stepped through and turned as the door was closed behind him. Whatever he'd been about to say froze on his lips as he got a good look at the elf's face. "What happened to your eye? Actually, I can see what happened, but who did it?"

Jethann shrugged, "Sometimes customers get a little rough. I'm not the first employee to get a black eye."

"Nobody deserves to be hit," Gavin shook his head. "Who's responsible? I'll find them and make sure they're very sorry," he growled out, his green-eyes flashing with anger.

"Madame Lusine took care of the former patron," the elf waived him off. "I'd rather talk about you. I figured since you haven't come to see me for over a year that you'd finally gotten together with that elf, Fenris, that you've been pining for." As hard as he tried, he couldn't keep all the hurt he was feeling from his voice.

Gavin heard it and winced, "I'm sorry for seeming to forget about you."

"You don't owe me any explanations," Jethann turned his back and busied himself with watering his plants. "We had our fun, you moved on. It's the way of things."

"You are more to me than just a means to get off," Gavin said softly. "I consider you a friend and I haven't been the best friend to you. And I haven't gotten together with Fenris yet. Still working on it."

"So, you're here for a quick fuck. Is that it?"

Gavin winced again at that statement. "Let me explain," he motioned the elf to have a seat on the bed and then sat beside him. "You know how bad off I was when I came back, having lost my brother down there. I tried to bury the pain and threw myself into fixing up the estate for my mother. I was too exhausted to dream when I went to bed. Then, once I'd fixed things up, I turned to alcohol to help me sleep without dreaming. For several months, I lost myself in a bottle. Friends finally pulled me out of it, but it took a while. I didn't forget about you, I just tried to forget myself and what happened."

Jethann felt a twinge of guilt for believing the worst of him. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Gavin shook his head. "I understand how it must have looked to you."

Jethann felt a sly smile curve his lips and, while running a slim hand up the mage's leg, whispered, "So, how about we celebrate your return to the real world."

Gavin felt a shudder run through him and briefly allowed the familiarity before pulling away and standing up. "Jethann, it's not that I don't find you attractive anymore, but I didn't come to see you for that."

The elf's mouth pursed in a moue of disappointment, "Are you sure? I really miss having you in my bed."

"I'm sure," he smiled in return. "Actually, I've come with an offer for you. You mentioned once that what you really love most is growing plants and things."

"It's rather obvious huh?" Jethann waived a hand around indicating all the potted plants in his room.

"Well, the thing is, the estate has enormous grounds," Gavin continued. "I know a little about growing things, but my father and ..brother were the experts. The estate needs someone to take care of the lawn, plants, trees, etc. And the first person I thought of was you."

"What exactly are you offering?" the elf asked suspicously.

"I want to employ you as groundskeeper for the estate," Gavin said firmly. "I can pay you 2 sovereigns a week, plus you get free room and board. There is a wing with quarters for servants right off the kitchen area."

"You're offering me a paying job?" Jethann sat up in shock. "What will your family, or even the other nobles, think?"

"My mother won't care, and I don't give a rat's ass what my uncle or the nobles think," he retorted. "I already have two dwarves living there, my manservant Bodahn and his son, so I think adding an elf will make things a little more lively around the place."

Jethann was flabbergasted. Never, in his wildest dreams, had he ever thought that a human would hire him. He'd often thought about what he could do other than whore himself for coin, but there weren't many paying positions for elves in or around the city. And most of those paid next to nothing. What Gavin was offering was a chance for him to actually make something of himself, perhaps even earn enough to someday buy his own place.

Seeing his friend was speechless, he hastened to assure him, "You can take as much time as you need to consider my offer. There are no hidden strings attached to it. I don't expect you to cook, clean, or warm my bed, just take care of the grounds." He turned to leave but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Wait, I don't need to think about it," Jethann said in a rush. "I'd be crazy to turn down your offer."

Gavin turned back with a smile, "Then get your things ready and I'll help you move. The rooms in the servants quarters are already furnished. Nothing fancy, but comfortable enough, and you're free to add anything or decorate them any way you wish."

"All right, give me until tomorrow and I'll be ready," he replied and watched as his friend left. He felt like singing, or dancing, or something. He looked around the room and thanked the Maker for the day that Gavin walked into his life.

Gavin was very happy that Jethann took him up on his offer, especially after seeing that some patron of the Blooming Rose had roughed him up. It made him angry to see things like that. He was thankful that he had family and friends that looked after him all his life. Jethann had no one. Now, he just needed to come up with a way to properly thank Fenris for all his support of late.

Wandering around the Hightown Market, he pondered what would be a suitable gift for the picky elf. Fenris had declined his offer of a room at the estate, and had resisted his attempts to buy him different clothes in the past. Maker, he just wanted to thaw the elf a little bit. How could he ever get the elf to see him as more than a friend?

Seeing a bookseller, he remembered the huge library and the numerous empty shelves in it. Deciding that he should at least start on filling them up, he opened the door and went inside. Looking around, he saw texts of varying shapes, sizes and about a wide array of topics. Going to the history section, he looked for and picked out a couple books about Kirkwall's history and the Free Marches. Might as well get a better understanding of the place he now considered his home.

He saw a shelf with various books on cooking, gardening, and home remedies. Having always tried to avoid using his magic unless absolutely necessary, he figured it might be a good idea to get a couple of those as well. As he looked around once more, he saw a shelf with some very old books on it. He walked over and perused the titles, stopping on one with a slight gasp. A book about Shartan would be a perfect gift for Fenris.

With a happy smile curving his lips, he added the book to his growing pile and took it to the merchant. After a bit of spirited haggling, he told the merchant to deliver all the other books. He would take the last one to Fenris right away. Leaving the shop, he hurried over to Fenris' place. He knocked once and then opened the door and bounded up the stairs to the second floor.

"Hey, Fenris," he called out as he entered the upper sitting room, startling the elf from his contemplations.

"Hawke, what are you doing here?" Fenris' eyebrows went up in surprise as he saw the big grin on the mage's face.

"Well, I was at the market today trying to find something to get you as a thank you gift," he replied. Seeing the elf frown he elaborated. "Well, you've been very supportive of me these last few months and I wanted to show you how much I appreciated it."

"You are my friend, isn't that what friends do for each other?" Fenris was honestly puzzled. "There was no need to buy me something."

"Yes, well, anyway, here," Gavin held out the book, holding his breath as Fenris took it from him. When he got nothing but silence, he cleared his throat nervously. "It's a book."

"I can see that," the elf said wryly.

"Yes, about Shartan, you know about him right?"

"Yes, it's just," Fenris hesitated and then looked down at his feet. "Slaves are not taught to read," he said, feeling a little ashamed at the admission. When he got nothing but silence in return, he looked up expecting to see amusement on Gavin's face. What he saw puzzled him.

"Oh, I-I d-didn't know that," Gavin stammered out, his face heating in embarassment. "I didn't mean to offend you-

"Gavin-"

"I mean, you're so well spoken and intelligent and-"

"Gavin-"

"I just never thought that you couldn't-"

"HAWKE!" Fenris shouted and finally got silence. He saw his friend appeared close to tears and hastened to reassure him. "I didn't say I didn't like it," he paused and coughed to clear his throat.

"Everyone should know how to read," Gavin said softly. "If you'd like, I could teach you. I mean, if you want me to. It doesn't have to be me-"

"I'd like that Gavin," he smiled slightly and got a relieved smile in return.

"Shall we start tonight then?" Gavin cocked his head.

"Yes," the elf agreed. "Thank you."

"No problem," he blushed a little and shrugged. "So uhm, we'd probably be more comfortable at the estate. You know, I have that big area in the library. It has a fireplace and everything. But, if you want to do it here, that's okay too."

Fenris found Gavin's hesitancy and embarassment touching, and a little amusing too. Who would have thought that such a big man, who also happened to be an accomplished mage and fighter, could be so awkward over something as simple as this? It only served to make him stand out from all the other mages he'd known. The magisters of Tevinter certainly never thought of anyone other than themselves. They also never cared about how others felt or what they thought, unless the person was more powerful and wealthy than they were.

When they'd first met, Hawke had challenged him to make his own decision about what type of mage he was. He was coming to learn that, mage or not, he was the kindest, most caring, and most sincere person he'd known in his life, at least that he could remember. It warmed him all the way to his toes and made him feel things he'd never expected to feel.

He cleared his throat, "So, have you eaten yet?"

Gavin shook his head, "I was thinking of making a meat pie tonight. You're welcome to join me for dinner?" he asked, crossing his fingers behind his back.

Fenris stared at him for a long while before nodding, "I'd like that."

"Okay, so I'll see you in a couple of hours then," Gavin smiled and then headed for the door. He didn't want to make Fenris feel like he was pushing him or something.

Fenris watched him go and then sank back into his chair by the fire, staring at the book in his hands. To be able to read! It was something he never really thought about. Not because he didn't want to learn, but because he knew it couldn't be an easy or quickly learned skill. He never thought he would meet anyone who'd have the time or the desire to teach him, an elf, who was a runaway slave to boot. He closed his eyes and said a silent thank you to Andraste for this opportunity.


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Okay, so far, so good," Gavin smiled at the elf. "Now that you have learned to read and write the alphabet and simple words, it's time to move on to books."

"I wish I had your confidence," Fenris shook his head. "I've actually tried reading things like posters and merchant signs, but haven't had much luck getting it right."

A knock on the door was followed by Leandra entering with a plate of home baked cookies. "Sorry to interrupt, but I just finished making these and thought you would like a snack while you worked."

Gavin saw Fenris' eyes light up and chuckled. The elf had developed a fondness for his mother's baked goodies. "If you're not careful, you'll end up getting fat. My mother's cooking will do that to you," he finished, patting his belly as if to prove it.

"How you have not managed to gain weight, I have no idea," Fenris shook his head.

"He's always been that way," Leandra looked fondly at her son. "He would eat enough to feed a horse and yet never gain a pound. Bethany was always so jealous of him for that. She used to gain weight at the drop of a plate."

Gavin studied his mother's face but saw no trace of the deep sadness that used to be there when thinking of his sibling. "You always made it hard to resist eating too much." He noticed she had brought someting else in beside the goodies. "What's that you have there?"

"Oh," Leandra picked up the two books she'd laid down. "I had these packed away. I was saving them for when one of you had children of your own. They're children's reading books. I thought that you could use them Fenris," she handed them to the elf.

The elf opened them to see that there were large pictures with big words in them. "These are stories?"

"Yes, two of Gavin's favorites," Leandra nodded, ignoring the groan that came from her son. "He especially liked 'The Rabbit and The Fox'. Read it so much I thought he would wear it out. He loved it so much that he wanted a pet rabbit. He was such a cute and precocious little boy."

"Mom!" Gavin whined, his face turning red with embarassment.

Fenris felt his lips twitching and bit back the laughter that threatened to burst forth. He coughed and cleared his throat, "Perhaps we should get started on the lesson before it gets much later."

"Of course, I'll leave you two alone," Leandra excused herself and left, closing the door behind her.

"I'm sorry about that," Gavin said, his face still read. "Mothers seem to enjoy embarassing their kids when they get older."

"I have no memory of my mother," Fenris frowned. "The ritual that gave me these markings wiped away any memory of my past."

"I'm sorry," Gavin said softly. "I can't imagine what that must be like." He was thoughtful for a moment. "There have been times in the past few months where I wished I could forget for a while what happened with my brother and sister."

"I would gladly deal with any pain it would bring, if only I could remember something," Fenris said just as softly.

"Maybe someday we'll find a way to get your memories back," Gavin told him. They said nothing for a few moments. "Well, let's see about getting to work here."

Fenris picked up the one Leandra had said was Gavin's favorite. He looked at the picture of the fox and rabbit on the cover and an image of the mage as a little boy reading it popped into his head. He chuckled softly at the image.

"What?" Gavin looked up sharply.

Fenris tried, unsuccessfully, to keep a smile from his lips. "I was just picturing you in short pants and reading this book." He saw the mage's face turn red again and snickered.

"Great, I'm never going to live this down," Gavin grumbled, but he wasn't really that upset. Fenris was smiling and laughing, two things he saw the elf do so rarely, and the two things he wanted to see more of. So, putting up with the embarassment was a small price to pay to see him happy.

"I promise not to tell another soul," Fenris chuckled. "It'll be our secret."

Gavin cleared his throat and stood up, "Let's sit on the sofa together. It'll be easier for us to read it that way." He went and sat down, patting the cushion next to him.

Fenris stood a little more slowly and moved to sit next to his friend. Being that close to Gavin was causing those funny feelings in his stomach again. "Why is it easier?"

"Well, I don't want to read it to you," Gavin told him. "I'm going to sit here and you are going to do your best to read each page. By sitting next to you, I can more easily see any words or sentences that you might have problems with and help you with them."

"Okay," he nodded and took a deep breath before opening the book and beginning. As they read each page, he found it getting harder to concentrate. Every time Gavin leaned forward to help him read something, he found himself fixated on the scent of the man, a light, woodsy one reminiscent of a forest after a rain storm.

For his part, Gavin thought he'd died and gone to the Maker's side. Fenris was sitting close enough for him to smell the lyrium in the elf's markings. He'd never told the elf what those actually did to him. All mages felt the pull of lyrium, the source of their magical power. Fenris was like a walking wet dream to any mage and he found himself stopping just short of actually licking the markings more than once. That combined with the musky, earthy scent of the man himself kept him on a slow burn.

Fortunately for both of them, the book wasn't all that long and they were soon finished. Fenris closed the book and looked up to see Gavin looking at him with what seemed to be pride and something else, something much deeper, in his bright green eyes. He cleared his throat, "How did I do?"

"You did extremely well," Gavin husked and looked away. "I think that soon you'll be reading novel length stories."

"Uhm, shall we try the other book?" Fenris also looked away, not sure of his feelings at the moment.

"Actually," Gavin stood up and placed the book on the table, "I shall see about helping Mother with dinner. Afterwards, we can go to the Hanged Man, play a few hands of Wicked Grace, or something." He looked back at the elf still sitting on the sofa. "As a reward for your being such an apt pupil," he smiled.

Fenris nodded and watched him leave. As soon as the door closed, he was on his feet and pacing in front of the fire. What Hawke made him feel was beyond anything he could remember. Each time they met for lessons, he felt something stir in him. He wasn't so naive that he didn't know that what he was feeling was desire, but it seemed different from other times. And, unless he was mistaken, Hawke returned those feelings. He knew the signs: the looks, the subtle touches, and the smiles. He'd just never been on the receiving end of them from a mage before.

Danarius had looked at him with lust and had taken what he wanted without a care if it was what Fenris wanted too. He had been just a slave, to be used in whatever manner his master wanted. Gavin saw him as a friend, as an equal, and looked at him with, with love? He stopped pacing as he considered that notion. Was it possible the mage was in love with him? He shook his head at the thought. No mage, no man, had ever looked at him that way. He couldn't be sure he was reading the situation correctly. If he was wrong, he risked losing the only friend he'd ever had.

Meanwhile, Gavin was wandering around the kitchen, trying to find something to do to get his mind off the elf for a while. He often simply stopped at stared at nothing for long stretches of time. Leandra shook her head at him.

"Why don't you just tell Fenris how you feel dear?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?" Gavin started guiltily.

"You love him, you should tell him that," Leandra said softly. "Life is too short to waste it sitting around waiting for something to happen. Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"Mom, does it bother you?" he asked quietly. "I mean, you talked about grandchildren-"

"I've always known that you were attracted to men," Leandra looked up from the potatoes she was peeling. "Carver is gone, as is Bethany, so I have accepted the fact that I will not have any grandchildren. You are who you are, and I love you. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I'm afraid to say anything," he sighed as he took a seat at the table. "I've tried showing him how I feel, without being too obvious about it. I don't want to scare him off. I value him as friend, first and foremost, and I don't want to lose that friendship."

"Shall I tell you what I think?" she smiled as she took a seat across from him. When he nodded, she took his hand and then held his gaze. "When your back is turned, he looks at you with longing, the same way your father looked at me. He feels more for you than mere friendship. But, he doesn't know how to express his feelings. So, it's up to you to make the first move."

"And what if he's not interested in me that way?" Gavin asked. "What if he can no longer work with me because of my feelings? I need him mom."

"Trust me on this dear," Leandra patted his hand and stood up to finish fixing dinner.

"Uh, excuse me," Bodahn said nervously from the kitchen door.

"What's up?" Gavin stood up and walked over to him.

"You have visitors," the dwarf told him. "Messere Varric and that prince fellow. They said it was urgent that they speak with you."

Gavin groaned, "There goes my plans for the evening." He exited the kitchen and walked quickly to the front sitting area. He saw that Fenris had come out of the drawing room and was standing nearby. "You look upset Varric."

"I hate to burden you with this Hawke," he shifted his feet nervously.

"Just spit it out," Gavin sighed.

"Well, there's this guy Yehven, a high standing member of the Dwarven Merchant's Guild," Varric said quickly. "He has three idiots for sons who just up and decided to follow in our footsteps into the Deep Roads." He saw Fenris stiffen and a wary look cross Hawke's face.

"And what does this have to do with me?" Gavin said quietly.

"Well, he wants us to go and find his boys and bring them back," the dwarf blurted. He saw Hawke pale noticeably.

"You're asking me to go back into the Deep Roads," he stated flatly, his fists clenching at his side.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but Yehven can cause us serious trouble, whether he's justified in his actions or not," Varric sighed.

"Hawke, if you do not wish to do this, Varric and I can make up some excuse for Yehven," Sebastian offered, his voice laced with sympathy.

Gavin turned towards the fireplace and stared into for a long time. The thought of going back down there, of possibly seeing the very spot where his brother had died, filled him with dread. He was only just starting to move on with his life and had no interest in reopening old wounds. But the idea of his friends going there without him didn't sit well with him either.

Turning back to them he looked them each in the eye and said, "We go first thing in the morning. Varric, would you find Anders and tell him that his presence is needed this time."

"I will go with you, just in case Anders gives you a hard time," Fenris moved forward toward the dwarf. "Hawke, I'll return afterwards for dinner, if that's okay with you."

"I'd like that, but we'll have to make it an early night," Gavin nodded and silently watched them leave. He looked towards the kitchen and sighed heavily. His mother wasn't going to like this.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"What is he doing?" Varric asked as he and the others stood waiting behind Hawke at the entrance to the Deep Roads. Hawke was standing there, holding the staff his brother gave him, staring into the darkness ahead of them.

"Building up his courage, I believe," Fenris said quietly.

"He was in pretty bad shape after you returned the last time," Sebastian told them. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for him."

"I heard that his brother died on the expedition," Anders said softly, looking at Varric. "You never did say what exactly happened."

"Why do you want to know?" Fenris growled, glaring at the healer.

"Because, if we all knew what happened, maybe we can help him better," Anders retorted.

"He became tainted by the darkspawn," the dwarf told him.

Anders groaned and closed his eyes, "Shit, no wonder he doesn't want to go back." He remained silent for a moment. "He had to kill his brother didn't he?"

"Yes," Fenris said.

"Blondie, how in blazes did you guess that?" Varric goggled at him.

"Because death or becoming a Warden are the only two choices for someone who is tainted," Anders said flatly.

"You sound certain of that," Sebastian eyed him closely.

"Being a Grey Warden myself, of course I am," the healer snapped, not liking the tone of the prince's voice. "The thing no one knows, is that becoming a warden only postpones your death for a couple of decades, so it really isn't a cure. Not that the Wardens care," he finished with a growl.

"What do you mean by postponing death?" Gavin asked, having silently rejoined them.

"Becoming a Grey Warden is a death sentence," Anders said, anger lighting his eyes. "Only they don't tell you that ahead of time. They also don't tell you that only about half of those who attempt the Joining actually survive it. Those that don't? Let's just say I never want to see it happen again."

"Are you saying you're going to die?" Varric's eyebrows rose in shock.

"Eventually your body can't fight off the taint, and you start to lose your mind," Anders' voice became quiet and a little haunted. "The nightmares that always plague you become more violent, so much so that you start to see death as a release. When that happens, the wardens enter into the Deep Roads to fight the darkspawn until death finds them. I have maybe another twenty years left."

"But you chose to become one," Sebastian frowned.

"No, I was conscripted," the healer argued. "It was either that or be dragged back to the Circle again. After I survived the process they told me all these lovely little details. I often wonder if I would have been better off going back to the Circle. At least then I would have a chance to escape again. I can't escape being a warden, no matter how far I run."

Gavin looked down at his feet thinking hard about what he'd heard. "It almost sounds like you think my brother is better off."

"Some fates are worse than death," Anders said softly. He was silent for a moment and then looked at them a little guiltily. "Uh, listen, I would appreciate it if you don't tell anyone else what I've told you. The last thing I need is for the Wardens to come hunting me."

"What do you mean?" Fenris asked sharply.

"Well, the whole thing about how people become Wardens is supposed to be secret," the healer shrugged. "Not that I think any of you had plans to join them. But, if people knew ahead of time what was going to happen, I think the Wardens would have a very difficult time getting recruits."

"If you had been with us the last time, could you have saved Carver?" Gavin asked.

"Only the senior wardens know how the Joining Ritual works," Anders shook his head. "There were some wardens floating around the Free Marches at the time, but who or where they were I never bothered to find out. I preferred to keep my head down. I'm sorry."

Gavin waived off the apology, "No, it's alright." He studied the healer for a moment. "How is this going to affect you? What can we expect?"

"Well, the deeper we have to go, the more likely we are to encounter darkspawn," Anders replied. "That means that my nightmares will get worse. Unfortunately, there's no way to stop them. Believe me, I've tried every magical and non-magical trick I could think of. At least there's no Archdemon now. The dreams are even worse during a Blight." He shrugged and grinned ruefully, "You take what you can get."

"Wardens can sense darkspawn right?" Varric asked.

"Yes, and the larger the group or more powerful the darkspawn, the easier it is," the healer nodded. "The opposite holds true though. They can sense me. But, at least I can warn you when that happens so that you're not taken by surprise."

"So, no sneaking by any groups we encounter," Fenris stated.

"If you're that concerned by it then I'll stay behind," Anders said in irritation.

"No!" Gavin shouted, flashing the elf a quelling look. "I need you down there." There was a long moment of silence before he turned around and faced the entrance once more. "Waiting isn't going to make this any easier. Let's go."

Fenris moved up to Gavin's side, with Sebastian and Varric right behind them and Anders bringing up the rear. The healer shook his head, "I hate the blasted Deep Roads."

The group was silent as they entered and began to retrace their route. It was easy for the first few miles, but then the dark and the twisting tunnels got all but Varric confused. The dwarf changed places with Fenris, who dropped back to walk beside Sebastian.

"Are you a follower of Andraste Fenris?" the prince asked quietly.

"No," the elf said shortly. "I don't know if I even believe in the Maker anymore."

"I know that being a slave in Tevinter and what you must have gone through probably soured your faith."

Fenris looked sidelong at the prince and said angrily, "Don't presume that you have any idea, your highness. As far as my faith, I can't say I have any, or that I ever had any."

"Even if you don't believe in him, the Maker believes in you," Sebastian said firmly.

"You really believe that?" Anders said skeptically. "Personally I think that He doesn't care one bit what happens to us here. How else can something like the Circle in Kirkwall exist?"

"Do not start on one of your rants about the mages again," Fenris growled. He was looking back as he said this and so didn't realize Hawke had stopped until he almost bumped into him.

"Please, I don't want you arguing, not here, not now," Gavin begged. "This is hard enough on me without having to listen to you two."

"Sorry Hawke," Fenris looked down at his feet, his ears burning in embarassment.

"Sorry," Anders echoed. "Besides, I'm supposed to be feeling for darkspawn, not arguing theology. Right Hawke?" he smiled tentatively.

"Yes, thank you," Gavin smiled slightly and turned back to resume their path.

They continued on, searching every possible corner for any sign of the three missing dwarves. Secretly, Gavin had hoped they would find them quickly, because he didn't want to go that far in. But, it seemed that with each area they moved through, the less likely that would be the case.

"Uhm, Hawke, hold on a moment," Varric put up his hand. They had reached an area that he recognized. One that he hadn't been able to get out of his mind since the last time he was here.

"What's wrong?" Sebastian asked.

"Around that bend there is the first campsite from the last time we were here," the dwarf said quietly and saw Hawke's eyes go wide even as his face lost all color.

Fenris swore loudly as he realized what that meant. "Is there another way around?"

"What is it?" Anders looked between them.

"Carver's cairn is just ahead," Varric said softly, before turning to answer Fenris. "We could probably take this tunnel around it, would add a day-

"No, I want to see it," Gavin interrupted, his voice pained. "I-I need to see it."

Sebastian stepped up and placed a hand on Hawke's shoulder. "If that's what you want, then lead on. Know that you're not alone," he said quietly.

Gavin nodded and swallowed hard before tightening his grip on the staff in his hands and moving forward slowly. In a few minutes he had reached the bend and, taking a deep breath, stepped around it and faced the open area beyond. It was dark, but not so much that he couldn't see the outline of the pile of rocks covering his brother's body.

"It looks completely undisturbed," he whispered as he moved towards it.

Fenris lit the torch he'd brought and a warm light washed over them. In the clear light of the torch, it was easier to see the cairn. It looked the same as when they had left it almost two years ago. He looked closer, studying the ground around it. "Darkspawn have been here, but it seems they have not touched anything."

"Praise the Maker, blessings to his holy bride Andraste," Sebastian said reverently. "The darkspawn are evil and hold nothing sacred. Surely it is only by the Maker's will that your brother's remains are unspoiled by their evil hands."

Hawke went to his knees by the stones and placed on hand on it. The others could see his lips move, but not the words he was speaking. Fenris, standing to the side of him, could see his face and clearly saw the tears that fell. Shifting a little he looked at the others and motioned them away.

"I think we should make camp here for a while," he suggested.

"Yes, that would be a good idea," Sebastian nodded. "Hawke should have as much time as he needs to make his peace."

Anders moved away from them a little, staring intently down the far tunnel. He felt something, but it was a faint presence. Either too far away or too weak to be any trouble for them. Still, he knew he would need to stay on his guard. He returned to the others, "There are darkspawn in the area, but they don't seem to be aware of us yet. I will keep myself alert for if that changes."

It wasn't until supper was almost ready that Hawke rejoined them. He took a seat silently between Fenris and Sebastian. "It smells good," he said quietly, his voice heavy with emotion.

"Dried rabbit stew, House Tethras special," Varric joked and was rewarded with a small smile from him.

"Anders said there are darkspawn about, but not close," Fenris told him.

"So, we'll need to stand watch," Gavin sighed, not really feeling up to it.

"I won't be getting much sleep down here anyway, so I will do double watch," Anders told him. "You rest as much as you want."

Gavin nodded and once he'd finished eating, he set up his bedroll and lay down, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and staring into the fire. He saw Fenris lay out his own bedroll between him and the far tunnel and felt a warm glow spread through him. It seemed that the elf was determined to protect him, which filled him with hope that perhaps his mother had been right about how he felt about him.

Sebastian meanwhile had gotten up and gone over to the cairn. He said the prayers for the dead, asking the Maker to hold Carver close to his heart and to guard his remains from the evil that lurked below. Once done, he went and set up his bedroll just to the right of Hawke. In this way, no enemy would be able to approach the mage without someone noticing.

Varric, who had joined Anders on watch, grumbled to the healer, "I just hope that this isn't a wild goose chase. If all we find are three dead, stupid dwarves, I will personally rip Yehven a new one for making Hawke go through this."

"Hawke is strong, perhaps the strongest mage I've ever met," Anders told him. "He will come through this better than the rest of us I suspect."

"Blondie, there's only so much pain any man can take," the dwarf argued.

"Hawke will be fine," Anders affirmed.

"Yeah? We'll see, won't we," he shrugged and fell silent, listening to the even breathing of their companions. He really did hope the healer was right.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Gavin and the others stood silently and watched Merin, Emrys, and Varric as the three stood over the body of Iwan, performing whatever rites dwarves did for their dead. Iwan had abandoned his brothers, left them to die at the hands of the darkspawn to go chasing after some half-forgotten treasure. He had paid for his treachery with his life. Gavin found himself feeling glad that Iwan was dead. He felt the dwarf had gotten just what he deserved. He also felt relief that they could finally leave this place.

"Hey, this is a control rod," Varric said as he picked up a long cylindrical object.

"Iwan said the sword was guarded by golems," Emrys pointed out, glancing down the tunnel just ahead of them. "It must be this way."

Gavin felt anger rise up in him as the three dwarves turned to the far tunnel. "NO!" he shouted at them. "We are not going to go chasing after something that possibly doesn't even exist."

"But Hawke," Varric protested. "The sword could be worth more than anything else we brought out."

"That's just stupid greed talking," he growled, glaring at them. "Greed made Bartrand betray us, which led to my brother's death. Greed led Iwan to betray his brothers, leading to his own death. There is nothing down here but death."

"Hawke is right," Anders spoke up. "The darkspawn have been regaining their numbers, and golems are nothing to be messing around with. We should return to the surface as quickly as possible."

Gavin saw the three dwarves look at each other and then turn towards the far tunnel. Rage such as he'd seldom felt before filled him as he realized they were seriously considering moving forward, despite protests to the contrary. With a snarl, he lashed out with his magic, grabbing the three dwarves and yanking them backwards.

Varric yelped and dropped the control rod as he felt his feet leave the ground. Before his very eyes, he watched as the rod was grabbed by an invisible hand and set sailing towards the far tunnel. Then he felt a thump in the ground and the sound of rock cracking. Before his eyes, he saw the rock caving in and blocking the downward passage. Getting slowly to his feet, he turned to Hawke angrily, intending to curse him, but one look at the mage's face caused him to remain silent.

Fenris stared at Hawke as the mage unleashed his power. The mage's green eyes were blazing and his lips were twisted in an angry snarl. His lyrium markings hummed with the power radiating from the mage. He saw that even Anders was gaping at Hawke as if unable to believe what he was seeing.

After the tunnel was completely blocked, he glared one last time at the three dwarves before turning and storming off back the way they had come. He paid no heed to the cries of the others to wait or slow down, his anger making him all but deaf to it. "Stupid, greedy, grubbing dwarves, Void take them," he spat furiously.

"Okay, I can see you're angry, but slow down Hawke," Varric gasped out, having begun to fall behind, his short legs unable to keep pace with the elf or the humans in front of him.

Gavin came to a sudden stop, causing Fenris to stumble sideways to avoid crashing into him. He waited until the dwarves had caught up before turning and moving again, this time slowing his pace a little to make it easier on everyone.

"It seems you forgot just how long your legs are," Varric said with a small laugh once he'd regained his breath. There was no response from the mage and he frowned.

"Hawke, I've never seen you lash out like that before," Fenris said in concern.

"Well, greedy dwarves seem to bring out the worst in me," he snarled, glaring back at the three of them.

"The last time we made camp, you didn't sleep," Anders stated.

"So?" Gavin glared at his fellow mage.

"Lack of sleep can cause unpredictable-"

"Drop it Anders," he snapped.

"Is there a reason you've been unable to sleep?" Sebastian asked.

"None of your business," Gavin shot a nasty look at the prince.

Fenris saw Varric about to say something and quickly stepped in. "If Hawke doesn't wish to discuss this, we should respect that," he said firmly, giving each of them a hard look. Coming to a narrow part of the tunnel, he stopped, blocking the path between Gavin and the others. "I've had plenty of experience with angry mages," he told them in a low voice. "It is not healthy to push them when they get like this. If you value your skins, don't talk about what happened down here unless he brings it up first."

After that, the group remained silent as they trudged along behind Hawke. The mage didn't bother to stop for several hours, and then only let them rest for a couple before continuing on. In this way, they made record time and were back to where Carver's resting place was in about half the time it took them going the other way.

"Are we making camp here?" Fenris asked.

"We'll rest for a few hours, then move on," Gavin shook his head. "I don't want to stay down here any longer."

The others merely looked at each other and then found places to rest and wait. Fenris moved to where Anders was leaning against a rock. "Why were you questioning Hawke's lack of sleep?" he asked quietly, so as not to be overheard.

"A lack of sleep can strain the temper of any man," Anders said matter of factly. "With a mage of Hawke's power than can present certain dangers to those around him."

"How do you know he hasn't been sleepng?" the elf asked suspiciously.

"Don't give me that look," Anders hissed. "I haven't been able to sleep at all myself, because of my nightmares. The difference is that I'm used to going without sleep for days, Hawke isn't."

Fenris opened his mouth to say more but suddenly saw Gavin was watching them intently. Shrugging, he moved away and took up a seat near his friend. He watched the mage out of the corner of his eye. Gavin seemed to have calmed down somewhat, but didn't say a word, not even a question about his conversation with Anders.

For his part, Gavin's anger began to subside and feelings of guilt started to surface. It wasn't his companions fault that the dwarves had made him angry, or that he hadn't been able to get a decent rest the last time they'd made camp. He could feel Fenris eyeing him and knew that he would have to explain himself to the elf. The last thing he wanted to do was jeopardize his relationship with him. Fenris' trust and happiness were the most important things in the world to him. But this wasn't the time or the place for a heart to heart. He watched silently as the others began to nod off. He wasn't sleepy at all.

After about four hours, Gavin got to his feet and moved around waking the others up. "We're less than half a day from the surface," he told them once they were all on their feet. "We'll make camp up there."

He turned and continued onward, the others falling silently in step behind him. He didn't hurry them as much as before, knowing that they were as tired as he was. Several hours later saw them all stumbling out of the dark and into the bright light of the forest surrounding the cave entrance. Looking up, he saw that it appeared to be mid afternoon. He turned to the others, "Sebastian, there was a small stream a couple of miles from here where we can make camp. Would you lead the way for the others? I wish to speak with Fenris in private."

Sebastian glanced sidelong at the elf before nodding, "Certainly Hawke. Don't be too long, night comes early this time of year."

Fenris watched the others leave and then turned his attention to his friend. He shifted from one foot to another as he watched Gavin pace slowly back and forth, his forehead creased in a frown. Finally, after waiting for what seemed hours, he asked, "What did you wish to talk about?"

Gavin looked up and around at the elf and then sighed heavily before moving and leaning his back against a tree. "I owe you an explanation of my behavior."

"You don't have to if-"

"Yes, I do," the mage insisted. "I don't want there to ever be any doubts or questions in your mind about me or my powers or my intentions. I value your friendship and companionship too highly for that."

Fenris felt a warm glow fill him at those words. No one had ever said they valued him as a friend before. The fact that it was this man, this mage, was even more amazing. He set his back against the tree behind him and folded his arms, willing to give Gavin the time he needed.

After spending a few minutes gathering his thoughts, Gavin began. "You know of course about the Fade. And you know that all beings except dwarves go there when they dream. However, it is only mages that can actually remain self aware and interact with it and the creatures within."

"It is why mages are so vulnerable to demons," Fenris nodded.

"Correct, and until recently, I never feared entering the Fade," Gavin continued. "I've been approached before, but I've never had any problems distinguishing the tricks and lies of demons from my own visions. I've always been able to easily dismiss them, even those of a Pride Demon. My father told me that it was rare for a mage's will to be so strong as to be able to see through the lies of the strongest of the demons."

"Something changed in the Deep Roads, didn't it?"

Gavin glanced at the elf before turning his back to him. "For the first time I faced temptations that hit very close to my heart. The first being one of having my brother back. However, all I felt was anger when the demon put that little illusion forth. I believe in the Maker, Fenris, and I know that Carver has found his peace at His side. I was so repulsed by it that I highly doubt she will try it again."

"She? So it was a desire demon," Fenris said flatly. He knew the dangers such a creature posed, being one of the strongest of the Fade's denizens.

"She didn't give up however," Gavin shook his head. "Her next offering was more subtle, but far more compelling. She offered me the one thing I want more than anything else in this world, but am afraid of never having. This angered me as well, because it was so cruel. I have feared closing my eyes since then, too afraid of what she would do. The only way I can face her again is by telling you about it."

Fenris felt his stomach clench at those words. It never failed, demons always found a weakness and mages always fell to the temptation. Were his recent actions because of a demon's influence? Fearing the answer, but fearing not knowing even more, he asked, "What did she offer? Power, wealth-"

"You," Gavin interrupted softly.

Fenris felt his mouth drop open in surprise. He blinked once, twice and then managed to whisper, "Me?"

Gavin turned around and saw that Fenris was staring at him in total surprise. Nervously he approached until he stood before the elf, looking down into those amazing dark green eyes. "Yes, you."

Fenris stared upwards, his ears hearing the words but his mind not really grasping them. "Why?"

Slowly Gavin went to his knees before the elf, before reaching out and gently grasping one of his gauntleted hands. Looking up, he held that green gaze with his own. "Because you are strong, brave, intelligent and the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. Because every time you smile, my heart skips. Because every time I hear you laugh, my stomach gets filled with butterflies. Because the mere sound of your voice causes tingles up and down my spine. You are everything to me Fenris and I want you so badly that I actually hurt at times."

Fenris stared down into bright green eyes that were filled with hope, desire and something far deeper. It stunned him to see a mage as powerful as this one on his knees before him. It was a submissive position that he never thought to see any mage put himself in. "I'm an escaped slave, with no home to call his own. I have nothing to give you," he protested.

"You are not a slave anymore Fenris," Gavin said softly. "You are free to choose who you want to be and who you want to be with. I don't need money or a home or anything else but you."

"I once swore that no mage would ever own me again," Fenris growled and saw the man flinch.

"I don't own you and I don't want to own you," Gavin said fiercely. "In fact, if anyone owns anybody, then it is _you _who owns _me_. You own my heart Fenris. It is yours to do with as you wish. To cherish or crush as you will. I am yours Fenris. There is nothing that I would not do for you."

Fenris stared down at him and saw that he was completely serious. He could see no lies in the mage's eyes, hear no deceit in his voice. Gavin meant everything and the feeling this engendered in him was hard to describe. Hesitantly, he reached up and cupped the back of the mages head gently in one of his hands. "Mine?" he breathed as he leaned down.

"Yours," Gavin whispered and then closed the distance between them so he could capture the elf's lips with his own. He felt Fenris resist at first before swiftly taking control and deepening the kiss. The elf's grip on his head tightenend and he moaned as Fenris' tongue ravaged his mouth.

Finally, they broke apart, gasping for air. Fenris opened his eyes to find the mage's still closed, a look of bliss on his face. When Gavin opened his eyes, he gasped at the heat he saw in them. He felt a chill breeze brush across his skin and looked up to see that the sky was getting dark. Tempting as it was to continue what was started, he knew that it was not safe to do so here. "We should go find the others."

Gavin slowly got to his feet, his face dropping in disappointment. "I guess we should."

Fenris smiled at the almost petutlant tone and said softly, "When we get back to Kirkwall, we can thoroughly discuss this and find out just how much you are mine." He heard the mage's sharp intake of breath and saw the shiver that went through him.

"Sounds good to me," Gavin breathed.


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Gavin stopped just inside the gates to Hightown. "Varric, when you speak with Yehven, make sure you get a substantial reward for our troubles."

"Will do Hawke," the dwarf nodded, a gleam in his eye.

"Also, I want you to give my share to Anders," he said and saw his fellow mage gape at him. "You need it for supplies for your clinic."

"It's not necessary, I do manage well enough," Anders protested.

"You treat many of the poor for free," he shook his head. "Most of them are refugees, just like I was, only they lacked the skills and opportunities to make a better life for themselves. I want to help them and this is the best use of my money."

"Give my share to the clinic as well," Sebastian spoke up. "The Chantry provides most of what I need, and I have some money of my own."

Anders swallowed hard, unable to express his gratitude. "If you're sure, then I won't say no, thank you."

"Since you don't need me any further, I'm going home," Gavin told them. "I can't wait to get into a nice hot bath." He turned to the elf beside him, "Walk with me?"

Fenris nodded, said his farewells, and fell into step beside his mage. Since their conversation days ago, he'd been thinking that more and more, _his mage_. After they walked a ways in silence, he finally brought up the subject that he was sure was on Gavin's mind as much as his. "I hope you don't have any plans for tonight. We do have some things to discuss."

"No, no plans, well, other than a bath, and supper of course," Gavin answered nervously. His stomach suddenly felt full of butterflies. "You're going to join me, for dinner I mean, yes?"

"Wouldn't miss it," the elf replied, a small smile curving his lips. They came to a stop just outside the gate to the Hawke estate. "Give me an hour or so to go home and clean up myself."

Gavin nodded his agreement and watched the elf saunter off. Smiling to himself, he hurried inside. "Mother, I'm home," he called out as he entered the foyer.

Leandra came running out of the kitchen and grabbed him in a huge hug, "Oh my baby, I'm so glad you came back safe. I could barely sleep from worrying about you being down in that horrible place." She suddenly pulled back, wrinkling her nose. "Whew! First thing you'll do is take a bath."

"I know, I do smell rather ripe," he grinned ruefully.

"Yes," she nodded. "The water is hot as always, so I'll have Sandal fill the tub while you go get some clean clothes. I'll give these dirty things to Bodahn to clean," she indicated what he had on. She suddenly grabbed him in another hug, "I'm so glad you're alright."

Gavin returned the hug, feeling himself fully relaxing for the first time in weeks. There was nothing like coming home to family. "Oh, before I forget, Fenris is coming for dinner tonight."

Leandra pulled back and studied his face closely, something in his tone calling all her mothering instincts to the fore. "Is there something I should know?" she teased.

Gavin felt his cheeks flush and he couldn't keep a silly smile from his face. "I finally told him how I feel, and he feels the same way."

"Oh, that's wonderful," she cried. "I'm glad the two of you finally acknowledged what is between you. Now maybe you'll admit that your mother is always right about these things."

"Don't rub it in too much, mom," he grumbled.

Leandra turned him towards the stairs, "Go and make yourself presentable. I'll get started on dinner. It will have to be something extra special for this occasion."

"You don't have to go out of your way," he protested as he headed up.

"I know that, but I want to do this for you," she stated. "Don't forget to wash behind your ears," she scolded.

Gavin shook his head as she hurried away to the kitchen. Even though she sometimes treated him like he was still her little boy, he never complained about it. It kind of made things seem normal again. Upstairs, he quickly rummaged through his wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. He didn't want to wear his usual clothes because most needed some kind of repair. But, he didn't want to get too fancy because it might make Fenris uncomfortable. He finally chose a pair of black leather breeches and a cream colored silk shirt.

He whistled as he headed down the stairs to the bathing chamber. When he'd been restoring the place, he'd discovered that the room had a huge vat for holding water, with a firepit located right below it. It was easy to keep the water inside hot, so that he could have a hot bath whenever he wished. Along with his huge bed, it was his favorite thing about the estate. He could get used to some of the luxuries being rich allowed him.

"Hello Sandal, everything ready?" he asked as he stepped inside.

"Enchantment!" the dwarf cackled before scampering out.

Gavin shook his head and quickly stripped off his dirty clothes. He stepped into the tub and with a groan of pleasure, submerged himself to the neck. This was just what he needed. He closed his eyes and thought about the possible outcomes of this evening with Fenris. He knew what he wanted: the elf naked and willing in his bed. However, he also knew that Fenris had some bad experiences in his past too, and so if it didn't happen tonight, he could live with that. It was enough to know that his feelings were returned.

"Do you need me to wash your back messere?" Bodhan asked as he entered.

Gavin started, not having heard his manservant come in. "Oh, uhm, no, that's alright Bodhan."

'"Very good ser," he nodded. "I'll just take these clothes and get them cleaned. Mistress Amell asked me to tell you that supper will be ready in a couple of hours."

"Thank you Bodhan," Gavin nodded in return. As much as he would have liked to soak for an hour, he knew that Fenris would be arriving soon and he'd already dawdled longer than was necessary.

Bodhan answered the knock of the door and bowed the elf in, "Welcome ser. Mistress Amell said that you should make yourself comfortable in the study while she prepares dinner. Messere Hawke is still getting ready. Is there anything I can get for you?"

Fenris was unused to being treated like a respected guest and found himself a little flustered. "I'm fine for now, thank you," he finally remembered his manners.

"Very good ser, I'll leave you to it," Bodhan nodded and disappeared towards the back of the mansion.

Fenris went to the study and wandered around it for a while. Seeing the large glass doors to the side gardens, he decided to wait on the patio. The day was still sunny and warm enough, might as well enjoy it. Also, he needed to relax a little bit. He wasn't exactly sure what to expect to happen tonight, how far things might go. He'd been dreaming of taking Hawke in that huge bed of his ever since their conversation a week ago.

He settled himself on the bench and contemplated what he might say. He wasn't exactly the best at conversation, unless it was a discussion about things he knew, like fighting. He looked down at his feet and tried to gather some ideas. A cheerful whistling suddenly distracted him and, looking up, saw a red-haired elf pushing a wheelbarrow.

"Hello, you must be Fenris," Jethann greeted as he came to a stop in front of the other elf. "Gavin's told me alot about you. I can see why he wants you, you're gorgeous darling."

Fenris just stared, too surprised by the compliment and the fact this elf knew who he was to respond right away. "And who are you?" he finally managed to ask.

"My manners," the red-head said. "My name's Jethann and I'm the groundskeeper for the estate."

"You and Hawke talked about me?" he asked suspiciously. "How long have you known him?"

"I've known Gavin for years, and it's more like he talks and I listen," Jethann chuckled. "I'm a good listener." He paused a moment, seeing that the other elf still seemed suspicious. Time to put him at ease. "I have to say, I'm quite jealous of you."

"Why would you be jealous?" Fenris was startled.

"Gavin is the kindest, most honorable shem I've ever met," he answered. "He's also the handsomest. I can only hope I find someone as kind and loving as him someday. You're very lucky you know. That man practically worships the ground you walk on. I think he'd do just about anything for you," he finished with a sigh. He saw the other elf relax a little.

"So, you're a servant here?" Fenris asked cautiously. He didn't think Gavin was the type to keep a slave. At least he hoped not.

"Yes, Gavin pays me two sovereigns a week," Jethann grinned. "I've been using some of it to help out people I know in the Alienage. I'm also trying to save as much as I can. One day, I hope to have enough to build a home and life for myself away from the city."

"That's good of him," was all he could think to reply.

"Don't take this the wrong way, because I just want to see Gavin happy," Jethann got serious. "Be careful in your dealings with him. He may look big and tough, but inside he's a real softie. He's also been hurt in the past. The way he feels about you gives you enormous power over him. If you're not careful, you could break him, and I don't want to see that happen."

"Why are you telling me this?" Fenris was a little angry at the presumption of the gardener.

"Because if you're not serious about him then you should walk away right now," Jethann retorted. "If all you want is a casual relationship, then you're barking up the wrong tree."

"I don't do casual," he growled. "But I don't know where this is going yet either."

"Well, just make sure he understands that," Jethann said as he picked up the handles of the wheelbarrow once more. "He's not entirely sure where you two are headed himself. Just be honest with him from the start and you should be fine."

Fenris watched the other elf go, a frown darkening his features. The way Jethann was behaving seemed to indicate that there was more than just friendship between him and Hawke. The idea of the other elf being with Gavin in bed made a hot lick of jealousy curl in his stomach. No sooner had that happened than he was chastising himself for it. He had no right to be jealous of someone from Gavin's past, especially since he couldn't remember his own past. He'd had sex a couple of times after leaving Danarius, but no relationships. Being on the run, having to hide all the time, made it impossible to form attachments.

Hearing voices coming from the study, he got to his feet and went back inside. He moved towards the fireplace and sat in one of the big armchairs in front of it. Maybe he didn't know where his relationship with Hawke was headed yet, but he made a promise to himself to be as honest as possible with the mage. He owed him that much at least.

"Mom, stop fussing, we'll be fine," Gavin said as he paused in the door to the study. He smiled and closed the door before turning to meet Fenris' gaze. "She means well, but it gets kind of embarassing."

"You're lucky to have your mother with you," the elf responded. "If I could regain one memory of my past, I would want it to be of my own mother. I sometimes wonder if she was at all like yours."

"Hopefully, you will remember some day," he said softly. Holding up a bottle of wine he smiled, "Can I interest you in a glass of Aggregio Pavali before dinner?"

Fenris chuckled and nodded. The evening was off to a good start. Hopefully, it would end as well or better than it began.


	28. Chapter 27

**Author's Note:** I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have added this story to your favorites and/or alert lists. I also want to thank all of you who have left me reviews. I do try to answer each one, but sometimes am unable to or forget to. I do appreciate them.

Chapter 27

Fenris took a seat in one of the chairs next to the fire in the study. His stomach was pleasantly full from the excellent meal Leandra had prepared for them. Afterwards, she had excused herself for the night, and dismissed the servants as well, leaving him and Hawke alone. He studied the man as Hawke poured them each a glass of wine. Those black breeches were tight in all the right places, outlining a very nice ass. As he felt himself grow warm from more than just the fire, he thought that perhaps such things should be illegal to wear. They certainly played havoc with his senses. The silk shirt also clung to the well-muscled physique of the mage, which in itself was a real turn on for him. He'd never met a mage that was so strongly built, or so physically fit.

As Hawke turned to hand him his glass, the firelight seemed to catch the bright green eyes, making them glow like rare emeralds. His own eyes seemed almost mundane in comparison. He closed his eyes as he took a sniff of the wine in his glass before taking a small sip. "Mmm, very nice," he murmured.

"Orlesian Red, a very fine vintage, or so I was told," Gavin replied with a smile.

"You seem to have developed some refined tastes in recent months," he mused.

"Mother insisted that I learn such things, just so I wouldn't feel like a country bumpkin on those rare occasions where we had to dine with other nobles," Gavin told him, walking over and sitting on the floor at Fenris' feet and leaning back against the chair.

The elf's eyebrows went skyward. He'd never had someone willingly sit this close to him, and the feelings it stirred in him were confusing. In Tevinter, no magister would ever put himself in such a position, it was too servile. Just one more way in which Hawke was different from any mage he'd ever met. He cleared his throat, "You've always had a noble air about you, even dressed in homespun."

Gavin glanced over his shoulder at the elf, a pleased grin on his lips. "I'll take that as a compliment."

They sat silently for a while, sipping their wine and watching the dancing flames in the fireplace. Fenris had thought he would be uncomfortable, as the setting was rather intimate, something he wasn't accustomed to. But this, it felt right, felt like he belonged, a feeling he'd never experienced before.

"Danarius often referred to me as his," he said quietly. "All the magisters referred to their personal slaves this way. There, it meant that they could do whatever they wished, whether it be using the slave for personal pleasure or for some other reason."

Gavin took another sip of wine and then said softly, "You're wondering what I meant when I said that I was yours. You're wondering what kind of power that gives you over me."

"Well, yes," he shifted uncomfortably. "I only have my memories of my time as a slave. I-", he broke off, unable to express what exactly he was feeling.

Gavin got to his knees and turned to face him, setting his glass down on the hearth. He caught and held the other man's eyes, "I want to make you happy Fenris, and I will do anything you wish. I've never felt this way about anyone, never trusted anyone the way I trust you. I am willing to put myself in your hands, let you do with me as you wish. I want you to take me, to claim me as yours."

Fenris' breath hitched when he saw the passion blazing in those emerald eyes. A powerful wave of lust washed through him as he heard those words. He drained his glass and set it on the small table next to the chair. Leaning forward, he gripped the back of Gavin's head with one hand and leaned forward, pinning the other man in place with his stare. "Then I will claim you," he growled and pulled him into a fierce kiss.

Gavin gasped as Fenris ravished his mouth. He'd dreamed of this moment so many times, but the reality was far better. He was instantly hard and his whole body shivered at the power and passion he felt emanating from the elf. When the lips withdrew he actually whimpered in disappointment.

"Your bedroom will be far more comfortable than here," Fenris growled out. "Upstairs, now."

Gavin shivered again and hastily got to his feet. As he walked, he could feel the elf's eyes on him and his heartbeat quickened as his breathing became unsteady. He entered his room and moved towards the bed, turning around as he heard the door shut and lock behind them. The heat in those moss green eyes as they met his made him gulp. He held the other man's gaze as he slowly began to undue the laces on his shirt.

Fenris watched avidly as Gavin stripped in front of him. He'd seen him without his shirt before, but never under these circumstances. The firelight gleamed on pale, smooth, and nearly hairless skin, seeming to define each and every muscle on the well toned body. As those strong hands moved to the laces of the leather breeches, his pulse quickened and his leggings became extremely tight. He licked his lips in anticipation.

Gavin paused for a moment. "I want to see you too," he husked. He kicked off his slippers and pushed down the tight breeches, his eyes never leaving the elf.

Fenris had worn his armor, minus the gauntlets, to the mansion. He didn't really have anything else to wear, and he didn't feel comfortable running around Hightown in anything less than armor. The streets were not safe at night. He'd left his greatsword in the foyer, figuring he wouldn't be needing it until later. Still, though he'd hoped to find himself alone with Gavin like this, he'd not really expected it. He peeled off the top and then set about peeling off the leggings. Unlike the other man, he had no small clothes on underneath, and he hesitated briefly before kicking them aside. He cautiously looked up, hoping that Gavin didn't find him repulsive.

"Maker's breath Fenris, you're beautiful," Gavin whispered, his voice almost reverent. Without conscious thought, he moved to stand in front of the elf, and then sank to his knees. His hand reached out to softly trace the lines of lyrium on Fenris' skin. "So beautiful," he murmured as his eyes fixed on the hardened length in front of him. Looking up, he held Fenris' gaze as he took him in his mouth.

Fenris could feel his face heat as a warm glow suffused him from the praise. When Gavin took him in his mouth, he almost forgot to breathe. It had been a long time since anyone had done this for him, and the mage was obviously talented. It took only a few moments before he had to push the man away. "Stop, or I won't be able to control myself," he gasped. "Get on the bed," he ordered.

Gavin hurried to do as he was told, pausing only to remove his small clothes before climbing on the bed. He stretched out on his back and watched with bated breath as Fenris climbed up to loom over him. The moment he'd been dreaming about for almost three years was finally here. The intensity in Fenris' gaze made him swallow nervously.

Fenris for his part could see something besides desire in the mage's eyes. It almost looked like fear. Given what he knew of the man's past, it was understandable, but also surprising. Gavin had obviously been intimate with Jethann. "Tell me what's wrong," he ordered softly.

"I, uhm, I've not allowed anyone to, you know," Gavin stammered. "Not since I was fourteen."

Fenris' eyes widened with understanding. When he'd been with the Fog Warriors, a rather skilled man had shown him how sex between two lovers was supposed to be. He too had known little pleasure and much pain from being penetrated. But, Alaric had been patient and understanding, just as he would have to be now. "If you do not wish this-"

"No, I do," Gavin protested. "I know in my head what it's supposed to be like. I do trust you Fenris."

"Then lay back," the elf murmured. "I want you to not think, but just feel. I won't hurt you." He started with soft kisses, then moved on to little licks along Gavin's neck and down to his chest. He circled each of the man's nipples, all the while his hands stroked soothingly along the sides. As he continued to kiss, lick and suck, he allowed one hand to move slowly down to gently fondle Gavin's erection. He used one knee to spread the mage's thighs, allowing him to settle between them.

Gavin felt as if his entire body was on fire, and he couldn't stop from moaning when the elf handled his hard length. He felt the elf's fingers move downward, caressing the base of his cock and then his balls. As pleasurable as it was, he couldn't help tensing as the elf's fingers circled around his hole. He could hear Fenris saying something, and even though it was in Tevene and he didn't understand a word, it still helped him relax.

Fenris lifted his head, "I need oil or something similar."

"The nightstand," Gavin breathed out. He watched as the elf retrieved the oil and slicked up two fingers. He told himself over and over that this was Fenris and he could trust him. He closed his eyes as those fingers began circling his hole once more.

Fenris carefully inserted one finger and gently began to slide it in and out, all the while watching Gavin's face. Once the man had relaxed, he added a second finger, and then a third. He scissored his fingers and then gently twisted them, searching for that special spot. When he found it, he pressed hard and watched as Gavin practically leaped off the bed.

"Maker, Fenris," Gavin blurted, stars exploding behind his closed eyes. His whole body seemed to tremble and shake from the exquisite pleasure rushing through it.

Fenris smiled as the mage thrashed under him, his cries of pleasure echoing around the room. When Gavin had been reduced to incoherent mutterings, he withdrew his fingers and slicked up his cock. He slipped his arms under Gavin's legs and positioned himself at the man's entrance. "Look at me," he commanded.

Gavin struggled to open his eyes and then was held fast by the heated gaze of the elf between his legs. He tensed slightly as Fenris began to push inside him, holding his gaze the entire time. But, there was no pain, just a slight burn and a feeling of fullness.

Fenris grit his teeth and held steady once he was seated fully inside. Gavin was so tight and hot that he felt himself almost lose control. Every instinct inside him urged him to move, but he held still, waiting for Gavin to relax. When he felt Gavin was ready, he moved, sliding slowly out and then in, allowing the man to feel every inch of him. He made slight adjustments, trying to hit that bundle of nerves he knew would send the man into convulsions of pleasure. He knew when he found it for Gavin suddenly cried out and began to thrust back against him.

Gavin had never imagined it could be like this. White hot pleasure exploded through his body. He was unaware of anything other than the feel of Fenris moving inside him. His body began to react by moving with the elf and his legs clenched against the arms holding them. As the elf began to pick up the pace, he couldn't keep from crying out with each thrust. He felt like he was going to come apart at the seams, the feelings were so intense.

Fenris could no longer hold back, the mages cries spurring him on. Faster and harder he plunged into the willing body beneath him. He could feel himself reaching his peak and reached out with one hand to grasp Gavin's cock. He stroked him in time to his thrusts. "That's it, feel it," he grunted out. Soon, he felt the mage's muscles clench and gripped him harder, "Come for me," he growled.

Gavin screamed as he exploded in the elf's hand, hot streams painting his belly and chest. He vaguely heard Fenris' shout of triumph as the elf found his own release. Then, as the elf collapsed on top of him, his arms instinctively reached up to hold Fenris to him. He panted heavily, trying to calm his racing heart. He finally managed to gasp out, "Thank you."

Fenris heard the words and smiled. No one had ever said that to him during or after sex. But he understood the reason behind them. He'd given Hawke something no one else had. With a groan, he slowly pulled out and then flopped beside the mage. "You're welcome." He lay there until he heard a soft, whistling sound. Lifting his head, he saw Gavin's eyes closed and realized the mage had fallen asleep.

Quietly, he got up and left the bed, looking around for something with which he could clean himself and Gavin. Spying a pitcher next to a basin on a side table, he moved towards it. There was water in it and a cloth lying beside it. Pouring some water into the basin, he wet the cloth and wiped himself down, before doing the same for Gavin. When he was done, he climbed back into bed and stretched out on his side facing the man, waiting for him to wake.


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Gavin sighed and stretched, then rolled over so he could look at the man sharing his bed. Seeing the other half empty, he sat up quickly, his heart beginning to race. Spying Fenris standing by the fireplace, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was still here, but something told him that all was not right.

"Why are you dressed?" he asked softly.

Fenris turned to face the man who'd given him one of the most memorable nights of his life. With the loss of his fear, Gavin had become quite wild and willing in bed. But, shortly before morning he'd woken with a start, his body shaking as memories flooded his mind. He'd tried to hold on to them, but failed. It had shaken him to his core, and he'd jumped out of bed, dressing quickly with every intention of leaving. Then he'd realized that, after what transpired between him and Hawke, he owed the mage an explanation.

"I, uhm, this is difficult," he finally answered. "Last night was indescribable-"

"I hear a but coming," Gavin stated cautiously.

"I had a disturbing dream," the elf continued slowly. "For a short while I could recall my past. Everything I had forgotten came back to me. Then it was gone."

"What does this have to do with you being up and dressed?"

"I'm sorry Hawke, this is too much," Fenris suddenly blurted. "The feelings, the emotions, the memories and subsequent loss, it's all too much." He backed away towards the door, "I can't deal with this, forgive me."

Shocked, Gavin didn't realize he was leaving until he was almost at the door. In desperation, he lashed out with his magic and created a barrier just in time. Fenris banged off the invisible field and staggered backwards. "I won't let you run from me, from this."

Fenris whirled, his eyes glittering and his markings glowing faintly. "Don't test me mage!"

"Fenris, there comes a time when you have to stop running and face your fears," Gavin said calmly. He got out of bed, unmindfull of his nakedness, and walked forward a ways, his hands held up. "I know it must be scary for you, but I can help you, if you let me."

With an angry growl, the elf lunged forward, crashing into the mage and knocking him to the floor. His markings flared to a brilliant blue as he raised his hand. "Dispel the barrier or pay the price!" He glared down at the man under him, bracing himself for a fight.

Gavin believed in his heart that Fenris wouldn't kill him, but he wasn't positive. Slowly, keeping his gaze locked to the other man, he placed one hand over his heart. "Fenris, I told you that my heart belonged to you, to cherish or crush as you will. Here's my heart. If you want to leave, all you have to do is kill me. Crush my heart and you'll be free to go. Or, you can calm down and we can talk about this like the intelligent beings we are."

He held his breath as the elf raised his hand. When Fenris' markings started to fade, he allowed himself to breathe once more. It wasn't until the other man had moved off him to start pacing in front of the fire that he began to relax. He'd been right.

"I almost killed you, you didn't fight back," Fenris whirled suddenly, fixing a perplexed gaze on him.

"I had to trust in what's between us," Gavin replied as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I could never hurt you Fenris, even if it cost me my life. I trusted that you cared enough for me that you wouldn't want me dead."

There was that word again, Trust. As far as he could remember, no one had ever used that word towards him. The knowledge that Gavin wouldn't have stopped him from ripping his heart out shook him even more than the events of last night. "I don't know what to do or think about this."

"My father passed away more than eight years ago," Gavin said softly. "I am told that I look and act very much like him. Several times in the last couple of years I have had a hard time remembering him. I have to go and look in a mirror to remind myself. So I know how it feels to not remember something."

"I don't know if I want to remember anything if it causes this much pain," Fenris mumbled, staring down at his feet.

"The fact that you did remember so much is a good sign."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Gavin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "According to a book I read once, amnesia is not uncommon in patients who have suffered severe physical or emotional trauma. It has to do with the way the mind copes with so much pain. For most, once the pain has faded the memories return. For others, it usually requires an equally truamatic or emotional experience."

"So, you're saying that my memories will return." Fenris felt a thrill run through him. "The only image that stayed with me was of an elven girl with red hair. I don't know who she is, but I feel that she is important to me."

"Last night caused your subconscious to unlock. This means that the memories will start coming more often and you will eventually be able to recall everything." Gavin stood and walked to stand in front of the elf. "I will be by your side through this. I promise you won't have to go through this alone."

Fenris started to reply when a loud rumble stopped him. His lips quirked, "It seems that you're hungry."

Gavin chuckled, "I worked up an appetite last night. Let's go down to the bathing chamber, clean up and go see what we can scrounge up for breakfast."

Fenris nodded consent. Now that they had talked, he was feeling a little less panicky. Just the knowledge that his memories would eventually return comforted him. Silently, he took his bath beside Gavin and then followed him to the kitchen, sitting and watching as the man cooked up some eggs, sausage, and potatoes. He didn't say anything as they sat and ate until he had finished every bite of food.

"I'm not used to having others care about my feelings," he began slowly, staring at the table. "Ever since you helped me that first time, you've been considerate and even kind, and you've never asked for anything in return. It is something that I didn't think was possible. You challenged me to find out what kind of mage you are."

He looked up to find Gavin staring intently at him. "You are the finest mage, the finest man I have ever known, and I'm glad that you stopped me from leaving. I can only hope to one day be worthy of your trust."

"You already are Fenris," Gavin smiled at him. Before he could say more they were interrupted.

"I'm sorry to bother you Messere, but I have a couple of urgent messages for you," Bodahn stood in the doorway holding out a couple of letters.

"It's okay Bodahn," Gavin took the letters.

"I've already cleaned up the bathing chamber," the dwarf continued. "If you are finished in your room, I will see to cleaning in there."

Gavin nodded his consent as he opened the first letter to find a request from Sebastian. "Why wouldn't he just come himself?"

"Excuse me?" Fenris cocked his head.

"Seb says here he's learned new information about his family's killers and wants to meet me in the Chantry. He'll be there all day." He frowned in confusion and picked up the next letter. As he read it, his eyebrows shot into his hairline.

"Is that good or bad?" Fenris asked, noticing his reaction.

"The Viscount has requested my presence at the Keep," Gavin looked up, surprise on his face. "He says he needs to speak to me in private about a very urgent matter."

"Two urgent letters requesting secret meetings in one day," Fenris frowned. "I get the feeling that trouble is brewing again in Kirkwall."

"Hopefully it's nothing too dire," Gavin stood and picked up the dirty dishes and carried them to the sink. "I've gotten rather used to peace and quiet."

"Not so peaceful or quiet last night," the elf smirked and then chuckled as the mage flushed. "Although it's the kind of disturbance that one could get used to and want more of."

"Fenris making a joke?" Gavin pretended to be shocked. "Where's a calendar, I need to mark the date."

"Stop it," Fenris scowled. "I'm not always serious." He stood up and headed towards the door. "I think we should get going before your head gets filled with more nonsense."

Gavin chuckled and then hurried out the door after him. As they reached the foyer, Fang suddenly bounded over to them, wagging his tail and barking. "Good morning to you too," he squatted down and began petting the dog, speaking nonsense in a silly voice.

Fenris watched, a small smile on his face at the sight of the big man acting as if the huge warhound was a small child. He had a sudden image of Gavin with a little boy that looked just like him. The man would make an amazing father. The thought brought a slight pang to his heart. He wondered if he ever knew his father and if the man was anything like the mage before him. Gavin had said that he was like his father, and for a brief second the elf was filled with jealousy.

He cleared his throat, saying hesitantly, "If you are really like your father was, then I have to say that you were probably one of the luckiest kids in the world." He suddenly flushed at what he said and looked down at his feet, shuffling them nervously.

"That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time," Gavin stood up, facing him. "Thank you." He didn't comment on the red cheeks or the shy smile on the elf's face as it would just embarass him.

"So, shall we go see what the Viscount and the prince want?" Fenris said as he moved to pick up his greatsword and sling it across his back.

"Yes," Gavin nodded and motioned for Fang to follow. He stared at the armor that Fenris was wearing as a sudden thought occured to him. "You know Fenris, I was wondering why you wore your armor to dinner." He saw the elf glance nervously at him as they left the estate.

"I came at night and the streets are not safe," he replied evasively.

"Makes sense I guess," Gavin mused, but doubted that was the entire story. "I don't want to sound presumptious, but don't you have other things you could wear?" Seeing the elf beginning to scowl he hastened to explain. "It's just, what would you do if you had to have that armor repaired or something."

"I have a couple pairs of breeches and an extra shirt or two," Fenris shrugged. "I've never had a need for more."

"But they wouldn't be good for roaming Kirkwall streets at night," he nodded. They continued to walk for a while in silence. "Why haven't you bought a spare set of armor?" he finally asked.

Fenris came to a sudden stop. "Why the interest in my wardrobe all of a sudden?" he asked in annoyance.

"Just curiousity, nothing more," Gavin held up his hands. "I'm sorry, I'll shut up now."

The elf sighed in exasperation and ran a hand through his hair. Lowering his voice so those passing them by couldn't hear, he said, "I don't shop around here, the people make me feel self-conscious and out of place. And the Lowtown markets don't have any good quality merchandise." He paused and then said in a barely audible whisper, "Also, I don't really know how to barter, so I'm afraid I'll get cheated."

Gavin looked at the elf, suddenly feeling like a heel for pushing the subject. He cleared his throat, "If you want, I can come with you to buy these things. I can show you how to barter and help keep the merchants honest. Also, if anyone dares to look at you the wrong way, I'll be more than happy to rearrange their faces for you," he finished with a smirk.

Fenris looked up, expecting to see mockery in the other man's eyes, but only finding honesty. He smiled at Gavin. "I think I would like that Hawke."

"Good, then we can do that later today after we finish our business," Gavin nodded and then resumed walking. "You will be coming for dinner tonight, right?"

"Yes, and I expect you to be ready and willing to service my every need and whim," Fenris growled, then chuckled as his words threw the mage off stride.

Gavin looked back at the elf with a foolish grin, even as his stomach seemed to fill with butterflies. "Your wish is my command," he said.

Fenris couldn't keep from smiling all the way to the Viscount's Keep. Even having to wait outside the offices and being eyed like a lowly manservant couldn't dampen his spirits. He had learned last night just how much Gavin liked to be commanded and controlled. It was a heady feeling to know that he had that kind of power over a mage, especially one as powerful as Hawke. However, he vowed to not let it ever go to his head. Gavin's trust meant more to him than anything in the world and he had no intention of ever abusing that trust. He couldn't wait until night came.


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Gavin walked beside Sebastian, a few paces ahead of Fenris and Aveline. They were headed to the Harriman estate to get some answers from the head of household, Lady Harriman. The prince had discovered that it was the Harriman's who'd hired the assassins to kill him and his family. The poor man couldn't fathom that his parents closest friends and allies would do this. They'd been walking in silence for some time and Gavin had felt the prince eyeing him constantly. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore.

"What?" he turned his head to look at him.

Sebastian started a little, "Excuse me?"

"You've been constantly eyeing me," he elaborated. "Is there something on your mind?"

"Well, uhm, I just," the prince stammered a little and then took a deep breath. "Did you know you have a mark on your neck?" He watched, fascinated, as a deep blush stole over the other man's face.

"Uh, yes," Gavin cleared his throat, his hand lifting to touch the spot in question. He then met the prince's gaze firmly, "Fenris put it there."

"I see," Sebastian nodded, a little non-plussed. "So, you and him-"

"Yes, last night," the mage confirmed with a nod. "What of it?" his tone defensive.

"Nothing, just, perhaps you should cover it," Sebastian said softly and saw the mage turn even more red.

"Fenris likes to see it," Gavin shrugged. "He told me he wants there to be no doubt that I belong to him."

Sebastian frowned, not liking how possessive that sounded. "Are you sure about being with him?" he saw the mage give him a puzzled look. "I mean, he's made no secret of how much he hates mages. Given the atrocities he must have suffered in Tevinter, one certainly can't blame him for such feelings. You may be different from what he's used to, but you are still a mage."

"He's already admitted that he knows I'm not like any others he's met," Gavin stated firmly.

"But, he's claiming to own you," he argued back. "I find that sentiment a little disturbing, don't you?"

"He does own me Sebastian," Gavin said softly. "I lost my heart to him long ago, and now he's claimed my body and my soul."

The prince sighed, "Just be careful Hawke."

Meanwhile, Aveline was having a similar talk with Fenris. "He does seem happy, as do you."

"I hear a but coming," the elf prompted.

"Can you honestly tell me that there's no doubt in your mind that he's different from your former master?"

"Aveline, I've already told you that, repeating it won't make it any more true," Fenris growled.

"Fine," she huffed and then suddenly stepped directly in front of him, her right hand coming up to press hard against his chest. She fixed him with a steely gaze, "He's like family to me. I swear to you, if you hurt him, I will personally chop you to pieces and feed you to Fang. Are we clear?"

Fenris swallowed hard as he looked up at her. He realized in that moment just how fierce and intimidating a woman she could be. She looked and sounded like a mother bear protecting her cub. He knew she meant every word she said and silently vowed to not give her any reason to come after him. "I can only promise to be honest and fair in my dealings with him. I don't know where our relationship is headed, or even if it will last. I don't intend to hurt him, but it may happen if things don't work out between us."

"If you have any doubts, any at all, then now's the time to back away," she told him.

"I don't have any doubts about being with him, or about who and what he is," he retorted. "He is the one mage I've met that is truly noble and honorable."

"Fair enough," she nodded and then resumed walking, hurrying to catch up with Hawke.

After taking a deep breath in relief, Fenris hurried to catch up to. The others were already at the entrance to the Harriman mansion. As he approached, something seemed off and his hand went automatically to his sword. He saw that Aveline had done the same thing.

"Hawke, wait," she called and saw him and the prince turn in surprise. "There's something wrong here."

"What do you mean?" Gavin asked.

"There is no guard and the door appears to be ajar," she pointed out. "Fenris and I will go in first. You wait until we give the all clear." She saw him nod and motioning to the elf, cautiously approached. Using the tip of her sword, she eased the door open and then dashed in, Fenris on her heels. Looking around, she neither heard nor saw anything dangerous and called to the others that it was safe to enter.

Gavin entered slowly and looked around. Sebastian was talking about how it wasn't right and he had to agree with him. Something was off, but what it was he couldn't pin down. As they slowly searched the rooms on the first floor, his feeling of unease grew. It wasn't until they reached the dining hall and saw one man raving about pouring molten gold over a poor elf girl that he realized what it was. When the girl ran out after Sebastian decked her captor, she brushed against him, snapping him out of his reverie.

"I don't know why, but I can feel the presence of the Fade in here," he said quietly.

"What?" all three said as they turned to face him.

"I can see tendrils of Fade power wrapping around that man," he pointed to the lunatic musing about gold.

"That means that there may be a demon at work here?" Sebastian asked nervously.

"Possibly, but how and why I don't know," he shook his head. "Were any of the Harriman's mages?"

"Not that I know of," the prince replied.

"There is still the upper floor and the basement to search," Aveline pointed out.

Gavin nodded and motioned to Sebastian to lead the way. The prince took them out of the room and towards the stairs to the second floor. As he did, they spied a small wine room below them with a woman yelling for more wine.

"Flora?" Sebastian called and then called again even louder, but received no response. "She doesn't hear me," he mused. "This behavior is totally out of character for her."

Gavin filed that comment away as they headed to the second floor. Hearing a voice coming from a far bedroom, he walked over there and knocked on the door. Getting no response, he pushed the door open and stepped into the room, followed closely by the others. What they saw brought them all to a halt in surprise. Another man, naked except for small clothes, was talking to a female elf who was on her knees in front of him. It was more than apparent what they were doing.

"I'm sorry Hawke for exposing you to this," Sebastian said in distaste.

Gavin barely heard him, for all of a sudden a vivid image of Fenris on his knees before him flashed into his mind. It was followed by a wave of lust so powerful that he was instantly hard. A voice whispered for him to give in, to let himself go. "Stop it!" he cried and fled the room.

"Hawke?" Fenris whirled in puzzlement. He leapt forward in pursuit of the fleeing mage, the other two right behind him. He didn't catch up to him until they were at the front door. He saw Hawke standing just outside, head down and hands clenched, lips moving soundlessly.

"What's wrong Hawke?" Sebastian stepped forward but paused when the elf waived him back.

Fenris lightly touched the mage's arm, "You're trembling."

Gavin took a deep breath, not opening his eyes or turning to look at the others. "There's a desire demon somewhere in there."

"Are you sure?" Aveline gasped and saw him nod. "How do you know?"

"Since I went inside, I've felt the presence of Fade creatures," he answered. "In that upper bedroom, I felt the demon reach out. She sent me a rather graphic image."

Fenris eyed him carefully, taking in all the details. His eyes widened as he realized what the mage's problem was. "So you're-"

"Don't even go there," Gavin glared at him. "Just give me a couple of minutes to calm down. Please."

"Sure Hawke," Sebastian too had grasped the situation and grabbed the elf's arm. They moved back to just inside the front door.

Gavin didn't bother to look at them again. Damn demon, you'll pay for this he vowed silently. He continued taking deep breaths, trying to bring his treacherous body under control. He heard the others whispering and could only imagine what they were discussing. When he heard a couple of suppressed snickers, he growled and then stomped inside to face them. "It's not funny!"

Aveline pressed her lips tight together and looked up at the ceiling. Sebastian was less successful in containing his mirth and turned his back, covering his mouth with his hand. Fenris looked appraisingly at Hawke, his lips pursed, a calculating look on his face. "What image did she send?"

Gavin's eyes took on a wicked gleam. Time to turn the tables on him. "She showed me you on your knees before me, performing the same act as that little elf upstairs."

Aveline saw Fenris' face flush and couldn't hold back her laughter anymore, earning a glare from the elf. "Talk about leaving yourself wide open," she guffawed.

Sebastian blushed at the mental image created for him. "Uhm, perhaps we could get back to the matter at hand?"

"I think that's an excellent idea," Gavin agreed and motioned for the prince to lead the way. "Time to check out the basement." As he moved off he couldn't resist a parting sally. "We'll discuss this at home later Fenris."

The elf scowled at the mage's retreating back. "Yes, we shall," he growled and then smirked at the shiver he saw go through the man.

Aveline rolled her eyes at the two of them, "Come on."

They proceeded to the basement, confronting and fighting a demon and some shades. The discovery of ruins running under the city surprised them all. Not even Sebastian had been aware of them, despite the numerous times he'd visited in the past. As they continued on, they faced more demons, shades and even a couple of Revenants and an Arcane Horror.

After the last one fell, Gavin sank to his knees, panting and shaking. He'd not had to use his magic so much in a long time and it was beginning to take its toll. He was even starting to get a headache, although his nose hadn't bled this time.

Fenris knelt by him in concern, having seen him in this condition often in the past. "Are you alright?" he asked and saw the mage nod. "We'll rest as much as you need."

"The demon we're looking for has to be one of the most powerful of her kind to be able to summon so many powerful lesser demons," Gavin told them. "I don't know if-" he paused and then shook his head angrily. "Taking on powerful demons is a mage's job. I will defeat the bitch."

"What's wrong now?" Aveline was puzzled.

Fenris looked at her, "He's still having trouble using his magic for an extended period of time. Although he's getting better at it."

Aveline, remembering what happened that time in the Bone Pit, looked worriedly at them, "Perhaps we should come back with more men."

"No," Gavin said sharply. "The longer we wait, the more damage she could do. We finish this, today." He sat back on his heels. "I just need to rest a little bit."

"Hawke, I want to put an end to the madness here, but-" Sebastian began.

"I'll be fine once I've rested," Gavin shook his head.

Sebastian and Aveline agreed reluctantly and found comfortable spots on the floor to wait. Aveline briefly explained the incident in the Bone Pit all those years ago. The prince studied the mage thoughtfully and silently applauded his courage, but worried about losing his friend. He'd never realized that mage's could hurt themselves using their magic. He acknowledged that he knew very little about magic and how it worked. Something to discuss with Hawke later on.

After about an hour, Gavin finally stood up and turned to go. "Okay, let's finish this," his voice was strong and confident.


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Aveline, Varric, Fenris and Hawke sat silently around the table in the dwarf's suite at the Hanged Man. It had been one of the longest and most disheartening days they'd had so far. After defeating the demon at the Harriman's and freeing the family, Sebastian had fled back to the Chantry. Hawke had grabbed Varric and gone to see what the Arishok wanted. Aveline had been shocked that the Qunari would make the Viscount the go between and had intended to give the Arishok a piece of her mind. Once there, the news imparted to them had wiped all thoughts of the Viscount out of her head.

After learning about the stolen formula for a deadly poison gas, they had spent the rest of the afternoon tracking down Javaris Tintop. The dwarf had tried to use them once before, and this latest escapade of his had gotten them all mad. Then it had turned out that the dwarf wasn't respsonsible and they were pointed towards an elf in the city. They had rushed back, arriving in the Lowtown street where she was seen last, only to be faced with a horrible mess. Several barrels, all leaking the poison gas, had been spread around the area. They'd had to battle the gas, the numerous thugs, and the crazy elf herself.

Once it was over, they had called for priests, clerics, and healers in a vain attempt to save the poor innocent people exposed to the poison. They had been unable to save anyone on the street, and had even been in serious danger themselves. Luckily, they had all been healthy to begin with and were successfully treated and released. None of them felt like going home, so they'd decided to have a few drinks first.

Varric watched as Hawke toyed with his glass of brandy, a frown marring the handsome face. The mage had said nary a word since they'd got there. "You going to drink that or just stare at it all night?"

Gavin shook his head, grabbed the glass, and drowned the brandy in one go. "Happy?" he snapped, glaring at the dwarf.

"Hey, I was just asking," he held his hands out. "Keep that up and you'll need to be carried home though."

"You've been awfully quiet Hawke," Aveline said softly. She thought she knew what was bothering him. During their search of the street, Hawke had found a boy, probably no more than six years old, gasping for air and frothing at the mouth, inside a darkened building. The boy's mother, father, and older sister were all lying dead around him. Just as he'd knelt down, the boy had breathed his last.

"How could they do it?" Gavin shook his head, his voice tinged with disbelief and anger.

"Who knows why zealots do anything?" Varric shrugged.

"I'm not talking about that," he snapped. "I mean the Qunari. They allowed this formula to be stolen. All just to make a point?"

"They regard all those not of the Qun as bas filth," Fenris told him. "To them, those lives mean less than nothing. The only reason we even knew about it was because the Arishok deigned to tell you about the theft."

"Not in enough time to save those people," Gavin muttered, pouring himelf another glass.

"No, but enough time to stop the elf and her people from doing anything else," he pointed out.

"And did you hear her say that she was working with our people?" Aveline asked. "What do you think she meant by that?"

"I've been thinking about that myself," Varric frowned thoughtfully. "There's been a lot of different stories going about in the city lately, all pertaining to the Qunari."

"What kind of stories?" Gavin looked up at the dwarf.

"You know how stories are, mostly lies with a few grains of truth," he snorted.

"No one would know that better than you Varric," Aveline frowned. She never approved of the dwarf's penchant for embellishment.

"Anyway, what she said seems to fit with a story I heard about recent sermons being given in the Chantry," Varric ignored her comment. "Apparently someone has been preaching loud and long about how the Maker requires that the 'heathens' be brought down. The talk is all about standing firm in the face of evil and heresy."

"Sister Petrice," Gavin snarled. "Apparently she's found others of like mind and is busy stirring things up. She used us once already and she certainly wouldn't hesitate to use others."

Fenris nodded, "Yes, she certainly would be the type to do something like that."

"Hawke, that's specualtion," Aveline cautioned. "Even though it makes sense, we would need absolute proof before bringing it up with the Viscount or anyone else."

"If there's one thing I've learned over the years of dealing with backstabbing, cheating dwarven merchants," Varric interjected, "is that crazy, emotional people make stupid mistakes. She may be a calculating bitch with a heart of ice, but someone in her group will screw up eventually."

"And in the meantime, the innocents in the city pay the price," Gavin grumbled. He finished off his second glass and poured another.

Fenris eyed him askance, "Drinking won't make you feel better."

"You didn't find that kid," he snarled.

"No, but I've been in your shoes before," the elf said softly. "Dead and dying children were not an uncommmon sight in Tevinter. The magisters' cruelty, greed, and lust knew no bounds."

Gavin paused and met Fenris' gaze. He saw sadness and sympathy there. "How did you deal with it?"

Fenris met his gaze steadily, "I ran away. But I guess that's not an option anymore."

Silence fell around the table once more. Finally Aveline stood up with a heavy sigh, "We'll have to report to the Viscount first thing in the morning Hawke. I'm heading back to the barracks for a good night's sleep. I suggest you head home and do the same."

"I'll meet you outside his office," Gavin nodded and watched her leave before looking back down at his glass. He hesitated and then put it down without finishing it. Seeing Fenris eyeing him he smiled ruefully. "Don't want to be hungover when talking with the Viscount."

Varric chuckled, "No, that usually doesn't go over well Hawke." He glanced between the elf and the mage and then said with a sly smirk, "Of course, a good way to feel better is to have some hot and heavy sex." Seeing the surprise on Hawke's face his smirk turned into a big grin. "The hickey on your neck and Broody's possessive looks gave it away."

Fenris chuckled as he watched Gavin's face turn as red as his hair. "He does have a point. And besides, we have the matter of your little vision from earlier in the day to discuss."

Gavin saw Varric's mouth open, no doubt to ask some embarassing question, and he held up his hand in warning. "I don't kiss and tell."

"Neither do I," Fenris echoed, smirking when the dwarf's face fell.

"Well, I am an exceptional storyteller," Varric mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I'm sure what I come up with will be ten times hotter than anything you could tell me."

"You're not serious?" Gavin gasped.

"Hawke, you have many admirers," the dwarf retorted. "They want to hear about all your exploits, both in and out of the bedroom."

Fenris stood up and grabbed Hawke's arm as the mage sputtered incoherenty. "I better get him home before he does something drastic, like smash all your ink bottles," he laughed.

"You really make it too easy to pull your chain Hawke." Varric shooed them off, "Go home you two."

"He wasn't serious," Gavin was still gaping at the dwarf as he was led away.

"You know, I'm not really sure," Fenris mused.

"That's not funny Fenris," he snapped.

"Actually, it is," the elf chuckled as he led him out of the Hanged Man and steered him towards Hightown. "Seriously though, the only way to stop him would be to gag him and tie him up in a closet for the rest of his life."

"Don't tempt me."

They fell silent as they made their way through the darkened streets of Lowtown. It was still early enough in the evening for the taverns to still be full and the streets were fairly empty. They were almost to the Hawke estate before Gavin spoke again. "I think that things are only going to get worse in the city, not better."

"I wish I could say differently, but my gut tells me you're right," Fenris nodded.

"And here I was thinking I might take a vacation and go to Antiva or something."

"Gavin, you don't have to involve yourself in anything if you don't really want to."

"True, but I can't just stand by and let bad things happen either," the mage sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I know," the elf nodded. "It's what makes you so different and special."

Gavin glanced at him, saw the elf was completely serious and smiled slightly. "Well, I'm glad you think so," he said softly.

No sooner had they stepped into the foyer of the estate, than Fenris slammed Gavin against the wall and captured his lips in a heated kiss. With a moan, Gavin's arms wrapped around the elf and his hands grabbed the elf's ass and pressed him in closer. Breaking off the kiss, Fenris trailed light nips along Gavin's jaw to his ear where he whispered, "I do think you're special, or I wouldn't be here."

He pulled back and caught Gavin's heated gaze with a lust filled one of his own. "What I want right now is to see you naked, spread and willing on your bed." He watched as the mage's whole body shivered and his legs trembled. "Am I going to have to carry you?" he said in amusement.

Gavin barked a laugh, "Like you could." He was easily half a foot taller and almost eighty pounds heavier than the elf. He saw a strange gleam enter Fenris' eyes and only had a couple of seconds to wonder what it meant. The next thing he knew, the elf's markings flared blue and he was picked up and thrown over the elf's shoulder. "Put me down," he yelled, trying to sound outraged.

Fenris strode swiftly down the hall and into the living area. When Gavin continued struggling, he slapped his ass and said, "Behave yourself." This caused Gavin to start laughing.

"Ah, good evening Messere?" Bodahn's voice rose an octave as he goggled at his master being carried by Fenris.

"Hi Bodhan," Gavin waved at his manservant, laughing even harder at the dwarf's shocked expression.

"Your master has had one too many drinks," Fenris said smoothly. "I'm putting him to bed." These words caused Gavin to burst into peals of laughter. Yeah, put him to bed, right.

"As you say Master Fenris," Bodhan stammered out as he watched them disappear up the stairs.

"Enchantment!" Sandal shouted and clapped his hands.

"You might be right my boy," Bodhan shook his head. Then he figured it would be best to inform Mistress Amell that her son was home safe and that he had company for the night, and headed off to do just that.


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Jethann, busy with pulling weeds from the flowerbed, didn't know he had company until he heard someone growl something in a strange language. Looking up, he saw Fenris pacing back and forth, a steady stream of angry words pouring from his mouth. "Quite the colorful language there. What is it?"

Fenris whirled around in surprise to see the gardener watching him. "It's Arcanum."

"So, what's caused this sudden colorful ranting?"

Fenris scowled, "It's nothing. I'll leave you to your plants." He turned to leave.

"Are you sure?" Jethann pressed. "I thought things were going so well for you lately, between you and Gavin that is."

"Things are fine," he snapped.

"Well, since you're practically taking my head off, I have to disagree."

Fenris fumed silently and then resumed his pacing back and forth. The last couple of weeks had been busy ones. The nature of their tasks, not the least of which was facing down a rather substantial group of fanatics they caught torturing Qunari, had required the presence of the only healer mage they knew. And therein lay the problem.

He saw Jethann watching him closely and he knew the other elf wasn't going to let the subject drop. Finally he threw up his hands. "Okay. Gavin's not the problem. Well, he is, sort of, but our relationship is fine."

"So what's got you acting like a bear with a sore paw?" Jethann said as he moved to lean against a tree.

"It's that other mage, Anders," Fenris ground out. "Gavin doesn't seem to find anything wrong with the abomination flirting with him right under my nose!"

Jethann couldn't help but laugh and shake his head, "Gavin certainly is oblvious to his effect on people."

"I don't find it amusing."

"I guess not," he sighed. "People are always going to ogle and flirt with Gavin. Just learn to ignore it."

"I know that, and I usually do ignore it, but I can't this time," Fenris growled. "Anders only started doing this after he found out that Gavin and I were together."

Jethann frowned, "So, he never showed an interest in Gavin before this? Not even a little?" He saw the elf shake his head. "Gavin only ever talked about you. He never mentioned being interested in anyone else. So, I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"But what if-"

"What?"

"What if Gavin's interests change?" Fenris asked doubtfully. "I mean, Anders is so worldy, so experienced. He can offer so much more than I can."

Jethann gaped at him, not ever having seen Fenris so unsure of himself. "Gavin's interests won't change. And so what if you're not as experienced? If that's all that Gavin cared about then we would still be together."

That remark gave Fenris pause and he studied the other man closely. "You were in love with Gavin."

Jethann sighed and ran a hand through his hand, "I wouldn't go that far. But, I definitely felt more for him than I should have given my profession. And, I can't say that I wouldn't have jumped at the chance to call Gavin my own. But, no man likes to play second fiddle, and that's just what I would have been."

"What do you mean?"

"Gavin came to see me a lot," Jethann met Fenris' gaze. "But, most of the time it was just to talk. And most of those conversations centered around you. I knew that if he ever managed to convince you to give him a chance that I would be out in the cold."

Fenris considered himself a shrewd judge of people and he could see that the other elf was being honest. "I still don't know if I'll be able to give Gavin what he needs."

"Okay, if it was just Anders' flirting with him, you wouldn't be so bothered," Jethann puzzled. "Did something else happen to make you doubt yourself?"

"Anders said some things," Fenris growled. "Not to my face, he was talking with Isabella."

"That's that pirate wench that hangs around you guys," Jethann interrupted. "She's one who gets around, especially at The Rose."

"Yes, well apparently Anders and Isabella shared a bed in the past," Fenris continued. "They were discussing the ways in which the mage used his talents. Anders mentioned how there was more to making a man happy in bed than just sex, and that he could give Gavin more than, and I quote, 'a mage hating elf with warped personal issues'," he finished with a snarl.

Jethann frowned as he tried to determine what exactly the other mage had meant. He had some inkling and voiced his thoughts aloud. "It sounds like Anders thinks you don't have what he thinks Gavin needs. But what he thinks and what is true might not be the same things. I know Gavin's preferences better than anybody else in this town, and I can tell you that you do give him what he needs."

"Which is?"

"The only time that we actually joined our bodies, Gavin topped," Jethann stated bluntly. "You understand what I mean by 'top' right?" Seeing the other elf nod, he continued. "Well, I got the impression that it wasn't exactly Gavin's preference. I think he was just scared to be on the recieving end, so he made do."

"Given what happened in his childhood, I would agree," Fenris nodded.

"I believe that Gavin likes for someone else to be in control in the bedroom," Jethann went on. "Considering that outside of it Gavin is looked upon as a leader, it makes sense. You, my friend, are a natural top."

"There has to be something I'm missing though."

"Gavin's a bottom and you're a top. That doesn't mean that you can't change roles once in a while. If you change things occasionally, it will make your relationship stronger." Jethann pushed away from the tree and stood facing Fenris. "Also, you should know that Gavin is a very tactile person. He likes to touch and be touched. He also likes to cuddle."

"Cuddle?" Fenris was skeptical.

"I'm just telling you what I know Gavin likes," Jethann soothed. "It doesn't mean you have to go and do it right off the bat. In fact, it would probably make Gavin suspicious seeing as how it would be out of character for you. Just keep it in mind for some time in the future."

After a long silence, Fenris finally asked, "Do you think this might be what Anders was getting at?"

"Maybe," Jethann agreed. "But, I wouldn't go running off and doing these things just because you feel a need to prove something. Gavin lusted after you for years. Also, he understands what things must have been like for you as a slave. He has shown that he's the most patient of men, and he won't push you to do things you're not ready for. Don't let what others say make you doubt that."

"You sound very certain that I have nothing to worry about."

"Fenris, can't you see that Gavin loves you?" Jethann's voice was soft. "The only reason he hasn't told you is because he's afraid to scare you off. That's why no other man, whether human, elf, or dwarf stands a chance of luring him away. That's why I let him go when the time came."

Fenris considered these words very carefully. He knew that it was just his insecurities making him feel doubt. "I guess it's hard for me to see what it is that makes Gavin want me." He saw Jethann about to speak and held up his hand, "I know I look good to others. Lust is an emotion that I've seen in others' eyes, not just yours and Gavin's. But, like you said, if that's all that mattered then he would probably still be with you. I know I have some serious issues that many wouldn't want to deal with."

"I never thought that I would ever wish someone to die a slow and painful death," Jethann growled. "But, if I could, I would see to it that your former master suffered just that."

Fenris, surprised by the sudden admission, found himself liking this man whom he once considered competition. "Danarius is responsible for much of my pain, it's true."

"Fenris, you're strong and loyal," Jethann told him firmly. "You're also good looking and funny when you let yourself go a little. And, from the looks Gavin gives you when he thinks no one is watching, I figure you're pretty awesome in bed. You just have to believe in yourself a little more."

"I'll try," he smiled.

"Now, I have a suggestion for you," Jethann smirked a little. "Like I said, Gavin likes to be touched. One of the best ways to do that, which will also bring you pleasure, is to give him a massage."

"How is a massage supposed to help matters?" Fenris was confused.

"A massage helps to relax the muscles, and it provides a way for lovers to learn about each other's bodies," he continued. "You can learn someone's ticklish areas as well as those that excite them. Also, one spot in particular that's a real turn on for Gavin is the back of his neck. He loves it when you run your fingers down his scalp to his nape."

"And you think this will help to strengthen our relationship?"

"Absolutely," Jethann nodded. "As for the cuddling thing? Well, sometimes Gavin would just like to lay down next to me, his head against my chest, and hold me for a long time. I think it gave him a sense of security or something, I'm not really sure."

"I don't think I'm quite ready for that," Fenris shook his head. "As for the massage, that's one thing that Danarius never asked of me. I wouldn't know the first thing about giving one."

"All the more reason to do it then. I've given Gavin massages but he's never given me one. He may not know how to give one. I could teach you and then you could teach him."

Fenris glanced around quickly to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "I don't think Gavin would be too happy if he caught me getting a massage from you."

Jethann laughed at that. "I wasn't planning on actually giving you one, no. I have a book that describes such things in detail. I figured we could read it together and I could explain it to you. The whole point of giving Gavin a massage is so that you can both learn what the other likes."

Fenris considered this for a moment then said, "In that case, let's do it."

"If we want this to be a surprise, then we'll have to find a time when Gavin won't be around for most of the day," Jethann frowned thoughtfully. "I know, I'll go see Varric and see if he can find something with which to occupy Gavin."

"You know Varric?"

"Everyone knows Varric," he laughed. "He has more fingers in more pots than Kirkwall has nobles."

"It does seem that way sometimes, doesn't it," Fenris nodded, laughing with him.

"I'll go talk with him and then come find you at your mansion later," Jethann turned back towards the flower bed. "Right now, I have to get this finished. It's looking like it's going to rain later."

"I think I'm actually looking forward to this," Fenris said, somewhat surprised. Then he realized that it was getting near the time that Gavin said he'd be home. "I was supposedly coming here to read a little. I better at least do some of it before he gets home." He turned and headed back into the library.

Jethann watched him go and then smiled and shook his head. When he accepted the position of gardener, he had no idea he would find himself giving advice to the elf on how to please a man in bed. This was going to get very interesting.


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Gavin stood in front of the study's fireplace, watching the brightly burning flames. If asked, he would say today had been the worst day of his life. Feynriel was now tranquil, and he was the one who'd made him that way. Because he'd failed to save him from the demons. He himself, if given a choice, would rather die than be made tranquil. But he hadn't had that option with the boy. The boy had begged him to end it, but that didn't make him feel any better. He looked up when someone cleared their throat behind him.

"Fenris."

"Hawke, I-" the elf paused, swallowed and began again. "I'm sorry for failing you. I had not thought I would ever succomb to a demon's persuasion. Forgive me?"

Gavin sighed and walked to where the elf stood in the doorway. "Fenris, there's nothing to forgive," he said, laying a gentle hand against the elf's cheek. "Wryme was a Pride demon, one of the most powerful I've ever met. These demons have a way of finding your most vulnerable spot and exploiting it."

"You didn't give in."

"Because I've had years of experience dealing with them and have learned how to guard myself," Gavin smiled. Then he sighed heavily and turned away. "That's why young mages need to be guided and guarded."

"What you did with Feynriel was necessary," Fenris moved forward and placed a comforting hand on the mage's shoulder. "Regrettable, but necessary."

"I know in my head that it was the only thing I could do," Gavin swallowed hard. "But my heart cries out for the unfairness of it all."

Fenris struggled to think of something, anything, that would help Hawke feel better. Unfortunately, expressing himself was something he was still having trouble with. So he settled for just being there for the man.

"Excuse me messere, but you have a visitor," Bodahn said quietly.

Gavin turned to look at him, "It's rather late for visitors. Who is it?"

"He said his name was Cullen and that it was important he speak with you."

"Show him in then," Gavin sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Letting the Knight-Captain into your home doesn't seem very wise," Fenris said.

"Refusing to see him would be even less wise," he retorted. "I wouldn't want to give him a reason to change his mind about not throwing me into the Gallows." He turned and walked to the bar to ready some glasses. "Besides, I doubt he would be here if it wasn't important."

"Thank you for seeing me Hawke," Cullen said as he stood in the doorway.

Gavin studied the man, this being the first time he'd seen him in anything other than his armor. He looked like any man you'd pass on the street. I guess clothing, or armor, does make the man, he thought. "Have a seat Knight-Captain," he gestured to the comfortable chairs near the fire. "Something to drink?"

"I am off duty, so a glass of brandy would be welcome," the templar replied as he took one of the seats. He watched as Fenris moved to stand just behind the other chair. The meaning behind that was not lost on him as Hawke handed him a glass and sat in the other chair. He knew the elf was a formidabble warrior and, unlike Hawke, would be immune to his powers. The elf was playing bodyguard, interesting, he mused to himself. His eyebrows rose as he tasted the alcohol in his glass, "Antivan Brandy?"

"I've developed a taste for it," Gavin smiled and shrugged. "So, what brings you here?"

"The boy Feynriel," he answered. "I keep tabs on all new mages sent to the Circle here, and I know that he was having trouble. I also know that two days ago he went into a deep sleep from which he could not be woken. Then, just a few hours ago, Feynriel woke."

"I fail to see how this merits a nighttime visit to my home," Gavin said cautiously.

"The interesting part is that the boy woke up Tranquil," Cullen's voice took on a hard edge. "Orsino told me that the only way someone can be made Tranquil, without going through the actual Rite, is for them to be killed in the Fade. Only a mage can remain awake in the Fade, and so only a mage could have gone in there and killed him."

"So you think that someone in the Circle did it?" Fenris asked.

"Orsino told me that none of his mages would have done such a dreadful thing, and I believe him," the templar frowned. "That leaves us to speculate on the possibility of a rogue mage. As you know, we've had problems with them in the past."

"Again, what does this have to do with me?" Gavin asked softly.

"I asked around the Alienage and was told that the Dalish Keeper, Marethari, and you were seen going into Arianni's home this afternoon," Cullen fixed him with a steady gaze.

Gavin sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on hin knees. "Yes, I am the one who went into the Fade, with Fenris and a couple other companions. I tried to rescue Feynriel from the demons fighting over him but failed. I killed him in the Fade and that's why he woke up Tranquil."

Cullen stared at the mage for a long while. "Tell me everything that happened."

One hour and two drinks later, he had the whole story. At times he was horrified, amazed and even saddened. "We know so little about the abilities of the Dalish or the Tevinter Magisters. I had not even heard of such a thing as 'somniari' before."

"Neither had I, and I lived my whole life there," Fenris told him.

"It was very brave what you did," Cullen nodded, his voice sincere. "To enter the Fade and face two powerful demons and come back unscathed," he shook his head.

"So now that you know, what do you intend to do?" Gavin asked softly.

Cullen frowned and looked down at his almost empty glass. Draining it, he set it on the table and met Hawke's gaze. "Meredith is demanding answers that Orsino can't give her. But, she's become very suspicious of late of any outside help. So, I will not mention our conversation to her and hope that eventually she will forget about the whole thing."

Fenris felt himself relax a little, though he couldn't help asking, "Doesn't that go against your oaths?"

"A little, but as Knight-Captain I do have some leeway," Cullen nodded. "I must caution you about any such further actions, however. Your name has come up in a few reports Hawke. Meredith isn't stupid and she will eventually put two and two together. I owe you a debt for saving our recruits, but that won't help you if she decides that you're a possible threat. Titles and money don't carry any weight with her."

"Why haven't you told her about Hawke?" Fenris looked sharply Cullen.

"Let's just say that we don't always see eye to eye on things and leave it at that," he answered. He looked over at the man in question. "There is another matter that I feel you should be aware of."

"Oh?" Gavin looked up from his drink.

"A few years back, you helped us round up those Starkhaven apostates," Cullen reminded him.

"You don't know how many nights I stayed awake thinking about how it didn't seem right to turn them in while I walked free," Gavin frowned.

"They knowingly consorted with blood mages, whom we killed," Fenris placed a hand on his shoulder. "There was no way to tell if they had dabbled in blood magic themselves."

"We have watched them closely, and so far have seen no evidence of blood magic," Cullen told them. "However, freedom, like trust, is something that must be earned. You have earned my trust Hawke and that's why I've not told Meredith about you."

"Thank you," Gavin said sincerely. "What is this other matter you mentioned? I assume it has something to do with those apostates."

"There has been talk amongst them about seeking revenge on you," Cullen grimaced. "They have told anyone who would listen, mage and templar alike, that you are a mage yourself and should be locked up with them."

"If they've done that, then surely someone has told Meredith," Fenris felt his gut twist in alarm.

"The templar who brought them in, Ser Karras, stated that he saw nothing to indicate that you were a mage, and thus believes they are making these accusations out of spite," Cullen shook his head. "You don't dress like a mage and you don't carry a staff. The only reason I know you are a mage is because of the fight with Wilmod."

"My father taught me to hide my magic and to only use it as a last resort," Gavin smiled sadly. "He said that magic was a gift and not to be taken lightly. I learned how to fight without using my magic and I have the physical strength to go with it."

"Your father sounds like an exceptionally wise man," Cullen nodded. "At any rate, I felt you should know about Grace and her cronies. They are watched closely and are not allowed to leave the Gallows under any circumstances. However, many people that are not mages or templars come and go from the Gallows."

"So even if she herself can't strike out at me, she might be able to find someone on the outside who could," Gavin nodded.

"Exactly," Cullen agreed. He stood up and sighed. "Now, I should get back to the Gallows and try to get some work done. I have a huge pile of papers on my desk that requires my attention."

Gavin also stood, "I'll show you out."

Fenris watched them leave and then went to the bar and poured himself a drink. Then he went and sat in the chair Cullen had vacated and waited. When Gavin returned and sat opposite him, he studied the man closely. "That was certainly an enlightening visit."

"You know, I think it's time I took a vacation from this city," Gavin sighed. "Put some distance between me and this city and Meredith. Perhaps go camping up on Sundermount."

"That sounds like a good plan," Fenris nodded. "When do you want to leave?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?" he suggested. "We need to buy equpiment and supplies for at least two weeks. I know how to hunt and trap and there's plenty of game on that mountain. I think we should invite Sebastian and perhaps Varric as well. Maybe even Aveline would like to go with us."

"While we're not likely to run into too much trouble up there, it pays to be prepared for trouble," Fenris agreed.

After making their plans they fell silent, staring at the fire, each lost in their own thoughts. Fenris was still bothered by what happened in the Fade. He studied Gavin and could see the mage was still upset by what happened there, and disturbed by the visit from Cullen. A thought came to him. Tonight would be a good time to put Jethann's suggestion to use.

He stood up and held out his hand, "Come, let's go to bed."

"It's a little early still," Gavin said, but stood up anyway.

"I don't plan on going to sleep," he smiled slightly.

"Just what are you planning?"

"Something that will make you feel better," Fenris pulled him along behind him. "I think you'll enjoy it. We both will."

Gavin shook his head, but allowed the elf to drag him off. He'd never seen Fenris like this and was intrigued enough to not protest.


	34. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Fenris opened his eyes and lay quietly for a while listening to the sounds of the house. Glancing at the window, he saw that it was sometime before dawn, judging by the hazy light coming in. He yawned and then stretched, feeling well rested. He loved sleeping in Hawke's bed. The man didn't put too much stock in material things, but he did like his comforts, and the matress he'd chosen was, in a word, superb. He knew, without asking, that Gavin would be pleased if he moved into the estate, but he wasn't quite ready for that yet. Danarius was still hunting him and he needed to keep his guard up, something more easily accomplished in the magister's own mansion. Also, he was still struggling with his feelings and moving in would require a level of commitment he wasn't sure he could give at the moment.

He turned on his side to watch the man sleeping beside him. Last night he had put what he learned about massages to work. He'd been pleasantly surprised that Jethann had been right about it being as pleasurable for him as for his partner. He'd learned that Gavin wasn't ticklish at all, but also that, in addition to the nape of his neck, his feet were a particularly erogenous zone. It wasn't until he'd asked Gavin to turn over that he realized just how good his massage was. Gavin had been rock hard and quivering. He had continued the massage until Gavin was begging him for release. After he had brought Gavin to orgasm, the mage had simply lain there staring up at him with a look in his eyes that could only be described as adoration.

_You are amazing._

Those words, spoken in a near reverent whisper, had caused him to flush with pleasure and his lips to curve in a pleased smile. Gavin had then encouraged him to take him, and he did. But it had been different from their previous joinings. He had taken his time, been slow and gentle, and had brought Gavin to climax twice more before finding his own release inside the mages body. Afterwards, Gavin had held him close, almost cradling him, like he was some priceless treasure and the feelings that had engendered in him had almost brought him to tears. He had felt loved, something he couldn't ever remember feeling. They had fallen asleep like that.

Then, in the middle of the night, he'd woken up from a dream about something he was sure was from his past. Gavin had woken up as well, and without protesting, had gotten out of bed to get the journal they'd been keeping. Gavin had started teaching him to write a few weeks ago, once he'd gotten the hang of reading, but he wasn't able to take his own notes quite yet. Gavin had patiently written down everything he could recall and then joined him back in bed, where they'd both fallen asleep again.

His bladder made a sudden protest and, with a grimace, he got up and moved to the far corner where the chamber pot was. After relieving himself, he turned and went to stand next to the bed. Gavin had rolled over and was half lying in the spot he'd vacated. This had caused the covers to shift and expose all but the man's lower legs. Unlike all the other mage's he'd seen in his life, Gavin had not an ounce of extra fat on his body. Furthermore, he was well-muscled and very fit, mostly because he wasn't adverse to manual labor. He did his own laundry, cleaned his own room, and even worked in the garden that Jethann had planted. He also went out once a month to chop wood and bring it back to store in the woodshed off the kitchen. That, combined with his daily workout routine and weapons practice, had given him a body that would make a hardened soldier jealous.

The man was a prime example of rugged manhood. Put that together with devastating good looks and a killer smile, and it was no wonder so many men and women were attracted to him. A brief frown creased his forehead as he remembered that Anders had also made his attraction known, although he'd been smart enough to actually stop short of propositioning the man. Well, after last night, the mages chances of luring Gavin away had been reduced to slim or none, he thought with a smirk. He moved to sit on the bed next to Gavin, his hand reaching out to caress the man's cheek. He smiled when Gavin sleepily nuzzled into his hand before opening his eyes.

"Good morning," he said softly.

"Mmm, it is," Gavin murmered before glancing at the window and groaning. "It's too early to get up."

"I suppose you're right," Fenris chuckled and slipped into bed beside him, pulling the covers back up as he did so.

"Did I tell you how amazing you are?" Gavin asked with a sigh.

"I believe you did mention it once or twice last night."

"Well, you are," Gavin smiled and turned to lie facing the elf. He lifted a hand and ran a finger down the elf's cheek. "I hope some day I can give you as good a massage as you gave me."

"But?" Fenris tilted his head to catch the other man's gaze.

"You told me that your markings often hurt, especially when touched by magic," Gavin said softly. "I don't want to hurt you, even by accident."

Fenris frowned thoughtfully. "Hmm, about that," he began, then hesitated. Only when Gavin gave him an encouraging nod did he continue. "When you use your magic in battle, it resonates with my markings, and that's not pleasant most of the time, and sometimes it's downright painful."

"I know, which is why I try not to use my magic when you're too close."

"When I've been healed by Anders, there is pain, which I am used to dealing with," the elf went on. "But, when you touch me while here, in bed, there's a different sensation, a tingling one."

"Like when your hand or foot falls asleep?" Gavin coaxed.

"Something like that, yes," Fenris nodded. "Then again, I've noticed you try to avoid actually touching the markings too often. Maybe it wouldn't be bad."

"Perhaps, but a proper massage requires constant, firm contact," Gavin pointed out.

"I guess the only way to know for sure would be to try it sometime and find out," Fenris smiled down at him. He glanced briefly at the window again and saw that the sun was starting to come up. "It is now dawn, and there is much that we have to get done today."

Gavin groaned and buried his head in the pillow. "It's still too early," he whined.

"Aw, did I tire you out last night?" Fenris snickered.

"Yes, you beast, it's your fault I'm so tired," Gavin turned to look at him, the smile on his face belying the harshness of the words. "I'm so not a morning person, or haven't you figured that out by now?"

Fenris smiled and reached out a hand to push Gavin's hair back from his face. "I know."

Gavin sighed and then sat up, stretching his arms above his head and twisting his back. He heard Fenris make a sort of choking noise, and just managed not to smile. He knew he had a good body, and he was not above using it. Darting a look at the elf, he slid to the side of the bed and stood up. As he walked over to where the chamber pot was, he couldn't help but flex his ass muscles, soliciting another soft groan from the elf.

"Keep that up and I might just decide to tie you to the bed for the rest of the day and have my way with you," Fenris growled out.

Gavin stopped and turned around, "Promise?"

Fenris rolled his eyes, "You're incorrigible."

Gavin laughed and then tended to his business. Afterwards, he walked back and stood next to the bed and stared down at the elf. "Thank you for last night," he said softly, sincerely. "It really helped me to relax and I feel much better this morning."

"You're welcome," Fenris stood and slipped his arms around Gavin, stretching up to place a soft kiss on his mouth. "Now get dressed before I decided to make good on my threat and we accomplish nothing for the rest of the day."

Gavin grinned and went to his wardrobe. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Fenris got up and moved over to wear he'd dropped his armor the previous night. He knew that Fenris was more comfortable walking around Kirkwall at night in armor, but it would be day. He hesitated a moment before reaching in and pulling out an outfit he'd had made for the elf. It wasn't fancy, just a pair of trousers made of black leather and a shirt made of green cotton. Turning around he took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves. Fenris was touchy about anything that smacked of charity.

"Uhm, Fenris, I uhm," he gulped and drew another deep breath. "I got you something."

Fenris paused in picking up his armor and looked back over his shoulder. When he saw the garments in Gavin's hands his eyes grew round. Letting the armor drop to the floor again, he slowly walked to where Gavin was standing, his gaze locked on the clothes. He came to a stop and raised one hand slowly to touch them.

"I had them made, I thought you might like something for casual wear, you know, around the city, during the day, and-" Gavin stopped rambling and then pretended great interest in the floor. The elf hadn't said a word. Was he angry? Annoyed?

Fenris looked up and saw the apprehension on Gavin's face and knew the man was worried he'd offended him. "You got these for me as a gift?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Gavin breathed out.

Fenris took the clothes and held them against his body. Being taller than most elves, but shorter than most men, he knew Gavin couldn't have just gone to a merchant and bought them, but they looked like they would fit. "How did you know my size?"

"I, uhm, measured your armor once," Gavin shrugged, an embarassed smile curving his lips. "So, do you like them?"

"No one ever got me a gift before," Fenris whispered. He looked up at Gavin and smiled. "I like them, very much." He turned away and laid them out on the bed to just look at them for a moment. Then he turned back around. "Thank you Gavin," he said sincerely.

"You're welcome," Gavin let go the breath he was holding. "Go on, try them on. I want to see if they look as good on you as I imagined they would."

"Then you'd better get some clothes on yourself," Fenris nodded towards the wardrobe. He smiled as Gavin grabbed some clothes out and practically yanked them on. He reached for the pants, enjoying the feel of the butter soft leather in his hands. When he put them on, he noticed they fit him like a second skin, much like his armor. The shirt was looser, but still very comfortable. He looked up to find Gavin staring at him. "How do I look?" he asked, a little unsettled by the steady gaze.

Gavin had thought the clothes would look good on him, but he hadn't realized how good. "I think I'm going to have a hard time concentrating on anything but you today," he said wryly.

Fenris felt his cheeks flush, but smiled. "I'm hungry. Shall we go see what we can scare up for breakfast."

"After you," Gavin waived his hand, pretending to ignore the elf's red cheeks.


	35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Fenris finished tying up his and Gavin's bedrolls and packs. It had been a fantastic week up on the side of Sundermount. The game had been plentiful, the weather had been near perfect, and everyone had been in high spirits. It had surprised him that all their friends had wanted to come, but not Gavin. Even Aveline had managed to arrange some time away from her duties. Gavin said that it had started becoming obvious to him that everyone was feeling the tension in the city. Too many bad things were happening and too many games were being played, ones where they didn't know the rules.

Thinking of all this, he found himself wishing that they could just remain up on Sundermount. Gavin had already expressed his reluctance to return to Kirkwall, and it was a feeling shared by him and the others. Looking around, he didn't see any sign of Gavin and frowned.

"He went that way," Varrick pointed towards the woods near the pond as he came over with his own packed bundle. He also had Anders things for the two had shared a tent.

Fenris nodded and headed off in the direction indicated. He didn't see Anders around the camp either and wondered if perhaps the two mages were together. Even though the abomination hadn't done anything overt, he still felt that Anders wanted Gavin. The idea that Anders was with his mage, perhaps making a move on what he considered his, filled him with anger and his markings flared briefly. Then he regained control and shook off the feeling. Gavin had shown no interest in anything Anders was offering and deserved to be trusted. He entered the woods and listened carefully. A few yards off he heard voices and headed in that direction.

"Hawke, open your eyes," Anders said in exasperation. "The elf hates mages. You can deny it and hide it all you want, but it won't change the fact that you are a mage."

"I trust Fenris," Gavin retorted, annoyance creeping into his voice.

"Then you are a fool," Anders snorted. "He's using you so he can get free of his old master. It's the perfect plan: pit a mage against a mage and hopefully destroy them both. And even if one does survive, he will most likely be in no condition to put up much of a fight."

"Fenris is not using me," Gavin snapped. "He is more than capable of fighting his own battles. I care for him and I will not leave him to face the hunters alone, not unless he tells me to."

"And when he has gained his freedom he will turn on you," Anders retorted angrily. "His hatred of mages will turn towards you once Danarius is out of the picture."

"You're jealous, that's why you're nay-saying Fenris," Gavin folded his arms and glared at his fellow mage. "I haven't missed all the signals you've sent my way. You weren't exactly subtle about it."

"Yes, I'm jealous, but it doesn't mean that what I'm saying isn't true," Anders nodded. "Mark my words Hawke. Fenris hates _**all**_ mages. He will turn on you and break your heart."

"That's enough Anders!" Gavin snarled, his eyes flashing with fierce anger. "You've said what you've come to say, so leave, now."

Anders looked at him at first with anger and then it changed to something else, something cunning. With a sudden lunge, he had Hawke pinned against a tree, their faces a hairs breadth from each other. "When he turns on you and breaks your heart, remember me and remember this," he whispered before pressing their mouths together. He let a small amount of magic trickle from his fingers and felt Hawke suck in a surprised breath and tremble. When he finally broke away, he stared at the other mage in satisfaction for a moment before turning and leaving silently.

Gavin watched him go, unable to move from the tree for it was the only thing holding him up. He was so hard at the moment that he hurt, the desire Anders ignited by magic still curling through his body. He struggled to breath normally, clenching his hands with the effort. He hadn't realized just how deep Anders feelings ran. But that was no excuse for trying to ruin his and Fenris' relationship. Something made him look up and he saw the elf in question moving out from the trees.

Fenris for his part didn't know what he was feeling at the moment. He'd been angered when he heard Anders criticizing him. He'd been inordinately pleased to hear Gavin defend him. But seeing the mage now, aroused and flushed after being kissed by another man, he felt jealous and hurt.

"This isn't what it looks like Fenris," Gavin said hastily. "I didn't know he was going to kiss me."

"I know, I heard your conversation," the elf moved to stand in front of him. He studied him closely. "Did you like it? It seems like you did," he said, his voice flat.

"He used magic on me, to enhance what he was doing, to force a reaction out of me," Gavin told him firmly, not hiding his anger at the implied accusation. "And for the record, I didn't seek him out, he found me. I don't want him, I want you."

"You've never used your magic in that way with me," Fenris cocked his head. "Why?"

"Because I never liked using anything to enhance such things," Gavin told him. "I'd rather see honest, heartfelt reaction from a lover. Using magic to stimulate your partner can mask true feelings."

"The abomination is wrong," Fenris growled, his brows dropping into a deep frown. "I am not using you and won't turn on you. Not because I feel I owe you or because I need your help fighting the hunters, but because you're my friend. I've never had a real friend before you. That's something I don't take lightly."

"I know Fenris, I trust you," Gavin said softly. "I just wish you trusted me as much," he whispered as he looked down at his feet.

Hearing the hurt in the mage's voice made him forget his own. "I do trust you Gavin. I was just jealous. I didn't like seeing another man's hands on you," he growled out. Then he lifted his nose and sniffed, then sniffed again, frowning as he did.

"What?" Gavin asked cautiously.

"I can smell him on you," Fenris scowled.

"You're kidding," Gavin looked at him incredulously.

"My senses were heightened, either by the ritual or the lyrium it placed in my skin," the elf smiled slightly.

"That's actually kinda hot," the mage flushed as he said that. He looked away in embarassment at the admission, so he was unprepared for the elf's next move.

Fenris for his part wanted to erase any memory of the abominations touch from Hawke's mind. He lunged forward, grabbed the mage by the arms and turned him around, slamming him up against the same tree that Anders had used. "You are mine. Don't ever forget that," he growled.

"Fenris-"

The elf closed a hand over Hawke's mouth, "No talking unless I ask you a question." He then used his gauntlets to tear the shirt off the mage's back, eliciting a shiver from him. "Is this body mine?" he growled as he lightly scratched the skin on Hawke's back leaving red marks.

Hawke could feel the metal tips on his skin and it aroused him like he'd never been before. He was barely able to croak out "Yours."

Fenris then pulled at the ties fastening Hawke's breeches, loosening them and shoving the breeches and small clothes Hawke was wearing down to pool at the mage's feet. "Is this ass mine?" he growled again, digging the sharp edges of the gauntlets into the skin, drawing a little blood.

Gavin could only moan his assent, his mind completely overwhelmed by his feelings. He'd dreamed of Fenris taking him like this, but the reality put the dream to shame. He could feel his whole body trembling and shaking, his legs barely keeping him upright. "Please, please Fenris!" he cried.

Fenris grinned in satisfaction, "Since you beg so nicely." Holding Hawke's hands over his head with one hand, he loosened his own leggings with the other, freeing himself. He teasingly rubbed himself against Hawke's hole, eliciting more pleas from the man. With a snarl, he suddenly snapped his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt in one stroke. "Mine!" he shouted.

Gavin screamed at the sudden penetration, a mixture of pain and lust in his voice. When the elf didn't move right away, he tried to move himself, to thrust backwards, but the elf was easily holding him in place. He whimpered as the pressure began to build. "Andraste's tits Fenris, don't tease me like this," he begged.

Smiling in satisfaction, Fenris tightened his grip on Hawke and then began to thrust, setting up a punishing pace. With each thrust, he drew almost completely out and then slammed back in, drawing cries of pleasure from his mage. In his head the words mine, mine, mine echoed in time with each thrust of his hips. He wanted there to be no doubt in Gavin's mind of whom he belonged to.

Gavin felt himself building to climax very quickly. The force, the dominance the elf used, his inability to move in any way, all combined to make him feel helpless. He felt owned, completely and utterly owned, by Fenris. When he finally reached the end, his orgasm was so intense that he blacked out for a moment, the elf's strong grip the only thing holding him up.

Fenris felt Gavin's body tense and then the mage's muscles clamped him so tightly it was almost painful. It was a few seconds before he could move easily again and he wasted no time in gaining his own release. With a roar of triumph, he spilled himself into Hawke's willing body. As the pleasure consumed him, he leaned against the mage's back, breathing hard from his exertion. Finally, after what seemed hours, he eased himself out, eliciting a wince from Hawke. He turned him around, searching his face, "Did I hurt you?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm a little sore," Gavin admitted. "But, I don't mind. I like it when you're forceful," he said, blushing a bright red. Seeing that Fenris still looked concerned he reached out to place a hand gently against the elf's face. "I told you that I'm yours, to do with as you wish. That means you are free to take me whenever, wherever, and however it pleases you."

"I appreciate your trust, but I don't want to hurt you," Fenris felt his throat tighten with emotion. "So if I ever do anything that you don't like or aren't comfortable with, I want you to tell me. Understood?"

"I will, I promise," Gavin smiled at him. Then he sniffed and frowned, "I think we need a bath. I smell like I just had ass pounding sex."

"You smell like me now," Fenris too sniffed and then grinned wickedly. "I rather like the idea of taking you back to the others just like this."

"Fenris!" Gavin blushed in embarassment.

"I'm kidding Hawke," Fenris laughed. "It's so easy to tease you."

"Wretch," Gavin scowled fondly at him. "Come on, the ponds only a few feet that way. We'll get cleaned up and then go back to camp. We'll head back to Kirkwall after lunch."

Fenris smiled and helped the mage gather their things and then followed him to the pond. The morning hadn't started out that great, but now everything was just fine.


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

"Hadrianna," Fenris spat at the dead mage at his feet. "She sent these hunters after me, but she wouldn't have done it on her own."

"I was beginning to think the hunters had given up," Gavin stated flatly as he tried to regain his breath. Upon coming face to face with the arrogant Tevinters, he'd immediately lashed out with his magic and hadn't looked back. He'd been angry that Fenris was once again in danger, and this had fueled his use of his magic. For the first time in his life, his magic wasn't causing him headaches or nose bleeds.

"Danarius will never give up hunting me, he's too proud," Fenris growled. "Hadrianna was his apprentice and if she's here it's at his bidding."

"That guy said she could be found in some holding caves?" Sebastian asked, his voice carefully neutral.

"If this bothers you, then you'd better not come with me to face Hadrianna," the elf growled.

"I know you have your reasons for what you did," Sebastian shook his head. "Just because I don't like your choices doesn't mean I will turn my back on you. You're my friend."

"Okay, there's no need for all of us to go with Fenris," Gavin turned to look at the group. "Anders, I would appreciate having you along. Your healing skills are far better than mine and I have a feeling we're going to need them. As she most likely will surround herself with dozens of soldiers in addition to various undead, I could use your shield Aveline, if you're willing."

"I hate dealing with blood mages," Anders grumbled. "But, if you really need me, I'll go."

"I look forward to locking blades with Tevinter slavers," Aveline said, a cold smile curving her lips. She hated having any slavers running around her territory.

Hearing a whine Gavin looked down to see Fang grinning up at him. He smiled and went to one knee in front of the dog. "I'd love to have you along, but you need room to be effective and caves just don't have it. So, what I want you to do is make sure that Varric and the others get back to Kirkwall safely okay?"

Huffing in disappointment, Fang barked once and then plodded over to sit beside Varric. The dwarf chuckled down at the dog and then fixed Hawke with a steady gaze. "Be careful. If this last battle is anything to go by, then you have a hard road ahead of you. Don't want to hear you've gone and gotten yourself killed. Your mother needs you, so don't take any chances."

"Yes, dad," Gavin snorted. Turning his head he looked directly at Fenris, "Lead the way."

Varric silently watched them leave before turning to look at Isabela and Merrill, "Let's get cracking."

After several hours, Gavin and company reached the holding caves. Peering at the dark opening, Gavin felt a shiver run through him. "I have a bad feeling about this," he mumbled.

"What's wrong Hawke?" Sebastian asked in concern.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "Let's just find Hadrianna and deal with her as quickly as possible."

"Let's hope she's still here," Fenris growled and hurried foward, entering the cave without hesitation. Aveline and Anders followed him, with Gavin and Sebastian bringing up the rear.

They hadn't gone very far when they ran into a large group of soldiers led by a mage. Aveline and Fenris dealt with the soldiers, while Sebastian and Gavin dealt with the undead the mage summoned. Gavin felt his lip curl in disgust as the mage surrounded himself with a magic shield. That kind of shield protected you from any and all attacks, but you couldn't do anything, not even cast a heal spell. So it was with great relish that as soon as the shield dissipated, and before the mage could finish preparing another spell, that he yanked the man forward.

"You missed your chance by hiding behind your men," he sneered and then slowly crushed the man.

"I believe that's the last of them," Anders glanced around. "Hey, where's the prickly elf?"

Gavin looked around and spied another door at the far end of the room they were in. He headed towards and then through it and found Fenris on the other side. "You shouldn't get too far ahead of the rest of us." Getting no repsonse he moved closer and then gasped in horror at the sight of a bloody and mangled corpse of a man.

"Witness the legacy of the Magisters," Fenris snarled. "Mages always find a way to gain more power. This is where your brainless friend Merrill is headed."

"Not all mages do that," Gavin whispered, feeling sick to his stomach. He saw the elf give him a strange look which he returned steadily.

"Let's move on, Hadrianna's here somewhere," Fenris growled and stomped off.

Feeling eyes on him, Gavin turned and saw Anders giving him a knowing look. Recalling their conversation by the pond a mere two days ago, he felt a sick feeling settle in his stomach. "He's upset, that's all," he told the other mage.

"If you say so Hawke," Anders answered pithily and moved off.

"What did he mean by that Hawke?" Sebastian stared after the other mage.

"Nothing," Gavin shook his head and hurried after them. The feeling of foreboding he'd felt outside the cave returned stronger than before. He pushed the negative thoughts aside. He trusted Fenris.

They fought a couple small groups before reaching another large room and even larger group of soldiers. Fortunately there was no mage with them this time and so the battle was over with rather quickly. Gavin didn't even need to use his magic once.

"Are you alright?" Fenris was asking.

"I don't understand," a small blond elf woman cried. "She's killed everyone, even Papa."

"She?" Gavin asked as he came over. "You mean Hadrianna?"

"The Magister said she needed more power," she nodded. "She was afraid."

"She should be," Fenris sneered, his eyes gleaming with malice.

Looking around, she realized that everyone was dead, killed by the elf and the others in front of her. "You're the one she said would try to kill her?" She hesitantly took a step forward, "That would make you my new master."

"What?" Fenris stepped back in shock. "No, I'm not," he held his hands out in denial.

"But, I have nowhere to go," she protested, tears forming in her eyes. "I can cook, I can clean. Please."

"Wait for us outside these caves," Gavin told her. "When we're done here, I'll take you to Kirkwall with me. I have a big house and could use help cleaning it."

"Oh thank you, thank you so much," she beamed at him and then hurried away.

"So, you like the idea of having a slave then," Fenris snarled as he turned to glare at Hawke.

"I gave her a job Fenris," Gavin snapped. "What's the matter with you?" he growled.

"Oh, sorry," the elf muttered, not sounding sorry in the least. "Let's find Hadrianna and be done here."

Watching him go, Gavin felt a deep hurt beginning to well inside him. "He's just upset, he doesn't mean it," he whispered softly to himself, wishing he believed it. He saw Anders shoot him another look and this time looked away and down at his feet.

Aveline looked at Fenris' retreating back, glanced between Anders and Hawke, and then frowned thoughtfully. There was something going on here and she didn't like not knowing what, sensing that it was hurting Hawke in some way. "Are you okay Hawke?"

Gavin looked up at her and flashed a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Everything's fine. Let's keep going."

Sebastian frowned as he watched his friend walk away. He looked at Aveline, "I'm worried about the strain this venture is putting on Fenris and Hawke."

"And there's something going on between Hawke and Anders, something that this place is bringing to the fore," she replied as she hurried after the others.

Sebastian fell in with her and nodded, "You're right. Anders has seemed rather smug since we encountered that mutilated corpse. Almost like he expected the tension that now exists between Fenris and Hawke." He frowned as a thought occured to him, "I don't think this is going to end well."

"I hope you're wrong, your highness," Aveline gave him a hard look. "I like Fenris, but Hawke is like family to me. I would hate to have to take sides."

"We'll cross that bridge if and when we have to, not before," he told her.

They caught up with the rest and fell silently in behind them, both watching the two men in question closely. It was obvious to both of them that there was a new tension between the two, but before they could speculate further they ran smack into the Magister and her men. Not only were there a couple dozen soldiers, but several shades and skeletons. A lengthy battle ensued.

Gavin grit his teeth as the fight went on and on. He'd never battled a mage as powerful as Hadrianna and he began to doubt their ability to defeat her. She seemed able to conjure wave after wave of undead with ease. He felt his own magic begin to take it's toll on him and knew that if they didn't get the upper hand soon, then he would be forced to rely solely on his sword skills. And those seemed a weak last resort as it was. He found himself praying to the Maker for help, something he'd never felt the need to do before.

Fenris was thriving on the thrill of knowing that he was so close to destroying someone who'd made his life a living hell. Rage filled him and hatred fueled him. His markings glowing a bright blue, he moved through the horde of demons the witch sent his way like they were nothing. He hurled taunts at her as he cut them down. He laughed at her attempts to intimidate him. Then, after what seemed to be hours, her magic began to fail her even as he renewed his own powers. Moving swiftly, he cut a vicious stroke at her which she barely dodged. However, it was enough to cause the Magister to lose her balance and collapse.

Panting in exhaustion, to weak and drained to get up, Hadrianna stared up in horror as the elf raised his sword to finish her off. "Wait, you don't want me dead!" she cried.

Gavin, gasping for breath, moved forward so he could better hear what they were saying. He leaned against the wall near them, feeling as though without it he would fall down. He heard Fenris sneer that nothing would please him more. Even though he would have liked the opportunity to question the woman about Danarius, he didn't want to interfere. Truth was, after the way Fenris had been acting, he was afraid of to say or do anything that would strain things between them even more.

"You have a sister," Hadrianna hissed out. "Spare me and I will tell you where to find her."

Fenris jerked back in shock, his sword falling to his side. He didn't know what to say. He glanced over his shoulder to see that the others were also staring at the woman on the ground in surprise. Looking back at Hadrianna, he sheathed his sword and moved to stand over her. Bending down, he held her gaze, "Tell me and I'll let you go."

"I have your word," she whispered.

Without hesitation, he lied to her face, "Yes, you have my word."

"She's serving a magister in Qarinus," she breathed out. And then she met the cold green eyes and knew she was doomed.

With a sneer of contempt, Fenris thrust his glowing hand into her chest and ripped her heart out. Tossing it aside and spitting on the corpse, he turned away to head back to the surface. "We're done here."

Gavin stared between the dead woman and Fenris, "But, you gave your word."

Fenris turned and spat on the ground, "So what? She's a filthy mage and deserves no such respect." He waived his arms around, "You saw what she did here. This is what all mages do when given the opportunity to be free to do as they wish."

"Fenris, I'm a mage and so is-"

"I know what you are," Fenris interrupted, sneering at him. His anger and rage blinded him to the pain he was inflicting on the mage before him. "What do I care for a promise made to a mage? All I care about is the fact that I finally got to crush this bitch's heart." When all that met this statement was a dead silence, he finally looked around and saw the other staring at him in shock. Unable to deal with anything else, he turned away from them and left.

Gavin watched, mouth open in shock, as the elf walked away. He doubled over with a hand against his chest as a sharp pain lanced through him. He barely heard the others expressions of concern as he met Anders sympathetic gaze. "You were right," he whispered.

"I'm sorry Hawke, I wish I'd been wrong," Anders shook his head sadly.

"What's wrong Hawke? Where are you hurt?" Sebastian hurried to the mages side.

"My heart," Gavin whispered. "He just ripped it out." He turned and staggered back the way they came. "Let's go home. I want to go home."

Not knowing what else to say or do, the others silently followed him out.


	37. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Leandra looked up from the dough she was kneading when she heard the front door slam shut. That sound was followed by several hurried footsteps and a smile curved her lips as she realized that her son was finally home again. She hurried from the kitchen to greet him. As she reached the reception area, she heard raised voices and her steps faltered. She saw Gavin come through the doorway and started to speak, but he rushed past her and up the stairs followed closely by his hound. A minute later she heard the door to his room slam shut.

"What is going on Sebastian?" she cried, turning to face the others. "He seemed upset."

"It's a long story mistress," the prince sighed.

"Fenris finally showed his true colors," Anders said triumphantly.

"You've said enough on that subject already Blondie," Varric snapped. "Time you gave it a rest."

"Someone tell me what is going on, right now!" Leandra demanded.

Sebastian nodded and proceeded to tell her all that had transpired from being ambushed by slavers to the final moments in the holding caves. "Fenris disappeared afterwards and Hawke started to head back to Kirkwall. We had a hard time keeping up with him or getting him to rest along the way. What normally takes four days we did in just under three."

"I can't believe that he would do something like this to Gavin," Leandra shook her head. "He loves my son, I know he does."

"He's obviously a great actor to make you believe that he could ever love a mage," Anders snorted in contempt.

"People tend to say things in the heat of the moment that they later come to regret," Varric spoke up. "Broody was dealing with a lot of shit there in the caves. Once he comes to his senses, I'm sure he'll be properly apologetic."

Leandra stepped closer to Sebastian so she could look him straight in the eye. "Do you believe that Fenris meant to say such hurtful things to my son?"

He opened his mouth to assure her that the elf didn't and then paused. He thought back over every time he'd seen Fenris and Hawke together. Finally he looked at Leandra, "No, I don't think he meant it."

She nodded and then turned towards the stairs. It was only then that she realized there was a stranger in her house. "Who is this?" she pointed towards the blond elf girl huddling in a corner of the room.

"We ran across her in the caves," Varric stepped towards the girl. "She was a slave to Hadrianna but Hawke told her she could come work for him cleaning the mansion and stuff."

"What is your name dear?" she asked gently. The girl was clearly frightened.

"Orana mistress," the girl bowed deeply.

Leandra thought for a moment. She really wanted to go and talk with her son, but it was getting late and she couldn't very well leave the girl at odds ends. "Bodahn, would you get Jethann and have him see to the girl here. He can show her to a room and things like that. " She turned back to the girl. "We'll talk later after I've spoken with my son. Don't worry," she hastened to reassure her, "my son has promised you a position here and that will not change."

"Do you wish me to stay?" Sebastian quietly asked her.

"I think it best if you give my son some space for a while," she answered, frowning at Anders as she did so. She trusted the Prince's judgement more than the mage's. She strongly suspected that Anders opinion was influenced by the feelings he harbored for her son. "You may call upon him tomorrow."

The three nodded and then left. She watched them go and then turned and went upstairs to her son's room. She knocked softly on the door, "Gavin, may I come in?" Getting no answer, she tried the door. Finding it unlocked, she pushed it open and stepped inside, closing it behind her. Seeing him lying on his side on the bed, she moved closer expecting to find him asleep. A pair of tear filled green eyes met her blue ones. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry," she said softly as she took a seat on the edge of the bed.

Gavin turned his gaze back to the fireplace, meeting Fang's eyes as he did so. His faithful hound had settled there and watched him closely. "You should have heard him. He was so filled with hate and he looked at me like I was no better than that bitch Hadrianna."

"Sebastian explained it to me," Leandra smoothed his hair back from his forehead. "He doesn't believe that Fenris meant to hurt you and I believe him."

"Anders warned me that Fenris would turn on me one day," Gavin seemed not to have heard her. "That he hated mages too much to ever really love or trust one. Fenris swore to me that he would never turn on me and yet, a few days after swearing so, he did just that."

"He struck me as honorable," she said gently. "If he swore to something then-"

"If I was not a mage then that would be true," Gavin interrupted, his voice bleak. "But he stated clearly that he had no problem breaking an oath that was made to a mage. Which means that any promise he made to me was worthless."

She sat back a little, thinking about all she'd heard so far. "That whole situation with the hunters and that witch was very stressful. People say many things that they don't really mean when under pressure. I'm sure that Fenris didn't mean to say what he did."

"But how can I trust him now?" Gavin protested, tears beginning to fall. "The worst part is that, despite everything he's done, I still love him. How can I love someone who hates me?"

Leandra moved to gather him in her arms. She rocked him as he cried, just as she did when he was a child. "He doesn't hate you dear. He was angry and lashed out at everyone. He loves you, I know he does. Don't give up on him."

Gavin just cried silently, the hurt he felt was still as sharp and painful as it was on the day Fenris turned against him. His mother had waited a long time for him to find someone to love and he couldn't help but feel that this was coloring her judgement. She hadn't seen the look in the elf's eyes when he said those hateful things. Even if Fenris were to show up at the mansion and apologize, he wasn't sure he would believe him.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, mom," he said, pulling away from her. "I heard enough already from everyone else."

"All right dear," she agreed and stood up. "You brought a young elf woman home with you," she changed the subject.

"Orana," he nodded. "She had nowhere else to go and I couldn't leave her to fend for herself. She'd end up a slave all over again, or worse. We have plenty of room and could use help cooking and cleaning."

"I agree," Leandra nodded. "Does she know that she's no longer a slave?"

"I didn't come out and say it exactly," he shook his head.

"Then it's best that I go and talk with her," she stated and turned to leave. "We can sit down with her tomorrow and go over what duties she'll have and how much she will be paid."

"Okay mom," he said. "And mom?" his questioning voice made her turn back around. "Thanks for listenening to me."

"I'm your mother, that's what we do dear," she gently admonished him, earning a slight smile from him. It was small, barely visible, but it was there and it lifted her heart. She hated seeing him in pain and she was angry at Fenris for being the cause of it. He'd suffered more than enough for one man. She only hoped that the elf would come to his senses before too much time had passed.

"Jethann has taken the elf girl to the servents quarters," Bodahn told her as soon as he saw her. "He seemed quite taken with her, but she seemed terribly shy and didn't raise her eyes or her voice once."

"From what Sebastian told me of her former mistress, I can't say I'm all that surprised by that," Leandra frowned thoughtfully. "I hope she will be able to get comfortable here."

"Messere Hawke is a kind and gentle man, a real honorable human," Bodahn told her. "Our little elf girl will see that and come around. Sooner than we might think even." The dwarf hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "About this business with Serah Fenris and all. I find it hard to believe the elf would behave so badly," he said in a quieter voice. "He's always been fair and polite with me and seemed to be honest, almost to a fault sometimes."

"How do you know about Fenris and my son?" she puzzled.

"The prince there and that mage were arguing when they entered the house mistress Amell," Bodahn shook his head. "Such behavior, most shocking."

"What were they arguing about?" Leandra's curiosity was now peaked.

"The prince was saying that Anders had designs on Master Hawke and that's why he was so quick to question the elf's motives," the manservant answered. "Anders denied it of course and then you came into the room and that was the end of the argument. At least until they left. They were so loud I could hear them through windows. Those are high above the street!"

"Hmm," she tapped a finger against her lips, "what's your opinion then Bodahn?"

"Me?" the dwarf was surprised. He'd often expressed his opinion, to his detriment sometimes, but this was the first time he was actually asked for it. He could see she was serious so he took a few minutes to consider his reply. "In my opinion, this is a matter that should be left between Fenris and Master Hawke."

Leandra smiled at him, "I rather think I agree with you."

"If we leave them be, they'll work it out, don't worry," Bodahn assured her.

"I hope so Bodahn," she sighed. "But it's not easy admitting your mistakes and Fenris is certainly not someone who can express himself with ease. I think it will take time for them to work through this. I hope that I can count on you to help them in any way you can."

"Of course you can," Bodahn nodded. "I owe Master Hawke so much, more than I can repay."

"Thank you Bodahn," she smiled at him. "Now, I had better go and see to our new guest and make sure she is comfortable. I think it will be a day or two before my son is able to address this matter."

Bodhan watched her go and then glanced towards the stairs. "Poor Master Hawke." It seemed that whenever he started to be happy, something happened to mar it. The dwarf shook his head and looked over at his boy. "Too bad you can't invent something to make problems go away. What a fortune we'd make with something like that, eh my boy?"

"I like Master Hawke," Sandal nodded. "Can I have some pie?"

Bodhan sighed and shaking his head, went to see if there was any pie left.


	38. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Fenris sat on a bench in the Hawke mansion foyer, his head down and eyes glued to his feet. It had been three days since he'd been back in Kirkwall, but he didn't really remember much of them. He'd arrived at the mansion and slammed the door behind him before his anger started to fade. It was then that he began to remember what he'd done and said. The memory of Hawke's face, eyes wide in disbelief and mouth open in shock, as he'd spewed his hate at the man made him feel sick to his stomach. Even worse was the memory of Anders' smug smile. But it was the memory of the look of utter betrayal in Hawke's eyes that drove him into the wine cellar. He proceeded to drink until he passed out. Then he woke up and repeated the process. Aveline's sudden arrival at the mansion had thankfully put a stop to it before he ended up drinking himself to death.

He'd never fully appreciated just how strong the warrior woman was until that day. She literally manhandled his sorry ass outside and proceeded to douse him with several buckets of cold well water. When he'd finally sobered enough to listen, she'd read him the riot act. She told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't get over to Hawke's and apologize to the man, then she would lock him up in the deepest and darkest cell she could find for the rest of his natural life. He'd become angry at that and his markings flared to life as he jumped to his feet, only to find her sword pointed at his gut. She'd looked him straight in the eyes and dared him to test her resolve. Despite how miserable his life was at that point, he really didn't want to die, so he'd done as she asked. He only hoped that he wouldn't make matters worse. He heard the door open and jumped to his feet, apology at the ready, only to realize that it was Leandra and not Hawke.

"So, you finally decided to show your face to the world again Fenris?" she asked softly.

"I was hoping to see Hawke," Fenris took comfort from the fact that her tone wasn't hostile. "I take it he doesn't want to see me," he finished morosely.

"He didn't, but I convinced him to at least hear you out," she corrected him. "However, you and I are going to have a chat first. Sit down," she said firmly, pointing at the bench behind him. Once he was seated, she sat next to him, facing him.

"Do you love my son?" she asked sharply.

The question surprised him for it wasn't what he was expecting. He was tempted to brush off the question, like he'd done so many times before, but her expression deterred him. "I wish I could say I do, but I don't know what being in love is like. I have no memory to fall back on," he answered simply.

"I see," Leandra studied him. She was almost positive he was in love with her son, but if he truly had no idea what it felt like, then he would not be able to express the emotion. "When Gavin is happy, does it make you happy?"

"Yes."

"When he is hurt, do you want to make the pain go away?"

"Yes."

"Are there times when you would like nothing better than to shut out the world around you and just be alone with him?"

"I have felt that way many times," Fenris said slowly, the reasoning behind her questions finally making sense. "These are signs that you love someone?"

"A few of them, yes," Leandra smiled at him. "And right now he is very hurt. You're the only one who can ease some of his pain."

"That's why I'm here," he nodded. "I know I was wrong, and I don't expect him to forgive me right away, but he deserves an explanation."

"You should know that upon his return, he cried in my arms," she said softly. "That's something he hadn't done since he was a boy and his pet rabbit had died. That's how badly you hurt him. It will take a good deal more than words to convince him to take you back, but it's a start."

"You really think I haven't ruined my chances with him?" Fenris couldn't keep the hope out of his voice.

"I know he still loves you," she answered. "But, it will take time and a great deal of effort on your part to convince him to take you back. If you aren't willing to invest in the relationship, then break it off now and let him go."

"I am willing," he nodded.

"Okay, then let's go see my son," she stood and motioned for him to follow.

As he walked through the foyer, he saw Bodahn looking at him. Instead of contempt or anger, the servant gave him a big smile and looked relieved to see him. That puzzled him until he got to the study and saw Anders sitting on the sofa next to Hawke. The abomination looked very comfortable there, and that disturbed him deeply. He understood now what Leandra meant by letting Hawke go. He'd be damned if he conceded defeat to Anders.

"Anders, thank you for being here for my son," Leandra was saying as the two mages got to their feet. "However, Gavin and Fenris have much to talk about and it's already late."

"I have to check in at the clinic anyway," Anders said smoothly, flashing an unreadable look at the elf. "I'll be back tomorrow Hawke and we can continue going over your plans for expanding the clinic operations."

"Thank you Anders, for everything," Gavin smiled at him before turning back to face the fire.

Fenris felt his stomach twist and his teeth clench. Jealousy flared in him but he forced it down. He saw the warning look Leandra gave him and nodded. Now was not the time to be saying anything about Anders, whether good or bad. After the other two had left, he stared at Hawke and tried to say something, but once again found himself at a loss as to how to proceed.

Gavin had felt his heart thud painfully in his chest as soon as Fenris stepped into the room. Despite what Anders had said and everything that had happened, there was no doubt in his mind that he still loved the elf. He could see that the last few days hadn't been easy on Fenris either. The thought that the elf was suffering just as much as him was comforting. "So, mother says you've come to apologize."

"Yes," Fenris cleared his throat. "I had no right to take my anger at Hadrianna out on you. I know that a mere apology won't suffice, so I will tell you someting I've never shared with anyone."

Gavin turned to face him and saw a look of pain and embarassment cross the elf's face. "Please, sit down," he gestured to the chair next to the fire, taking the opposite one.

"Unless they lived it, no one can possibly imagine what it's like to be a slave in Tevinter," Fenris began softly. "Hadrianna was one of the meanest, most sadistic women I have ever had the displeasure to know. She had status and power and for some reason she made me the target for her more vicious games. I suppose one good thing about the whole situation was that my suffering spared some other poor soul."

"What did she do to you?" Gavin asked softly, morbid curiosity filling him.

Fenris looked at him, "Are you sure you want to know? Because even to this day, the memories of what she did to me give me nightmares."

"If it will help me to understand why you treated me the way you did, then yes," Gavin replied, his voice pained. For the next few minutes he sat silently, listening to a litany of abuses the likes of which he'd never heard before and never wanted to hear again. "How did you survive?' he asked when the elf fell silent.

"To be honest, it was my hatred for her," Fenris said with a frown. "It was all that kept me going sometimes. My hatred wouldn't let me seek an end to my pain and torment. It kept me alive and gave me the strength to resist and eventually break free of those monsters. I thought that after all these years my hatred was gone."

"I understand," Gavin sighed.

"No, you don't really, and I hope you never have to," Fenris shook his head. "I would not wish what happened to me on anyone, except perhaps my old master." He looked down at his hands, "I let my hatred of Hadrianna cloud my judgement and blind me to the pain I caused you. Knowing that I still have this hate inside me, that it could resurface at some point, is a burden I will have to bear."

"Not alone," Gavin reached out and placed a hand on Fenris' clasped ones. He waited until the elf looked up. "You have friends here Fenris, and you need help dealing with your issues." He let go and stood up, walking over to the study doors and looking out. "I'm sure you'll understand that I can't be the one for you to talk to. Not yet at least."

"I do understand," Fenris also got to his feet. "I don't want to impose upon you any longer. I just needed you to know why I behaved as I did. I hope that in time you can forgive me for it." Recieving no response, he showed himself out.

Gavin heard the study door close and turned around. His heart was crying out for him to stop Fenris from leaving. However, for the first time since he'd met the elf, he was listening to his head instead. Fenris had some serious issues that he needed to work out. That was something that he, as a mage, could not help with. However, Anders suggestion that he cut the elf out of his life entirely was not the solution either. Fenris needed to be constantly shown that not all mages were like his old master or Hadrianna. The only way for that to happen was to include Fenris in the group. Not only that, but Fenris was the best fighter in the group, hands down. He didn't trust anyone other than him and Aveline to watch his back, but she had duties that often made her unavailable.

As for Fenris talking through his issues, he had a few ideas about that. His mother would no doubt be happy to help and Donnic, the guardsman they rescued, would also be a good one to ask. He'd spoken to the man on occasion and had been impressed by his no nonsense approach to life. Even if he had to pay Donnic to do it, he would see that Fenris spent time with the guardsman. With a sigh, he banked the fire and headed upstairs to his cold and lonely bed.


	39. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Days turned into weeks and Gavin found himself becoming more involved in the problems of the city. He found escape in helping down at Anders' clinic, learning more about healing magic from his fellow mage. Fenris had even come along a couple of times and always left in a thoughtful mood. There was no doubt that Anders was an extremely talented healer. The sheer hours he spent working with the poor, without expecting to paid for his services, was incredible and humbling. Even Fenris had commented on it, which was a very promising sign that perhaps he was working through his issues.

Gavin sighed and stood up from his writing desk to go and watch Jethann as he worked on the new flower bed his mother had asked for. He saw the elf girl, Orana, sitting and watching her fellow elf and talking to him, which heartened him. She was so shy and reserved around him that he'd begun to wonder if perhaps he'd made a mistake by bringing her here. He saw her suddenly laugh aloud at something Jethann said. The look on Jethann's face as he watched the girl caused a pang in his chest. It was obvious a relationship was blooming between the two elves in his employ.

That brought to mind the help he'd given Aveline in her pursuit of Donnic. The poor woman was terrible at it and desperately in need of guidance. Fortunately, Donnic was a sensible, practical man and took charge once he realized what his captain was up to. The last he'd heard was the two were very happy.

His mother too had someone in her life now. She wouldn't say who, but she seemed to be so much happier these days. He knew she had loved his father, but Malcolm had been dead for almost ten years now. Bethany and Carver were dead, and he had his own life to lead. The Amell mansion, for all its opulence and luxurious comforts, could be quite lonely for an older woman like his mother. He knew she visited Gamlen once a week, they were siblings after all, and he was okay with it as long as his uncle minded his manners. But everyone needed more than just family to truly be happy. They needed that special someone who could help brighten their days and fill their nights with love and joy.

A deep sadness filled him as he acknowledged the absence of that special someone in his life. While everyone else seemed to be happily involved, he was still sleeping alone. He missed Fenris something fierce and was beginning to wonder if perhaps they would never get back what they'd lost. Tears filled his eyes at that thought. A quiet voice jolted him out of his reverie.

"Why are you crying?" Anders asked as he entered the study.

"I didn't realize it was nearing dinner time," Gavin quickly brushed the tears from his eyes.

"Yes, your mother is putting the finishing touches now," the other mage took a seat on the sofa and patted the spot next to him. "Come sit and tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing really," Gavin said as he joined the mage. "I was just thinking about how everyone around me seems to be happily involved..."

"And you're feeling left out," Anders interrupted.

"I had what they had Anders, and now it's gone."

"That's not your fault Hawke," Anders said sharply. "But, we've had this discussion several times and you already know my opinions on the matter."

"Dinner is on the table messere," Bodahn announced from the open door, halting any further conversation.

They went to the kitchen and Gavin motioned Anders to a chair as he went to carve up the bird his mother had cooked for them. It was a goose, fat and juicy, and his mouth watered in anticipation. "This looks and smells fantastic," he smiled at her. "I never had quite your touch with birds."

"All the food looks amazing Leandra," Anders' stomach growled as he said that.

"I'm glad you could join us Anders," she smiled at him. "You are way too thin. You're not eating enough," she fussed over him.

"I just get so busy with my patients at the clinic," he shrugged.

Gavin looked up, knowing that it wasn't just that, but he decided to let the matter drop. His mother didn't need to know all the details of what Anders was up to. Not only was it dangerous, but it was also seditious. It was bad enough he knew about it, he could take care of himself. But his mother didn't have the strength she once did. He'd promised his father that he would take care of the family. He'd already failed with his siblings, he wasn't going to fail his mother. He'd given up a lot to make sure she was safe and happy, and he'd be damned if he did or said anything to mess that up.

"This is delicious," Anders mumbled around a mouthful of food. His plate was piled twice as high as the others and he was eating very rapidly. He didn't join in the table conversation, just focused on his plate. It wasn't until he was getting a second helping that he joined in.

"My goodness, where do you put it all?" Leandra gasped.

"Grey Warden appetite," he answered, resuming eating, but at a slower pace.

"I almost forgot you were one," Gavin shook his head, watching in awe as the food disappeared from Anders' plate.

"Is that why you're so thin?" Leandra wondered.

"Yes," he nodded. "If I forget to eat, miss a meal, anything like that, I lose weight. I have to eat twice as much as a normal man just to maintain my weight. Varric too has told me that I'm too skinny and is always sending extra food my way."

"Anders, it's great that you help so many of the poor, but if it's keeping you from being able to buy sufficient food...," Gavin broke off when the mage held up a hand.

"It's not that," Anders shook his head. "It's just, I get so busy that I end up working so late and then all I can manage to do is fall into bed and sleep. Then when I get up in the morning it starts all over again. I eat when I can."

"Darling, it's not fair that he bears this burden alone," Leandra appealed to Gavin. "I know you've spent a few days at the clinic, but surely you can do more."

"It's fine Leandra, I'm doing alright," Anders protested.

"No, she's right, there is more that I can do," Gavin nodded at his mother. "I have plenty of money saved up, even with what I'm paying my servants. Varric has managed to invest a fair amount for me too. I will see about finding someone, other than myself, who can do minor healing and knows herbalism and field medicine."

"That's asking for a lot in one person dear," Leandra admonished.

"Then I'll find two people," Gavin shrugged.

"Hawke, need I remind you that we are both apostates?" Anders protested. "I don't think it's a good idea to bring strangers into the picture. How could you ever trust them? It's bad enough I have to worry about one of the poor people in Darktown turning me in to the Templars for the price of a meal and mug of ale."

"We've helped many apostates over the years," Gavin reminded him. "Mistress Shelby has been keeping track of those she can and in constant contact with them. I'm sure she will be able to put me in touch with someone trustworthy and reliable."

"Not many would want to come back to Kirkwall, regardless of what you paid them," Anders argued.

"Then I will assure them of my personal support and protection, same as I would give to you and all my other friends," he retorted. "I won't see you running yourself into the ground, not when I can do something about it."

Anders had to look down at his plate and swallow hard, just to keep from crying like a baby. He couldn't remember the last time someone had stood up for me, looked out for him. "I've been alone for so long, just trying to survive, that I've forgotten what's it's like to have a friend standing by me. I had that once, in Amaranthine, and I never expected to have it again," he finally choked out. He looked up, his watery gaze meeting the steady green one of Hawke's. "Thank you."

"I was raised to look out for my family and my friends," Gavin smiled at him, somewhat embarassed.

"If you've finished eating, why don't you retire to the study again," Leandra stood up and began gathering up the dishes.

"Let us help, mom," Gavin protested.

"Go on, I've got this, go on," she shooed them away with a smile.

They returned to the study where Gavin poured them both a glass of brandy before they sat on the sofa together. Anders was still reeling from the emotional impact of Gavin's decision and quickly gulped down one full glass and poured another. He savored the second on, "Antivan brandy. One of the best brands out there if I'm not mistaken. Good taste."

"Varric served some once. I liked it so much that when I finally had the money to indulge a little, I decided that I would stock only the best Antivan available," Gavin laughed. "But how do you know so much about such things?"

"When I lived in Amarantine, with the Wardens, there was a young nobleman named Nathanial Howe with us," Anders gazed at the fire without really seeing it, his minds eye picturing the stern man he once had called friend and lover. "He introduced me to such indulgences, and boy did we indulge," he laughed briefly. "Then I merged with Justice and it all fell apart," he couldn't keep a hint of bitterness from coloring his voice.

"Is there any way to reverse what you've done?" Gavin asked him.

"I've looked through so many books that I've lost count," Anders sighed and polished off his glass and then refilled it. "Short of killing the host, there is no way to undo this. It hasn't been all bad. Justice provides insight that I would never have learned otherwise and he's capable of augmenting my magic when necessary. There are several patients I've had that would have died if not for his help."

"Then why did you leave Amarantine?" Gavin pressed. "I know you said you came here to help your friend Karl, but why didn't you go back once it was over?"

Anders hesitated for a moment. "If I tell you, you might decide you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"I don't give up on my friends that easily," Gavin said firmly.

Anders nodded and proceeded to tell him of the events that occured just after he merged with Justice. "I didn't realize what had happened until it was all over. Grey Wardens are a law unto themselves, but I figured even they could not ignore such a crime."

"What crime? You were defending yourself," Gavin protested angrily. "That ex-Templar betrayed you and you fought back. If it weren't for Justice you would have died. Surely they would understand."

"I didn't want to test that," Anders shook his head. "I've never told anyone before," he turned to face the other mage. He gazed into his eyes and then whispered, "Thank you for not sending me away."

"Yes, well, that's what friends do for each other," Gavin looked away.

"Yes, friends," Anders sat back. He knew that Hawke could not be pushed, but he could be seduced. He would wait. Fenris might still be included in their missions, but he was absent from the picture otherwise. Eventually Hawke would get tired of waiting and be ready to turn to another man. He would be that man.

"It's getting late and I promised to help you in the clinic tomorrow," Gavin stood up. "Maybe you can function efficiently on little to no sleep, but I can't."

"Yes, I should go," Anders stood up and then impulsively hugged his fellow mage. "Thank you for believeing in me and for being my friend. It means more to me than you know."

Gavin returned the hug briefly and then pushed him back. "I promise I will always be your friend Anders," he promised. "That's a promise I intend to keep."

"You know, you're the first person to say that to me, outside of the Wardens, whom I actually believe means it," Anders chuckled as he turned away. "I'll see myself out. Goodnight Hawke, sleep well."

Gavin watched him go and then went and got the book he'd been reading and taking a seat on the sofa once again. He tried to focus on the book, but the memory of Anders' body pressed closed to his kept intruding. It had felt good, almost too good. He shook his head to clear it. Anders may have feelings for him, and he did like the man personally, but his heart belonged to another. It wouldn't be fair to use his friend like that. Shaking his head again, he refilled his glass and settled back to read.

Jethann hadn't intended to spy on his boss, but he happened to be in the right place at the right time and couldn't help himself. He could see the change in the relationship between Hawke and Anders. If Fenris waited too much longer to restake his claim on Gavin, then he would lose him to the other mage. He liked and respected Gavin too much to see the man settle for less than what he deserved. It was time to take steps to get his two favorite people back together. Slipping away quietly, he returned to his room to plan.


	40. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"Dear Maker, if you hadn't been there Hawke," Anders paced in agitation. "I almost killed an innocent girl, I lost control of Justice. It's all gone wrong!" He cried and slumped to his knees, pulling at his hair.

Fenris watched, his face a mask of revulsion and contempt for the mage in front of him. "You said you could control it. You're weak and pathetic," he sneered.

"You're not helping," Gavin glared at the elf and then turned and knelt next to Anders. "Listen, you heard me, even through all that. You would never kill an innocent person, it's not in your nature. Even if I wasn't there, you wouldn't have let Justice hurt her."

"You have too much faith in me," Anders looked up with tear filled eyes at his friend. He shook his head and looked away.

"I believe in you Anders, I always have," Gavin said confidently. Hearing a snort behind him, he turned to glare at Fenris. Getting to his feet, he motioned the elf to follow and stepped outside the clinic. "What's on your mind?" he growled.

"You can't trust anything he says," Fenris snarled. "He's dangerous and unpredictable. Get rid of him."

"He's my friend and I don't turn my back on my friends," Gavin shook his head. "It'll be alright, just trust me in this okay?"

"Trust mages to do the right thing?" he scoffed.

"Not mages, Fenris," Gavin's voice suddenly hardened. "Just one mage. Me." He turned away to head back in to the clinic. He stopped and without turning around said, "If you can't do that, then perhaps it's time for us to go our seperate ways."

Fenris stared mutely as Hawke went inside and knelt to take Anders into his arms. As the mage's words finally sank into his brain, he turned and practically ran back to Danarius' mansion. He slammed the door behind him and leaned back against it, eyes closed, as he replayed that last conversation in his head. He did trust Hawke. Why had he said what he did?

"You look like you just lost your best friend?"

Fenris' eyes snapped open at the familiar voice. Looking up, he saw Jethann standing at the top of the stairs. "What are you doing here?" he growled.

"I've come to solve your problems, Gavin's too," the other elf smiled back, ignoring the grumpy tone.

Fenris grunted and stomped up the stairs to his room. "What do you know of my problems?"

"Gavin has been miserable since you came back from Sundermount," Jethann followed him. "Don't tell me that you don't regret hurting him, I know you do." He chuckled at the scowl he got for that. "You love him, he loves you, and I know how to get you back together." He picked up the wrapped bundle and showed it to Fenris.

"He thinks I don't trust him," Fenris said glumly, looking at the fire. Without prompting, he recapped the prior events with Hawke and Anders. "I can't ever seem to say what I mean, and Hawke ends up hurt."

"Talking is the problem," Jethann said softly. "You need to prove to Gavin that you do indeed trust him and actions speak louder than words." He opened up the bundle and lifted out the items inside, spreading them on the table in front of him.

"What the-?" Fenris leaned forward, gawking at them.

"These were gifts from a particularly wealthy patron of mine," the red-head smiled fondly at the memory. "He was into bondage games, but he didn't want to mar my delicate skin. He was rather fond of it and Madame Lusine would have ripped him a new one if he damaged any of her property."

"I don't like the sound of that," he glanced up at the former prostitute.

"That is what I was, her property, as were all the whores at the Blooming Rose," Jethann shrugged. "We were provided with rooms, clothing, food and protection. And we all enjoyed the work," he snickered.

Fenris picked up the sheer pantaloons and peered skeptically at them, "You actually wore these?"

"Oh, yes, it helped the illusion of delicacy that my patron liked so much," he laughed. "Combined with my slight frame and fine bone structure, well, you get the idea."

With even more hesitation, Fenris picked up the silver chains. His experienced eye realized that, though delicate, they were made of silverite and therefore quite strong. He peered at the three loops of metal the chains attached to and saw they were lined with something. "This must have cost a fortune to make."

"I'm sure, but my patron felt I was worth the expense," Jethann agreed, amused at the expressions crossing the other elf's face.

"You did this for fun?" Fenris couldn't keep the puzzlement, or distaste, from his voice.

"I know that this is hard for you to grasp, given your past experiences, but yes," he answered softly.

"So what does this have to do with me and Hawke?" Fenris asked suspiciously.

"Being dressed in such scanty clothing and bound by the chains makes one feel delicate and helpless," Jethann replied. "To do so in front of a lover requires that one trust that lover to see to it that no harm comes to them. Submitting to someone in the bedchamber is the ultimate act of trust. The chains are symbolic, and could be easily broken by you, but they will get the point across."

"This is your big plan?" Fenris managed to choke out.

"I will help you get into the estate and Gavin's bedchamber," he leaned forward and held the dark green gaze. "You will wait in there dressed only in the pantaloons and bound in these chains. When he comes to bed, you will kneel before him and tell him that you trust him. He won't be able to resist you and will be utterly convinced of your trust. Then all will be right between the two of you once more."

"You're asking me to submit to a mage," Fenris' lip curled in distaste.

"Not a mage, but a man," Jethann argued. "A man who loves you, who would move heaven and earth to protect you. He would never, could never, hurt you." He could see that the other elf was not convinced this was the right way. "If you don't do this, then I can see no way for you to ever make Gavin believe you trust him."

"But, if I can't convince him that I do, then he won't want me around anymore," Fenris said glumly.

"You were the one who said that every time you try to express yourself it ends up coming out wrong," Jethann pointed out. "Words can be misconstrued, or taken out of context. But with my plan, there can be no mistake. You did say you trust him."

"To watch my back, sure, but this is different," he protested.

"No it isn't," Jethann argued. "You can't say you trust someone only some of the time. That's not trust. So the question you must ask yourself is if you truly do trust Gavin. If you do, then you'll have no problem submitting to him in the bedchamber."

Fenris turned to stare at the fire as he thought about what the other elf had said. He knew, deep down, that Hawke wouldn't hurt him. But to willingly put himself in chains, even decorative ones, was not something he was sure he could do. "I've been chained before," he said quietly.

"I figured as much," Jethann nodded. "But, you have known Gavin for several years now. Compare his behavior to that of your former master. Look beyond their magic to the men themselves."

Fenris closed his eyes and did as the other elf suggested. "They are different in appearance."

"Well, Danarius is more than twice the age of Gavin, of course they would be," was the snorted reply.

"Danarius always seemed to be sneering at everyone, like he felt nothing but contempt for them," Fenris frowned and opened his eyes. "In fact, the only time Danarius ever humbled himself was before the Archon."

"So, your former master was fawning and subservient to those more powerful than him, but contemptous of those weaker than him," Jethann clarified.

"Hawke treats everyone as equals," the lyrium elf said softly. "I see what you're getting at."

"Do you?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Hawke would never treat me as less than him, no matter what I was wearing, or despite any advantage he might have, implied or not."

"So, it would make sense that you would be safe in his hands, no matter what," Jethann pressed.

"Yes, I would be," Fenris finally smiled.

"So, are you willing to follow my plan?"

"As long as only Hawke will see me dressed in this stuff," he waived his hand at the items on the table.

"Don't, worry, I have no intention of parading you around in public," Jethann laughed. "You're going to look so stunning and irresistable in these things that you'd start a riot."

Fenris blushed at the praise, "You exaggerate."

"I wish," Jethann shook his head ruefully. "I know how I looked in these and you're even more good looking than me."

"So, out with it," Fenris leaned forward, folding his arms on the table. "How do you plan to get me into the estate without alerting Hawke to my presence."

"Well, I will have to enlist Leandra's help," the other elf hedged.

"You can't tell her, I'll never be able to look her in the eyes again," Fenris blushed at the idea of his lover's mother knowing about their plan.

"I'm not going to give her any details," Jethann hastened to reassure him. "But, she will be able to keep Gavin distracted so that you can get inside and up to his room."

"And she'll help you without knowing why?"

"Yes," Jethann nodded firmly. "She knows how much her son loves you and only wants him to be happy. She's been talking to him, trying to get him to patch things up with you. All she'll need to know to help us is that you and Gavin will be reconciled."

"You sound so sure that this will work," Fenris shook his head doubtfully.

"I know it will because I know that Gavin wants you back in his life," the other elf reassured him. "He just is hesitant about opening up again. Even though you didn't mean to do it, you did hurt him rather badly. In fact, it's only because he so deeply in love with you that he hasn't washed his hands of you completely."

"Then tell me what I need to do," Fenris sighed and sat back. After the other elf had finished, he sat silently for a while. It was a crazy idea, but he was so desperate to make things right with Hawke that he finally agreed to do it.

"This will work Fenris, have faith," Jethann assured him.

"If it doesn't, then-"

"It will work Fenris," Jethann repeated more firmly.

"I hope so," the lyrium elf sighed and stood up. He glanced out the window. "It's nearing dinner time. I guess we will have to wait until tomorrow to do this." He felt a little disappointed that he would have to wait, which surprised him as he hadn't realized until just then how much he missed being with Hawke.

"Yeah, it will," Jethann agreed, also standing up. "But it gives us more time to set things up. We'll need some scented candles and oil and-"

"Candles?" Fenris interrupted. "Why do we need candles?"

"Because it's romantic and can help set the mood," Jethann chuckled. "Certain scents are relaxing, others are stimulating, still others are arousing."

"Okay, I guess," Fenris couldn't hide his skepticism.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing," Jethann smiled. "Now, I want you to get a good night's sleep. If all goes according to plan, you won't be getting much rest tomorrow night."

Fenris watched the other elf saunter out and then retook his seat by the fireplace. He reached for a new bottle of wine and had poured himself a half glass before he realized what he was doing. He sighed and replaced the cap. No getting soused tonight in an attempt to drown the memory of what happened earlier in the day. As the thought crossed his mind, he realized that he didn't feel the need as much as he had on other occasions. It was the knowledge that tomorrow he would be with the man he loved, it had to be.

He knew in his heart that he loved Hawke, he just hadn't been able to express those feelings. He certainly had frozen each time he thought about admitting it out loud. After some soul searching, he realized that it was his past losses that colored his actions. Everytime he'd found a measure of happiness, it had been taken away. Danarius' was still out there, and still looking for him in all likelihood. If he admitted to his love, that would be like daring his former master to taking it away from him, wouldn't it? Shaking his head, he sipped his wine and prayed that everything went as planned the next day. He would worry about making declarations another time.


	41. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Fenris nervously tugged at the silver chains linking the cuffs at his neck and wrists as he paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Hawke's bedroom had a huge floor to ceiling mirror in it and he kept stopping every few minutes to stare at his reflection. Jethann had told him the effect the chains and gauzy pantaloons would have on him, but seeing was believing. He looked- delicate, like a fragile doll and he found the feelings that engendered to be frightening. He shook his head and gritted his teeth. If it helped him win Hawke back, it was worth it.

He was just wondering how much longer he would have to wait when he heard footsteps outside the room. "Fang?", a pause, "Here boy!" Silence. Fenris took several deep breaths and steeled himself for Hawke's entrance.

Gavin frowned, wondering where the hound was. He looked down at the book in his hands: _Hard In Hightown._ His mother had given it to him, claiming that Varric had given it to her but that she found it a little too raunchy for her tastes. Knowing the dwarf as he did, he would have to agree. She had told him to take it and go curl up in bed to read it. She claimed it was funny enough to help him relax, which only puzzled him more. Opening the door, he crossed into the room and turned to close the door. It wasn't until he turned back around that he became aware of the fact that he wasn't alone.

"Fenris?" he gasped, his eyes wide and jaw slack at the vision in front of him. "Maker's breath," he whispered, "what are you wearing?"

Fenris swallowed hard and gathered his courage. Sinking to his knees, he bowed his head and said solemnly, "I know I've not said it, but I do trust you Hawke. I trust you with my life, my body, and my soul. I give myself to you to do with as you will." When he finished, he remained as he was, holding his breath and praying that Jethann was right.

Gavin was so astounded that for a while he couldn't form a coherent thought. Not only was Fenris all but naked, he was encased in chains and kneeling before him. The proud elf from Tevinter had sworn to never bow to another person ever again. Yet, here he was. Slowly he walked forward until he was looming over the elf. Reaching down, he used the fingers of one hand to lift Fenris' chin so he could look him in the eyes. "Do you truly mean this?" he whispered.

"With all my heart Hawke," Fenris vowed.

Gavin reached down with both hands and lifted the elf to his feet. Enfolding him, he bent his head to rest it on Fenris shoulder. "Thank you." He stayed there for a few moments before stepping back and fingering the chains. "You could easily break these," he stated.

"Yes, but I will not," Fenris told him and then nodded toward the nightstand. "The keys are there."

Stepping back he eyed the elf before, "Maker's breath Fenris but you're stunning." He motioned him to turn around. "And those pants leave very little to the imagination."

Fenris turned back to face Hawke and then felt himself blush at the blatant lust he saw in the mages eyes. Lowering his gaze, he could see just how aroused the mage was. "I take it you like," he said softly and heard Gavin agree. Taking a deep breath, he looked up and held Hawke's gaze, "I want you to take me tonight Hawke."

Gavin's eyes went wide, "You mean-"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me," Fenris swallowed hard at the admission.

Gavin slowly walked forward until he was right in front of Fenris. "No Fenris, I will not fuck you." Seeing the elf's eyes widen in shock he hurried to add, "I will be making love to you Fenris. There's a big difference between the two."

Fenris felt his heart beat faster and his mouth go dry, "Show me." He gasped in shock as Gavin picked him up and tossed him onto the middle of the bed. He lay there, stunned, and watched as the mage set a speed record in getting undressed. His eyes greedily drank in the sight of the mage's gorgeous body. "You're magnificent Hawke, as always."

"Gavin, Fenris," he replied as he joined him on the bed. "I love hearing my name on your lips," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed the elf. He proceeded to leisurely kiss Fenris on the lips, then moved across his cheeks, his nose, along his jaw, up to his ear and then worked his way down his neck. "I love the taste of your skin. I can taste the lyrium in it."

Fenris found himself shivering with each whispered breath. Tingles traveled down his arm and straight to his groin. He could feel himself becoming more aroused with each passing moment. He suddenly arched upwards as Gavin's teeth nipped at his collarbone. He felt how aroused the mage was and wondered why he hadn't taken him yet.

"Relax elf and enjoy this," Gavin smiled at him, sensing the other man's nervousness. He used his hands to stroke and caress every inch of the body beneath him. He easily found the ties to the pantaloons and stripped them off. "Hmm, easy removal, I like that," he grinned wickedly at Fenris.

For his part, Fenris could do nothing but feel at this point. What Gavin was doing to him was beyond his experience. From doing similar things to Hawke in the past, he knew it was pleasurable, but he'd had no idea just how much pleasure it could bring. He felt the urge to touch the mage and reached for him, only to have his hands yanked above his head and held there. He tugged but the mage's grip was firm. A brief moment of panic had his muscles tensing.

"Trust me," Gavin whispered as he held tight to the chains.

Fenris nodded and took several deep breaths while the mage continued the sensual assault on his body. As he began to relax, he felt another emotion creeping up on him. In the past, being chained meant pain and humiliation. Here, none of those things were happening and he found himself becoming even more aroused by the idea that he couldn't move. Only by using his lyrium enhanced strength could he break those chains, but he had no desire to do so. It filled him with awe.

Holding the elf's hands above his head, Gavin used his legs to spread the elf open. He reached for the bottle of oil on the nightstand. Capturing Fenris' eyes, he held up the bottle, "I'm going to prepare you for me now. I will soon have you begging me to fill you," he promised.

Fenris couldn't keep from mentally scoffing at that. The only time he'd begged during sex was for his former master to stop hurting him. He'd never enjoyed it while a slave, and since his escape he'd only allowed one person to take him. It hadn't been that good for him and he'd never repeated it. But Jethann had told him how important it was for him to submit to Gavin in the bedroom. The other elf had even told him that with a talented partner it could be amazing, hinting at just how amazing a lover Gavin was.

Gavin knew that words wouldn't move Fenris so he said no more. He oiled one finger and slowly massaged the elf's entrance. Once he felt the elf relax a little, he pressed gently inside. When he felt Fenris completely relax, he withdrew his finger. He then oiled two and pressed them gently inside. He felt the elf tense once more, but relax more quickly. He twisted and turned, feeling around until he found the small bundle of nerves he was looking for. Grinning, he pressed hard.

Fenris' eyes shot open and a sharp cry erupted from his throat. "Venhedis!" He looked wide-eyed at Gavin. "What did you do?"

Gavin grinned and pressed that bundle again, chuckling as Fenris' head fell backwards. "That's your prostate. It's what makes having a cock inside you so pleasurable. You like?" He got no repsonse other than a grunt and chuckled briefly before resuming his preparation.

By the time Gavin had three fingers in him, Fenris was doing what the mage had said he would do. He was begging for relief, for the mage to take him. "Please Gavin," he whimpered.

Gavin removed his fingers, knelt up, and gently gripped Fenris' hips and tilted them upwards. Placing his cock at the elf's hole, he pressed gently forward, slipping in easily. He watched Fenris' face for any signs of pain or discomfort but found none. As he fully seated himself inside, he bent down and held the elf's gaze. "I love you," he whispered before gently kissing him. Then he began to move, changing his angle to find the right spot.

Fenris couldn't say what he was feeling as Gavin entered him, but it was like nothing he ever felt before. He actually felt tears welling in his eyes. When the mage whispered his love, those tears spilled down his cheeks. He knew it now, knew he was loved deeply. It filled him with a happiness he never thought he would feel. As Gavin began to move, he found himself more aroused than he'd ever been. When the mage hit that spot inside him, he found himself crying out in tevene.

Gavin was not unmoved himself. Seeing Fenris come so completely undone filled him with joy. He had known, given the chance, that he could give the elf so much pleasure. He'd begun to think it would never come to pass. Now, here they were, moving together perfectly, each striving for the peak. He heard Fenris scream and felt his channel clench painfully tight as the elf found his release. A couple more thrusts and he joined the elf in bliss.

Fenris didn't know how long he'd been out, but when next he opened his eyes it was to find Gavin sitting next to him, cleaning him. He reached out and touched the mage's hand. "That was the most incredible experience of my life," he said softly and sincerely.

"That is the way it should be when two people make love," Gavin smiled at him. "What you experienced in Tevinter was abuse. I will never abuse you, in any way."

"I know," he nodded agreement. "I think I've always known, but was too afraid to admit it."

Gavin smiled and reached for the key on the nightstand. He lifted Fenris right wrist, "This chain symbolizes your past. This key releases you from those chains," he stated firmly as he opened the lock. He unlocked the other two cuffs and then met the elf's gaze. "Never again will your past chain you. You are free."

As he watched Gavin release the locks and listened to his words, he realized that it was true, for the most part. "There's still the matter of my former master to deal with. But, aside from that, my past is now truly in my past. Thanks to you."

"And I will be by your side when the time comes to face Danarius," Gavin said firmly. "And if he doesn't come to us, then you and I will go to Tevinter and hunt him down like the animal he is," he finished fiercely.

"I think if Danarius knew about you, he'd lose a few night's sleep," Fenris chuckled.

Gavin took the cloth and returned it to the wash basin. Then, he climbed into bed beside Fenris, pulled him into his arms and pulled the blanket up over them. "Good night love. Sleep well."

Fenris snuggled back agains the mage and closed his eyes. It felt right to be back here. It was where he belonged.


	42. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Gavin yawned, stretched and opened his eyes to see that morning had come. He smiled at the memories of the night before and turned to Fenris only to find the other side of the bed empty. He sat up and looked around the room, but saw no sign of the elf. He climbed out of bed and searched the nightstand, bureau and writing table, trying to find a note of some kind. Nothing. Turning, he stumbled back to the bed, slumping down on the edge. Fenris had left him. Left him! His breath hitched in his throat and tears formed in his eyes. Just before he gave into his feelings fully, the bedroom door opened and in walked Fenris with a tray in his hands.

Closing the door with his foot, Fenris moved further into the room, stopping short when he saw Gavin was awake. "I brought us some breakfast," he smiled at the mage. The smile faded as he saw the distress the other was in. "What's wrong?" he asked in concern.

Gavin swallowed hard before whispering, "You were gone." He saw the elf frown and elaborated, "I woke up and you weren't here. And I thought, I thought-"

"Oh Gavin," Fenris set the tray on the bureau and hurried to gather the mage into his arms. "I woke up and you were asleep and I thought breakfast in bed would be a nice way to spend the morning."

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh, no need to apologize," the elf soothed. "I guess we should have a little heart to heart talk. I thought you understood what it meant for me to give myself to you last night."

"I'm sorry I doubted you," Gavin apologized again, pulling away and sitting up straight. "And after asking you to trust me, I don't trust you to not just disappear," he said ruefully.

"It's not like I haven't given you reason enough to doubt me," Fenris shook his head. Getting up, he retrieved the tray and placed it in the middle of the bed. "Let's eat while we talk."

"Pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee," Gavin observed happily. "All my favorites," he pointed out.

"Your mother was in the kitchen," Fenris said softly. "She fussed over me, seeming to be pleased I was here. I think she knew," he finished, blushing slightly.

"Now that whole thing with Varric's book makes sense," Gavin turned bright red. "Jethann must have let her know what he had planned."

"Remind me to thank him later," Fenris chuckled. "It turned out better than I could have dreamed."

They ate in silence for a while. Finally Gavin looked up, "I'm sorry for overreacting earlier. I should have known that you wouldn't just leave like that."

"My prior actions gave you cause to doubt me."

"No," Gavin shook his head. "You told me once that you would never bow to another mage, that you would rather die than submit. The fact that you willingly chained yourself and knelt before me was proof that you are a different person from before. I know how hard that must have been for you. I should have trusted in that and trusted that you would not leave me without explanation."

"Jethann said actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words are necessary," Fenris caught and held Gavin's gaze. "I love you Gavin, with every fiber of my being. I am yours, now and forever. I will never willingly leave your side. Being with you, fighting at your side, gives my life meaning and purpose. Without you, I am nothing. You make my life complete."

Gavin couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. "I love you too, always and forever. When you turned away from me, I almost didn't want to go on. I had to fight to find a reason to get up each morning. You make my life complete too."

"Only death could take me from your side now," the elf vowed solemnly.

Gavin shook his head, "I don't want to live without you, I never even want to try."

"I feel the same way," Fenris said softly. He sealed that promise with a gentle kiss. He pulled back and smiled slightly, "Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, what would you like to do today?"

Gavin smirked and said, "Stay in bed and make love to you until you can't walk."

Fenris was surprised at how hot and bothered that statement made him and he felt his entire body flush. Yesterday, if someone had told him he would actually want to be taken, he would have laughed. But now, after what Gavin had done to him the night before, he was eager to experience it again. He cleared his throat, "That sounds appealing."

Gavin's eyes widened in surprise. Even though Fenris was blushing furiously, he could see that the elf was serious. "You know, making love is a two way street. I missed having you in my bed, my arms," he paused and his voice became husky, "inside of me, claiming me."

"Then let's explore all the ways in which to give each other pleasure," Fenris growled. He picked up the tray, moved it to the bureau and then returned to the bed. He stretched out and opened his arms, "Make love to me again Hawke."

Gavin proceeded to do just that. They spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon exploring each other's bodies, ending with Fenris pounding Gavin to the most intense orgasm he'd ever had. Afterwards, they lay happily entwined with each other. After some time, Gavin worked up the nerve to ask, "Move in with me?"

Fenris didn't say anything for a long time. "You know that Danarius is still out there. I know he won't give up his search. If I move here, then I put everyone who lives here at risk."

"Not as much as you might think," Gavin argued. "Sandal is an absolute genius when it comes to enchantments, runes, and the like. It would be easy for him to create magical wards for the doors and windows. Plus, the estate has a couple of safe rooms, places to hide that are hard to penetrate. Neither Danarius nor his lackeys would be able to sneak in here. Furthermore, if they dared attack here, they would face not only you and me, but Fang as well. A mabari warhound is a force to be reckoned with all on its own."

Fenris thought about that for a while. "You have a point, but-"

"You value your freedom," Gavin sighed. "I know, and maybe this is too much, too fast, but I want you with me always. I want to eat dinner with you every night. I want to have your company at night in the study. And I want you in my bed, in my arms."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet," Fenris shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't push you on this," he apologized. "I just wanted you to know how I felt."

"It's okay," Fenris shushed him. "This is a new direction for us. I'm not going anywhere. We have time, so let's not rush things."

"Okay," Gavin smiled at him. Suddenly his stomach growled and he blushed. At the same time, there came a whine and then some barking at the door.

Fenris laughed, "I think that's our cue to get out of bed. You need food and your hound misses you."

They quickly washed up and got dressed. Gavin opened the door and Fang bounded in, stubby tail wagging. He panted happily as his master pet him before seeing Fenris standing nearby. Fang went still and then sniffed the air before moving towards the elf. He sniffed a couple times, looked over his shoulder at Gavin, then licked Fenris' hand and barked twice before leaving the room.

"I think he knows," Gavin said, blushing profusely.

"I'm sure he does," Fenris chuckled. "Mabari are very smart and the room does smell of sex."

"You can smell it?"

"Yes," the elf smirked. "My senses are enhanced by the lyrium in my skin, remember?"

Gavin cleared his throat, "Yes, well, food. Time to eat, I'm starved."

Fenris chuckled as the mage all but ran out the door. It always amazed him how easily Gavin was embarassed or flustered. It was just one of the many endearing qualities the man had. He followed him down to the kitchen where he found Jethann sitting with Leandra. The other elf was almost gloating.

"Was I right or was I right?" Jethann smirked.

"Yes, you were," Fenris growled as he felt his face heat once more.

"You're not getting any details," Gavin warned.

"Aww, that takes all the fun out of it," the red-head complained.

"We can see that it all worked out the way we hoped it would," Leandra said gently. "Let's leave it at that."

"Yes ma'am," Jethann nodded. He waited until the two were seated at the table. "I'm glad that it worked out for you. If any two people in this world belong together, it's you two. I hope that there'll be no more stupidity on the part of either of you."

Gavin looked at Fenris and smiled before taking the elf's hand. "I'm sure that we'll probably end up doing or saying something stupid to each other on occassion. But, we won't be running or hiding when that happens. We'll talk about it."

"Yes, no more hiding," Fenris agreed.

Jethann jumped to his feet, a huge smile on his face. "Orana is going to be so happy when I tell her."

They watched him go and then sat in silence for a while. "I'm really happy that the two of you are back together," Leandra finally said. "All a mother wants in her life is to see her children grown and healthy and happy. Be good to my son Fenris. He needs you in his life, especially now."

"What do you mean by that?" Gavin looked askance at her.

"Well, I haven't wanted to say anything, but I've met someone," she smiled, blushing a little.

"He must be pretty special judging by the expression on your face," Fenris observed shrewdly.

"I love your father, but he's been gone for several years," she told them. "I know he wouldn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life. However, I didn't want to consider a relationship with anyone until I knew that Gavin would be okay. He's the only child I have left and his happiness means so much to me."

"How long have you been seeing this man? What's his name? When will I meet him?" the questions came bursting out of Gavin.

"For a few weeks now," Leandra smiled at her son. "And I'm not ready to say more than that at the moment. You know how terrible gossip is amongst the nobles. I want to keep my private life private for a little longer. At least until I know if the relationship is really going somewhere."

Gavin reached over and took his mother's hand, "You suffered as much as I have. You have a right to whatever happiness you can find."

"Thank you dear," she smiled at him. "Oh, before I forget, Anders came by. He left a message asking you to come to the clinic this afternoon. He didn't say what for."

Gavin looked at Fenris and saw the elf frowning. "I should go and see what he needs. He's still in a fragile state of mind."

Fenris sighed, "It's okay Gavin, I understand." He stood up, "And I will go with you. Anders is your friend and if we're to have an honest relationship then I have to accept that and deal with it."

"Thank you," Gavin also stood. Kissing his mother on the cheek, "We'll be back for dinner and I want everyone to join us. We have some celebrating to do."

"That's an excellent idea," Leandra nodded. "I'll get started on things now."

"Okay," Gavin smiled and left the kitchen.

Fenris nodded at Leandra and then followed the mage quickly. He didn't tell Gavin, but he had his own reasons for going to Anders' clinic. The apostate had feelings for Gavin and had designs on the man. He would make sure that Anders knew that Gavin was his and his alone.


	43. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Gavin sat slumped at the table in Varric's suite at the Hanged Man. It had been a very busy few weeks for him. Merrill had cooked up some scheme to fix her stupid mirror and managed to convince Varric to help her, which of course meant that he had to help Varric. It was only after they'd talked with Marethari that they learned the true source of Merrill's blood magic. After defeating that hideous Varterral, the Keeper had given him the tool they'd earned. He had refused to give it to the girl and thus she'd ended up hating him for it. Fortunately, even Varric had realized that keeping the item had been the right thing to do, so his friendship with the dwarf was still solid.

Then, after only being back in the city for a day, Varric had brought news of the return of his brother to Kirkwall. They'd quickly gone to confront the dwarf who'd betrayed them only to find that Bartrand had gone insane. Anders had been with them and had done something that made Bartrand more clear headed for long enough to get the truth out of him. Apparently the lyrium idol was bad news for anyone who held it, but where it was now, no one knew. As for Bartrand, Varric had taken him to the Gallows and had him put into a padded cell. The Circle would do what they could to try to restore Bartrand's sanity, but they'd made no promises. A sad day for the Tethras family.

Then as if that hadn't been enough, the Viscount had sent for him to ask his help in finding a Qunari emissary that had gone missing from his doorstep. Aveline had joined them and together they'd found and confronted the guardsmen who'd played a part in the disappearance. Fingers had been pointed towards the office of the Grand Cleric, incensing Sebastian and himself. He had doubted Elthina to be involved, and further investigation had revealed a rogue group of Chantry members, lead by Sister Petrice to be responsible. Unfortunately, they'd been unable to save the Qunari, but at least Varnell and Petrice were dead and the Arishok had been accepting of the loss of his soldiers.

"Still brooding about the whole Qunari problem, Hawke?" Varric suddenly disturbed the silence that had fallen on the room.

"I'm just trying to understand how anyone could hate someone or something that much," Gavin shook his head. "The Arishok made a good point. In all the years they have been here, they have done nothing to threaten anyone in the city."

"If you'd ever been part of the Circle, like me, you would understand," Anders said sourly. "People treat mages the same way. All because they fear what could be and not what is." He saw Fenris about to say something only to have Hawke stop him. "Yes, Fenris, we all know how you feel about mages," he sneered, correctly guessing what the elf was going to say.

"Please don't start this again," Gavin groaned. "There is fault on both sides. We've fought enough rogue blood mages to last me a lifetime. And despite getting rid of Alrik, I'm sure there are others amongst the Templars who will follow in his footsteps."

"So why don't you understand the Qunari situation?" Sebastian asked. "It's the same thing."

"Actually, it's not," Fenris disagreed. "The Qunari have not made any threats or done anything to hurt or subvert the people of this city. The mages and templars, however, have shown how destructive they can be. Thus, it is reasonable to be distrustful of them. There is no real reason for the prejudice against or fear of the Qunari."

"How is Elthina taking this?" Gavin looked at the prince.

"She's unsettled that it happened under her nose," Sebastian frowned down at the table. "There are dozens of priests, lay people, and templars who call the Chantry their home. She has many demands on her time and Petrice was very careful to present a friendly facade to her Grace. She couldn't have foreseen such happenings, yet she still feels responsible."

"That's because she's always preaching that the Maker will show people the way," Anders snorted derisively. "Like the Maker is going to come down and say 'By the way, people under your authority are abusing their position, and they're names are Petrice and Varnell'."

"Don't speak so of her!" Sebastian jumped to his feet, fists clenched at his sides.

"That's enough," Gavin said firmly as he also got to his feet. He turned to the prince, "Even though he could have phrased it more diplomatically, Anders makes a valid point."

"Hawke, you know Elthina and yet you take that abominations side?" Sebastian was aghast at the thought.

"It's because I do know her that I can understand his position," Gavin said firmly. "Please sit down and listen, with your head and not your heart." He waited until the prince had sat and then retook his seat. "As Grand Cleric, it is her job to uphold the tenants of the faith. But, in her case, she truly believes that the Maker works through us and will guide and protect us. She does seem to put more faith in him than in us mere mortals. That kind of faith can blind one to things going on under their noses."

"The Maker abandoned-"

"Anders, be quiet," Gavin interrupted firmly, glaring at the other mage. "I don't believe the Maker has abandoned us as some do, but I also don't believe he is as involved in our existance as Elthina believes. He gave us free will and rules to guide us and set us loose to do as we wish. But, it is up to those who lead and rule here on Thedas to see that his rules are followed. Elthina trusts those below her too much and thus is easily fooled. There is a time for prayer and a time for action, and Elthina seems unable to distinguish between the two."

"She's a good and kind woman," Sebastian protested.

"And she's been like a mother to you and thus you feel protective of her," Gavin said softly. "Unfortunately, there is a great deal of unrest in this city and it is demanding to be dealt with. Good and kind won't stop or advert the troubles facing the city."

"It's not her job to run the city," Sebastian retorted hotly.

"No, but it is her job to counsel the city's leaders," he snapped back. "If the Viscount, the Knight-Commander, and the First Enchanter can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to deal with the city's problems, then it's her job to knock their heads together until they do. She has the power but not the will to do so. And because of that, people are turning to outside help to fix their problems. Why else am I constantly being asked to intervene? Maybe I should take the same position and tell everyone to pray to the Maker to fix the problem. At least then I would be able to relax and get a good night's sleep."

Sebastian simply stared at Hawke, wanting to deny the truth of the mage's words, but unable to. He looked around at the others and saw that they seemed to agree with Hawke. "You're right," he sighed, shoulders slumping. "It is the responsiblity of the leaders, not the common man, to solve such problems. I guess I've been just as blind as the Grand Cleric in such matters."

"Faith is all well and good, but it doesn't put food on the table or clothes on the back," Gavin nodded. "That requires physical labor, as does fighting the forces threatening to bring Kirkwall to ruin."

"Enemies will not lay down their arms and surrender simply because you tell them the Maker wishes it," Fenris said wryly. "Even if that would make all our lives easier."

"If the Grand Cleric won't act, there are others who will," Anders muttered, scowling at his hands.

Gavin looked sharply at the other mage, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you mean by that?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"Nothing much, except that Petrice thought action should be taken and felt the Grand Cleric was too blind to see it. A little less faith in the Maker and maybe Petrice gets sent away before hatching her schemes. And it won't be long before others decide the same," Anders met Hawke's gaze without flinching, willing the other man to accept what he said at face value. It was not yet time to reveal his and Justice's plans.

Gavin's gut told him there was more to it, but it was getting late and his mother had mentioned needing a few things from the Hightown Market. He stood up, "If I don't leave now, the market will be closed. Mom doesn't ask me for much these days, so the least I can do is get her what she needs when she asks me."

Fenris also stood and then moved to embrace him. He gave him a deep kiss that left the mage breathless. "I'll see you for dinner later then."

"Hopefully for more than just dinner," Gavin whispered and then turned away. He never noticed the hurt look that briefly crossed Anders' face, but Fenris did.

"What's your problem mage?" the elf growled as he turned to face him.

"Nothing that need concern you," Anders said stiffly as he got to his feet.

"If it's about Hawke, then it concerns me," Fenris snarled, all his protective instincts coming to the fore.

Anders looked up and said angrily, "It's not Hawke but you that's the problem."

"What nonsense are you spouting?" Fenris snorted.

"You won, I lost, I get it," Anders shouted at him. "You don't have to constantly throw the fact in my face. You're not the only one who loves him. It hurts to be reminded every single day that the only man I've loved since Karl belongs to someone else."

Fenris gaped silently as the mage stormed out of the room before turning back to face those who were still there. He saw similar looks of shock on their face. "I think the abomination is finally going insane."

"But, he has a point Broody," Varric said sharply. "You have been making a point of touching and kissing Hawke in front of him."

"So?" Fenris growled. "Am I supposed to refrain simply because it would make him happy?"

"You don't just do that, you make a point of looking at Anders when you do it," Varric argued. "And the look on your face is a gloating one."

"He's right, you do act that way, but only when Anders is around," Sebastian agreed. "Now that it's been mentioned, I can see how it looks. I don't like the abomination anymore than you, but there is such a thing as being gracious in victory."

"What?" the elf said in confusion.

"It means that you don't lord your victory over the loser," the prince elaborated. "Constantly throwing your victory in the loser's face only leads to feelings of resentment and hatred."

"Blondie is a nice guy," Varric interjected. "Confused and troubled, but a gentle soul none the less. More importantly, he's Hawke's friend and the man cares for him. If you continue to flaunt your relationship in front of Anders, it could lead to problems between you and Hawke down the road."

"He's right Fenris," Sebastian placed a hand on the elf's shoulder. "You and Hawke belong together, but your relationship is still fragile, as is the trust you're building. Don't do anything to jeopardize it."

"I think you're making too much of it, but I'll try to be more circumspect in my actions in the future," Fenris shrugged. He really hadn't been aware of what he was doing. And he really didn't care about the abominations feelings, but he cared what Gavin thought. For the sake of their relationship, he could play nice with the other mage.

Meanwhile, Anders had allowed his anger and resentment to cloud his thoughts and it wasn't until he was back in his tiny room in the back of the clinic that he became aware once more. Justice was telling him he was being foolish and stupid and to focus on their mission. Looking around at his tiny room he couldn't help but think of the big mansion that Hawke now had. If not for Fenris, the mansion could have been his and Hawke's. He knew the other mage cared for him, and in time might even have come to love him. He had never wanted anything more in his life and for one brief moment it had been within his reach.

He sank down on his cot, grimacing at the hardness of the mattress beneath him. If not for the elf, he could be sleeping in Hawke's bed, eating at Hawke's table and discussing plans to free the mages in Hawke's study. Fenris should have been long gone out of Hawke's life. Instead, he was there, touching and kissing and holding Hawke. He could have dealt with it if he never had to see it. But to be reminded over and over again, it was too much! He was still a human being, he still had feelings that could be hurt. And he was hurting, badly. Hurting too much to take it anymore.

That thought brought his head up to look at the clinic. He saw the other two mages who helped him on a regular basis. They even took over the full operation of the clinic when he was out with Hawke on some mission. They weren't talented healers like himself, but the skills they did have were sufficient. Despite being apostates, they didn't fear being hunted by Templars. The people of Darktown had made a point of discouraging any interest from the Order. More than one over eager templar had met a nasty end down here. They didn't need him there, and neither did Hawke.

Grabbing pen and paper, he wrote a note for Hawke. He would leave Kirkwall, head to the Deep Roads. Facing the Wardens would be easier than staying in the city and watching the man he loved with someone else. He could even go to Amaranthine. Mages were in need everywhere in Thedas, not just in Kirkwall. He could take his fight to other shores, perhaps even into Orlais. Once again, it was easier to run than face his pain and run he would. Justice wasn't pleased, but he didn't try to talk him out of it.


	44. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"Mother, you said he promised to join us for dinner tonight," Gavin protested. "I'm beginning to doubt the intentions of this suitor of yours."

"Darling, he's an extremely busy man, a merchant with duties and responsibilites," Leandra argued. "You've been very busy yourself, so you should be able to sympathize how duty sometimes must come before pleasure. I myself have only managed to see him a couple of times. He writes me letters and I do appreciate them, but I still wish we could see more of each other."

"Wait, I thought you said you've been seeing him for weeks," he couldn't hide his confusion.

"Well, yes, it's been weeks, but only a couple of times have we managed to actually meet," his mother explained. "I'm just as disappointed he can't make it tonight. I did so want you to meet him. He really is a sweet and considerate man. He's a bit old fashioned, wanting to properly court me and all, but I find that charming. It is an art that is lost these days. The younger generation is in such a hurry all the time."

"How much do you really know about this man mother?" Gavin locked eyes with her. "If he truly wished to court you, I would think he'd want to get to know your family better."

"He does, he just can't make it tonight," Leandra protested. "I don't think I like your tone either, young man. You make it sound like he has less than honorable intentions."

"You do realize that you haven't even told me his name," Gavin pointed out, gentling his tone so as to avoid annoying his mother further.

"Oh, well it's Quentin," Leandra informed him.

"His family name?" he asked patiently.

"I believe it was Panner, no Panert, that was it, I think," she frowned in confusion. "Honestly, we're on a first name basis now, so it's not really important unless we were to marry."

Gavin barely managed to hide his disquiet over that little tidbit. He would ask Varric to research the man in depth. His mother was a wealthy widow and a prime target for con artists and other disreputable men. He'd be damned if he let his mother get more deeply involved with someone like that, and this Quentin character sounded like such a person.

"Anyway, you're making a big deal over nothing," Leandra had continued talking. "Even though he couldn't make it tonight, he did say he would be more than happy to join us for dinner three days from now. He'll be back from his business trip then."

"Yeah, and I'll bet he finds another reason to not come by," Gavin muttered. His mother looked sharply at him and he opened his mouth to continue the argument, but was interrupted by running feet and angry voices.

"Shut up Fenris, he deserves to know," Varric was saying as he entered the study. "Hawke, Anders is gone, left a note for his helpers to carry on without him. Left a note for you too." Panting, he held it out.

Gavin took it and read it quickly. When he finished, he looked up at Fenris and pinned him with a glare. "Did you read this yet?" he asked sharply.

"I'm not in the habit of reading other people's letters," the elf snorted.

"He says that he can't stand to be around those who care nothing for his feelings," Gavin continued to glare at the elf. "He says watching you flaunt your relationship with me is too painful for him to endure on top of everything else. What did he mean?"

"Now Hawke, in Broody's defense, I don't think he was really aware of what he was doing," Varric said soothingly.

"I didn't realize that my touching and kissing you publicly would be construed, by him, as flaunting my relationship," Fenris scowled.

"That's why you always were more affectionate when Anders was around," Gavin sighed. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're going to have to let go of your prejudices and hatred one of these days Fenris. If you don't, it will eventually eat away at your soul and our relationship."

"You don't believe me?" the elf was shocked.

"I believe that you weren't intentionally trying to hurt Anders," Gavin moved forward and placed a hand along the elf's jaw, holding it firmly. "But, I think you were trying to send him a message." He shook his head and turned away. "I guess you can't be faulted for feeling you had to. Anders was rather persistant in his pursuit of me. I should have addressed the matter before it came to this."

"From what Blondie's told me of his past, running has always been his solution to his problems," Varric interrupted them. "Not only that, when he decides he wants something, he puts his whole heart into it, literally. From what he's told me, he's never been on the losing end of such things."

"He doesn't say where he's going, just mentions the Wardens and Amaranthine," Gavin reread the letter.

"Fuck Hawke, that's a great deal of ground to cover," Varric groaned. "Sorry Leandra."

"I should say so," she frowned. "There's no call for such language, under any circumstances."

"To get to Amaranthine, he'd have to take a ship," Varric continued. "I'll check around the Docks. If he didn't go there, then he could be anywhere by now."

"And he has maps of the area," Gavin pointed out. A sudden thought occurred to him and he shivered. "If he tries to find the Wardens in the Deep Roads.."

"Then he could very well meet his death down there, alone," Varric finished for him. "But how do we find him and stop him?"

"Excuse me Messere, but your hound can do that," Bodahn had been listening quietly from the study doorway. "Mabari are superb hunters and trackers."

"Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves here?" Fenris suddenly asked. "The mage is not a child and has been on his own for several years now. He can certainly look after himself. It was his free choice to leave. Why should you go after him?"

"That would just make you downright happy Broody, wouldn't it?" Varric snapped.

"Fenris, I know you have a problem with him and I respect that," Gavin said softly, shooting a warning glare at the dwarf. "But, he's my friend and he decided to leave because his feelings were hurt. That's not the decision of a rational man. A rational man dies quickly enough here in the Free Marches, an irrational one dies even faster. Besides that, he's a talented healer and I need him."

"You know how to heal," Fenris argued. "You'll just get more practice without him around."

"Listen elf-" Varric started but a hand on his shoulder shut him up.

"There's another reason I want to keep him near," Gavin told them. "Mother, Bodahn, could you excuse us for a moment?" He waited until they had closed the door behind them before continuing quietly. "Like you keep saying Fenris, Anders is posssessed by a spirit and neither of us are sure if he's a good one or not."

"If he dies in the Deep Roads, then there's nothing to worry about," Fenris said callously.

"We don't know how powerful Justice is," Gavin shook his head. "He may be strong enough to keep Anders alive or even resurrect him. I think that as long as Justice can make use of Anders, the spirit will prevent the mage's death."

"You're worried about how much influence Justice has over Anders now," Varric stated.

"Yes," Gavin nodded with a sigh. "Anders told me recently that my friendship has meant the world to him, that it was something he could hold on to in order to keep his sanity. And he's made some comments that I find disturbing. I think he's starting to lose the battle for control. If that should happen, I would rather it be here where we could intervene if necessary."

"Imagine it Broody," Varric glared at the elf. "Justice in control of Anders' powers and no one around to stop him from doing whatever he pleases. An abomination on the loose and out of control." The look of alarm that crossed the elf's face made him smile grimly. "Yeah, I thought you'd like that."

"Fenris, I pray to the Maker that one of these days we'll find a way to seperate Anders and Justice," Gavin laid a hand on his shoulder. "But, until that day, he's still a potential danger. And because he's my friend, and I his, I should be the one to help him if and when the time comes for him to need it."

"Fine, fine, we'll go after him," Fenris grumbled. He knew that Hawke's real reason for doing so was friendship, but the other argument made sense as well. Also, it was one he could soothe his own conscience with. "If we're going to do this, then we need to get started now."

"Right," Varric nodded. "I'll go down to the docks and check around." He hurried out of the study.

"I'll go to the clinic and get something of his for Fang to sniff," Fenris grumped and turned to go.

"Fenris wait, please," Gavin said softly.

"I've already agreed to abide by your decision," the elf said uncomfortably, expecting some kind of mushy thank you from the mage.

Gavin ignored him and instead cupped his face in his hands. "I love you Fenris," he said earnestly. "If you had walked out of my life for good all those weeks ago, I wouldn't have just jumped into bed with Anders. I don't make commitments lightly and I go out of my way to keep my promises. I've already failed with Bethany and Carver, I won't fail with you. Anders is my friend and I won't let him down either. If he loses his battle with Justice, then I want to be there to give him a peaceful death."

"He would be protected if he returned to the Wardens," Fenris said softly.

"Maybe, and maybe not," Gavin shook his head. "After all, it was a former templar who'd joined them who tried to turn him over to the Chantry. If the Templars get hold of him, they'll make him Tranquil, and that's a face worse than death."

Fenris closed his eyes with a sigh. When he opened them, he smiled slightly at his mage. "I will try my best to not alienate Anders if and when we find him."

"Thank you," Gavin leaned down and kissed him. "Now, you have that errand to run and I need to get some supplies together. With no way of knowing for sure when he left, we don't know how far he's gotten."

"Actually, we should at least wait for Varric to return before doing anything else," Fenris stated and saw puzzlement cross Hawke's face. "If he took ship for Amaranthine then there's no way to get him back other than booking passage ourselves."

"In which case we won't need anything," Gavin nodded agreement. He debated with himself for a moment and the sighed. "All right, we wait until Varric comes back."

They each took a seat in the study and sat down to wait. They sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts for a long time before a knock on the door disturbed them. Gavin got up to open it and saw his mother there with a tray.

"It's almost lunch time so I made you sandwiches," she smiled at them and moved to set the tray on the table in front of the sofa. Afterwards, she turned to go but was stopped by her son.

"Mother, I may be out of town for a while," Gavin said softly. "Promise me that you won't go alone to meet your suitor until I have had time to get to know him better."

"Even though I think you're overreacting, I'll respect your wishes," Leandra smiled and then left.

Gavin turned and sat on the sofa next to Fenris who had already started eating. He saw that the elf had opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. "Probably not a good idea to have too much of this before we go."

"We might not be going anywhere, but I agree, one glass with lunch is enough," Fenris chuckled. He chewed thoughtfully for a while and then said, "I didn't know your mother had a suitor."

Gavin sighed and then told him the whole story. "Something about the situation my mother is in bothers me. I can't put my finger on it."

"When we get back, you'll be able to spend time finding answers," the elf reassured him. "Varric will probably be a good resource for you."

"I hope so," Gavin sighed. After that, they finished and then sat quietly waiting for Varric's return.


	45. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Hawke, Varric, Sebastian and Fenris were pushing hard on the trail of Anders. The mage had apparently decided to run for the Deep Roads. Gavin was determined to stop him before he got that far. Glancing up at the sky, he noticed the sun was halfway down. They'd already been travelling for two days. If they didn't catch Anders soon, they would have to make camp again. "I can't believe we haven't caught him yet," he muttered.

Fenris heard him and snorted, "I guess the whole Grey Warden stamina thing wasn't just a myth after all."

"That won't help him if he finds himself fighting off a large group on his own," Hawke said shortly. "Stamina only gets you so far. He's a mage and relies on mana as well. That isn't enhanced by being a warden. We need to find him before that happens."

"Even if we do," Sebastian spoke up, "how much help will you be if you exhaust yourself before we get there?"

Gavin glared at him briefly, "I'll manage." He saw the prince about to protest more but Fang suddenly stopped and sniffed the air, then whined, halting all further discussion. "What is it boy?"

The mabari turned around in a circle a couple of times, sniffing the air constantly. Suddenly, with a loud howl, he took off into the trees to the side of the road they were on. Without hesitation, Gavin followed and the others followed him. The hound had been told to track Anders and it seemed they had finally caught up with him.

As he ran through the trees, Gavin reached into his pouch and withdrew a small vial of blue liquid. He had been using magic to supplement his and Sebastian's strength. As a dwarf, Varric had strength and stamina to spare, and Fenris could activate his markings at will to renew himself. After running for several minutes, he finally heard what Fang had: the sounds of battle. He suddenly exited the trees and found himself in a small clearing. He easily spotted Anders, back against a large boulder, using his staff to beat back a couple of darkspawn. But, the mage wasn't alone. A small group of fighters in Warden armor were with him.

Without hesitation, he jumped into the fight, using his Force magic to knock the entire group of darkspawn off their feet, making them easy pickings for Fenris' sword and the arrows and bolts of Sebastian and Varric. He himself took out a couple with the bladed end of his staff. It was over rather quickly after that.

"Hawke, what are you doing here?" Anders snapped angrily.

"Looking for you," Gavin stated the obvious.

"Well, you found me so now you can haul your ass back to Kirkwall," the mage growled back.

"Friends of yours Anders?" a young woman with black hair, blue eyes, and a noble bearing asked as she joined them. "Be so kind as to introduce us," she said softly, her tone indicating it was an order.

"Hawke, Fenris, Sebastian, and Varric," Anders pointed at each of them as he said their names, "this is Kendra Cousland Theirin, Hero and Queen of Ferelden, Warden Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine, and my commanding officer."

"A pleasure to meet you," Kendra nodded.

Sebastian stared hard at her, "I remember you. You came with your parents to Starkhaven once shortly before I was shipped off to the Chantry. I was sorry to hear of the tragic demise of the Teryn and Teyrna of Highever. I understand that your brother now holds that title and that you made sure the man respsonsible was brought to justice."

"I killed the treacherous bastard myself," she said coolly and then glanced at the man to her left. "I'm sorry Nate. That was unkind of me," she flushed at her lack of tact.

"I forgave you for that long ago," the man replied. "Once I heard the whole story, I understood."

"Oh please, you only understood after she beat it into you," Anders rolled his eyes.

Nathan just glared at him, "Excuse me, I must retrieve my arrows."

Kendra sighed as he walked off and turned to Anders. "I think that we have a lot to discuss. I suggest we make camp for the night." She moved off to the far side of the clearing away from the darkspawn corpses.

"Your wish is our command," Anders taunted, earning a glare from her.

"Don't push your luck Anders," she warned. "I'm not in the mood for any of your jokes or foolishness. I have questions and you will answer them. Whether I execute you for desertion or not depends entirely on your answers and those of your friends." She waited only long enough to see that Anders was properly cowed before joining the other wardens as they set up camp.

Gavin gaped at her retreating back before turning to the others. "Apparently we don't know the whole story of how Anders ended up in Kirkwall. I suggest we play along for now. But, I didn't come all this way only to see my friend die."

"Hopefully the mage will be able to use his tongue to talk his way out of this," Fenris snorted. "I don't relish the thought of fighting a bunch of wardens."

They quickly set up camp after being introduced to the other member of the group, a dwarf named Sigrun. As soon as dinner was on the fire, the questions began. Anders was tempted, briefly, to skim over the events of his leaving, but Justice insisted that the full truth be known. As he told them about the betrayal of Roland, he saw anger, horror and pity cross his commander's face. He didn't have the guts to face his friends. "So, after that we came to Kirkwall to help a friend and ended up staying longer than planned."

"Why didn't you await my return and tell me this?" Kendra said softly. "Did you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"All my life I've been betrayed by those in power," Anders snapped. "And you never really gave me any reason to believe you would be different. You preferred to spend your time with Nate and Velanna."

"So you ran away, as you've always done," Nathan sneered, glancing at Hawke and the others. "Apparently, Justice hasn't managed to break you of that habit."

"Peace Nathanial," Kendra said sharply before turning back to Anders. "I'm sorry you felt you had to leave. I will report this to Weisshaupt and make it clear that I've absovled you of all wrong doing. That still leaves me with the problem of what to do with you."

"Anders, I want you to come back with me," Gavin broke in. "The poor of Darktown need their healer. The mages of Kirkwall need their advocate. And I need my friend."

"That's not up to him," Kendra shook her head. "He's still under my command and he's been absent without permission for almost seven years now. At the very least, he deserves punishment for that."

"Then send him back with us and place him under the elf's supervision," Varric snickered and then laughed loudly at the look of utter horror that crossed Anders' face.

"Forced with his company, I would no doubt end up killing him to stop his inane chatter," Fenris scowled.

"I'd rather face a horde of darkspawn by myself than be stuck in his company," Anders sulked.

Gavin couldn't repress a chuckle before turning to plead his case with Kendra. "Look, you have plenty of Wardens. Whatever you're out here to do can clearly be accomplished without Anders' help since you don't have another mage with you. I don't have many I can call true friends, but Anders is one of them."

She studied his face closely for a long while before nodding, "Very well. If he wishes, Anders may return with you to Kirkwall for the time being. You will be responsible for him. He is not to go running off on his own again."

"And I don't want to go back there," Anders glared at them both.

"Either you return to Kirkwall or you accompany me into the Deep Roads," Kendra told him. "I will not allow you to run hither and dither about the countryside. You'll just end up getting killed and that would be a waste of a valuable Warden resource. I would lose my command for that."

Gavin stood up and looked down at his fellow mage, "Can we talk privately?"

Anders looked at his commander and, after receiving a nod from her, got to his feet to follow Hawke. They walked far enough away from the fire so that they were cast in shadows. They were also downwind from the others so their conversation was not likely to be overheard. "What do you have to say that the others can't hear? Surely Fenris and them know why I left and Kendra wouldn't care."

"I didn't like the way that Nate guy treated you," Gavin frowned. "He's the type that would use what we say against us."

"You chose Fenris over me," Anders said, not bothering to hide his pain. "I'm used to rejection, or at least I thought I was. But being reminded of what I lost over and over again?"

"That's my fault," Gavin grasped his shoulders tightly. "I should have set things straight long before this."

"So, set me straight," Anders shrugged.

"You're my friend and I care about you," Gavin said softly. "If Fenris had left me, then maybe at some point we might have found ourselves in bed together. I was and still am, physically attracted to you. But, all that would have meant was that we both settled for less than what we wanted, or in your case, deserved."

"But Fenris is still in the picture and my dreams turned to ash," Anders looked away as his eyes filled with tears. "I have feelings, and hopes, and dreams and he doesn't care."

"I have his promise that he will be more considerate in the future," Gavin said reassuringly. "But, my point was that you deserve to have someone who loves you for who you are and is devoted to you. Even if Fenris wasn't physically there, he would still come between us because of the love I hold for him. I loved him almost from the day we met and that has not faded in all these years. His ghost would always come between us."

"Maybe so, but you're everything I've ever wanted in a partner," Anders told him. "Hansome, kind, thoughtful, generous.."

"And rich," Gavin teased. "We have so much in common, and I'm probably the first person to treat you with kindness and affection since you left Amaranthine. And I think that you've been hurt so much in the past that you refuse to allow yourself to feel anything towards anyone who hasn't shown you kindness."

"You think my feelings aren't real?" Anders gasped.

"No, they're real," Gavin shook his head. "But, the depth isn't there between us. Not the way it is between myself and Fenris. And even if we had ended up together, one day he would have come between us."

Anders knew Hawke was right. He'd had plenty of time the past couple of days to look closely at his feelings. It didn't make it any easier to accept or move on. "It hurt you know. Seeing you together and thinking that I meant so little to you."

"Like I told your commander, you're my friend and I don't have many of those," he reiterated. "And I promise, as your friend, that we will be more considerate of your feelings in the future."

"Okay," Anders sighed and rolled his eyes at the whoop of delight from Hawke. "Let's go ruin Kendra's day." And Fenris' day too, he thought sourly. He saw the elf watching them with narrowed eyes as they resumed sitting at the fire. It was also easy to see Nate's relief that he had decided to stay with Hawke.

Dinner converstation was carried on primarily between Kendra and Sebastian. Both being of noble birth, they had a lot in common and could talk about things the others knew nothing about, a rare opportunity for either of them. Afterwards, they decided to get to bed early so they could leave at first light.

As he set out his bedroll, Anders was startled to find Fenris had approached him. "Yes?" he asked warily, wondering what vituperative statements would spew forth from the elf's mouth.

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior," Fenris said reluctantly. "It is not easy to admit my insecurities. Having never had the freedom to express myself before, I felt it necessary to empahsize my position. Personally, I don't trust you or the spirit that possesses you. I would rather you stayed with your fellow wardens. However, as you are important to Hawke, and he is important to me, I will tolerate your presence and do nothing to cause you discomfort in the future."

Anders gaped at him. That had to be the most the elf had ever said to him, at least in one go. "I suppose you expect me to thank you."

"No," Fenris shook his head before reaching out and grabbing the mage's coat and dragging him forward so they were nose to nose. "I don't need your thanks. But, know this: if you cause Gavin any pain, in any way, shape or form, I _will_ rip your heart out and throw your carcass to the dogs. He cares about you. Don't you dare abuse his trust." He dropped the mage and stalked over to the tent he shared with Hawke.

Anders scrambled to his feet and looked quickly around. At least no one else saw him tossed about like a rag doll. That would have been beyond embarassing. He briefly toyed with the idea of begging Kendra to change her mind and order him to accompany her. Justice chastised him for that, pointing out that he had agreed to go with Hawke and it was time he lived up to the trust the other mage placed in him. He would just have to make sure he never got on Hawke's or Fenris' bad side. Sighing, he fixed his bedroll and settled down to try and sleep.


	46. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The trip back to Kirkwall was taken at a much slower pace, much to Varric's relief. Dwarf he may be, but running around out of doors was still tiring if one's stride was half that of their companions. He had watched Anders and Fenris closely, waiting for an explosion of some kind that never came. Surprisingly enough, it seemed the two had managed to come to some kind of truce. The result was a near constant smile on Hawke's face the whole journey back.

As they neared Kirkwall's gates, Gavin suddenly remembered he had yet to ask for Varric's help on his mother's behalf. "Varric, my mother is seeing someone, has been for some time. The thing is, she knows next to nothing about him."

"And you're concerned that it's someone going after her for her money, or as the case may be, yours through her," the dwarf finished.

"It may be nothing, but I have tried to get him to come to dinner more than once, and each time something has come up," he frowned. "All she could tell me for certain was that his name was Quentin and he was a merchant."

Varric frowned, "Don't recognize that name. I know all the merchants in the dwarven guild and all the regular human merchants that hang around. He must be new to Kirkwall."

"No, he's been seeing mother for over a year now," Gavin shook his head, a knot forming in his stomach. Varric knew everything that went on in the city that had, in any way, shape or form, to do with making money.

"Huh?" Varric frowned. "All right, I'll ask around. The guild doesn't like it when someone conducts business in Kirkwall without their knowledge. If he's been there this long, someone knows about him."

"What if he's not a merchant though?" Anders asked. "If he lied to her about that, then the guild would know nothing."

"Damn, you're right," Varric grumped. "I'll have to ask around the Coterie as well." He turned to Hawke, "You'll owe me big for this one. I hate having to deal with that group of cutthroats."

"If it keeps my mother safe, I don't care," Gavin replied.

They passed through the gates and were just deciding on whether to go back the Hawke estate or not, when a guardsman ran up to them. "Thank the Maker you're back, Messere Hawke."

Gavin felt a chill run down his spine, "How did you know to find me here?"

"Guard Captain Aveline had us watching all the entrances to the city," the young soldier answered. "She said it was important that whoever saw you first brought you straight to her office in the keep."

"What is this about?" he asked as he hurried after the young man.

"Captain didn't say, just said it was imperative you be brought to her," he shrugged.

The group silently followed him, each lost in thoughts of what had gone wrong this time. It seemed like a week couldn't go by without some menace to the city and her people cropping up. They reached the keep in record time and were ushered without ceremony into Aveline's office.

"You're back, good," she said, standing up and coming around her desk to lean on it, arms folded.

"What's the problem this time?" Gavin asked apprehensively. Her hesitation before she answered made his stomach clench.

"You're aware of your mother's weakly visits with Gamlen?" she asked. When he nodded she continued, "That was supposed to happen three days ago. When she didn't arrive, Gamlen went to the estate to see what was wrong, thinking she might be sick. Bodahn told him that she was probably with her suitor. A suitor Gamlen apparently knew nothing about."

"I told her I didn't want her to see that man until I'd had a chance to meet him," Gavin exclaimed, worry lacing his voice. "Is Bodahn sure about this?"

"Well, no, she didn't say anything to him," Aveline frowned. "Apparently she received some white lillies that had a note attached. She left shortly afterwards."

"Hawke, that's what Ghyslain's wife received just before she disappeared," Varric exclaimed.

"That doesn't mean anything!" Gavin retorted sharply. "They're popular flowers." He could see Varric didn't agree and deep inside he knew he was grasping at straws.

Aveline cleared her throat and continued, "Yesterday morning, Bodahn came to see me. Leandra wasn't at the estate in the morning. I immediately alerted the guards on patrol and sent off duty personnel into Hightown and Lowtown to ask around and see if anyone had seen her. When that produced no results, I made inquiries about getting a hound to do tracking."

"So you found her trail right?" Gavin said hopefully.

Aveline shook her head. "Sorry Hawke, but we did such a good job getting rid of the street gangs that there was no one willing to lend us a hound."

"Well, it's a good thing we're back," Varric snorted. "Fang will find her trail, no worries."

Anders had been silent up till now, "You shouldn't have come after me Hawke. If you'd been here-"

"If he'd been here, she might still have gone missing," Fenris interrupted. "Hawke is constantly being hounded by the Guard, the Viscount, merchants and others. No one in this city seems able to solve their problems without his help. If this is the same man responsible for the other disappearances, then he is sneaky and clever, and able to go unnoticed for years."

Everyone fell silent at those remarks for they couldn't deny the truth. "It's okay Fenris, Anders," Hawke said quietly. "No one forced me to take on all these tasks, I chose to do so." He turned back to Aveline, "Do you have any suggestions on where to start my search?"

"Yes," she nodded, swallowing down her own feelings of guilt. "From what little information we were able to gather, she was last seen in Lowtown."

"Lowtown is an overcrowded, teeming mass of people," Varric pointed out. "Fang might have an easier time finding a scent when the streets are empty." He saw Gavin about to protest and pointed out, "She's already been missing for two days."

"Meaning she's probably already dead," Gavin choked out. No one answered that question.

"Let's not waste any time," Fenris said firmly. "Get back to the estate, find an article of Leandra's for Fang to sniff, and start tracking."

Aveline watched them go and then called Donnic into her office. "Take a couple of men with you to Lowtown and make sure no one gives them any grief."

"What is the likelihood that his mother is still alive?" he asked her.

"Very slim, but until we find her body we can hope," she told him. "Dismissed."

Gavin stood still and silent, staring at the door to the Foundry. It had taken Fang some time to find his mother's scent and it was now nightfall and the streets were quiet. Here in this spot, people seldom tread for the place had been abandoned long ago. Here they had finally found disturbing evidence: a blood trail.

"Let's go," he said to the group. Once inside the place, he felt a strange sense of having been there before.

"This is where we found that severed hand and bag of bones," Varric whispered, his eyes wide and voice trembling slightly.

They all remembered the last time they were there and prepared to face Maker knew what. However, as they went further in, they met no resistance. Finally, Fang woofed and pawed at a trap door.

"We didn't see this the last time, it must have been hidden," Gavin said hoarsely. "Mother must be down there. With him."

"This must be the monster's lair," Fenris growled. "He is most likely a blood mage. Be prepared for anything."

"Let's go," Gavin said and led them downwards.

They slipped down into the basement of the Foundry and it was there that they finally met resistance. Skeletons, rage and sloth demons, in numbers too large to count. They battled forward until they found what was obviously the living space of their target. Gavin saw a portrait over a fireplace and moved forward for a closer look, disbelief filling him. "That looks just like my mother," he whispered.

"This is a shrine," Fenris stated the obvious.

"No, really Broody," Varric snapped. Realizing he'd been rather rude, he apologized. "This place is creeping me out. Sorry."

"Hawke, the books here," Anders caught the other mage's gaze, "they're about Necromancy."

"Then our foe isn't a Blood Mage?" Gavin was confused.

"Necromancy is a whole different can of worms," Anders said, his voice thick with disgust. "Usually those who study it want to control or destroy undead. However, it can also be used to reanimate the dead."

"Reanimate?" Fenris' brows went up.

"Yeah, take dead bodies and make them walk and talk," Anders confirmed.

"That's not something I ever saw in Tevinter," the elf shook his head.

"These books must have come from the Circle," Anders looked down at them once more. "While Blood Mages are universally feared, Necromancers are universally abhorred. Tampering with the dead is considered a more heinous crime than making a deal with demons. It is a type of magic that isn't taught anywhere, not even in Tevinter."

"If it isn't taught anymore, why are there so many books about it?" Gavin asked, holding a hand to his stomach as it rebelled at the idea of bringing the dead back to life.

"I don't know, but only an insane person would work this kind of magic," Anders said quietly.

"We should move on, I have to find my mother," Gavin strode off again.

"I don't think we're going to find her alive," Varric whispered, but Gavin heard him anyway.

"I think our chances aren't good, but I'm not giving up hope," he snapped at the dwarf.

They continued onward, fighting more demons and undead. Finally, they came around a corner and saw a man facing them. He was well-groomed, dressed in clean robes and had a slight smile on his face. But his eyes were round and staring, gleaming with a crazy light.

"Leandra said you would come for her," he told them pleasantly.

"Where's my mother?" Gavin growled, his hand clenching on his bladed staff. When the man ignored him and started spewing some nonsense about a dead love, he lost his temper. "Where IS she?" he yelled, and the ground seemed to heave slightly even as the very air trembled.

Fenris winced at the wave of magic he could feel emanating from Gavin. He glanced at the others, saw they felt it too, and gripped his sword tighter. He hoped that Gavin would be able to stay in control of his power. They were deep underground and he didn't relish being buried alive.

"Come my dear, there's someone here to see you," the old man said with a laugh. The figure seated in the chair next to him rose to it's feet and turned.

Gavin gasped in horror at the sight of his mother's face on the thing the monster had created. Rage filled him and he charged forward, caring only for getting to the man and killing him. He lost track of time and reality as he and the others battled wave after wave of demons. When the dust had settled and the noise of battle died away, he suddenly found his mother's body in his arms. Slumping to his knees, he cradled her, his mind unable to grasp what his eyes were seeing.

"She's dead Hawke," Anders said softly, swallowing hard to keep from vomiting. "His magic was the only thing keeping her here."

"I should have been here, should have found you sooner," Gavin choked out, guilt washing through him.

"Dont' cry love," Leandra whispered. "You've freed me and now I will get to see your father, and Bethany, and Carver once more."

"I-," Gavin choked and swallowed hard. "I love you." He saw a smile cross his mother's face and then she was gone. Silence fell and he felt himself grow numb. His mind shut down, unable to process all that had happened.

Varric looked at the others, "I'll go tell Aveline about this. Make sure he gets home okay." The other two nodded and he left.

"Come Gavin," Fenris said softly, his hands gently pulling the mage's shoulders.

Gavin allowed himself to be lifted to his feet and led away. Anders took one last look at the body that had once been Hawke's mother. Tears rolled down his face at the loss of such a gentle and kind woman. "How could any mage do something like this?" he questioned softly. For the first time, he began to wonder if Fenris was right after all. Justice was silent on the subject, probably as shaken as he himself. Shaking his head, he quickly followed the others, eager to leave the horror behind him.


	47. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Fenris paused just inside the chantry doors. He had never set foot inside this place without Hawke, for the place made him uncomfortable. He always felt as if he didn't have the right to be there, as if his presence sullied the place. Sebastian was always telling him that he had nothing to feel guilty about, that the blood on his hands was the fault of his master. It was a hard thing to come to terms with. And now he was here, not for himself, but for the man he loved. For a mage who needed help beyond what he was capable of giving. A few years ago, he couldn't have imagined such a situation.

"Fenris?" Sebastian said softly, snapping the elf out of his thoughts. "Is Gavin okay?"

"No," he shook his head. Seeing the alarm cross the prince's face, he hastened to reassure him. "Physically he's fine, mentally I'm not so sure. I don't know what to do or who to look to so I-"

"Came to seek the Maker's help," Sebastian finished for him. "He's still not talking is he?"

Fenris shook his head. "He eats when I put the food in front of him, bathes when I fill the tub and put him in it, but that's about it. I talk to him about anything and everything and all I get is silence. And now, he's not sleeping through the night. He's having bad dreams that keep him awake. As each day goes by, he withdraws from us further. Even Fang has had no luck in getting his attention."

Sebastian sighed, unsure what to say. "I believe in prayer, and I've been praying for him. So has Elthina. But perhaps more is needed now. The question is what else can we do to help him."

"Excuse me, but how is Hawke?"

They both looked up to see Cullen standing there dressed in regular clothing. "I guess that explains why we didn't hear you approach," Fenris looked him up and down. "I didn't think templars ever went without their armor."

"Just like any other guards, templars do get off duty time," Cullen chuckled. "I get a couple of days every month to just be me." He looked at them, his expression turning serious. "I've heard some of the gruesome details of Hawke's mother's death. I wish I could say I'd never heard of such happenings. Unfortunately, I was a witness to similar atrocities in the Ferelden Circle."

"Anders is from there but he never says anything," Sebastian told him.

"He had escaped shortly before that time," Cullen shook his head. "One of the senior enchanters, Uldred, proved to be a blood mage. He had managed to recruit a few young enchanters and apprentices and taught them the dark arts too. They tried to overthrow the Circle, capturing and torturing mages and templars alike. Those who succumbed to the torture were turned into abominations. Those who didn't were slaughtered."

"How did you survive?" Fenris asked.

"Knight-Commander Greagoir had ordered the Tower sealed and called for the Right of Annulment," Cullen continued. "Everyone, both guilty and innocent, would have been destroyed. Except, because of the Blight, the Hero of Ferelden came to the tower to force the mages to honor the treaty they'd signed."

"You mean Queen Kendra?" Sebastian interjected. Seeing the puzzled look on Cullen's face he elaborated. "We met her when Hawke led us in pursuit of Anders."

"Well she was just a simple Grey Warden back then, newly made one at the time in fact," Cullen nodded. "She convinced Gregoir to allow her and her companions, which included Alistair, before he was king, to enter the tower to deal with the problem. She managed to stop Uldred, freeing myself as well as Irving, Wynne and several other mages. I was the only templar locked inside that survived. I was reassigned here afterwards."

"Only those of us who have witnessed the horror mages can inflict on others can truly appreciate what the Circles do for all of Thedas," Fenris said firmly. "But not all mages are like Denarius or Uldred."

"No, not all," Cullen admitted. "It took some time for me to come to terms with what I suffered at their hands. But when I was able to look past it, I was able to remember the good as well as bad. Hawke is one of the most talented, yet most honorable, I've met."

"He is having nightmares," Fenris grudgingly told him. "He wakes up saying things like 'No' and 'I won't' and so on."

"When mages dream, they go to the fade and there demons try to gain control of them," Cullen frowned. "It sounds like a demon is trying to break his will."

"Gavin is strong, he won't break," Fenris said firmly.

"Are you sure?" Sebastian worried.

Fenris nodded. "I just need to find a way to get him to see that none of what's happened is his fault."

"I hear a but in there," Cullen encouraged.

"I get the feeling he's pushing me away," Fenris reluctantly admitted. "And not just me, but Jethann and Fang too. How can we help him if he won't let us in?"

"Perhaps you're too close to him," Sebastian mused. "Maybe he will talk to an outsider. I might be able to get Elthina to go visit him."

"Let me talk to him," Cullen suddenly said. "I am an outsider and I have some unique experiences that may be relevant to his situation."

"It's worth a shot," Sebastian looked to Fenris. "We really have nothing to lose by trying."

"By rights, you should be taking him into custody and placing him in the Circle," Fenris looked shrewdly at him.

"And you and Sebastian, as good citizens, should have turned him in," Cullen pointed out.

"I suspect that we have similar reasons for not doing so," Sebastian smiled softly. "He has proven that he is no threat to us or the city and its people. Beyond that, he's become a good friend to many of us."

"If you really want to talk to him, let's not waste any more time," Fenris said and turned to leave.

Cullen followed the elf and the prince back to the Amell estate. He kept his head down to minimize the chances of anyone seeing him. He was the Knight-Captain, second in rank amongst the Kirkwall Templars. It was one thing to not report an apostate. It was quite another to openly associate with one. He was one of the few templars who didn't see mages as dangerous animals that needed to be caged all the time. Yes, they needed watching, but some of the actions Meredith wanted to take went too far in his opinion. He'd been successful in talking her out of most of it. But, if she got the idea his loyalty was compromised then all bets were off.

When he passed through the door of the mansion, he couldn't quite keep from feeling like a fish out of water. The place reeked of prestige and money, the furnishings understated but expensive. He began to wonder if perhaps he was making a mistake. At least until he was shown into the study and got a good look at Hawke. The mage was lying on the sofa and staring into the fire in the large fireplace. His hair was uncombed and his face unshaven. But most disturbing of all was the blank look in the once vivid green eyes and the dark circles under them that made him look like death warmed over. He understood now the desperation that drove Fenris to the chantry.

"You have company Gavin," Fenris said softly, sitting in one of the chairs and motioning Cullen to the other. There was no response from the mage.

Sebastian moved to the large double doors leading to the patio and opened one of them letting in a soft breeze. "It's a nice day Hawke. Too nice to be cooped up in here in front of a fire, which you don't really need." There was no reaction. He looked at Cullen and arched a brow.

Cullen thought for a while on what to say. Finally he decided to begin with his first year at the circle and go from there. A couple of times in the course of his tale he saw a flicker of something in Hawke's eyes, but the man remained silent. He continued on through the horror of Uldred's reign of terror. His voice dropped to a near whisper at the memory of being caged, his thoughts being intruded upon.

"You survived that?"

The whispered question brought his head up with a snap to see that Hawke was looking at him. "Yes. I was strong enough to survive. I lost some very close friends to a blood mage's lust. Yet, here I am, living and breathing, carrying on with my duties. I often wondered why, of all the templars there, I was spared. When I arrived here, Elthina answered that question for me. She said the Maker gives us all a purpose in life and that my purpose was not yet fulfilled."

The mage looked over at Fenris, "You shouldn't be here," Gavin told him, "I'm cursed."

"Why do you say that?" Cullen cast a warning glance at Fenris when he saw the elf about to protest.

"I'm an apostate," Gavin looked at him like the answer was obvious. "Because I flount the chantry's rules, the people I love are made to pay the price."

Cullen just stared at him in shock before stating incredulously, "Do you really think the Maker is that cold-hearted?" Seeing the doubt on Hawke's face he clarified his statement. "If the Maker cursed you for that, then he would have cursed me for allowing you to remain free. Or Fenris, Sebastian or your other friends for not turning you in."

Gavin sat up and stared at him, causing Fenris' heart to leap with hope. "When you put it that way, it does seem far fetched."

"Hawke, I was taught that the Maker forgives us for our sins," Cullen told him. "Even blood mages and murderers can find forgiveness if they are truly sorry for the harm they do. He would not punish you for such a small offense."

"Then why do I feel like a failure?" Gavin pleaded.

"Hawke, I've told you before, what happened to your family was beyond your control," Sebastian came to sit on the sofa next to him. "It was their fate and that is solely in the hands of the Maker."

"Look at all you have accomplished," Cullen spoke up. "You exposed a plot against my templars. Young men whose lives were just beginning were saved by your actions, which were taken at great risk to you. You brought Feynriel to us to get help and when we failed, you took steps to make sure he posed no further danger to anyone. I know this torments you but it was the only thing you could do."

"I made him tranquil," Gavin argued. "That's a fate worse than death."

"Maybe, but the only other option would have been to order his execution," Cullen argued. "You entered the fade in an attempt to save him. You did the best you could do and that's all we can ever do."

"You saved me from the hunters," Fenris reminded him. "Without you, I would have been enslaved to Danarius once again. You rescued Orana and gave her a home and a job. You gave Jethann a chance at a better life."

"You saved Yehven's son from certain death," Sebastian put forth. "You stopped that mad elf from causing further death and destruction. If not for you, hundreds more would have died. And to help you do all this, you gathered a diverse group of talented individuals and united them in a common purpose."

"Do you see what this means?" Cullen asked him. "It means that this is the path the Maker has chosen for you. And when your purpose has been fulfilled, you too will be called home to the Maker's side. You will see your family again."

"Gavin, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Fenris said firmly. "I would not trade one day of what we have for long life and safety."

"I'm sorry," Gavin choked out as tears began to run down his cheeks.

Fenris moved to sit beside him and took him in his arms. "You don't have to apologize. I understand."

Cullen and Sebastian stood up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Sebastian turned to the Knight-Captain, "Thank you for this. I know it hurt to remember those bad times at the Circle."

"What doesn't break us makes us stronger," Cullen told him. "Knight-Commander Greagoir told me that after the mess with Uldred."

"I think he's going to be alright," Sebastian looked back.

"He will be," Cullen nodded. "He's very strong and he has great friends who care about him."

"It's almost time for dinner," Sebastian said. "Care to join me? My treat."

"I would be honored your highness," Cullen nodded as they headed out.

"Please, call me Sebastian."

"Very well, Sebastian," the templar said easily.


	48. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Gavin sat at the large table in Varric's suite at The Hanged Man, slowly sipping at a hot cup of tea. He had really wanted a strong shot of brandy, but Fenris had overruled him. The elf had felt it wasn't a good idea for him to be drinking so soon after his episode of depression. After the day he'd had, he could have used the alcohol. He realized he hadn't been paying attention to his host and caught only the end of his statement.

"Merrill is still moping around her home, grumbling about betrayal and-" Varric was saying.

"What? Betrayal?" he stammered.

"I've been telling you about how Merrill hasn't gotten over that whole business with the tool," Varric retorted, somewhat annoyed.

"Andraste's tits, it's been weeks, tell her to move on," Gavin groaned.

"Why don't you?" Varric retorted. He was beginning to wish they'd never met the Dalish girl.

"Hawke, you have to do something," Anders came storming in.

"About what?" Gavin asked cautiously.

"Merrill has been to see me three times now to beg that I do something to change your mind about giving her that tool," Anders snapped.

"I'm not giving it to her," Gavin shrugged.

"I've told her that, she refuses to listen," Anders retorted.

"Come on Gavin, what real harm would it cause," Varric begged. "From what she's been saying, I think the tool is a last straw tactic. A fool's notion she cooked up because she desperately wants to be right about something."

"I've done some research on these ancient elvhen tools," Anders told them. "They don't have any magical properties, despite what that idiot girl thinks."

"Are you willing to bet your life and the lives of everyone in this city on it?" Gavin snorted. "Because I'm not."

"Well, then go and tell her, she's driving me nuts," Anders said sourly.

As his fellow mage continued complaining about their Dalish companions, with Varric and Fenris both putting their two coppers in, he let his thoughts drift to the death of the Viscount's son. It wasn't the fact that someone so young, with so much potential, was lost that upset him so much. That had been Fenris' worry. That he hadn't been able to prevent the death of a young man his brother's age.

No, it was the utter waste. The boy had been killed to fuel the hatred of the people for the Qunari. And it had been done by order of a servant of the Chantry and carried out by the so called 'faithful' on the supposedly sacred ground of the Chantry itself. Petrice had even attempted to lay the blame at his feet, proving once again how blindly stupid she was. If she'd had half a brain, she would have realized the Grand Cleric wouldn't have befriended someone who could kill in cold blood.

All of Petrice's scheming was doomed from the start anyway, and her death hadn't solved anything. There were still rumblings from her supporters. He was hardly an expert on the Qunari, having only his own observations and Fenris' limited knowledge to go on, but he knew such tactics would not work. The Arishok had said that they couldn't leave until what had been stolen from him had been found. But, he chose to stay in a city that he despised and attempt to find the item himself, rather than ask for help so he could leave the sooner. No, the Arishok wasn't going anywhere soon.

Two stubborn, irrational, and pighheaded people had managed to bring the city to the brink of war. Maker help the innocent citizens who got caught in between. With the Viscount retreating to his office and refusing to come out, it fell to others to take up the reins. But Meredith was obsessed with the mages and the Grand Cleric was stubbornly neutral. One had to hope that nothing else happened to upset either side or there would be outright war.

"I can't believe what people are saying," Sebastian's voice halted the discussion currently going on and snapped Gavin out of his thoughts.

Fenris gazed steadily at the prince as he walked into the room and plopped down next to Anders. "It seems today is a day for upset," he grumbled.

"What's wrong now?" Gavin moaned. He was beginning to wish he'd stayed in bed.

"The people of this city," Sebastian snapped. "They are treating all members of the Chantry as if they are no better than Petrice or her fanatical group. It is disgusting how they can think that what that woman did is in any way sanctioned by the Chantry."

"Well, well, it's about time," Anders sneered. "Now you get to see how the other half lives."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the prince snapped.

"I have been telling you and Fenris how not all mages are the same," the apostate retorted. "That we're not all power hungry, demon worshipping blood mages in the making. That the actions of a few have led to the oppression and mistreatment of the hundreds of innocent ones. Now you can see how unfair it is."

"This is a totally different situation Anders," the prince snarled.

Gavin closed his eyes and tried to tune them out as they began to argue about mage rights and Chantry dogma. Suddenly, he was tired of it all. Tired of the machinations, the back stabbing, the battling, the seemingly unending need for him to make it all go away. That week of peaceful camping on Sundermount seemed a lifetime ago. Was it really only a few months? Making a sudden decision, he got to his feet, halting the argument at the table.

"I'm done, I'm going home," he said quietly.

"Okay, I'll walk you there," Fenris also stood.

"That's not what I meant," Gavin looked down at the table and took a deep breath. "I meant I've decided to return to Ferelden. And, if any of you wants to come with me, you'll be more than welcome."

All four men stared at him like he'd lost his mind. Finally Varric cleared his throat, "I guess you'll want to sell the estate. I'm sure I can find a buyer fairly quickly, given that it's you whose selling." The merchant in him took over as his mind sought to reconcile this latest development.

"Hawke, I know things have been bad, but Kirkwall needs you now more than ever," Sebastian pleaded.

"I've done my part and I'm tired of all the bullshit," Gavin rounded on him. "I never wanted anything like this. All I ever wanted was to make a home for my family. That's the only reason I took all those jobs. The fact that I solved some of the city's problems at the same time is just happenstance."

"But, you've also become someone others can look up to, given them an example to follow," Anders argued. "You've been the shining example that mages can be trusted to use their powers to help others."

"Again, that's something I never wanted to be," Gavin snapped. "My family is gone. The Blight is over. There's nothing to keep me here, no reason for me not to go back to Ferelden." He turned to Varric, "Put the estate on the market. If my servants don't wish to come with me, then I will see to it that they have enough gold to set up a home for themselves here or elsewhere."

He turned and left the room quickly, Fenris hurrying to catch up. If the people of this city were determined to destroy themselves then so be it. He was done trying to fix everyone else's problems. It had cost him the most important things in his life. If he stayed, then it might cost him everything else, including his life.

"I promised to stay with you through everything," Fenris finally said. "If Ferelden is where you wish to go, then I am with you. Although I don't know if that is far enough away to deter Danarius."

"If it's not, and he decides to come after us, then it will be a lot harder for him to sneak up on us in Ferelden," Gavin smirked. "Not only is it more open, but the people there are not exactly friendly to outsiders. They especially don't like Orlesians and Tevinter and it's magisters are only slightly less reviled."

"I imagine that's because Tevinter never tried to subjugate them," the elf snickered. "I look forward to seeing your home."

Gavin smiled at him, "You're going to love it there." With that he launched into a discourse on all the wonderful things Ferelden offered. As Fenris listened, he could here in Gavin's voice just how much the mage truly missed Lothering. He would be happy no matter where they settled, so long as it was by Gavin's side. Let Danarius come after him. It would be the last thing his old master would ever do.


	49. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

"Okay Hawke, I couldn't find a ship heading to Gwaren," Varric told him as he ate. Gavin was a good cook and the dwarf never passed up a dinner invitation to the mage's home. "There is a ship leaving for Amaranthine in three days, and another ship leaving for Denerim next week."

"That's all?" Gavin couldn't hide his disappointment.

"It isn't the high point of the trading season," Varric shrugged. "At least for Ferelden. Most of the profitable trading right now is with Orlais and Rivain. In a month or so, the Fall Harvest will be coming to market and trade will go up."

"Ferelden is known to be rather insular and it's people highly self-sufficient," Fenris mused.

"Actually messere, trade used to be more lucrative throughout the year, but the Blight caused such devastation that the country is still not fully recovered," Bodhan interrupted. He often waited on Hawke when he had guests for dinner, keeping plates and glasses full. The fact the mage ate in the kitchen and not the dining room made no difference to him. "Many people, like you, were displaced and much of the land corrupted. There isn't much extra money going around yet since it's only been about six years or so. I imagine that once the land has healed fully then people will have more money and goods and trade will go up."

"Perhaps you should wait a while longer then before heading back?" Varric suggested hopefully. Seeing the glare the mage gave him he sighed, "Guess not."

"I'm not going to change my mind Varric," Gavin said sternly. "I'm tired of doing other people's dirty work. If this city wants to destroy itself, then fine. I wash my hands of them."

"There are a lot of innocent people here Hawke," the dwarf reminded him.

"They were here before me and they'll still be here after I'm gone," the mage shook his head. "I'm sure they'll muddle along fine without me."

Fenris shot Varric a warning look and the dwarf subsided. "I spoke with Jethann about leaving. Orana has no other ties here and any family she might have would still be in Tevinter. Going back there is not something she will even consider and I can't blame her. As for Jethann, he never knew his father and his mother died when he was a boy. The only family he had was an aunt and she kicked him out as soon as he was old enough to work. They both wish to go with you to see about making a new life for themselves in Ferelden. Being good with growing things, Jethann feels he can make a good life for them farming the land."

"Land can be expensive," Gavin said thoughtfully. "But, I have more money than I know what to do with. If he wants to become a farmer, I can certainly help him get started."

Raised voices from the front of the house brought their conversation to a halt. Gavin scowled as he recognized them. "That's Aveline and Isabela. At least in Ferelden I won't have to hear them bickering all the time."

"Excuse me ser," Orana had come to the doorway. "You have a couple of visitors. I'm sorry, but they followed me home from the market," she finished, wringing her hands.

"It's alright Orana," Gavin smiled at her. "Those two are as tenacious as a mabari with a bone."

"In all the years you've been here, Isabela has never come to your home without some kind of agenda," Varric frowned. "This can't be good."

As the voices got louder and sharper, Gavin sighed, "I better get out there before they start throwing things."

He got up and headed out of the kitchen and into the foyer. He saw the two women standing toe to toe and it was anyone's guess who would throw the first punch. "What is so damn important that you two have to interrupt my dinner?" he growled as he came to a stop and folded his arms across his chest.

"Hawke, I need your help with a delicate matter," Aveline said firmly. "The Arishok is harboring two fugitives. If I go in there with my men, it could upset the balance. The Arishok respects you."

"If you don't help me Hawke, I'll be dead by morning," Isabela cried as she pushed Aveline aside.

Holding up a hand to forestall Aveline's angry protest, he fixed a glare on the pirate. "What do you mean?"

"Remember I told you about the Relic Castillon wants?" she asked. Seeing him nod she continued, "Well, I found out where it is, but I have to retrieve it tonight or it will be gone. If I don't get it back, Castillon is going to feed me to the sharks."

"There are more important things at stake than saving your sorry ass," Aveline snapped. She turned back to Hawke, "If the Arishok is not dealt with quickly, the people in this city will think they can get away with anything."

"News flash, they already think they can get away with anything," Gavin snarled. "As for the Arishok, he's more stubborn than you."

"But, you have a better chance than anyone of getting him to see reason," Aveline pleaded. "He can't be allowed to flaunt the laws of the city."

"Whose reason Aveline? Yours?" the mage snapped. "Don't you get it yet? He's going to do what he damn well feels like and nothing I say is going to change that."

"So go away and leave him alone, man-hands," Isabela smirked.

"As for you," Gavin growled, rounding on her. "It's been six years. Now that I'm about to leave Kirkwall, you suddenly have found the exact location of the relic? Forgive me if I doubt that," he sneered.

"But Hawke-"

"NO!" he shouted, freezing both women in place. "I'm done risking my neck and I have no more favors to give out. I'm sick and tired of everyone coming to me to fix their fuck-ups. You all managed just fine before I came along, and you'll find some way of solving your problems without my help. Now get out of my house!"

"But Hawke-" Aveline began.

"GET OUT!" he screamed at them.

Hearing his master yelling, Fang came bounding into the foyer to stand by his side. He dropped into an attack stance and growled at the two women. Though the redhead had been friendly with him, she was now a threat and he was prepared to deal with that threat.

"I thought we were friends Hawke," Aveline said coolly.

"Fang, sit," he ordered. With a soft bark, the dog sat back, never taking his eyes off the two women. Gavin looked at the woman who had helped him for so many years. "I'm sorry Aveline, but I can't do it anymore. I've lost too much trying to help everyone else. I'm a simple farmer at heart and I never wanted any of this. I was only trying to make a home for my family and now they're gone."

"So what do I do about the Arishok?" Aveline tried to keep her voice neutral.

"Leave it alone," Gavin told her. "He won't listen to anything you say. The Viscount should have forcibly removed the Qunari from his city when they first arrived, before they got a foothold."

"I can't do that Hawke," Aveline shook her head. "He can't be allowed to flaunt the law. It would set a bad precedent."

Gavin sighed, "Just because it's the lawful thing to do, doesn't mean it's the sensible thing to do. But, it's not my problem. Do what you want."

"I can't believe you're going back on your promise to help me Hawke," Isabela pouted.

"And I can't believe that you never had a clue where the relic was before this," Gavin retorted.

"But, it might help with the Qunari," Isabela blurted.

"What nonsense is this?" Aveline goggled at her.

"Ignore her," Gavin snapped. "She's just trying to get my help and will say anything. What was it you said once Isabela? You can't trust a pirate?"

"Fine," she huffed and stormed out, slamming the front door behind her.

"What if she really knows something that could help?" Aveline mused.

"Not my problem anymore," Gavin told her. "You want to keep hitting your head against a brick wall, feel free. Just don't expect me to go along with you."

"Well, goodbye then Hawke," Aveline said quietly as she headed out. "I hope you're happy with yourself."

Gavin watched her go, resisting the urge to call her back and tell her he'd help. He hated letting friends down and the disappointment in her voice was worse than outright anger. He jumped as an arm wrapped around his waist, not having heard Fenris come in.

"You did what you had to Hawke," the elf said softly. "She's a fool if she thinks anyone can change the Arishok's mind. As for Isabela, she always did have a flair for the dramatic. I too find it suspicious that she had no clue up till now about the Relic's whereabouts."

"Even if it was true, I'm tired of doing everyone's dirty work," Gavin shrugged. "It's brought me nothing but trouble and cost me my family."

"Well, it was a great meal as usual Hawke, and the after dinner entertainment was a nice surprise," Varric said as he joined them. "I swear those two fight worse than an old married couple. At least it's good for a few laughs."

"It's not funny anymore, just annoying," the mage grumbled.

"At any rate, I should get going," the dwarf sighed. "Just let me know in the morning which ship you want to take and I'll make the arrangements." He paused for a moment, "You know, you just might have the right idea Hawke. Maybe I'll go with you to Ferelden. There's plenty of opportunity for an enterprising dwarf there, and no merchant's guild to worry about."

"Thanks Varric," Gavin said sincerely. "Have a good night." After the dwarf left, he turned to Fenris, "Shall we relax in front of the fire with some wine before we go to bed."

"Sounds good to me," the elf smiled and followed him.

"Do you think Varric was serious about coming with us?" Gavin asked as he poured a couple of glasses.

"No," Fenris snorted. "He loves this city, despite it's numerous problems. Also, he is part owner of several businesses, not just the Hanged Man. He has too much invested here to walk away from it." He sipped at the glass the mage had handed to him.

"Then why would he even suggest it?" Gavin frowned as he sipped his own wine.

"Probably because it would mean getting away from those two women," Fenris chuckled. "With you gone, he might find himself the center of their attention."

"Poor fellow," Gavin laughed. "He's welcome to come visit anytime."

They sat and chatted until the bottle was finished and then went to bed. Even after a spectacular bought of lovemaking, Gavin found himself unable to fall asleep. Despite his words to the contrary, he did care about the innocent people who always seemed to get caught in the middle of the warring factions of the city. Top amongst them were the poor, displaced Fereldens who never managed to dig themselves out of the slums like he did. If things came to a head, he worried that they would fare poorly.

"You can't help or save everyone Hawke," Fenris said softly.

"I thought you were asleep," Gavin murmured.

"You're tensing up, it woke me," the elf said simply. He leaned up and looked down at the mage. "You are making the right decision Gavin and I fully support it. You need to look after yourself now and let others worry about this city."

"You're right," Gavin smiled at him. "Thank the Maker you came into my life. I would be lost without you to ground me."

"Goodnight Gavin."

"Goodnight Fenris."


	50. chapter 49

Chapter 49

Gavin stood at the railing of the Soaring Eagle as she sailed away from Kirkwall. Even though the sun had not yet risen fully, he could still see some of the damage done to the city when the Qunari decided to rampage through it. Was it really only three days ago? So much had happened that it was hard to believe so little time had passed. And it had all started with Aveline's foolish notion of making the Qunari obey the laws of the city. She still hadn't learned that they didn't give a shit about Kirkwall, its people, or its laws. Her arrogance in the face of that started a chain of events that almost destroyed the city.

He hadn't meant to get involved. All he had wanted was to stay at home and wait for the next available ship to Ferelden. But when fighting had reached Hightown and Jethann had overheard the Qunari interrogating people about his whereabouts, he'd felt compelled to do something. He left his home and proceeded to battle them all the way into the Viscount's keep. There he had confronted the Arishok and discovered the true reason they'd stayed in Kirkwall.

Isabela and her damned relic. She'd known all along why the Qunari were in Kirkwall and she'd said nothing. Luckily, he'd been able to convince the Arishok that he'd not known about it. Isabela of course was long gone with the thing and he was left to deal with the consequences. The end result was that he'd agreed to duel the Arishok. Without magic. Yes folks, that's right. He'd stupidly agreed to make the fight more even. After all, he was a big man and did know how to wield weapons and fight without his magic. But, he'd almost paid the price for his folly. The memory caused him to touch his left side, which was still sore from a near fatal blow dealt him by the Arishok.

"You are in pain still," the low gravelly voice stated.

Gavin looked over at the elf as he joined him at the rail. "I almost died. Despite the spirit's intervention, such wounds do take time to fully heal."

"You're lucky to be alive Hawke," Fenris scowled. He turned to glare fiercely at the mage. "Don't ever put me through that again. Honor means nothing to the dead."

"I promise," Gavin told him, and he meant it. Never again would he be so stupid. He had defeated the Arishok, but it had almost been the death of him. As he lay on the floor of the throne room, his life's blood soaking into the carpet and Fenris over him begging him not to go, a warm glow had surrounded him. He'd heard a voice saying that his task was not yet finished and then his breathing had eased and his mind had started to clear. He opened his eyes to find his friends around him and the Knight Commander and First Enchanter standing over him. Their faces all exhibited the same shock and wonder.

"He is blessed by the Maker," Orsino whispered in awe. His words caused the crowd in the room to start babbling excitedly and then start chanting his name and cheering. Meredith had frowned, looking like she'd swallowed a hedgehog or something. She had reluctantly given in to the people and declared him Champion. He was no fool. He knew she only sought to tie him to the city in order to use him against those she deemed dangerous or an enemy. And so he had Varric book passage to Amaranthine for him that very same day.

"I still don't know why the spirit chose me, but I'm grateful to her," he said aloud.

"I never believed Anders or Merrill when they insisted that there were benevolent spirits in the Fade," Fenris said quietly, not wanting to be overheard. The sailors were nervous enough about a mage being on board without hearing them talk about spirits. "What did she say her name was again?"

"Hope."

"And you can still feel her?" the elf said doubtfully.

"Sort of, like an echo in my head," Gavin said in bemusement.

"Anders has a spirit in his head too," Fenris scowled.

"It's not the same thing," the mage reassured him. "She's not physically inside me. She stays in the Fade, but maintains a channel to me so that I can call upon her power to augment my own if necessary. I'm only a moderate healer, but with her help, I can do so much more. She will not leave the Fade, she doesn't need to. Justice was already trapped outside the Fade and he physically shares Anders' body."

Fenris was silent for a long time thinking. Finally he met his mage's concerned gaze. "I love you and will always love you, even if you become possessed like Anders."

"If I were to fall, I would hope you would do the right thing and end my life," Gavin replied. "Death is preferable to possession."

"I love you enough to spare you Anders' fate," the elf said solemnly.

They stood in silence watching Kirkwall fade behind them for some minutes before Gavin spoke again. "Sebastian promised to send me updates on what is happening there. As soon as we reach Lothering I will write to him."

"Varric told me that he would keep an eye on Anders and Merrill and try to keep them out of trouble," Fenris told him. "He'll also write to us about anything important. Especially if there's any sign of Danarius or his hunters."

"One good thing about you coming to Ferelden is that someone like Danarius would not only stand out like a sore thumb, but would also be highly unwelcome there," Gavin smirked. "Fereldens are very independant and stubborn and hate Tevinter only a little less than they do Orlais." He paused briefly and then continued, "I hope he does try to come at us there. I would dearly love to send him to his grave."

"As would I." Fenris saw the mage rubbing his side again and took his arm to lead him from the rail. "You should get some rest. Having a relapse out here would not be good."

Gavin allowed himself to be led across the deck and down the stairs to the small cabin below deck he'd been given. There had only been the one available and he had managed to get the captain to agree to allow Jethann and Orana to share it with him and Fenris. Although it made things very cramped, it was the only way to keep the elven woman from going into panic mode. It also didn't give them much privacy and so any intimacy was out of the question for the two weeks they would be at sea. Jethann wouldn't care because he was an exhibitionist at heart. Bur Orana would die of embarassment.

The two elves in question looked up as the door to the cabin opened and Fenris led Gavin in. Orana saw how pale the mage was and all her mothering instincts took over. "You look like you are about to fall over," she exclaimed as she helped him lie down on bed. "You shouldn't be exerting yourself so much. Just three days ago you almost met our Maker. It is a miracle that you're alive."

"Orana, he is much tougher than you give him credit for," Jethann soothed. "After all, he took on a magister and lived. How many people have you known who could claim the same?"

"He is still just a mortal man and as vulnerable as the next to illness," she retorted sharply.

"He is a mage and thus much tougher than you give him credit for dear," he reminded her and got only a sniff as she turned back to fuss over the man she still considered her master.

"I make mistakes, same as everyone else," Gavin shook his head. "Being a mage doesn't makeone immune to stupidity. If fact, it can actually make you more careless if you let it."

"What do you mean?" Jethann frowned at him. Orana looked at him in puzzlement too.

Fenris had some idea what his mage was getting at. "Being able to wield magical power can make one arrogant and overconfident. That can make one careless and a smart opponent can use that carelessness against them."

"I was overconfident that my size and strength was enough to give me the ability to go toe to toe with an opponent who outmatched me in skill with physical weapons," Gavin nodded. "I forego using my power to show that I wasn't afraid of the Arishok. Something I'm sure the Arishok had guessed at before our fight. He was a lot smarter than most everyone gave him credit for."

"It wouldn't have even come to that if Aveline hadn't forced his hand," Fenris snarled.

"It's not all her fault," Gavin shook his head. "The Arishok could have told the Viscount why they were in Kirkwall, but he allowed pride to rule his actions. Isabela also knew, but her greed kept her mouth sealed. Petrice's egging on her people to harass the Qunari deepened the mistrust. Aveline's blind adherence to the law was merely the final spark that lit the fire that almost burned the city down."

"Don't forget the centuries of oppression the elves have suffered," Jethann reminded him. "Humans have made elves the perfect tool for revolutionists and fanatics to use. Penning them in Alienages and denying them the same rights as other races is the best way to insure the Qunari will always find willing supporters throughout Thedas."

"I heard rumors that life is a little better for elves in Ferelden, that the King and Queen had passed laws giving them more freedoms and rights," Orana interjected.

"According to Varric, the rumors are only half true," Gavin clarified. "If they pushed too hard, too soon, then the nobles would balk. But, at least the elves are now allowed to freely seek employment outside of the Alienages and even to sell their wares in the lower markets like any other Ferelden citizen."

"How did this come about?" Fenris couldn't hide his surprise.

"Apparently when the Darkspawn invaded Denerim, an elven woman in the Alienage, one Shianni by name, saved King Alistair's life," Gavin told them. "As a reward, he promised to do all he could to make life better for them."

"It's a start at least," Jethann nodded happily. "And it bodes well for our making a home in Ferelden."

"Hopefully Lothering has recovered somewhat from the Blight," Gavin frowned slightly. "If not, then I will have to find farmland that I can buy elsewhere."

"And any such land would, by definition, cost more than normal," Fenris put in. Seeing the suprise on the mage's face he smiled, "Varric made sure to educate me on such things during the three days you were recovering."

"How far is Lothering from Amaranthine?" Orana asked, knowing nothing about maps or geography.

"I think about two weeks," Gavin answered.

"That's an awful long way to walk," Jethann shuddered at the thought. "Hopefully there will be a caravan or something heading south that we can hitch a ride with."

"We'll just have to see when we get there," Fenris shrugged.

"We will won't we," Gavin chuckled. "At any rate, we'll be away from all the nonsense of the past few years. I look forward to a nice, quiet life of farming once more."

The others smiled and nodded agreement before going to see about breakfast, promising to bring something back for Gavin. He watched them leave and then sent a silent prayer to the Maker that it would be as he had just said.


	51. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

Gavin picked at his clothes, smoothed non-existant wrinkles and then finally turned to Jethann only to find the elf smirking at him. "What?"

"You look fine, why are you so nervous?"

"Despite my years living at the estate, I never really got comfortable being the lord of the manner," the mage sighed. "I'm not sure I can successfully carry out this ruse. Fenris being at my side should be enough to deflect the interest of any Templars we do meet."

During the voyage they had discussed ways to blend into the Ferelden populace. Gavin knew the freedom he enjoyed in Kirkwall was unusual. There was no country in the world where it was standard practice for mages to run free, with the exception of Rivain whose Circle Mages were pretty much allowed to come and go as they pleased. Even in Ferelden mages were not allowed to move freely on their own. They either were a member of the Mages Collective and abided by their rules, or they resided in the Tower subject to the supervision of the Chantry. Thus with his freedom at stake, they had come up with the idea of having Gavin pose as a wealthy merchant and the three elves as his servants.

"We've gone over this Gavin," Jethann shook his head. "You are a stranger here and that means you will fall under greater scrutiny. Fenris' lyrium tattoos may muddle the senses of templars some, but it's not enough to hide you from any prolonged or determined inspection. However, people generally tend to see what they want to see. A well dressed human with three elven servants is a common sight. They will not _see_ a mage because they will not be _expecting_ a mage."

"In other words, you shouldn't have to do much to convince people that you're a wealthy merchant," Fenris clarified. "You've interacted enough with the nobility to see how they treat their servants and wealthy merchants pretty much behave the same way. Just do as you've seen them do. I don't mind pretending to be your body servant if it means avoiding any situation that would result in you being locked up in some templar cage."

"Once we've made arrangements to travel to Lothering, we can all drop the act," Jethann said reasonably. "I know you have enough on you to be able to buy a horse and cart to take us."

"If there's one available," Gavin worried.

"There is always something like that for sale in cities of this size, trust me," Jethann rolled his eyes. Unless they could calm him down, Gavin would give them all away.

Orana stepped forward and bowed her head, "It will be alright Master. Fenris and I both know the proper behavior for servants and have instructed Jethann well. Just remember to act pompous and pay no mind to us as we follow you and no one will be suspicious."

"And remember, people see what they want to see," Jethann reminded him.

"Okay, then let's get this show on the road," Gavin sighed and went up to the deck. Once there, he stood straight, threw his head back and then swaggered down it to where the gangplank was being lowered. He felt Fenris at his back and resisted the urge to look behnd him.

Once the gangplank was lowered, he made his way down to the dock and then to the city streets. Spying a group of boys hanging about he walked up to them. "Where can I find lodging in this city?" he asked peremptorily.

"The Crown and Lion is the best there is Messere," a brown haired lad of about twelve said with a slight bow. The others crowded behind him staring avidly as he gave directions.

Digging into his pouch, he pulled out a silver for the boy, "Here you go." He tossed it to the boy and then strode away as arrogantly as possible.

"Arrogant, cheap bloke," the boy grumbled. "He's got three servants and all I get is one silver?"

Jethann held back a chuckle as he heard the words. He liked being right and he couldn't wait to tell Gavin so. He tensed a little as he saw a group of Templars coming in their direction, but they spared no more than a curious glance at Gavin. Fenris however got a second look from one of them.

"I've not seen an elf armed that way," the man muttered. His captain glanced back at him.

"Probably from Antiva," the man stated simply. "The Crows have a lot of elves in their organization and often provide escort to wealthy merchants, for a sizeable fee of course. Best not to look to closely, eh?" That last caused the young man to swallow and hurriedly avert his gaze.

"This is working better than I thought," Jethann told Orana in a hushed voice. "I think we'll be okay."

She looked nervously around and whispered, "I hope so." She had never liked cities. In Tevinter, they were crowded with Magisters, mages, slavers, and all sorts of nasty types. There were too many ways to mistep in cities and earn a punishment. Though she'd been a free woman for a while now, she still felt nervous and insecure.

They reached the inn with no problems. Gavin drew the attention of a few patrons who were lounging about the common room, but was mostly ignored. Stepping up to the bar counter, he addressed the man polishing it. "Are you the Innkeeper?"

"Yes messere," the man glanced from him to the three elves and back again. "What can I do for you?" his tone suddenly more fawning as dollar signs danced in front of his eyes.

"I require a room for myself and my servants," Gavin said and saw the eyebrows rise a little.

"We have room in the stables-" the man began.

"I require that my servants be available to me at a moments notice," the mage responded haughtily. "They certainly can't do that from the stable now can they?"

The innkeeper swallowed and his tone got even more fawning, "I meant nothing by it, forget I said anything. I do have one suite available. It has a small dressing room next to the bedroom that your servants can bed down in. I can send up cots for them."

"No need, they have bedrolls," Gavin waived away the suggestion. "How much?"

"Twenty silver a night, or one gold for a week," was the answer.

Gavin opened his pouch and gave the man forty. "I'll being staying for two nights at least. If I need to stay an extra day or two will that be a problem?"

"No messere," the innkeeper smiled. "Stay as long as you wish." He yelled for a serving a boy. "Marcus, show this gentlemen to suite two on the third floor."

"Follow me ser," the boy bowed at the waist.

Gavin and his companions accompanied him to the room where Gavin gave him a couple of silvers for his trouble, earning him a brilliant smile. He closed the door and then leaned back against it with a sigh of relief. "I hope we can find a cart quickly. Amaranthine seems to have almost as many templars as Kirkwall."

Jethann shrugged and then told the mage what he'd seen and overheard. "Most likely the story going round about at the moment is that a weatlhy merchant from Antiva is in town."

"Okay, go ahead and say it," Gavin snorted. At the elf's puzzled look, "I told you so?"

Jethann snorted, "You said it not I." All he got was a muttered comment about being cheeky. "We should get settled and then see about food being brought up."

"Listen, I can still ask the innkeeper for cots for you," Gavin said, suddenly feeling guilty about having a comfy bed for himself and Fenris.

"I'll go down to the kitchen and see about it right now," Orana said as she rolled her eyes at the mage. This was a task and role she was familiar with and thus quite comfortable handling.

"What's with the eye rolling?" Gavin looked after her.

"A wealthy merchant wouldn't care about his servants comfort, only his own," Jethann chuckled. "She knows that. We're fine with our bedrolls."

"If you're sure," Gavin still hesitated.

"Positive. Now, I will go back down to the ship to see about getting our bags delivered," Jethann told them as he hurried out. Though they didn't have much, they had decided to leave their bags on the ship until they found lodging and then send the 'servants' back to get them. Thus, the illusion that Gavin was a wealthy merchant would be reinforced. One couldn't be too careful.

Fenris watched them go and then grabbed the pen and paper he'd seen earlier. Dipping the pen in the ink well, he carefully wrote a message on the paper. While waiting for it to dry, he searched through the desk until he'd found some wax. Putting some on the back of the paper, he walked to the bedroom door, grabbing Gavin's hand on the way. He pulled the mage into the bedroom, slapped the note on the door and then shut it firmly behind them.

Gavin had watched this with some bemusement, wondering what his elf was up to. It wasn't until Fenris was leaning back against the closed door that he found his wits. "What are you up to?"

"I put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door," the elf growled. "I've waited two weeks and I don't intend to wait any longer. Strip and get on the bed."

Gavin was instantly hard and hastely removed his clothes. His side had stopped hurting a while ago, and he had wanted badly to make love to Fenris, but couldn't because there was no privacy. He would have probably done the same thing if Fenris hadn't beaten him to the punch. He didn't bother folding his clothes, simply let them fall where they would.

Fenris licked his lips as his beautiful man bared all for his avid gaze. Sometimes he still found it hard to believe that a mage could make him feel this way. He set his sword to the side and then moved to stand beside the bed, his eyes never leaving Gavin's. He slowly removed his own armor, enjoying how his mage's vivid green eyes began to blaze with love and lust. The knowledge that the mage had absolute trust in him enhanced his own desires.

"Fenris, if you don't get on with it soon I'm going to die from frustration," Gavin pleaded.

Fenris' smile was feral as he climbed onto the bed. "Hold on tight love, you're in for the ride of your life."

Half an hour later, Jethann returned from the ship with their bags to find Orana pacing and wringing her hands. "What's wrong?" he asked and saw her point to the bedroom door.

When he was close enough to read the note he started to chuckle. The sound of a bed squeaking and the low moans coming from inside had him struggling to keep from laughing aloud and disturbing the room's occupants. "Everything's fine," he said as he turned back to the elven woman.

"When you asked me if I wanted to learn to read I didn't really think I would need such a skill," Orana said quietly. "I mean, you don't need to read to haggle at the market or do chores or hold conversations. If I needed something read, then I had you. But, when I came back and saw the door closed and couldn't read the note they left, I realized that maybe you were right when you said it couldn't hurt. I really didn't know what to do. Supper is being prepared now as we speak!"

Suddenly Jethann understood her anxiety. All her life, until she got to Kirkwall, she had seen how masters treated their servants, punishing them for the slightest of mistakes. He could only imagine the punishment for not informing a master when supper was ready. Even though she'd had severals months to see that Gavin wasn't anything like the others, she was still nervous.

"Listen, I think that those two will be busy for a while," Jethann smiled reassuringly at her. "They would be upset if you did disturb them right now. They'll get something to eat later so relax."

"I guess you know Master Gavin best," she smiled at him.

"I do," he nodded. "Now, lets see about unpacking our clothes. We need to see what needs to be laundered so we can have it done before we leave here. From what I understand, good inns are few and far between here in Ferelden."


	52. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Fenris paused in pounding in the fence stake to watch Gavin as he chopped firewood. The last couple of weeks working on fixing up the old farmstead had done wonders for the mage's physical condition. Fenris felt lust stirring in him as he watched muscles rippling under skin kissed by the sun.

They had left Amaranthine in the company of a couple of merchants headed to the Bannorn. The land had been relatively quiet, and they really didn't need the added protection of the merchants guards, but they needed to keep up appearances. Gavin couldn't very well go around blasting everything and expect the Chantry to take no notice. After parting ways with the merchants, they had made great time in reaching Lothering. The once booming tradepost was still only a shadow of its former self. A blacksmith, a small farmers market and suprisingly, a Collective post were the only major establishments.

It turned out that the mages had come up with a way to heal the land faster through magic. However, the process was draining to the mage and thus was only done for those who paid for the privilege. Fortunately, money was not a problem and they had soon gotten the Hawke farm purged of any remaining blight corruption. When not curing the land, the mage stationed in Lothering provided herbal rememdies and healing spells to those who needed it. Payment depended on the amount required and the circumstances of the one needing the service. More often than not, the mage received some sort of food product as payment. To say he was happy that Gavin could pay him in gold was an understatement.

"You're staring again," Jethann snickered as he came up to his fellow elf. He looked at Gavin, "Of course, I can't blame you. The view is stunning."

Gavin glanced over his shoulder, as if he heard them. "That fence won't build itself." He chuckled as Fenris flushed and hastily went back to work. He looked towards the direction of the path from Lothering before returning to chopping firewood.

Varric was supposed to take the next ship out of Kirkwall to Ferelden. That ship was one heading to Denerim and was supposed to leave three days after their own. Varric was not only bringing things they couldn't take with them initially, but also his beloved hound Fang. It had killed him to leave the dog behind, but there'd been no room on the ship. They should have been waiting for them in Lothering.

"Don't worry master, they'll be here," Orana said softly as she brought him some water, intuiting what was on his mind. She had quickly gotten comfortable in the role of woman of the house. She made sure the meals were on time, the laundry washed properly, and the house cleaned thoroughly. "They were probably delayed by the tide or something like that."

"I know, and thank you," Gavin said as he finished drinking. He nodded and went back to chopping the large tree trunk into smaller logs for the fire.

She nodded and turned to bring water to Fenris and Jethann. It had come as a surprise to all of them to find the main building was still standing. Doors and windows needed replacing and it needed a very thorough cleaning, but othewise was fine. It appeared that the darkspawn had pretty much just passed over the place. However, that was more than enough to poison all the land they stepped on. Despite the healing the mage had done, it would be next spring before the fields could truly be worked. Jethann worked side by side with Master Hawke on caring for the soil of the fields.

"Thank you darling," Jethann winked at her as he took the water she offered, causing her to blush.

"Thank you for the fresh rabbit Fenris, it will make a fine stew for tonight," she said shyly.

"You don't need to thank me," the elf shook his head. "I have great skill as a hunter, you are a good cook. Gavin and Jethann are good with plants and things. We each contribute something of value."

"So tell me," Jethann looked at Fenris, a wicked twinkle in his eye. "Does it feel awkward having sex in what used to be Gavin's parents bed?"

"Jethann!" Orana slapped him in the chest. "That's none of your business."

Fenris smiled at their antics. "He only says these things to get a rise out of you. Don't give him the satisfaction and he'll stop."

"Hey, this farm won't take care of itself you know," Gavin had walked over to them and stood with his hands on his hips. Orana would have been scared if not for the fact that she could see he was having a hard time to keep from smiling.

"I guess that means he wants us to get back to work," Jethann stated the obvious.

"Actually, it is time for lunch," Orana pointed out. "I will go prepare a light meal while you three wash up." She saw them look at her in puzzlement. "I just spent the morning cleaning the furniture. I don't want you getting dirt and sweat all over them," she sniffed before turning and heading back inside.

"She's coming out of her shell more with each passing day," Fenris noted.

"It's because she has been entrusted with a great responsibility," Gavin told them. "I certainly am no great shakes at cleaning."

"Denarius had dozens of servants to perform such tasks," Fenris stated flatly. "He felt such things were a waste of my time. I was more useful to him in other ways," he finished with a sneer.

"While working at the Blooming Rose, the only thing I was responsible for cleaning was my own room," Jethann chuckled. "I wouldn't have a clue how to go about cleaing a whole house."

"It's not that big," Gavin rolled his eyes. The main room which served as living and eating area, was the biggest. There was one decent sized bedroom which he and Fenris occupied. But, the other two bedrooms had been quite small. The one he had shared with Carver had just enough room for a couple of cot sized beds and a dresser. It was now being used by Jethann and Orana. They'd actually had to build a bed to fit the room for the two elves to use. The bedroom Bethany had used was even smaller and so he had decided to convert it to a pantry.

"The place is still more than what most elves living amongst humans have," Jethann pointed out.

"Okay, we still have a lot of work to do, so let's go eat and then get back to it before the sun sets," Gavin ordered.

"Yes master," Jethann mock bowed before running off to the house.

"I admit, he's fun to have around," Fenris fell in beside Gavin as they walked back.

"Especially now that he's involved with Orana and not likely to try crawling into my bed," Gavin snickered.

"I haven't thought that in a long time," the tattoed elf protested.

"I'm kidding Fenris," Gavin reassured him. "Guess we have to work on your sense of humor."

"I saw you looking towards the trail," Fenris changed the subject. "You're worried that something's happened to Varric aren't you?"

"Well, we did sneak away from the city like a bunch of thieves," the mage shrugged and stopped outside the house. He turned to look seriously at Fenris. "What if Varric has been detained or something like that?"

"Then Bodahn would have sent a letter stating such," Fenris soothed. "The most likely explanation is that either the ship was delayed or he had to arrange passage on a different one. Don't borrow trouble Hawke."

"You're right, of course," Gavin sighed. "I just really miss Fang."

"He'll be here soon enough," Fenris stated. "Now, let's go eat."

They washed quickly at the well and then went in to a delicious lunch of meat, cheese, and bread. On the ship to Amaranthine, Orana had explained how she'd been trained by her father in how to make bread and cheese from scratch and how to cure game and other meats. So, they purchased several sacks of flour and slat and a couple of cows in the city. There were no chickens to be had, either in Amaranthine or Lothering, so Gavin had decided that once they were settled he would go up to Denerim to look in the markets there. For meat, there was plenty of wild game around for Fenris and him to hunt and trap.

They all agreed that life was looking very promising. Gavin only hoped that the world would just leave him alone to live the way he wanted to. Danarius was still out there somewhere, and it was possible that he would find them even in this remote corner of Ferelden. That thought made him realize that he should discuss with Fenris ways of warding the farm so as not to be taken by surprise. The collective mage in Lothering would no doubt have some good ideas. Even if he didn't, he could still put them in touch with a mage who did. He said nothing of this aloud for he didn't want to frighten Orana or Jethann. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

"I was wondering what the likelihood was of my having my own place some day," Jethann broke into his thoughts. "There doesn't seem to be all that many people here. At least, not as many as I'm guessing there were before the blight."

"I'll talk to the people in Lothering, put forth feelers about purchasing additional land," Gavin told him. "But, I want to wait until we've been here for a while so they can get to know us better. I don't want them to think I'm some kind of greedy land baron or something."

"Also, his being a mage is risky for all of us," Fenris pointed out. "If the people here become our friends, then we'll have less to worry about from the Chantry."

"But, you could join the Collective and then you wouldn't have to worry about the Chantry," Orana seemed to think this was the answer to the problem.

"That's true, but then I would have to be available to help them when they need me to," Gavin scowled. "I left Kirkwall because I was tired of always being asked to help out. I just want to farm my land and live out my days with Fenris at my side. Nothing more."

"From what I could see of the land around here, I would say it will be some time before there's any significant number of people living here," Fenris mused. "The main catalyst for population growth is trade and right now there isn't a great deal of trading along the roads."

"All the reports we got in Kirkwall about the blight seemed to indicate that the worst of it was confined to the southern areas of Ferelden," Gavin nodded.

"And considering how involved and expensive treating the land is, I would say it will take some years before this area of Ferelden recovers fully," Jethann pointed out. "Which means that even if it takes a couple of years, I should still have plenty of land to choose from."

"We'll just have to take things one day at a time," Gavin said as he got to his feet, "The afternoon is waning away and we really do have a lot left to do." He turned to Orana, "That was delicious. I can't wait for dinner."

She nodded her thanks, her cheeks flushing at the compliment. "I'll have a hearty stew ready for you once the sun is down."

The three men turned and headed out leaving her to clean up. She remained sitting, still trying to grasp the fact that her master seemed to feel that Jethann and herself could be land holders. In the Imperium, all elves were slaves and so owned nothing. Even in other parts of Ferelden, the number of elves that actually owned anything were few and far between. It was an idea she'd never entertained and so seemed a tad unrealistic. But, what if it were possible?

"Dear papa, if only you could see me now," she whispered. "I hope you and mama have found peace at the Maker's side. And I hope you would be proud of the choices I have made." Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but she could have sworn she felt a touch on her cheek. Smiling, she got up and got to work.


	53. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Gavin stood at the window looking out at his peaceful farm. A merry fire crackled in the hearth, and the smell of spiced porridge filled the air. Orana was an excellent cook, to which his stomach could attest. So far, all the outdoor work he was doing was keeping him fit. He wondered exactly how he was going to keep the weight off when winter came. If only his beloved hound were there with him, he wouldn't have to wonder, for playing with the dog was good exercise. They'd left Kirkwall almost three months ago and winter was just around the corner now. He should have been there by now. Something had to have gone wrong.

Fenris glanced over from his seat at the table and frowned at the tall figure of the mage. He was concerned now too at the lack of word from Varric. But, brooding didn't help matters. A small smile curved his lips at that thought. Varric had nicknamed him 'broody' back in Kirkwall, and it had been accurate. Now, he brooded far less and Gavin seemed to be doing it much more. He got up and walked over to the mage.

"They say no news is good news," he said quietly.

Gavin sighed and his shoulders slumped slightly. "And it could also mean that Varric ran afoul of Meredith, or the Carta, or renegade blood mages..."

Fenris placed a finger over the mage's lips, "Don't borrow trouble Hawke." He locked eyes with the taller man and said firmly, "He could be on his way here right now. And if that's the case, he wouldn't bother sending a letter for he could travel here just as fast."

Gavin stared at him silently for a while before smiling slightly. "You're right," he said. "And if it wasn't so late in the season, then I would probably be more patient. But, I know how quickly the weather can turn bad at this time of year. If he doesn't come soon, it will most likely be spring before I see Fang again."

Fenris raised an eyebrow at that. He'd heard the stories about the loyalty of mabari, and also how Fereldens prized them about all other dogs. But looking at Hawke now, he realized that the bond went far deeper than he suspected. Hearing the clatter of dishware, he turned to see Orana setting their breakfast on the table.

"Come," he told the mage. "Let's have breakfast and then get some hunting done. We need to fill the larder with cured meats and we'll need more furs for the beds and to wear when we go out. If we wait too long, game will become scarce and then we'll have to buy more of what we need." He didn't add that frequent trips to any town or village would increase the risk to Gavin.

Gavin silently joined them at the table, his thoughts dwelling on his missing friend. He knew that it was unlikely that Varric would have been detained by anyone or run afoul of someone. He was just really missing his dog. He'd lost the feel of the bond once they'd crossed the sea and it felt like there was a hole in his soul. He hurriedly ate his porridge, eager to get out and do something to take his mind off his missing friends.

By late afternoon he and Fenris had managed to bring down a deer and four rabbits. It wasn't enough for the winter, but it was a start. Jethann had been tasked with setting traps for smaller animals, something he'd learned to do from a previous lover. Gavin was sure there was a good story behind that tidbit, and he hoped to hear it one day.

They had just set down their kills when the sound of hooves drifted to them from the road. Fenris dropped to the ground to listen as Gavin tightened his grip on his weapon. "How many?"

Fenris listened for a moment more and then got to his feet. He looked at the mage, his eyes full of concern. "It sounds like multiple horses, but there is also a rumbling noise, plus a lighter, faster step."

"A merchant perhaps?" Gavin suggested as they headed towards the front of the farmhouse so they could see who or what was coming. He really doubted it could be an enemy for they would have heard of any strangers in town.

They waited in tense silence for a few moments before they finally saw two rather large wagons weighed down with numerous goods. But, Gavin didn't need to wait for the wagons to get closer to know who it was. The bond was back, and with a smile of pure joy he ran out to the road in time to see a brown bundle of teeth and fur hurtling towards him, barking at the top of its lungs. "Fang!" he shouted and raced to meet the dog.

With a final joyous howl, the mabari jumped up on Gavin and knocked him to the ground, licking his face all over and mewling with delight. Gavin couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks even as he laughed in pure joy.

Fenris smiled at the sight of his mage and the dog rolling around on the groaned. He looked up to greet the dwarf riding on the first wagon as they came to a halt. "Welcome to the Hawke farm Varric. We were wondering if you were coming at all."

"Yeah, had some trouble in getting here," the dwarf grumped as he watched his friend's reunion with the dog. "Glad to finally be here though. Damn dog was driving me up a wall."

Gavin finally got up to greet them, "Bring those wagons on up and around the side of the house. There's an open sided shed where we can stack the goods to be sorted."

Jethann and Orana joined them and greeted the dwarf with delight. "It's so good to see you here at last. Master Hawke was just about out of his mind with worry," the elven woman said softly.

"Yeah, he always was the worrying sort," Varric snorted and then picked up the reins. "Let's get these wagons unloaded and then I can catch you up over dinner."

Fenris looked to the guards riding with the wagons, "There is room in the barn for all the horses and plenty of ground just outside where you can set up your tents."

"If you need meat for your supper, I have a couple of hares you can cook up," Orana offered.

Varric stared at her in astonishment. "Look at you, all friendly and such. Quite the change from the shy, quiet girl I used to know. Looks like being in Hawke's employ has been good for you." He chuckled as the elven woman blushed to the roots of her hair and scurried off to the house to begin supper.

"Yeah, she's really grown," Gavin said as he walked beside the wagon towards the shed. "She has become the woman of the house and she does an amazing job."

"Yes, if left to us, we'd still be eating dried rations," Jethann joked, dodging a cuff to the head from Gavin.

It took until just before nightfall for them to unpack and sort the items in the wagons. Gavin had purchased mattresses in Amaranthine because the ones from the estate wouldn't fit on the ship they had taken. Seeing those in the wagons he had set about getting them into the house. He was glad to see that he'd guessed right about their size and that they actually fit the frames. He gave the old ones to Varric to sell and told him to keep the money to cover some of the costs of the trip.

He smiled as he opened a crate to find books from his library in it. "You brought them all?"

"Of course Hawke," Varric laughed. "I know how much you love reading them and how much trouble you went to acquire some of them." He looked around, "In fact, everything you cared about from the estate made it into these wagons."

"Supper's ready," Orana called from the house.

They saw the hired men had already finished eating and were getting ready to settle down for the night. They headed in and washed up before sitting at the table. While they ate, Varric caught them up on what had happened the past couple of months.

"I did send a letter explaining why I was being delayed Hawke," Varric told them. "But, it never went beyond Denerim. Because of the Blight, the lands between here and Ostagar are largely unpopulated still. They wouldn't send the post this far just for one letter and there were no merchants heading this way whom they could send it with."

"Did Meredith give you a hard time?" Gavin scowled.

"She questioned me some, but that wasn't why I was delayed," the dwarf shook his head. "Lot's of shit going on in Kirkwall right now and some of it landed on my doorstep."

"Like what?" Fenris had finished eating and was leaning back in his chair.

"The biggest problem right now is Orsino and Meredith doing verbal battle in public over the fact that the mages are all but prisoners in their rooms now," Varric snorted. "Sebastian has been pleading with Elthina to intervene before it gets out of hand but she refuses. Keeps saying to have faith in the Maker," he rolled his eyes earning chuckles from everyone. He shoveled some more food into his mouth. "Then, there was this elven lass asking around about you Hawke. Something about an invitation to some estate in Orlais?"

Gavin snorted, "Yeah, a pompous duke of someplace was chatting me up at the victory dinner the city threw after my fight with the Arishok. He thought I would enjoy participating in his annual wyvern hunt on his estate. I never said I would go though."

"Well, I set her straight and then sent her packing," Varric shook his head. "By the time the dust settled, a couple of weeks had passed and the ship I was planning to take was long gone and no others were available. Plus, Meredith had the Templars dogging me every day. Guess she figured I'd give them a clue to where you'd gone. But after a couple more weeks she pulled them off to help with other problems. Then it took a little while longer for a ship big enough to transport your stuff to become available. Luckily, I was able to get all the stuff aboard it without anyone being the wiser."

"How did you manage to get all that to the boat undetected?" Jethann asked.

"Anders knew a couple of mages who'd escaped the tower that were adept at illusion and such," the dwarf shrugged like this was a normal occurance. "We moved the stuff down during the night and got it all aboard before anyone could say shit about it or stop us. Then I said goodbye to Bodhan and took Fang by the collar and stepped aboard myself."

"How are they doing? Sebastian and Anders, I mean," Gavin looked intently at his friend.

"They miss you, just like the rest of us," Varric answered. "They actually gave me letters to bring you. But, I can tell you that I'm most concerned about Anders."

"Why?" Fenris asked sharply. It was no secret that there was no love lost between him and the healer.

"He isn't eating or sleeping well, despite making use of your mansion as you suggested he do," Varric replied around another mouthful of food. Orana couldn't keep from smiling as she kept refilling his plate. "He's talking to himself, or that spirit, more than ever before. He's also been scurrying about and disappearing for days on end lately."

"Anders has access to the estate?" Jethann scowled at Hawke, while Fenris growled low in his throat.

"I gave him the key to the cellar entrance, so he could come up from his clinic if he needs to," Gavin informed them. Seeing their concern, he hastened to reassure them. "He needs a place he can retreat to and the mansion is good for that. There's nothing there he can harm. Bodhan knows to keep an eye on him when he comes around."

"I thought you were going to sell the estate?" Fenris scowled.

"Well, the market's bad right now," Varric pointed out. "Holding on to the estate is the wisest choice. But, who says you won't go back one day? At least it'll be there if you do." He finally pushed back from the table and looked up at Orana. "That was the best meal I've had in a long time."

"I'm glad you liked it," she flushed with pleasure.

Gavin stood up, "Where are those letters Varric?"

"Here you go," the dwarf dug into one of the numerous pockets in his coat and pulled them out.

Gavin took them and then went to sit in his favorite chair by the fire, Fang quickly coming to lay at his feet. He opened up the letter from Sebastian and slowly began to read. Once finished, he opened Anders letter and read it slowly as well. When he was through, he stared silently into the fire.

"What did they say?" Fenris asked softly as he sat on the hearth in front

Gavin looked at him and sighed, "I think we left Kirkwall just in time. Things are getting worse there with each passing week. I will send a letter back with Varric inviting them to join us here. But the tone of Anders' letter worries me the most. Some of it doesn't even make sense."

"It's that bad huh?"

"Yeah, and I'm afraid it's only going to get worse," Gavin said solemnly and then yawned. "I'm too tired to think about this tonight."

Fenris got to his feet and held his hand out to the mage. "It's been a long day. Let's get some sleep.

They said goodnight to their company and calling to Fang to join them, went into their room and closed the door.


	54. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

The next morning at the breakfast table saw the reunited friends in serious discussion about events following the 'Champion's' departure. "I'm sorry my leaving caused you and Sebastian so many problems," Gavin apologized again.

"Will you stop it Hawke!" Varric scowled. "Kirkwall was a mess before you showed up. You being there merely masked how inept, ineffectual, and buffoonish the so called leaders of that place are."

"That's putting it mildly," Jethann snorted, dodging a swipe from Orana for his remark.

"One man cannot do it all, even one such as Hawke," Fenris remarked.

"One person you haven't mentioned yet is Merrill," Gavin prodded and saw the dwarf's face cloud. "What's wrong?"

"I guess I wasn't sure how to break the news to you," he muttered. "Merrill is dead," he said sadly. Gasps and cries of shock and disbelief greeted the news.

"Was it the Templars?" Fenris asked. "I always figured they'd wise up one day to the presence of a blood mage in their midst." He blithely ignored Gavin's glare.

"Remember that stupid mirror of hers?" Varric asked. "Well, she went back again to try and find the demon who'd helped her before. Said it was the only one who could tell her how to get it to work. Against our better judgement, Anders and I accompanied her, and we brought Fang along since the pup needed excercise."

"What happened?" Gavin's voice was soft and sad.

"Apparently, to protect her people and her apprentice from the danger the demon posed, the Keeper used her body to trap and cage it," the dwarf growled. "The demon's plan was to possess Merrill and then excape to wreak havoc on the clan and then the world at large."

"So, Merrill was killed fighting the demon then," Fenris said approvingly.

"No, she survived the fight," Varric waived them to silence so he could finish. "The only way for the demon to die was for Marethari to be killed. After weakening the demon, Merrill delivered the death blow and ended the threat. Then her people came looking for their Keeper."

"Though I lived my whole life in the city, I knew of elves who'd grown up in clans," Jethann spoke up. "There is no person more revered and loved by the clan than their Keeper. Her death would be akin to the death of a King or Grand Cleric amongst the humans. No matter the reason, the clan would want revenge for their Keeper."

"And that's what happened, isn't it?" Gavin asked sadly.

"They came to the cave looking for her and found Merrill kneeling beside the body with us standing nearby feeling rather helpless and sad," Varric sniffed at the memory. "Anders was quick to spill the beans and after that, Merrill's fate was sealed. We were ordered to leave or suffer the same fate as the Keeper. We left, although it took some convincing on our part to get Fang to listen."

"So you didn't see her killed then?" Fenris asked. "She could still be alive," he finished suspiciously.

"We went back down to the camp to wait," Varric shook his head. "The hunters came down with both bodies. They were given a proper buriel and we were allowed to witness it. Anders seemed to feel it was justified."

"Strange of him, seeing as how he's possessed himself," Jethann was puzzled.

"It's different," Gavin told him. "His possession was a noble attempt to save a friend. Futile, short-sighted, and ultimately it will be his downfall. Justice was once a good spirit of the Fade. Merrill, however, deliberately sought out a demon for purely selfish reasons. She traded her humanity for knowledge and power. Even though the demon was destroyed, she would be an open vessel for the next one to come along. Perhaps an even stronger one. There can never be an honest deal with a demon. Furthermore, once you've stepped into those waters, you eventually drown."

"That was Anders' reasoning," Varric nodded. "It does make me feel better hearing you say the same thing. Even though you were never fond of her, at least you weren't openly hostile."

"Is this knowledge gained recently, or did you always have it?" Fenris asked, one brow arched.

"Eh? What's he mean by that?" Varric scowled at the mage.

"He means that Gavin had help surviving the battle with the Arishok," Jethann said simply, his tone implying nothing was unusual about that.

Squirming under the dwarf's scrutiny, Gavin hastened to explain. "I was dying and already in the Fade. A spirit named Hope came to me and breathed life back into me. She established a link that will allow me to call upon her should I have need in the future. This link also gives me unique insight into the Fade and the Spirits and Demons that inhabit it."

"That's incredible," Varric breathed.

"One way to put it," Fenris snorted. "Another is disturbing."

"You said it also protects you from Demons," Jethann looked over at him. "She would be able to keep them at bay."

"Not exactly," Gavin corrected. "I have free will. As long as I choose to not deal with demons she will help me against any who would try to trick me. She will also enhance my powers when I fight demons in our world. However, if at some point I decide to listen to a demon's blandishments, then her help will be withdrawn. That is what makes the good spirits so different from the demons. They do not interfere with our free will."

"Still, seeing what has happened with Anders, I can't help but wonder if the same thing will happen with you eventually," Fenris worried.

"Believe it or not, there have been mages who have connected with such spirits in the past, and not fallen to possession." Gavin told him. "They're known as spirit healers and while rare, have been present inside the Circles since the beginning. Anders situation is different in that he allowed Justice to inhabit his body. From what Hope has indicated, this is unnatural and should never have been done. Mankind as a whole is too fraught with corruption and sin for such a joining to ever work."

"From the few talks I've had with Anders, it seems that this is the case," Varric nodded. "He's worried about what he's done to his friend."

"Do we need to go back to Kirkwall?" Fenris asked. Seeing the horrified look Gavin gave him he hastened to explain. "Anders trusts you and you would be able to stay close to him. That way, if the spirit overcomes him, you'll be there to put an end to him."

"No way!" the mage sputtered angrily. "It's not my problem anymore. Meredith and Elthina both are aware of his presence in the city. They also know he is a Grey Warden. Whatever their reasons, they have allowed Anders to continue to move freely. If he becomes a problem, they can deal with him however they see fit. Hope told me that not everything is within my power to control, and Anders' situation is one such thing."

"Had a few conversations with your spirit, eh?" Jethann asked, half amused, half alarmed.

Gavin shook his head, "We don't converse. But, when I think about things like this, I intuit some of what she knows. She has much knowledge of the Fade and those creatures who live there. It is a far more complex place than the Circles or the Chantry have ever indicated."

"Perhaps if they spent more time researching the Fade and less time preaching about its dangers, then there'd be fewer blood mages and abominations running amuck," Varric snorted derisively.

"You always were a man of action," Fenris chuckled.

"After what I saw in and around Kirkwall, I have doubts about the Chantry and their methods," Gavin mused aloud. "Most people don't like being cooped up, yet I never saw that many mages hanging around outside the tower. And most of them were older or were one of the Tranquil. If the mages are just sitting in their tower, removed from the world, with nothing to occupy their time beyond reading, then it's no wonder so many get into dangerous things."

"Papa always said idle hands were the tools of evil," Orana spoke up.

"And with mages, they become the tools of demons," Varric shook his head.

"In the beginning, it probably seemed like a good idea," Fenris pondered. "The world was still reeling from the war with the Emperium and the Chantry wanted to ease the fears of the people."

"But, that also made it impossible for the people to know and understand that mages were people like them, just with different talents," Gavin pointed out. "Look at me or Anders or any of the mages who helped during the Blight. We are not monsters or blood mages or threats to those around us. Yet, there are those who fear us simply because of what we could do."

"Well, don't expect those in Kirkwall to be up for listening to anything like that," Varric snorted. "They don't even listen to each other anymore. And, according to Choir Boy, the Grand Cleric seems content to sit around praying to the Maker to solve their problems."

"Yeah, right," Gavin cackled. "How about a change of subject? Is there anything else of interest to us you've yet to tell us about?"

The dwarf frowned, "Not that I can think of." Suddenly his expression cleared, "Wait, there was one more thing. Kind of weird one actually."

"If you consider it to be weird, it must be really out there," Fenris snickered.

"Ha, ha, funny," Varric scowled. "A couple of months back, some dwarves tried to break into the Templar Headquarters. Then a couple of weeks after, another group tried to break into the Amell Estate."

"Well, we did do our best to piss off the Carta," Gavin shrugged. "That would explain them attacking my home."

"But not the Templars," Jethann pointed out. "The templars only concern themselves with mages. An ordinary citizen could murder someone in front of them and they would simply shrug and say call the City Watch. I seriously doubt they did anything to piss off the Carta."

"Well, I did some snooping around, seeing as it's what I do best," Varric rubbed his knuckles against his shirt causing the others to chuckle and roll their eyes. "The only thing anyone could figure out was they were looking for Hawke. No reason why. No idea who sent them. Just they were to find Hawke."

Fenris frowned at him, "That sounds like they were looking for anyone named Hawke. As it's not a common surname, that means they were probably looking for either Gavin, Carver, or Malcolm."

"It also means they don't know that the only one still alive is Gavin," Jethann pointed out.

"So, whatever their reason for seeking out the Hawke family, it's not for anything current," Gavin said thoughtfully.

"That's why I didn't really remember it," Varric shrugged.

"Do me a favor," Gavin looked at him. "Ask around, see what you can find out and let me know. I'd rather that the next time I hear about these guys, it's not when they're knocking on my door."

"Will do Hawke," the dwarf agreed.

"I'll cover all costs, just get me answers," the mage told him.

Seeing that they'd all finished eating, Orana stood up to clear the table. "It looks like a nice day outside. Perhaps Serrah Tethras would like to see the farm. You've all worked so hard to get it up and running."

"You can simply call me Varric," he said to Orana with a wink and a bow that made the elven woman blush becomingly. "Yeah Hawke, show me what you've been doing all this time while I've been working," Varric turned and punched Gavin in the shoulder.

"You mean while you've been ordering others to do the work," Fenris snickered as he also stood.

"It's hard work ordering people around," the dwarf protested, causing the rest to snicker and shake their heads. "All right then. Come on and give me the two copper tour."


	55. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

Fenris lay quietly watching the snow falling outside the bedroom window. In the two months since Varric's visit, life on the farm had settled into a comfortable routine. He'd also seen his first serious snow fall. That storm had left them with over a foot of the cold stuff. He'd built his first snowman, had his first snowball fight, and learned just how difficult it was to find sufficient game. He was very glad Gavin had had the foresight to smoke and cure a hefty amount of wild game, and to build a small storage shed into the ground to keep it.

Now here came the snow again, and according to the signs Gavin had seen, this one was shaping up to be almost equal to the first one. And the cold! He wasn't used to such cold temperatures. So he was beyond pleased that Gavin had made him a warm fur cloak and fur lined boots for his feet. He had never had anyone be so considerate of him and his feelings. And he'd certainly never realized how self sufficient his mage really was. All that Gavin had done had been with his own hands, no magic involved. Proof, as if more were needed, that Gavin was unique amongst mages. He was also living proof that just because one had magic at their fingertips did not mean that they needed to use it in their everyday lives.

He felt the change in Gavin's breathing that indicated he was waking up. This was followed shortly by the mage's arms tightening around him. "It's snowing again," he said softly.

"Mmm, good sleeping weather," Gavin growled, pressing closer to the elf. "How 'bout we stay in bed and play."

"What did you have in mind?" Fenris asked, his voice filled with quiet amusement.

"Oh, whatever comes up," Gavin snickered.

Whatever ideas he had were disturbed by a knock on the door. "Serrah Hawke, are you awake yet? Breakfast is almost ready," Orana called through to them.

"We'll be out shortly," Fenris replied, stifling his laughter at his mage's groan of dismay. "You don't want to disappoint her do you? She'd end up crying and Jethann would be irritable for a week."

"Maker forbid!" Gavin gasped in mock horror, throwing back the covers and hastily grabbing his long johns and pulling them on. The fireplace in the master bedroom at the estate was the one thing he truly missed about the place. A wood house, no matter how well built, just didn't hold heat well.

"Should have built a fireplace in here," Fenris stuttered as he too dressed in his warm woolens.

"We can snuggle under the covers after breakfast," Gavin leered at him.

"Hmm, a day like this would be a good one to lie in bed and read," Fenris mused. Seeing his mage's face contort in dismay had him biting his tongue not to laugh.

"Sure, if that's what you really want to do," Gavin's voice was resigned.

Fenris walked up to him, wrapped his arms around the mage's waist and pulled him close. "Even I can't make love all day and night. And I was never one to sit around and make small talk."

"Well, when you put it that way," Gavin smiled impishly.

"Come on," Fenris said. "A hearty breakfast will give us plenty of fuel for bedroom activities."

They walked out to the main room to the dining table. The layout of the house was simple, yet cozy. The main room was divided into a sitting area with a rocking chair, two highbacked chairs with footstools and a comfortable chaise set before the large fireplace. Slender built-in bookcases, one on each side, provided seperation from the dining area. This was set up with six foot table with benches on either side. A smaller fireplace for cooking was situated against the far wall with a small wash basin on one side and a narrow credenza on the other.

Fenris still had a hard time believing that all of it had been created by Gavin. The only exception had been the chaise, which had been purchased in Amaranthine. He'd helped a little of course, as did Jethann, but it was all supervised by the mage. And unlike him and the other two elves, Gavin seemed to belong in the house. He felt like he was finally seeing the real Gavin, a simple farmer happy to work the land. Still, he sometimes missed the cushy armchairs and numerous fireplaces of the estate. But, those fancy things would have been out of place here and so had been left behind.

"Our supply of dry goods is starting to run low," Orana informed them as they sat down. "This is the second storm this year and from what you said it won't be the last. If we don't go to town soon, we may not make it at all and we'll run out. Can't make bread without flour."

"We can go today can't we? I mean, it's not coming down as hard as the last storm," Jethann asked, showing how little he knew about winter storms.

"Not if we don't want to be stuck in Lothering," Gavin shook his head. "Snow storms are unpredictable and can turn to blizzards in a matter of minutes. It's best to wait until it's over and then make our way in."

A soft whine had Fenris looking down to find Fang sitting and staring keenly at him. "Sausage is not appropriate food for dogs, even smart dogs such as you." Fang whined plaintively and then woofed softly.

"He disagrees," Gavin snickered. Plucking a sausage of his plate, he held it out, "Here boy, come get it."

Fang looked over his shoulder briefly before looking back up at Fenris and barking once. Fenris sighed and took a piece off his plate. "This is all I've got for you." He looked up at Gavin to see an expression of complete consternation on the mage's face. "What?"

"He's never refused food from me," Gavin shook his head before placing the sausage back on his plate with a frown.

"Don't worry, he's just hedging his bets," Jethann reassured him. "He knows you're a guaranteed source of free food. He wants to see how his powers of persuasion work on others." Seeing the skeptical looks on their faces, he laughed. "It's something you have to learn if you want to make a good living as a courtesan. I recognize the behavior, having employed it myself."

"This was before you met Gavin?" Fenris asked.

"Yeah," Jethann looked at the mage. "Who would have thought that meeting you would have changed my life so much."

"You helped me as much as I helped you," Gavin pointed out. "Without your insight, Fenris and I might not be together now."

"But, it was through you that I met the love of my life," Jethann smiled at Orana as he picked up her hand and kissed the back of her fingers, causing her to blush becomingly.

"I think you and Gavin are even in that regard," Fenris smiled fondly at the mage.

A sharp bark drew their attention to Fang. The warhound was standing and wagging his tail at them. "All right, you can have the last of my sausage," Gavin tossed it to him. "But, that's it. Don't want you getting fat now that winter's here." The hound cocked his head with a disapproving whine before shuffling off to the fireplace in the front.

Orana began clearing the table with Jethann while Gavin and Fenris went and sat in the two chairs in the front. Now that there was very little outdoor work to be done, they'd taken to relaxing in the chairs, either talking or reading, sometimes dozing. Jethann liked to stretch out on the hearth with Fang and regale them with amusing stories from his time at The Blooming Rose, while Orana would sit in the rocker and knit. Her current project was a colorful throw for Gavin's bed.

"You know Hawke, when you told me about building a life here as a farmer, I thought you were crazy," Fenris said quietly.

"Really?" Gavin looked over in surprise. "You never said as much."

"No, because I knew how much you wanted this," the elf nodded. "But, I figured after being here for a few months you'd get bored, or I would, and we would head back to Kirkwall."

"Are you bored Fenris?" Gavin asked, concern lacing his voice.

"Surprisingly, I am not," Fenris frowned thoughtfully, as if just realizing it now. "I rather enjoy the quieter pace and the fact that I can relax and read whenever I wish. I don't miss fighting monsters, blood mages, thieves and thugs. I certainly don't miss the pretentiousness of the people in Kirkwall. The only thing that I really do miss is the wine."

"I remember you had several bottles of Tevinter wine at that crumbling mansion," Gavin nodded.

"That's the only thing about Tevinter that I liked," Fenris scowled. "But, there were many choices of fine wines in Kirkwall. Ones from Orlais, Rivain, and even Antiva. The last time we went to Lothering I enquired about where I might find such things and was told the only place in Ferelden that would have them is Denerim Market."

"That's a good week away," Gavin reminded him. "But, if you really want to, we can make a trip after this storm passes."

"But, how easy would the travelling be," Jethann had overheard them. "Surely the roads will be blocked."

"Actually, the Imperial Highway is regularly patrolled, seeing as how it is the major road between Lothering, Redcliff and Denerim," Gavin explained. "Even in winter, the king's messengers must be able to get through, and many merchants brave the roads to bring needed items to the people, at a premium price of course."

"So, what, they have soldiers out clearing the roads?" Fenris asked. "I heard that they do something similar in Anders."

"Yes," Gavin nodded. "They have some kind of modified ploughshare that they push along. I heard it takes three men to push it. Because of the importance of the road, each Bann and Arl are tasked with maintaining their section. And if they don't take care of it and the king's men can't get through, then the landowners are fined by the crown."

"Sounds like a dismal job, and a cold one," Jethann shuddered.

"Yes, well, new recruits don't get much choice in the matter," Gavin laughed. "Guess you won't be in any hurry to join."

"No way," Jethann shook his head. "I want to be farmer, like you, and live off the land."

Gavin felt a flush of pleasure wash through him at those words. His father had always told him to strive to be the kind of man that the common people could look upon and want to be like. To not be someone to be feared or shunned. And here was this former prostitute saying that he wanted to be like him. "There are worse things to be in life than a farmer," he agreed.

"At any rate, the trick will be reaching the main road," Fenris brought them back to the original discussion. "We're kind of out in the middle of the wilderness here."

"True," Gavin sighed. "While the location is ideal to keep the nosy locals at bay, it does present certain challenges otherwise. We'll just have to wait and see how much snow we get with this storm."

"Maybe we can fashion our own plough out of wood or something," Jethann said. "We do have the cart horse that we can probably use in some way."

"Remember that she's not a young horse and we need her to work the land come spring," Gavin cautioned. "If we can get to the main road and up to Denerim without using her, I would prefer it."

"Considering how much we paid for her, I would agree," Fenris snorted.

"And that was brought down from what the merchant originally wanted," Jethann chuckled. "Still, she was the only animal for sale at the time, so we didn't do too badly."

They fell silent for long enough that the men became a little drowsy. There wasn't much to do while cooped up waiting for the storm to end. After a while, Gavin got to his feet and went to select a book from the shelves. He glanced back at Fenris and winked as he headed to their bedroom.

Fenris smirked as he got to his feet, ignoring the knowing looks from Orana and Jethann. Those two would probably occupy themselves in a similar manner. As he picked out a book, he saw Fang get up and head to the bedroom. When he got there, he saw the dog sprawled at the foot of the bed and Gavin leaning against his pillows, the book open in his lap. "I see we're to have company," he sighed.

Fang rolled his head back and gave him a soppy doggy smile. "He'll not bother us," Gavin assured him.

"Well, good thing we planned to read today," Fenris climbed onto the bed and bunched his pillows behind him, opening up his book. "I don't relish having an audience for any other pursuits."

"I'm sure we can convince him to leave later," Gavin smiled and turned his attention to the book in his hands. The snow continued to fall outside, further hiding them from the world outside. It was all very cozy and domestic and it made him feel content as nothing else could. He hoped to spend the rest of his life just like this.

Fenris too felt content for the time being. But he couldn't help thinking about how Denarius was out there somewhere and still posed a threat to their happiness. There was also the issue with those dwarves Varric had mentioned. Instinct told him that they would cause a problem sometime in the future. But for now, there was just his mage, his book and the dog. And that was enough.


	56. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

"I'm sorry serrah, but everyone in Lothering is running short on supplies," the dry goods merchant told them.

"I was afraid of that," Hawke sighed. "Redcliffe isn't too far, we'll have to try there."

"Sorry serrah, but they're not selling to outsiders either," she ruefully shook her head. "The storms are particularly bad this year, and it took a long time for most of Ferelden to recover from the Blight. No one wants to run out and not be able to feed their families, you understand."

"So the only thing to do is to go to Denerim," Jethann said excitedly. "Should be a fascinating place."

"Well I don't want to travel that far," Orana sniffed. "Even though the snow wasn't that deep, it was still tiring to get to the village from the farm. It wiped me out."

"There are some people here banding together to travel up to Denerim and bring goods back," a voice spoke behind them.

Turning, Gavin saw a man who he recalled ran the local tavern. "You have men going? Would they mind a couple extra swords?"

"Barlin Jr, at your service," the younger man stuck out his hand. "Not a lot of experienced fighters here anymore, not since the Blight really. We fall under Gwaren's rule, but with Loghain dead and Anora pretty much imprisoned, no thought has been given to this Maker forsaken corner of the land."

"You have no overlord other than the Teryna?" Gavin frowned.

"Our mayor has written both the Teryna and the King and has yet to receive any word back," Barlin rolled his eyes. "Without the 'proper' lord, we have no means of generating income to pay for any extra soldiers to be stationed here."

"So who's going on this trip then?" Fenris looked around skeptically.

"The blacksmith and the miller have some fighting abilities, but that's pretty much it," Barlin shrugged. "We figured that if enough go along, the bandits that might be out and about will leave us alone."

"I didn't realize there was a miller here in Lothering," Jethann looked around curiously.

Orana pointed off toward the hills behind the town. They could just see the top of a windmill. "The river flows through below the line of the hills so you can't see it. A mill wouldn't be anywhere but on a river."

"You really need to be more observant Jethann," Gavin shook his head. "Well, we need supplies and we're certainly quite capable of taking care of ourselves," he said to Barlin. "If you don't think they'll mind us tagging along that is."

"We would appreciate that," Barlin nodded. "They've just finished loading the trade goods and foodstuffs for the trip onto the sleigh and are leaving in a couple of minutes. I'll let them know you'll be joining them."

"It'll just be Fenris and myself," Gavin called to his retreating back, getting a wave of acknowledgment. Turning he held up his hands to forestall the protest he knew Jethann was going to make. "We can't leave the farm unoccupied and the trip will be too tiring for Orana. You'll have Fang to help guard you."

The mabari whined and cocked his at his master before giving a stern bark and going to sit at Jethann's heel. Orana looked down and the up and met Jethann's eyes, "Perhaps in the spring the two of us can make the trip to Denerim together."

"Fine, fine," Jethann grumbled, but it was just for show. It was colder out here than he had expected and the thought of all those cold nights on the journey caused him to shiver. But he still worried about his friend. "I just figured if all of us went, it would be easier to you know," he hesitated and then lowered his voice to a whisper, "keep your secret."

Gavin smiled, "Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine. This is how I lived before the Blight drove us from our home."

"We better get going Hawke," Fenris tugged at his arm. "He's in good hands, don't worry," he reassured the other two elves. He knew they had to be at least a little worried about being left alone. But, it was winter and there weren't many people about, so the farmhold should be safe enough. And having a war dog as a guard was as good as two men at arms.

They hurried to join the others, exchaning names and brief handshakes before heading out. The first mile or two was passed in relative quiet. Then the villagers curiosity about Fenris got the better of them and the questions started flowing. He and Gavin answered cordially, but cautiously, offering nothing more than the barest facts. This seemed to be more than enough for the villagers and soon conversation turned to other things.

For three days they travelled without a hint of trouble. On the fourth day, Gavin caught sight of movement in the trees next to the road and nudged Fenris. The elf nodded and casually moved around to the other side of the sleigh, pretending to be checking the load. As soon as he was hidden, he slipped into the woods to double back around and determine the threat to them, if any.

"What's he doing?" one of the men hissed angrily, suspicion on his face.

"There's someone shadowing us from the woods to our right," Gavin told them. "Don't look!" he hissed. "Fenris is going to try and see if there's any threat there. Everyone just act like nothing's wrong."

They continued on for a while until the sounds of fighting broke out. "Weapons ready, watch your backs!" Gavin shouted as he drew his short swords. They weren't his first choice, but bringing his staff had been out of the question. A loud howl drew his attention as two mabari broke from the trees followed by two highwaymen. He barely had time to wonder if Fenris was alright before the dogs were on him. He saw a blue blur out of the corner of his eye and heard the screams of one of the bandits dying. Between himself, the blacksmith and the miller, they made short work of the dogs.

The remaining robber, seeing that they weren't such an easy target after all, decided to turn tail and run. "No don't," Gavin shouted at the blacksmith's apprentice as the boy tried to stop the robber, getting a sword in his belly for his trouble. Gavin hurried to catch the young man and lay him gently on the ground.

"Damn fool boy, what you go and do that for?" the Blacksmith cried. A gruff man in his fifties, it surprised those who knew him to see tears gather in his eyes.

"Sorry Bill, wasn't thinking," John gasped, eyes closing in pain.

Fenris looked at Gavin and saw the mage's indecision. Gavin could save the boy but it would expose him as a mage, something they'd tried hard to avoid. "The wound is deep and the nearest place to find a healer is Denerim which is still more than a day's travel in front of us."

"He won't make it that far," Bill said gruffly, taking the boy's hand. "Sorry kid."

"I can heal him," Gavin said firmly.

"You're a healer?" asked Madon the miller skeptically.

"I'm a mage," Gavin shook his head.

"I don't care what you are," Bill said sharply. "If you can save him, you do it."

"But, he's a mage!" Madon protested. "You remember how them's at the tower went nuts. Can't trust a mage. What if we get hit by some weird spell or something."

"The hero of Ferelden is a mage from the tower," John protested, his voice raspy and laced with fear. "Mages helped stop the Blight and my mother's cousin is a senior enchanter at the Circle. And there is a mage from the Collective right in town."

"Yeah, but there's also a Chantry and templar to keep him in line," Madon said mulishly.

"Stow it Madon," Bill growled at him, glaring at the miller until the man looked away. Turning to Hawke he nodded, "Go ahead and help him if you can. We're out of options."

Gavin closed his eyes and gently laid his hands upon the boy. He'd always been good at healing, but the spirits assistance amplified his talent. With her help, he easily used magic to knit the boy's wound from the inside out, repairing organs, tissue, arteries and everything in between. He was unaware of the warm glow that surrounded him and the boy, but it caused the others to step back and Fenris to hiss in discomfort.

The warmth and comfort flowing from Gavin into the boy spilled over and touched those around them. Even the miller found his alarm at being in the presence of a mage calmed. After what seemed like ages, but was really less than an hour, Gavin lifted his hands from the boy and sat back, feeling drained but happy he'd been successful.

"John," the blacksmith hunkered down as the boy opened his eyes, hands automatically going to the bloodsoaked shirt and pulling it aside. He saw nothing but a light pink line where the wound had been and even as he watched that too faded away leaving nothing in its wake. "I don't believe it," he said as he looked up at Gavin.

"Maker forgive my harsh words," the miller swallowed hard. "You saved his life. I'm sorry for my suspicions and doubts."

"The pair of you handled yourselves extremely well," Bill acknowledged. "My guess is that you've done this kind of thing many times before. Fighting and healing people that is."

"We have some experience at it yes," Gavin nodded. "But all we want now is to live quietly and farm my land.

John got slowly to his feet and leaned against Bill briefly before standing on his own. He held out his hand for Gavin's. "Thank you for my life. You have my word that no one will ever hear about this."

"Yeah, especially since your mum would skin your hide if she heard about that stupid stunt you pulled," Bill growled, eliciting laughter from everyone.

"You were lucky kid," Fenris regarded him coolly, his markings still glowing softly from exposure to Gavin's magic. "Next time, let them go and then inform the local watch of what went on." He turned to Gavin and assessed his condition before looking up at the sky. "There's not much daylight left. Let's find a good spot for camp and rest up. We should reach Denerim late tomorrow."

They all agreed and set about doing as the elf suggested. Gavin turned to Fenris, "That went better than I expected. I hope that nothing happens to draw attention to us while we're in Denerim. There will likely be Templars and soldiers all over the city. None of them will be as accepting as our fellow villagers."

"In the city there will be healers and guards so our services won't be needed," Fenris pointed out. "As long as our friends don't say anything, we'll be fine."

About half a mile up, they found a fairly decent spot. Madon kept looking up and sniffing the air. "I suggest we rise early and double time it to the city. We might have to stay for an extra day," he told them as they cleared a large area of snow for their camp.

"Bad weather heading our way?" Fenris asked.

"Yep, just not sure how bad," the miller shrugged.

Gavin helped get dinner ready and smiled and talked calmly with his companions. Inside, however, he worried about the difficulties an extended stay in Denerim posed for him. He looked up and saw Fenris watching him, calm reassurance in the elf's eyes. He took comfort in the knowledge that Fenris appeared to be unconcerned.

"We'll watch your back and our tongues," Bill reassured them after catching the silent exchange. "Least we can do for you after all this."

"I appreciate that, thank you," Gavin nodded.

"Yeah, up until today, we had no clue you were a mage and it will stay that way," John told them, casting a challenging look in Madon's direction.

"No one'll hear a word out of me," the miller nodded. "But, if we're getting up early, best not stay up late."

Once more they spread out their heavy horse blankets and placed their bedrolls on top. Camping outdoors in winter, while not comfortable, was possible if one was properly prepared. It still wasn't all that warm either, so having Fenris' back pressed to his was welcome. So far, their companions hadn't sussed out the relationship between him and the elf and he intended to keep it that way. Bad enough they knew he was a mage. He had no idea how they would react if they knew he liked men. Most Fereldens weren't nearly as open minded as they liked to pretend.

"Stop worrying Hawke," Fenris whispered. "I know that kind of healing takes a lot out of you, so get some sleep. Everything will be just fine."

With those words echoing in his head, Gavin closed his eyes and fell into a sound sleep. Fenris silently watched and listened for a while until he was sure the others were asleep. Then with a last prayer for no more trouble on their journey, he too fell asleep.


	57. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

"We've managed to get all the supplies we need to tide us over until spring," Bill told the group as they all sat around a table in the Gnawed Noble tavern. "How about you two?"

Gavin looked up from his dinner and nodded, "I think so. We even picked up some healing supplies just in case."

"But you don't need them surely?" John said in a low voice.

"I prefer ordinary methods," Gavin shrugged. This wasn't the time or place to instruct the boy on how and when it was appropriate to use magic. They'd managed to go unremarked and he wanted to keep it that way.

Fenris said nothing, merely sitting quietly and observing those around him. He'd gotten used to the stares of the common folk and ignored them. However, he'd recently become aware of intense scrutiny, but with the crowd in the tavern he couldn't determine whose attention they'd gotten. Whoever was watching had left, for he no longer felt the eyes, but his unease didn't go away. The idea that they could have been identified made his stomach twist in knots.

The conversation continued and they were preparing to sort out the bill when a shadow fell over the table. Gavin looked up and felt his heart plummet into his stomach. A group of soldiers stood before them. Members of the royal guard judging by their arms. This was not good.

"Gavin Hawke, Lord Amell, Champion of Kirkwall," the knight leading them looked right at him as he stated the facts simply.

Fenris leaned a little closer and muttered, "How do they know exactly who you are?"

"King Alistair has requested your presence messere," the knight spoke again, his tone saying refusal wasn't an option.

Gavin slowly got to his feet, aware of the shocked looks his companions were giving him. "I guess I'm glad you waited till I finished dinner." He said his goodbyes and moved to leave, stopping when one of the men blocked Fenris from following. "He goes where I go," he growled, glaring at the knight next to him.

Fenris saw the knight nod and hurried forward to fall into step with Hawke. "I don't like this. No one who knew we were coming to Ferelden would have said anything. Plus, we haven't met or spoken with any foreigners. And no one we know or met recently would have access to any royal courts."

"We'll find out when we see the king," Gavin said evenly. "I don't think we're under arrest at least."

They said nothing further to each other for speculating would be useless. They were escorted right through the castle gates, then through the main hall, past the throne room and into a large kitchen. There, to their surprise, they saw the king sitting and joking with the cook and two scullery maids.

"You should have seen it," Alistair was saying. "I never knew Teagan was so athletic, but there he was doing flips and leaps. Of course, it wasn't funny at the time because he was being controlled by a possessed kid who-" he stopped as he realized he had a new audience. "Oh good, they found you," he jumped to his feet with a grin.

"I'm Alistair, uh, the king, of Ferelden, that is," he said as he reached out to shake their hands. "I'm so glad you could meet me."

"I didn't think we had a choice Your Majesty," Gavin looked askance at the knight.

"Ser Perth, you did ask them to come right?" he looked at the man in confusion.

"I guess I wasn't as tactful as I should have been sire," Perth bowed to him.

"How do you know who Gavin is?" Fenris growled.

"You must be Fenris then," Alistair smiled at him and then motioned them to follow him as he led them from the kitchen to a smaller chamber off it. Once inside, he told Perth to stand watch and then closed the door. "I was travelling about the Free Marches this past summer looking to cement alliances with the ruling families there. I was in Tantervale when knews of a Qunari attack on Kirkwall arrived. Of course by that time the whole thing was said and done. However, once my business was concluded, I travelled directly to Kirkwall to see for myself what happened."

"You were concerned about possible threats to Ferelden," Gavin nodded.

"Well yes, but I'd also been getting requests for sanctuary from mages who'd managed to get free of the Circles in Ostwick and Kirkwall," Alistair told them. "This added up to something potentially dangerous to not only Ferelden, but all of Thedas. I figured if I went to Kirkwall, I could get a better understanding of what was going on. Needless to say, I was shocked to arrive there and be greeted by the Knight-Commander instead of the Viscount."

"The Viscount was killed by the Arishok during the uprising," Fenris informed him. "And if you've been harboring escaped mages then I imagine Meredith wasn't too welcoming."

"You can say that again," Alistair shuddered. "I actually felt like checking to see if my balls were still intact, let me tell you. Did you know that she has taken the Viscount's place in the affairs of the city?"

"What?!" Gavin exclaimed. "Andraste's tits, that's the worst thing that could have happened. Why did the nobles allow it?"

"You see, that's why I wanted to talk to you," Alistair said nodded, his voice going somber. "I heard about your fight with the Arishok, it was described in great detail. You won, were made Champion and the nobles and common folk thought you would be the one to lead the city in place of the Viscount. But, you disappeared and no one knew where you'd gone. They were upset and angry, but also hoping against hope that you would return soon. You left a big, gaping hole in the chain of command and that bitch stepped in to fill the void."

"How can she just take over?" Fenris argued. "The nobles are the ones who elect a viscount aren't they?"

"She commands the Templars, and they are the single largest armed force in the city," Gavin slumped down in a chair near the fire. "Elthina is a pacifist. She's waiting for the Maker to come down and straighten everyone out. Orsino has been fighting with everyone and losing control of his mages left and right. The nobles can't or won't trust him."

"Leaving the Knight-Commander as the only real authority," Alistair finished. "Besides the Champion, that is." He nodded at the look of understanding that crossed Gavin's face. "Yes, that's why I wanted to meet with you. I wanted to see if I could convince you to go back."

"How did you know where to find us anyway?" Fenris asked.

"That was the easy part," Alistair grinned. "When the wife and I were fighting the Blight, of course she wasn't my wife then, we made some interesting friends. One of them happened to be a member of the Crows, or former member, or something. Anyway, his name was Zevran. After I became king, he told me that if I should ever have need of his services to contact him. He was the one who figured out where you'd gone and followed you from Lothering to Denerim for me."

"I thought I'd felt someone watching me, someone other than curious onlookers," Fenris scowled at the knowledge that he'd been seen without ever seeing any sign of this assassin.

"Don't look so worried," Alistair assured him. "Zevran is possibly the best assassin and spy there is. Even other Crows fear what he can do."

"So you, what, had me followed and brought here to catch me up on what's been happening in Kirkwall?" Gavin asked sarcastically.

"No, although I'd love to hear about some of the adventures you'd had," Alistair shook his head.

"You want him to go back to Kirkwall," Fenris stated flatly. "You feel that he is the solution to that city's problems."

"No, absolutely not!" Gavin jumped to his feet and started to pace around the room. "I only went to Kirkwall because that's where my mother was from and we had nowhere else to go. I never wanted to be a noble or the Champion or the leader, ruler, whatever. I've managed to put it behind me and make a life for myself farming the land. Besides that, I'm a mage, and we all know what people think about a mage ruling."

"And I never wanted or expected to be king, but the people needed me to be one," Alistair said softly. "My wife's best friend Leliana once told me that we do the Maker's work and that she believed the Maker's plan for me was to become king. That it was my fate and I shouldn't fight it. And as it turned out, I was quite good at it and enjoyed it. You my friend were meant to be the leader of the people of Kirkwall, mage or not. Besides, from what I hear, your being a mage is actually a positive because it shows that not all mages are power hungry demon summoners."

"What that city needs is something I alone can't give them," Gavin argued. "I couldn't even get those in power to see reason with regards to the Qunari. The nobles are unable to agree on anything and prefer to walk around and pretend that nothing's wrong."

"Saving the city from the Qunari almost killed him, Your Majesty," Fenris said firmly. "And why are you so concerned about the city anyway?"

"A great many Fereldens fled to Kirkwall during the Blight," Alistair looked pointedly at Hawke. "Most of them are still there because there's nothing here for them to come back to. Not yet, at least. According to reports I've received, they looked to you to be their voice, their advocate. And they're not the only ones. The city guard and their Captain, Aveline, are also hoping you'll return and support their efforts. I even got a request from one Knight-Captain Cullen for your return. I met Cullen when we freed the Circle all those years ago. He seems to have gotten over his hatred of mages enough that he's willing to support you."

Gavin looked at the king and shook his head, "I don't know if I can be what they want. Besides, I won't be able to go anywhere until the spring and by then everything should be back to normal. Or at least as normal as that place can get."

Alistair waited silently in front of the fire and let the man think things through. He knew what if felt like to not want to do something and yet be given no real choice in the matter. Even though it worked out well enough for him, he knew that wasn't always the case. He knew in his gut that more was riding on the Champions return than what was on the surface. He just didn't know if he could convince Hawke of that.

"I will stand by whatever decision you make Hawke," Fenris said softly, catching and holding the mage's eyes. "These past few months have been some of the happiest in my life and I will treasure them always. But the truth of the matter is they were only that special because you were with me. We have skills that few others have and they weren't meant to be used to raise and protect crops."

Alistair, seeing the man starting to waiver, played his trump card. He reached into his pocket and withdrew an envelope. "I have a letter here from one Sebastian Vael, the Prince of Starkhaven. It was give to Zevran to be given to you when you were found. Zevran had business to attend to elsewhere and so asked me to pass it on," he held it out.

After staring at it like it was a snake that would bite him, he took the letter and opened it. It wasn't very long and when he was done he sat in the chair again and stared into the fire. After a while, he looked up and held Fenris' gaze as he summarized it.

"There is a threat to Grand Cleric Elthina's safety. There is also an extreme cult of mages, possibly out of Tevinter, running around. Apparently, they've already tried more than once to infiltrate the Circle and the Templars. Meredith is making decisions that have caused the nobles to talk about leaving Kirkwall. The mages are practically prisoners in their own rooms and Elthina has run out of ideas of how to help. Sebastian is begging us, me, to return before it's too late. It seems that if I don't, then the city is going to end up being torn by civil war, or worse fall into hostile hands again."

Fenris was silent for a while, absorbing it all and reading between the lines. Sebastian was a proud man, a capable man. If he was reduced to the point of begging then the situation had to be dire indeed. "It seems that we have little choice. We must return to Kirkwall as soon as we are able." He shivered a little at the thought of what dangers awaited him personally.

Gavin looked at him and knew what he was thinking. "Denarius most likely still hunts you. Here, you aren't known, but in Kirkwall?"

"I can't run from him forever," the elf shrugged. "Perhaps it's time to take the fight to him."

"Then you'll go back to Kirkwall?" Alistari asked hopefully. Seeing both men nod he clapped his hands, "Excellent. You obviously can't go until spring, but as soon as the seas open up I will arrange passage for you both."

"I have two elven servants that will wish to remain on my land," Gavin told him. "That might cause problems if I'm not there."

"I will have a decree written up stating that the farm is under royal protection and they have full rights and privelages," Alistair offered and saw a look of suprise cross their faces. "You're doing me a huge favor by going back, it's the least I can do in return. You will also have my favor in the future so don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Gavin bowed, as did Fenris. "Now, we should get back to our friends and get some sleep for the trip home."

"I'll arrange for your escort," Alistair opened the door and spoke quickly to Perth who nodded and then left. "Ser Perth is going to meet you at the front gates. I'll take you there," he said and led the way.

Gavin and Fenris followed him silently, each lost in their own thoughts. Neither man could completely mask the trepidation they felt at going back to a city that had been less than kind to them. The future just became a little bit bleak and a lot more uncertain.


End file.
